"All I Want"
By: Karasu lionna@execpc.com
Content: Shoujo-ai / yuri implications, first person POV, No rating.
Summary: A short story about Haruka and Michiru during the night between Christmas Eve and Day. A
little discussion about Destiny.
December 24, 2000 (about three minutes to Christmas Day, however)
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
In America they say that today is Christmas Eve. Or, glancing over at the digital clock, in three minutes
Christmas Day. My eyes slowly drew away from the hotel clock and then to the closed French doors of the
suite. There was actually no need to close them, but it put a different feel to the room—as if it were only
myself and my lover in the world.
Laughing came from the next room, which reminded me that we were definitely not the only two in the
world. Sighing to myself, I wrapped my arm tighter about the female figure beside me and buried my nose
into her turquoise hair.
The moonlight shone on her beautifully, highlighting her hair in the best way possible. Her face was so
serene, an unusual sight, amazingly enough. That look was enough to content me. Lightly I smiled and
pressed my lips against her forehead. For once she was sleeping well, that was good.
Only months ago we had finally finished with the Senshi Wars, as Kakyuu-hime and Sailor Pluto called it. I
was glad that, at least, was done with. Our time for peace was supposed to last for a while longer than
usual, which would account for our trip to America during the winter break.
Of all places, we ended up in a larger city of Wisconsin—a Northern mid-state. Milwaukee was an
interesting enough place and luckily not as packed as New York had been. I don't think Michiru would
have liked a busy city at this time of year. Here… here we could watch the snow fall and collect on the
ground. Here we could walk through parks and see children running and playing, throwing snowballs at
one another. And then we could also fade away within a crowd of people, or stand out on streets where no
one walked.
Beside me, she turned a bit in my embrace and I loosened my hold. I waited, watching her, and was not
much surprised when her eyes slowly opened. Her gaze turned to me almost instantly and I greeted her with
a brush of a kiss.
"Merry Christmas, koibito."
Her lips upturned a bit and she turned on her side, facing me. "Is it already here?"
"Hai, just a few minutes into the day."
Her smile stayed while our gazes stayed glued together. "I wonder how the others are doing back at home?"
I shook my head slowly. "Let's not worry about them. They are not within our grasp and they can protect
themselves." Her eyebrow quirked. "They'll be fine, koi," I whispered, running my hand through silky
strands of hair. "We came here to get away from pressures of senshi work. Let us be ourselves…"
"And for once stay away from our destinies?" she murmured, eyes suddenly averted.
I wondered what it meant and my hand stilled against her cheek. Running my thumb down her soft skin, I
responded, "Yes, actually. You have stopped me from running, Michiru, but it does not mean I am
following the path because I actually wish to." She looked up at me, her face and eyes a mask. That came
as a slap to the face for she had not hidden herself away for years.
She said nothing and I no longer wished to continue. Warring with myself inside, I sat up, pulling my hand
away from her and closing down my face. I could not allow myself to be weak in front of her anymore. I
stood, planning to go into the adjoining room and watch the American Christmas movies that they would
have on.
"Haruka," she suddenly burst out. I turned, seeing that she was now sitting up and holding a hand out. Her
pajama top was halfway unbuttoned, part of it slipping off her shoulder and revealing a great amount of
skin. I myself was wearing only a pair of boxers and a loose, one-button top.
She repeated my name again, "Haruka." Her eyes held mine, a different light shining through them that
reminded me of the time that she was convincing me to become Sailor Uranus and fight with her; while at
the same time she had to convince me that she still loved me, that she needed my support and she was just
as willing to provide her own support in return.
"Love, you know I don't just think of them as senshi anymore. I just can't. I know you don't either; it is
okay to feel for someone else, Love, we're not the only two in the world."
'But that's how I want it…'
'Sometimes that's all I want.'
'My dream… just to be with you… with a child we could raise… in a house we could live as any happy
family… our problems would be typical life problems… spending money, which school to send the child,
what jobs to take…'
"Haruka," she slipped her lean legs over the bed and stood, moving towards me, "no longer do we need to
be known as 'Sailor Neptune alias Kaiou Michiru.' We can be 'Kaiou Michiru, alias Sailor Neptune.'" She
smiled reassuringly and reached a hand out to rest on my arm. "We are ourselves now. We are in control
and the senshi of us, Neptune and Uranus, are just back in our minds in case they are called upon. The
Princess is Usagi—only Usagi. Usagi-chan is a friend that we both care for, ne? She is a friend."
My lips parted, forming the next words, "But she is the princess that we must protect."
Her eyes saddened and her hand seemed to loose its strength on my shoulder. "Haruka, love, are you not
listening? What if the princess was Rei-chan? Or even Makoto-chan? Would that change things? Would
you protect only that one person? Do you not wish to protect Usagi because she is Usagi?"
I shook my head, becoming more confused by the minute. I did understand but…
'My dream… it was what so many have always tried to steal. Dreams. I wish mine had been taken so I
would not be tortured with dreaming of it constantly and praying that it will someday come true.'
She was still talking, I realized, but I had zoned out on her and was not really paying attention. I didn't
want her to go on like that so I reached forward and caught her tightly as I pressed my lips to hers gently.
Holding her close, I murmured, "Michiru, I cannot change how I feel. They are separate people to me:
Serenity, Usagi, Sailor Moon. But there are times when she looks like Usagi when I know that Serenity is
actually there and doing the actions, saying what words come from her mouth. I protect each one for
different reasons, koi. I cannot explain my actions or even hers. What I feel is what I feel."
"Haruka…?"
"There's one thing I will /always/ be sure of," I continued, "and that is that I love you…" My lips were still
parted, ready to continue, yet my vocal cords refused to work.
'You are the only constant in my life. The only thing, other than destiny, that I know will be there until—
hopefully—the end. Do you realize how much I count on you to be there? Do you know how much strength
it takes to stay away from you, to be parted? Do you understand that I cannot loose you or I will go
insane?'
I think she felt, in the least, what I was thinking, for her arms suddenly came about me tightly and she
pressed her cheek against my shoulder. "Love, it's alright. I do understand. I was just wondering if…
perhaps I might let you see things a different way. You're right, let us, for now, enjoy ourselves and believe
it is only us." Her breath tickled against my ear. "You know that I love you, don't you?"
In response I buried my face into her hair and continued to hold her warmth to me. She was the brightest
light I could ever find, I knew, and I would never bear to let her go. She was only fit for heaven, which was
why I had told her that she would not join me in Hell. She was too beautiful and still so pure, even after
doing about as much as I did. Somehow she made up for everything that we had done.
When I think back, I guess it never was a surprise to find a talisman inside of her heart—she was so pure
and bright… so warm and filled with everything needed for the talisman. I did not know her dreams, but I
am sure they could have hosted Pegasus as well. I was glad, however, that she did not have to house him or
we would have been more tangled within that battle than we already had been. And then the starseeds… the
whole time while that battle warred on was trying on all of us. I will even acknowledge the fact of how
hard it was for the Starlights that traveled to the Earth. I do not believe I can ever welcome them openly,
but I find the devotion in Fighter that I see within Michiru, which was why I knew I could entrust Fighter
with the Princess' safety.
"Haruka," Michiru murmured softly into my chest, "we don't have any gifts for Christmas."
A small smile turned my lips. "Gifts do not matter to me, koi, this is what I want. Us, here, and away from
Destiny."
I felt her smile against my skin as I stroked her hair. Chancing a glance out the window, I saw it snowing
again. By the time dawn came, the city would be beautifully covered in a white blanket.
'But what if this all *is* Destiny? Then what? Stop everything…?'
My last thought before returning to bed was one I often thought—to my distaste.
'What if this love we have is only from the past… only of Destiny? Isn't that what this love of the Prince
and Princess is, after all?'
~ * ~ Owari ~ * ~
?
Author's note: my first fully devoted Haruka and Michiru fic. Took me, oh, about forty minutes. (And I
type fast, thank you very much!) But… oh well. Guess my mind's working slowly since it's fairly early and
my arm is killing me. ^__^
Some of Haruka's thoughts I relate to what she says in Volume (2 I think) of the SuperS manga (English
version).
November 27, 2002: Wow, I hadn't remembered writing this fic, but I'm preparing myself for starting
another SM fic for something with Seiya and Usagi, etc. I'm actually really pleased with how this story
turned out. I love Haruka and Michiru. I also want to make note that much of the inspiration for Haruka's
portrayal here was from the (shudder) dubbed episodes I had seen of Sailor Moon S season. Then of course
is the SuperS manga that I own and the anime Sailor Moon Sailor Stars. But tell you me, I was thrilled to
death to find that Haruka was another one who started off disliking the path Destiny had chosen. (evil little
grin)