MONKEYS WILL DEVOUR YOU IN YOUR SLEEP
This is a story of whoms plot randomly came into my head.
It made me giggle.
Thanks to Alex, who helped with some technicalities :)
Sincerely,
Grackus.
Disclaimer:
I don't own L, or anything to do with Death Note. I also do not own Fanfiction.
Nor do I own the Kira FanClub.
Unless I made them up.
Then maybe I do own them.
All I know for certain is that I own this fluffy yellow squeaky toy.
Jealous? :P
The room was quiet and dark. The soft pad of bare feet could be heard down the hallway, approaching the room. The footsteps stopped outside the door, and the handle of the door slid down smoothly and opened, allowing a small crack of light into the room before it was shut with a small 'click'.
Looking around him, L sighed. Today had been another long day, with no furthur progress in the Kira case. This thouroughly annoyed L, but he was persistant, and persistance always led to glory.
Crossing the room, he stopped in front of the computer, and fell into his chair comfortably. Pressing one of the keys, the monitor hummed to life, emitting a blue glow from the screen that fell upon L's face.
A small mail icon popped up onto his screen.
"You've got mail."
L looked at the envelope for a moment, and then clicked.
A few seconds later, the page was loaded, and an unread message portrayed,
FanFiction: New Messages Waiting
Squinting, L looked harder, in case he had misread.
"Fanfiction? What is this... Fanfiction?" he thought.
L racked his memory; the word was familiar, but where had he read it before?
He sat, thinking, for a good 5 minutes.
"Well, I haven't seen any newspapers involving that word... Nor any dictionary... or book... Internet knows everything."
In a few moments, L had found the Wikipedia homepage, and typed in "Fanfiction".
After a few moments reading, he suddenly froze in fear. L's pupils retracted, as the truth dawned upon him.
Fanfiction.
Where all the unfortunate souls of fiction were presented from the fans point of view.
A cold shiver crept down L's back. Why would he be getting emails from there?
Going back to his inbox and clicking on the message, L began to read,
"Dear Mr L.
Congratulations on being chosen
as one of the characters for this
year's "Biggest Faggot" awards!
Please click the link for furthur
details at the forums.
Sincerely,
Kira's FanClub"
L was stunned into silence.
Recovering his wits, L made a quick calculation in his head.
"Fanfiction + Kira's FanClub + L equals Disaster."
Then L saw the part of the message he had skimmed over before.
The breath in his chest caught.
His heart faltered.
His poker face, so composed and neutral, began to twitch violently.
"Biggest Faggot" Award.
There it remained, unchanging, the abomination that dared to mock L.
"What.. is this??" he hissed through his teeth.
Faggot?? What did those punks think they were playing at, taunting the most intelligible and non- homosexual person in existence??
Fuming and ranting in his head, L clicked the provided link below the ludicrous message, preparing for the newest onslaught.
When the page opened, it took L all he had not to tear the computer from its cords, and smash it through the window.
From the top to the bottom of the page were photos of L, most of which had been graffitied and obscured in many disgusting ways.
There, at the very top, "Biggest Faggot of the Year" was plastered across the screen, accompanied by a photo of L with a highly unfashionable penis protruding from his forehead.
Beneath all this monstrousity stood a huge column, in which writing from other viewers of this site resided.
"Forums." L recognised the dreaded pillar of death which lay before him, and slowly moved his mouse over to the first one, and began reading...
"Haha yeah i no
he thinks hes rlly smart and shit but
if yer gonna act lyk ur bettr thn
evry1 else thn its rlly fcking stupid."
L stopped reading long enough to remember to breathe.
What... was this spelling?? It was so repulsive! Goosebumps spread all over his arms, where he moused over to the next box...
"Well personally, i've never been an L fan.
He creeps me out! What with those
disgusting bags under his eyes, and
they way he sits! Ewww... reminds me
of a frog every time!!"
The shaking took over L's body.
"Am I cold?" he thought. L felt strange. "I feel... annoyed."
As this was voiced in his head, there was a cracking sound. L looked down to see the mouse, now mangled, in his hand.
Grumbling, he pulled the drawer open next to his computer, pulled out a bag, and began unwrapping the spare mouse. L was always prepared.
After plugging it into the computer, L hovered over to the next abusive comment.
"Have you SEEN the crap that guy
eats?? It amazes me that he hasn't turned
into a fucking whale!! lol when he gets fat."
That was the last straw for L.
"I can take quips about my appearence and my posture, and my general creepiness... But mocking my eating habits.. why!!" he cried at the monitor, banging his fist.
Pulling out the keyboard, and clicking the "Post Comment" box, his fingers hovered, deciding what to say.
Then he stopped, and actually thought about what he was doing.
"I am the genius, L, Super Detective of the world, and here I am, about to engage cyber warfare with these children. Is it really worth it?" he wondered.
At that moment, another comment popped up, and as if to mock him, it read;
"I heard that he and Light Yugami get
kinky in the bedroom sometimes."
"THAT DOES IT!!" he yelled, and began pounding the keyboard.
"Dear Arsehole Posters.
It has been brought to my attention
that none of you little fucktards have
anything better to do than soiling MY
reputation as the world Greatest
Detective! I will have you ALL arrested
for Cyber Bullying! Haha!! You
might think that the police cant
find you.. I AM THE POLICE!!
THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Sincerely
L."
Satisfyed, L sat back in the chair, and waited.
No less than 2 minutes later...
"Dear Arsehole Posters.
Wow! You sure know how to make a
grand entrance, FAGGOT!
None of you little fucktards have
anything better to do than soil
MY reputation..
What reputation? You think your
so fucking cool, thats all.
ALL arrested for Cyber Bullying.
Go back to preschool, hardarse."
L sat, stunned.
"Did he... Did he just requote some of my sentences and retort back to them??" he asked himself, incredious.
"That's got to be the most RETARDED thing I have EVER read!
How dare those 10 year olds think they have the balls to outdo me!!"
Panting in frustration, perspiring furiously, L plotted.
His face in his hands, he thought.
And thought.
And thought.
And got it.
His face lit up into an evil grin, and he chuckled slightly.
"I'll show them. You've pissed me off, and now you're going to pay, shitheads." he whispered manically.
He would create a virus. A virus that would anhialate and destroy anyone who dared to mock the almighty L.
And he was going to plant it right into the nest of betrayers.
Rubbing his hands in glee, L opened up a new Comment Box, and began writing his fake comment. After he was done, he implanted his virus into the text, in a way that noone apart from the computer would be able to interpret. He randomly placed 1's and 0's throughout the content of the comment, which those idiotic betrayers would excuse as typo's. When whoever was reading the comment clicked the button at the end, the computer would search for all the 1's and 0's and compile them into a browser cookie, which is where the virus would assemble itself. Then, only moments after clicking the button, their cookie would evolve into a program and begin attacking the computer, thus beginning L's glorious path of destruction.
"And now to deliver the final blow..."
L clicked the Post Comment box, and watched his mayhem unfold.
Somewhere in America...
"Hey guys! Check this out!!"
"Ooh, someone posted a video of that L fag getting bashed up!"
"Awesome! Download it!"
"Yeah yeah, give me a sec."
L GETS BASHED UP!
DOWNLOAD VID.
Click.
"Hey, wait a second!"
"What the hell is this??"
Beep.
To all the arseholes out there.
Thankyou for selecting my virus.
In 25 seconds, each piece of hardware
in your computer will recieve a massive
surge of energy, frying everything
simultainiously.
If you try to unplug your computer, it
will short circuit, resulting in the
same outcome.
I must thank you for allowing me to destroy your
computer.
It amused me.
Fuck you all.
Sincerely,
L.
L sat back in his chair, and smiled as the number of people on the forums dilapedated quickly.
Yawning, L stretched in his chair. Switching off his computer, he walked over to his bed, in which he collapsed onto.
Smiling quietly to himself as he pulled the blanket up to his chin, L felt content, and muttered,
"Owned."
A/N: Short and sweet.
Well, not really short... and nothing sweet to do with it...
Infact, disregard that first comment.
Hope you like, and please review!