I awoke that morning covered in sweat, my body aching in ways I never dreamt possible. My thighs were on fire and the ache in the small of my back was undeniable. I felt as if I had slept on a rock. My head pounded and my mouth was dry. I lay there silently breathing in the air around me, scarcely moving, before I opened my eyes, what a strange scent. Something was different, the dream I had had the night before, no doubt a remnant of my drunkenness, was so vivid…so real…more real that any I remembered having.
That's when I felt him stir beside me. It had not been a dream after all. I felt my stomach drop. My eyes flew open it was just breaking light, surely no later than 6:30 in the morning. The events of the previous night came flooding back to me in a rush. Overwhelmed I shot out of his bed, a place I should have never been. I ran to the bathroom, feeling as if I were going to be sick, tripping over our discarded clothes. I had just given my innocence to a man I was sure harbored nothing but platonic feelings for me mere hours before.
I had never been to this place, never been with a man before. I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I grasped each side of the stained pedestal sink. The make-up I had thrown on after my shift at the coffee-shop was over at 11pm the night before was smeared across my eyes, black rings from the mascara wiped in every which direction. I splashed some water on my face and wiped my eyes with the towel on the ring. I felt something warm and sticky running down the inside of my thigh…blood.
It was then that the severity of it all struck me. What had I done? Oh Edward, what had we done? I quickly and silently gathered my clothes, finding my black ruffled camisole stuffed between the couch cushions, and dressed in the living room. As soon as I was presentable I snuck out the front door. The memories of last night plaguing my every thought, I walked blindly out into the sun. It was as if I were in a daze as I walked the three blocks between his apartment and where I had left my truck parked the night before. Oh what had I done? And worse yet, why was I running?
Just then my cell phone began ringing. It was Angela. She and her boyfriend Ben had been at the bar the night before, surely they saw who I left with, and also who I was avoiding. I was not sure I was ready to have this conversation just yet, but, as if by habit, my finger pressed the send key to answer the call.
"Bella?" I heard her say on the other line.
"Hi…" I croaked. I cleared my throat and said a bit steadier, trying to convince myself more than her, "hey, what's going on?"
"So how was The Hollow with Edward last night."
I gulped.
"That good, huh? Jacob kept asking where you'd gone to."
"Yeah…I know. I saw him walking home last night."
"Bella, please tell me you didn't drive last night. What did Edward get as far as his place and say 'to hell with it'?"
"No, no, Ang. It's nothing like that. I didn't drive, Edward did…it's just that…" my voice trailed off.
"Hey, are you okay?"
"Ang, I've done something very bad. I don't know what to do." I could feel the tears stinging my eyes.
"Bella, it's okay. You can tell me what happened. Does it have something to do with seeing Jacob last night?"
I leaned on the door frame of my truck, trying to take a deep breath. I gripped it tight as I felt my legs grow weak at the memories flooding my brain.
"No! Well, yes and no, and…oh god Ang…what have I done?"