A/N: So this is another shot at happy, because somewhere somehow, someone who might catch my bus, told me I could. It isn't what I wanted it to be, but then most things aren't.
Lily's Letter
Dear James,
I know it's stupid writing you a letter when I see you almost everyday, but that's what I am when it comes to you. Stupid.
The thing is, I can't tell you this face to face because I'm so embarrassed. So if I could find any way out of this, be assured that I would take it as quick as you can say 'quidditch'.
Let me start from the beginning. You probably don't get much of this so far, and it will make more sense if I start from the beginning, most things do.
It started with the first day of first year on the train. I doubt you even remember it, or at least don't recall the girl was I.
You and Sirius had already gotten over the novelty of going to Hogwarts, and were roaming the train for something to do. It was either by chance, or bad luck that I was your first victim.
While I was rounding the corner to my carriage, you poured frog spawn on me. You can't blame me for hating you then. I mean how would you feel if you had to attend the sorting in your muggle clothes?
So you must understand why I was disgusted when you asked me out the first time. I thought it was another of your pranks, and wasn't going to be tricked again. Soon it became a habit for me to say no, even after I had figured it wasn't a prank, and nothing near a joke.
But enough of that. You always used to ask me why I stood up for Snape, even though he insulted me. The reason was I knew what it was like to be one of your victim's, being taunted just because you were bored. I was horrified that something like that amused you.
So those are my reasons James. My reasons for denying it for so long.
I know that you are not interested in me anymore, and I know that we are friends now, but I have to say it. It may ruin out friendship, in fact I'm sure it will, but that won't stop me.
I'm… this is so hard to say. I've written a million copies of this letter and all but this lie scattered across my dorm. Look I'm rambling again. Sorry. I guess I'd better just get it over with.
I'm in love with you. Yes James, I'm in love with you.
I know nothing will come from it, because I have hurt you too many times to be forgiven, but I thought you had to know.
The thing that I regret most in the world though, is that t never said yes. Because that may have lifted the cloud from my eyes before it was too late.
But most of all, James, I'm sorry. I'm so very very sorry.
Love Lily
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James stared at the letter for a long time after he finished reading it. The piece of paper in his hands had sent his world into a spin. He stood very still, watching it intently, as though thinking that at some point it would jump out at him.
His eyes filled with the picture of Lily's tear-stained face as she handed him the letter, turning away from him when he asked what was wrong. She had run from the room shaking her head when he questioned her further. After reading the letter, he suspected that she didn't even want to be in the room when he read it.
Remus stepped over to James when he had been standing looking at the letter with horror for more than fifteen minutes.
'Prongs?' he asked slowly.
James snapped out of his reverie and looked wildly at Remus.
'She… regrets… Loves me?' he stuttered, mildly confused with himself, not just the letter.
Remus looked over his shoulder and looked at the bottom of the letter. He saw that it was signed by Lily and smiled secretly.
'What are you going to do?'
'She said I wasn't interested… and she's in love with me?' James continued, still in his state of shock.
Remus sighed.
'James!' James whipped his head up, 'What are you going to do about it?'
'Oh,' James said simply, before heading out of the common room, to do the heroic thing. He ran off in the direction that he had seen Lily disappear down only half an hour ago.
He ran hard and fast, searching everywhere. In broom closets (where he disturbingly found Sirius attached to a girl) and even behind portraits (he found a packet of bertie botts, and thought himself having a lucky night).
Finally he found her, ironically in the astronomy tower. She was staring towards the starry night when he tumbled into the room. Her vibrant red hair shone delicately in the moonlight.
'Look, I know you're here to make out or something, but could you just shove off? I got here first and I'd rather not listen to it. I'm sure there's a really nice broom closet down stairs that has your name on it,' Lily said with out turning around.
James just stared at her for a little while, before answering.
'Well, I'm not really here to make out, so do I still have to leave?' he asked.
Lily swore under her breath and turned. James took in the tears sprinkled on her pale face and stood beside her.
Lily looked back at the stars, carefully avoiding looking into James' eyes.
'How did you find me?' she asked quietly.
'Well, after walking in on Sirius attached violently to a girl, and slamming straight into a knight in my haste, I pretty much scanned the castle until I ended up here,' he said, watching Lily grimace when he explained the Sirius incident.
They stayed in silence for a while. James, for once in his life, had no idea what to say.
'Lily,' he started, 'Do you really think I'm not interested in you?' He thought it would be a good starting point.
'Yes,' Lily said, turning away from him.
'Why?' James asked, trying very hard to keep a polite tone.
'Well, you never ask me out anymore, you go out with other girls, you want to be friends with me, and you've never made a move on me.'
James laughed.
'You have no idea what it took to do all those things. Not asking you out was almost the easiest compared to trying to pretend that you were just my friend.'
Lily's head snapped around to look James straight in the eye.
'What?' she whispered.
'Well, I took it seriously when you said that you hated my guts and you would never go out with me in a million years. So I stopped asking you out because you didn't want me to, and I went out with other girls because I thought it would be easier when I saw you with other guys. And being your friend was just my way of showing you that I was an alright guy.'
'But you never made a move on me or anything.'
'I couldn't, the friendship meant too much to me to blow it by trying to kiss you. You'd just go back to thinking I was an arrogant asshole that needed to deflate his head.'
'Oh,' Lily said quietly.
Again, James felt like he had no idea what to do.
'So you are interested in me?' Lily asked, as though she was just grasping the idea.
'No Lily,' he laughed shaking his head, 'I'm in love with you.'
Lily smiled and blushed looking at her toes.
'James?' Lily asked, looking back at him.
'Yeah?' he replied looking into her sparkling emerald eyes.
Lily smiled a secret smile and rose to the tips of her toes, leaning her head forward. James raised his eyebrows and as she lifted her hand slowly to cup his face he leant down and captured her lips with his.
And sure, no fireworks went off, and the stars didn't shine any brighter, but they did in their eyes.