A/N: Ah the image that goes with this is the one of the SWA plus Orihime, Tatsuki, and Hiyori at the beach. If you haven't seen it, look at my profile for a link.

Date Originally Posted: 9/6/2008
Title: Not According to Plan
Series: Bleach
Rating: PG
Characters: Mainly Shunsui and the Shinigami Women's Association.
Pairing: I suppose Shunsui/Nanao
Spoilers: None. (At least I don't think so)
Word Count: 587
Thanks to: bearlyhapnin on LJ for posting the picture that spawned this crack thing in shunsuinanao on LJ.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach.

Not According to Plan

Things were not going as Shunsui planned.

There had been rumors of a beach party planned for the Real World. But only for the females. It had been an idea of the SWA. They had chosen to go to the Real World so they could include Orihime and her friend. Urahara had provided the gigai for everyone and everything was ready.

Shunsui had heavily bribed Nemu to merely borrow one of her father's inventions. An opera style set of spectacles that had a high quality mini video camera built into it. He then promised Retsu that he wouldn't set foot in 4th division while drunk for the next month if she would simply activate the video camera and point it in Nanao's direction. After that, he went back to Nemu to persuade her to help a "random" ocean wave to remove Nanao's swimsuit top. Shunsui thought it would be harder to get Nemu to do such a thing but the female was surprisingly up to the task. But first, he had to make sure that his darling Nanao-chan wouldn't be wearing a simple one piece.

For this he had to go to both Nemu and Rangiku. Nemu would be included in this part also since she already knew about everything else and she was about the same size as Nanao. Rangiku would be the only female who would be able to drop by Nanao's home without being seen as suspicious. Rangiku would simply pop into Nanao's place, spin the girl into a tizzy with carefully selected comments, and then inconspicuously switch all of Nanao's bathing suits with one of Nemu's. Since there would be no time for shopping, Nanao would be forced to wear a delicious two piece. Nemu didn't particularly care what she wore to swim in. But she was told by Isane that she was not to show up naked. (Nemu often found herself being lectured at by Isane ever since the Butter incident.)

Thinking that even though he would have lovely recorded footage, it just wasn't the same as being there. However, he knew that if he were to coincidentally show up at the beach he would probably be beaten and left face down in the water. So he devised a plan. He would commission Mayuri into making him a gigai of some marine animal so he could view the party from the water. (Strangely enough, Mayuri already knew how to make animal gigai. It would seem that some Shinigami had a fetish for using an animal gigai to go into the Real World and find their way into a cute unsuspecting human's house.) All he had to do was promise the scientist that he could run some scientific test on his liver. Mayuri was constantly nagging him to let him do so. After all, the amount of booze Shunsui consumed was legendary.

Everything had been going fine. The girls frolicked. Played. Ran about. And then disaster struck.

He's forgotten to take Kukaku's personality into account. Yachiru had stood and pointed at him. She then squealed, "SHARKY-CHAN!" This drew the females' attention. Kukaku then charged into the water with a maniacal grin adorning her face. The next thing Shunsui knew, he was being pummeled by the Shiba woman.

'This is definitely not going according to plan,' Shunsui thought to himself as he was forcibly dragged ashore. And to make things worse, out of the corner of his eye he could see Nemu helping Nanao put her swimsuit top back on.