And I am all grateful for reiker/unbrokenist being a perfect and kind beta. I love you, ok? 333 (I changed some things before post, but just because I can't handle myself).
It wasn't like Dick hadn't ever had a nightmare in which Lewis was present. That he would be dying or suffering from some injury or pain that no medic in the world could solve, as even his favourite liquor couldn't do. And although Dick tried to maintain these kind of thoughts far from his reach, as he preferred to stay in reality, being useless to be a pessimist when it was pointless. He couldn't quite endure the nightmare of seeing Nix being happier without him.
"No," he whispered, his heart clenching behind his ribs in slow flows of pain. "Please…" He begged in silence, while his face tensed up. But Nix looked at him as if everything seemed normal, that Dick was ok; even though Winters was almost betraying himself as his face twisted, tears welling in his eyes.
It wasn't the idea of nightmare he'd normally have. Nightmares were supposed to be filled with the honest and righteous pain, in every dark corner. Someone should be in pain, besides him. Winters couldn't be unhappy for Lew's happiness, it wasn't right, it wasn't him. Not the Winters that had volunteered for the paratroopers.
A new side of Winters peeked through when he discovered the brightness of Lewis' smile and the way it always made Dick feel something inside him ache with happiness and excitement. He should have known that this kind of feeling would come, one hour or another. It would happen and it'd crush his heart into many pieces. He should be ashamed and he was; however the sorrow just got deeper, harder, heavy, still obnoxious quiet against his chest.
The next moment Lewis was smiling to a pretty woman who smiled back with similar bright eyes as they kept their hands enlaced. From outside, one might see the similarity of the smiles but Dick just could see the smile of a man that meant everything to him and the smile of someone who'd never know.
The strange lady and Lewis were marrying? Probably, it seemed like it. Not the ceremony anymore, though, the three fates of them had already been decided at that point and then there wasn't a way back. After it, he would be the best man, as he always was, and would watch the kids when they come. Becoming no more than an audience member through the years.
Dick couldn't put himself in the position to escape this nightmare, unsure of an exit. He knew it was a dream, but he knew it was the most possible thing that would happen with them. They would follow their own ways out of their friendship and of the war. Winters would stop feeling as happy as he felt when they were together in times of war. He'd feel as if he was drinking with the officers - with a new group of people that time, civilians: wives and kids-, and even though he had never liked it, he'd just adapt and take that little happiness that was to see Nix smiling at him. Nix's lingering expression telling Winters that he was looking for approval, a feeling Winters would grow faint to recall.
Dick woke with a jolt, the cold air of the room running over exposed legs until he grasped at the sheets to cover them back up and an ache of grief deep in the pit of his stomach. He touched the wooden nightstand. He wasn't at war anymore, no longer in Europe. The room, with well-built furniture, was American.
He pulled his sweaty arm from his side and adjusted to lift the alarm clock on the table, reading the early hour of four o'clock. It was raining, a soft rain against the dark wide windows of Lewis' house...wait. Lewis' house? Dick turned around and looked at the man wrapped in all the blankets and sheets they had on the bed with a silly smile drawn on his face.
How dumb could he be to believe in a dream and forget something like this? Their reality: his Lew beside him, in the same bed, at home. Dick quietly wiped the tears he let shed between conscious and unciousness. It was so much of a relief that he eased into the comfort of the mattress at his back before trying to approach Lew.
"Dick...?" Lew asked, opening an eye towards the other man and offering a smirk over sleepy lips. He adjusted to lie on his back, better seeing Dick. "What's going on?" He murmured, trying to see Dick's silhouette into the shadows.
Winters' smile was so graceful, so grateful. But the tears were still rolling over his features. Blinking, Lew glanced at him with more attention and saw his Major's disheveled face. Part of it drowned in shadows, but he could see Dick's state. So he formed a wrinkle on his forehead as he tried to sit up, only to be stopped when Dick closed the final gap and kissed him. A rough, hard kiss, one wet with tears. He was feeling so weak that he couldn't pull himself together.
"Dick..." That time Nix just hummed the other man's name, still relaxed from sleep but growing worried. He licked his own lips as Dick pulled away. A brief pause came between them before Dick leapt back into kissing Nix once and then several more times.
Dick didn't want to talk about it, not now. Not now that everything was fine and perfect. He didn't want to remember either. He just wanted to put the fears outside their bed for the remains of their early morning. His heart was still racing, his arms were still weak and shaking, his voice was trembling as he called and gasped Lewis' name. But he knew at least he shouldn't care about that now. Lewis had the same grateful smile, while his eyes were shut, kissing Dick even though he would prefer sleeping if it was any other person wanting him up for any other reason. But it was his Major after all.
Lewis knew that Dick was and would always be a brave and strong man. But he also knew that the redhead wasn't perfect, though he almost was and it always made Lew grin in disbelief; Dick ultimately was still just a man. A lover, a fighter, a person who had too many enemies - alives and deads -, similar to his lover, in this world. Nix couldn't tell what Dick had dreamed or had felt moments ago. He could however assure his lover and best friend that he would never be alone. Fighting together after learning that, after all those years, their survival depended on their company.