Chapter I: Acceptance
The fire was blazing in the Room of Requirement. I had been trying to get Crabbe out of it, but I knew he was already gone. Sure, he was a jerk now, but a proper burial would be better than cremation. But the door was too far and Crabbe was simply too heavy.
I stared at the flames. Why had everything turned out this way? I never wanted any of this. I wanted to go to school, make friends, and have a family afterward. No, instead the Dark Lord had risen to power and, in order to protect my mother, I had tried to kill Dumbledore, lead Death Eaters into the castle, and now most of the people I went to school with were going to die. I should have said "no" the first time.
The flames leaped around me as I saw Potter and his friends trying to escape with the diadem. That was good. Maybe, just maybe, he could defeat him. No, he would. He was Harry Potter. A veteran at snuffing the Dark Lord's plans. I knew that everything would be fine. My parents would be safe. Everyone would be safe.
Potter turned at me at the door and realized I was far from the exit. He thought I'd already escaped. Not this time. I wasn't going to run this time. I never wanted any of this. I can't forgive myself. So many people are dead and will die because of me. If Dumbledore were still here, maybe Hogwarts would have been safe. No, now, the chain of events had caused me to do horrible things in the Dark Lord's name I had never wanted to do.
I gave him a small smile. I wished that I had been his friend. Sure, my parents would have disowned me, but everything might have turned out alright in the end. Instead, I had taken my pride and showered myself in it. Ron wasn't so bad, annoying, but loyal to a fault. Hermione, know-it-all that she was, we could have had some great conversations. Harry, gosh, Harry Potter. The nicest, most selfless guy anyone could ask for in a hero. And I'd spent my entire Hogwarts career making fun of him because I was jealous. My friends would turn on me, I knew it. Look at Crabbe and Goyle. His never did. Squabbles never mattered in the long run. Pansy was still mad at me for accidentally turning her owl blue in our first year. It was easily fixed by Snape, but she still thought I was the most horrible person in the world. No, I wished I had abandoned Slytherin pride and been friends with The Golden Trio.
I backed away from the door even farther and felt the Vanishing Cabinet against me. The Vanishing Cabinet would be quick. I was already probably broken from the flames. It would be better than slowly burning to death. I wished I could start over. Ha, as if Fate were that kind. I opened the cabinet and stepped inside, but not before kicking it for good measure. That ought to break it enough. Like the bird in my sixth year, I hoped. Quick and painless. I deserved worse, far worse. But I'm not in Gryffindor. I'm not brave.
I took one last look. I wanted to tell him I was sorry. I wanted to tell him not to tell everyone I chose the easy way out. I knew my mother would be devastated. I took one last look at Harry Potter and his friends. I smile again. And nodded. He returned it. His head wasn't completely full of rocks, he did understand. Even if the Dark Lord, no Voldemort, were defeated, I would never be able to live. I've done too much. I couldn't live in society with the guilt. The result would be the same as now.
I smiled one more time, a real one, and closed the door.