Son of the Love Goddess Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I am not Rick Riordan.
A/N: This does tie into my other story, Pranks and Real Anger, but it isn't necessary to read it. This assumes that The Lost Hero doesn't exist. Thanks to Kittycat32 for beta-ing this!
I have never lost a duel to the death. Not one. -Jim Butcher
I gulped.
I was in huge trouble. Huge.
She bared her teeth at me in a wide grin and I winced. Seriously. I'm a son of Aphrodite. Love troubles? I'm on it. Fighting? Not so much. And she was a daughter of Ares. Clarisse was bad enough, being a bully and everything, but Irenee was worse because she loves to fight and maim people.
It's her favorite thing to do and no one, no one, practices more than she does. Irenee has beaten every single person in camp. And, seriously, she's named after the god of peace!
"Come on, Renee! Finish him off!" One of her brothers shouted. Unless you want to be in the infirmary for the next five years, never call Irenee by her real name. Call her Renee.
Renee just twirled her spear like it was a baton and said, "I'm not done with him yet."
Renee has a British accent that would make anyone else's threats sound ridiculous, but her threats are more menacing than they would be in an American accent.
"Come on, pretty boy, fight!" Renee said as she backed me into a corner. I flailed around for my sword, which I'd dropped, the great fighter that I am.
Renee doesn't look all that much like any of her siblings. She has smooth, silky (and lethal when it's whipped in your face) red hair, skin that is forever slightly tan, and a perfect face. You should hear my sisters complain about how it isn't fair. They all say they want her flawless skin- Renee has been in hundreds of fights, but she doesn't have a single scar, she doesn't ever get bruises, and she never has problems with zits like a certain sister of mine does- and the easy way she attracts boys.
The part of Renee that makes her a daughter of Ares is intimidating. Really intimidating. Because, unlike Clarisse, she doesn't look huge. Renee just looks a little taller than normal with a bit more muscle than a normal girl. But if it comes to a contest of strength, she'll win. So when you see this hot, seemingly normal girl arm wrestle and win with one of body builder brothers its scary. As in get-the-Hades-out-of-there-before-she-turns-on-you scary.
Renee looked pretty scary as she advanced on me. She was wearing full Greek armor, of course, and she was acting like it's feather light (which it totally isn't. It's almost as heavy as one of Terri's suitcases when we go on vacation).
Renee looked all the more scary because, if she took off her Greek armor, she'd look like just another girl in need of a new wardrobe. Her jeans looked like the ones Terri had just bought, except they weren't ripped on purpose, and her bright red t-shirt made it look like she had just soaked her shirt in blood. My legs were quivering from exhaustion and it occurred to me that I really, really needed to come up with a better way to spend my time.
"Pick up your sword," Renee commanded as she pointed her spear at me. I was covered in my own blood and my clothes were ripped beyond repair. I was exhausted. Weren't our parents supposed to be in love or something?
I tried to pick it up. It was too heavy and I didn't have enough strength left.
"Hey, Clarisse!" Renee called as I collapsed to the ground. Clarisse turned to look at Renee. "Pass me your electric spear for a minute."
Clarisse grinned and passed the electric spear to her half-sister. Oh man.
"Time to go to sleep." Renee said and then she shocked me. Ow.
About twenty minutes later I was able to get back to my feet and wobble out of the arena. Renee was still there, still fighting. Which meant there was a crowd of boys watching her, wide eyed as she thrust, spun and kicked.
"Your clothes!" The head counselor of the Aphrodite cabin, also known as my full-blooded sister, said distastefully. Technically, I am just as much the head counselor as she was.
"Terri, can you please help me?" I moaned. Terri and I are identical twins. We both have blonde hair, fair skin, and hazel eyes.
"No way am I touching you." Another one of my half-siblings said, "You're sweaty and bloody."
"I hadn't noticed." I muttered as I dragged myself to my cabin. Let me just say one thing about being a son of Aphrodite; it can majorly suck. No offense to my mom or anything. You try being one of two boys in a pink cabin full of girls. So much fun. Especially when my sisters decide that they have to do a fashion show. Like they had apparently decided that afternoon. One girl was wearing a dress that I'm pretty sure Chiron would never allow anyone to wear at camp. Another was wearing a tiny skirt and a pink shirt that was covered in hearts. I wanted to point out that the shirt and the skirt totally clashed, but I was too anxious to get out of the way of the projectile pieces of clothes and make-up. How on earth do you get eyeliner to fly that well?
"Tyler! Does this go?" My sister, Melanie asked anxiously as she showed me her outfit.
"Way over the top. Try a little less hair gel," I said. Yeah, I really said that. It's just my luck that, of all the people in my cabin, I am the best with clothes and love magic. (I love using my love magic to curse people, its hilarious and soo much fun. Which is why I now stay away from the Hermes and Demeter cabins and am often the target of the Stoll brothers' tricks. What can I say? Katie and Travis just needed a little push in the right direction.)
"Who took my shoes?" One girl shrieked and I collapsed onto my bed.
"This shirt is dirty!"
"Should I wear the boots or the ballet flats?"
"My eyeliner!"
The storm of girls getting ready for a fashion show was giving me a headache. Especially when I saw Terri wearing a pair of designer jean shorts and a yellow tank top that was a little, ahem, small. I closed my eyes and put my pillow over my head. Didn't work. I could still smell the expensive cloud of perfume and hear the shrieks of "that's mine!" I stood up and walked, very quickly, out of the cabin. I sat down, leaning against the cabin, and closed my eyes. My clothes were already ruined so a little dirt couldn't hurt them that much more.
"Tyler!" One of my sisters screamed and came marching out of the cabin. I opened one eye and closed it again.
"Courtney. Maybe a little less perfume? I can't breathe."
"Tyler, you're supposed to give her advice on what she's wearing." A voice said to my left. My eyes opened and I saw the daughter of Hecate who is my best friend in the world. She's the least girly of all the girls in the camp which, when you're me, is good.
"Not happening."
Courtney opened her mouth and started to curse me (and I don't mean the swear words brand of cursing, I mean the kind that only demigods and gods can do), but I interrupted her, "You look great. Just put on some boots, to make your legs look longer."
Courtney smiled, looking satisfied and went back inside.
"Someone help me." I muttered.
"What happened to you?"
"Renee," was all I needed to say. Renee loves to do what she calls "teaching". I call it beating up every single kid in camp. Especially me.
"Wow. You really need a shower." Clara was holding her nose as she spoke. I wasn't sure if it was because of the stink coming off me, or the perfume floating out of my cabin.
I opened my eyes to glare at her. Clara was tossing a ball of magical fire in her hand like a baseball. Clara is always changing. Always. Her mom, Hecate, is the goddess of three faces- one for morning, one for afternoon, one for night- and Clara's changes aren't time related. They just kind of happen. At the moment she had purple hair and black eyes and she looked kind of creepy.
"I need to get a new cabin, that's what I need." I said as Melanie ran out of the cabin, hyperventilating.
"Tyler, what do you think of my dress?" Melanie asked desperately.
The dress was red and gauzy and beautiful and definitely not meant for summer camp. Melanie has a more-than-slight tendency for melodramatics and over the top outfits.
"I think that you're shoes don't match your dress-" I said and Melanie looked at her feet in despair, "-and you should really try wearing something that isn't going to get me and Terry in trouble with Chiron. Also you might want to try breathing. Other than that, you're good."
Clara snickered and Melanie ran back into the cabin.
"Your title should be Head Adviser for Stupid Matters," Clara said in a tone that clearly told everyone what she thought of Melanie's dress.
"Watch it or you'll find that your clothes don't fit."
"Oooh. Tragedy." Clara smiled.
"Tell that to my sisters." I said as I heard the noise of Terri screaming at someone to give Melanie back her stilettos. Gods.
Just then I noticed who was walking towards me. "Clara, make me invisible or something. Now." Clara, of course, did nothing. Travis Stoll and Katie Gardner were coming closer. "Clara!" I said through gritted teeth.
Clara just continued tossing around her ball of fire. Shoot.
Travis scowled at me and I raised an eyebrow. They stopped in front of me.
"Something wrong?" Katie asked as she looked past me into the cabin, where clothes were being tossed around and the girlie shrieks were clearly audible.
"Yeah. My sisters are putting on a fashion show and I have to judge it," I grumbled.
Travis grinned and I got the feeling that this was not going to end well for me.
"Serves you right."
"For what? The permanent make-up, the too small clothes," those were the punishments I had helped Silena, the previous Aphrodite counselor, to inflict when they had performed their golden mango prank, "or the love magic?"
I eyed Katie and Travis. Even though I'd removed the magic- under duress I must add- they were holding hands. Both Katie and Travis blushed. Their feelings for each other were practically screaming at me. Another thing I'm good at.
"Much fun as this is," Clara interrupted, "you might want to go somewhere else, Tyler. Or you might want to disappear." She was looking over towards the Ares cabin and I had a very good idea of who she was talking about.
"No problem." I said and vanished into the cabin, keeping my eyes firmly rooted on the floor until I got to my bed. (How many drachmas do you want to bet that you can guess why?)
Not many people like me very much.
Especially the other camp counselors. Clarisse hates me (but not as much as she did before Silena died. Silena was my other best friend as well as my half-sister), Travis and Connor Stoll want to get revenge for several unfortunate incidents, Annabeth doesn't like me either (is it my fault that my twin sister can't leave well enough alone? I wasn't the one who tried to dress her up for a date with Percy), Percy doesn't like me for the same reason as Annabeth, Katie Gardner is really mad at me for the whole love magic thing, Will Solace is ready to kill me because I accidentally gave the Eros kids (Eros is my half-brother because we have the same mom) permission to use the Apollo cabin's bows and a bunch of other people think I am... well, how do you put it? Think I am girly, I guess would be the best way.
That doesn't stop me from being super cool though. Not here, but at home. My dad's house is a ten-minute drive from camp and I go back to the house whenever I seriously need a break from all the girls.
Chiron understands, thank the gods. When we go to school in the winter my twin sister and I are always the most popular kids. It probably has something to do with the way we look. (Not that I'm bragging or anything.) I just have nice blonde hair, great taste in clothes, and- hey! I am not vain!
"Tyler!" One of my sister's voices called me. I flipped over and raised my eyebrows.
"We're ready." Terri said, still wearing the tiny jeans and tank top.
Please note: when I judge my sisters I try to be fair and judge how they really look, not how I feel about how they look. This is harder with some than others. Its really, really hard with Terri, who is not exactly shy of showing off, and really easy with Casey, who doesn't go for the whole the-more-skin-showing-the-better-it-is thing that some of my sisters like a lot.
"Okay. Where are we doing this?" I asked, with an audible sigh. Where was Mike when I needed him? Mike was my only brother. He tended to hang around girls, other than our sisters, a lot more than he hang around with me. I didn't mind most of the time, but sometimes he could've been a big help.
"Outside," Terri declared.
"You've got to be kidding," I groaned, thinking about the crowd they were sure to have gathered.
"Come on! Everyone's waiting for you."
By that point I had taken a really quick shower and changed into some clean clothes. My sisters would never have allowed me to judge a fashion show when I was covered in disgusting sweat and blood.
I walked out of the cabin and groaned when I saw almost the entire camp watching. Most of the kids that weren't there were Ares or Hypnos kids (the Hypnos kids almost never wake up let alone come to fashion shows). Terri gave me a shove and I threw up my arms in exasperation.
"Girls," I grumbled as I took my seat and grabbed my clipboard. First was Terri. To be fair, she did look hot (remember what I said about impartial judging) and she got a lot of whistles from the boys in the crowd. Her fair skin gleamed, her layered blonde hair that is exactly like mine but longer was brushing her shoulders and she had put an effort, as always, into her clothes.
I rolled my eyes and marked down my comments. Because of the potential for disaster among vain girls, nobody won. I just gave advice and compliments. Then came Courtney, dressed in an amazing skirt and top. Melanie followed, wearing her prom-like dress. The girls kept coming. The worst part was when Sophie came out. She was wearing a pink wrap-around sundress. It was the one about which I had immediately thought that Chiron wouldn't allow her to wear. Sure enough Chiron looked like Terri and I were about to get in huge trouble. Great.
"Sophie," I said in an exhausted one of voice. "Please go change before you get Terri and I into trouble."
"Tyler! She looks great," My twin sister said as she stuck her head out the door, "She's not changing."
"Did you even bother to look up the rules that counselors are supposed to enforce?" I asked.
Terri looked at me askance, "I can't believe that we're related."
"Me neither," I muttered under my breath as Sophie went back into the cabin. Last out was Casey, my favorite sister.
She walked out of the cabin, turned around because she'd forgotten something, walked back into the cabin and came out again. I started to laugh. Casey is the best. And the reason she is the best is what she did next.
"Hey, don't you all have something to do besides stare at idiots?" Casey asked, one eyebrow raised.
But Casey wasn't wearing anything special. No, Casey was wearing a pair of regular shorts and a pretty t-shirt and sneakers. Casey had braided her hair and wound it around her head, keeping it in place with invisible pins (when all is said and done, Casey is still a daughter of Aphrodite). And in Casey's hand was a dagger. Like everyone else in my family, Casey is pretty. (Well, I'm not pretty, and Mike isn't pretty. And if someone tells you otherwise, they're delusional.) Casey has dark brown hair that is wavy and long. Her skin is brown, almost as dark as her hair, but her lips are a light pink. Her light brown eyes were slightly outlined with make-up (trademark of daughters of Aphrodite) and her teeth were brilliantly white against her skin. Casey is small to the point of being petite. She still isn't five feet tall yet and her growth spurt seems to consist of growing a millimeter taller.
Never tease Casey about her size or skin color- you'll find yourself with relationship and fashion troubles for the rest of your life; Casey takes after me. I've yet to decide if this is a good or bad thing.
"No, they don't. But I do," I said to her with a grin.
"And our sisters force you to do this."
"Hey, it's either this or I get to do all the cabin chores. This is easier." I said as Casey came over and lounged against me. Casey is thirteen years old and amazing. She's also not very Aphrodite-like.
"I tried to talk to Terri, but she was in a clothes-induced high. I'm going for a run. I'll be back for dinner. If I die promise me that you won't let them go through my stuff," Casey said as she grinned up at me.
"You got it." I told her as she ruffled my hair and raised an eyebrow at the clipboard.
"Tell Sophie to take her junk off my bed and put it on her own bed."
"Sorry, no favorites. But the cabin will be clean before bedtime or some people are sleeping outside."
"And we'll be inside," Casey finished as she jogged off with a backward wave and a call of, "Don't go in there right now. It's worse than the Fields of Torture!"
I chuckled and set my clipboard down. Everyone started to scatter, dinner was soon and people had more interesting things to do than watch me try to get a group of clothes crazy girls to dress according to the dress code. Camp Half-Blood didn't exactly have a strict dress code. Still, at some point, Chiron had to draw the line. And several of my sisters repeatedly stepped over that line. Again and again and again. And they didn't care.
"Help me out, Clara?" I asked as I stared dubiously at my pink cabin.
Clara laughed and shook her head. I sighed and stood up, tugging on my shirt and wishing I had Greek battle armor on.
"Some friend," I muttered, but smiled easily.
I'm not mean or cruel or anything. And, despite that certain people seem to believe that I think that I am, I'm most definitely not perfect. I can totally tell you what's going to win at a fashion show and what's going to lose, what fashions are reasonable and what are ridiculous and make you look horrible (such as wearing your pants half off; stupidest idea in the world).
And I can curse you into falling in love with the next thing you set eyes on. (I even perfected it so that I can choose what species and what gender, but that's beside the point.) Plus, yeah, I can tell with a glance if you have feelings for someone else in your vicinity (this gets really embarrassing when someone is crushing on me). I can sabotage your level of popularity, make your clothes two sizes too big or small, and cover you with permanent make-up, but I can't fight. I can't run. I can't swim. Well, okay. I can swim and run, but I'm just no good at either thing. So, unless you have a love life or fashion life, I'm pretty much useless against you.
Unfortunately this leads to the girl who loves beating up half-bloods while pretending she's teaching. Renee. Sigh. Renee doesn't care what she wears, as long as its camo, bright red and the opposite of fashion. Either that, or something more protective like Greek armor, and Renee doesn't have a boyfriend, though almost every boy who isn't already going out with someone likes her. So I have nothing to fight against her with. Which is why I am always covered in bruises.
"Listen up!" I hollered at the mass of shrieking and giggling girls in my cabin. Even though Terri is supposed to be counselor along with me, I do most of the work. "Anyone with belongings not where they belong by dinnertime is sleeping outside tonight and will have no access to anything in the cabin."
All the girls looked at me, horror struck. Then they immediately flew into a flurry of putting things back where they belonged. Everything on my bed belonged to me. That was one of the rules I continually enforced. Nothing belonging to any of the girls was allowed to rest on my or Mike's bed, unless permission was asked and granted. Because there are certain items that you really don't want to see on your bed. After a certain incident I had nightmares for weeks.
I decided to go on a hunt for Mike, instead of staying around to watch my sisters argue about how much dresser and mirror space belonged to each of them. I had a hunch where he would be. Mostly because of my son of Aphrodite skills.
That was how I found Mike on the beach, kissing a daughter of Apollo, who I think is named Maya. I waited for half a minute before deciding they were too wrapped up in each other to notice me. Mike is half a year younger than me (he's nearly seventeen) and I knew that, while he wouldn't be happy if I interrupted, he couldn't do anything to me, since he has none of my extra, unusual skills. Though Mike is slightly better at fighting and he can control doves, our mom's sacred animal. Which might be why he doesn't get picked on quite as much as I do.
"Mike," I said in a sing-song voice. I had to say it twice more before Mike looked up. My Aphrodite heritage was screaming at me about how much Mike liked her. And how much she liked Mike. But I didn't need my Aphrodite skills to decipher the looks they were shooting me. Whoops.
"What?" Mike said, half out of breath.
"First of all, you missed a cabin wide fashion show. Second, you seriously need to clean under your bed. Third, if any of your stuff is anywhere it isn't supposed to be in the cabin then you get to sleep outside with our sisters. Thought I'd let you know."
Mike shrugged and then said, "Glad I missed the show. How was it?"
"Loud. And I might be in trouble with Chiron for not controlling some of the girls."
"Let me guess- Sophie?"
I nodded. "Dinner's in twenty minutes." And then I left before Maya shot me through with an arrow or curse me with only being able to speak in rhymes. You try rhyming fashion advice!
The cabin was amazingly clean when I got back. Apparently none of my sisters wanted to sleep outside. Clara was waiting for me on my bed, looking absolutely disgusted by the inside of my cabin.
Clara hates pink with all her heart.
"Hey Clara. Hey Casey." I said to the other girl sitting on my bed. She wasn't wearing shorts and a t-shirt anymore. Casey was now wearing jeans and a sweatshirt that said, suck it up. I'm prettier.
"Hi Tyler." Casey said as she undid her braided hair and redid it with swift, practiced movements. Casey can do her hair in her sleep. That is something I've witnessed. It was actually quite disturbing.
"Come on, Casey, let's see if this place is clean." And so I did a thorough check of the cabin. I looked in the closets and on the floors, under beds and on dressers. It was completely clean. Except for under Mike's bed. I spotted at least three dirt bunnies under there, along with several stains that looked suspiciously like Terri's permanent nail polish. (And when I say permanent, I mean it takes a year or two to wear off.)
"Time for dinner." I said as Mike rushed in the cabin door and Clara left to join her cabin. Another day was nearly done. Yipee.
A/N: Thanks for reading! Oh, by the way, one of my friends actually has a sweatshirt that says suck it up. I'm prettier. Casey and Clara might *cough*definitely*cough* be based on a few of my friends.