"Sammy was always the stronger one. He's been through so much and he still has faith. He knows when to let the tide pull and when to fight, I, I just don't have what he has. I'm selfish, I take and I take more than I can give, and I know it before I even begin. Sammy, he saw Jess burn and he still couldn't drop his faith in good, in happy endings. They're just in movies, right? Getting the girl back, being happy, forever. It's just dreams, especially for is, I supposed, yeah, some live in love, the old couples who still hold hands and share a shake at the diner. That's not us, never would have been, not a chance. That's what I don't get about Sammy, how does he not feel already made? I do think about it, the future, having a house; a real dinner, in a dining room; Sam invited a girl, friends; we shoot off fireworks in the back yard. Have a bonfire, with wood, and only wood. Nothing breaks him, Cas, I saw it from the beginning. I can see now. All I ever had to do was look in his eyes and I'd feel braver, stronger. I, I, don't know what I'd do, if he really left, for good. To peace." Dean stroked Cas' fluffy bangs away from his forehead. Cas stirred, parted his lips and moaned an indecipherable sound.
"Cas?"
Cas rolled his head against Dean's callused palm. His brow furrowed, but then he resumed the deep he'd been in since they stitched up wounds, after taking him back to base. Dean leaned back on the wall from where he'd been leaning over Cas outstretched beside him. Sam, too, was passed out from exhaustion. For the past ten hours Dean sat next to each for half hour periods. It was becoming wearisome, the silence, until words just started, all the thoughts he was connecting in his strained mind.
"Dean?"
A giant shadow was in the doorway, rubbing sleep from his eyes, long thick hair sticking out in all directions.
The bare black trees shivered in the unseasonably chill wind. Broken branches turn to dust with a touch. The fog started to creep through the once lush hills. Sam leaned against the Impala and sighed. He stuffed his large hands into the pockets of his jacket. Dean relaxed into a similar posture, closely watching the former angel squat by a large burn mark on the ground. It stretched more than six feet across. The bottom of his trench coat rested on the wet ground. His shoes were deep in the mud. His hand slightly trembled as it hovered along the giant wings etched into the cold earth.
"Cas-"
Cas' shoulders tensed at Dean's abrupt interruption, effectively silencing him out of fear of upsetting the angel further. Dean's lips pursed. He rolled his eyes from the hunched form in the field. Dean took in a deep breath and exhaled loudly. He shifted his shoulders as his eyes wandered over the hills and their burnt remains; black spires, waiting for time to topple them.
"Dean," Sam said in a low voice, "It's going to be okay, he's going to be fine, you just got to relax, man."
Dean's neck and jaw tightened, his eyes hardened and he swallowed a rush of feelings that threatened to come out in words, or worse, tears.
"How," Dean paused, and started again softer, "How is he going to be okay?" Dean looked at Sam, heart shining through his bright green eyes. "He's fucking human, Sammy."
"I know, just, let him adjust, he may need a lot of time." Sammy turned to face his brother. He bit his lower lip, uncertain if he should push further, "We're all he has now."
Dean turned away from his brother and focused on the strong, injured man standing in the grave of all his brothers and sisters. Cas turned to face the brothers, his face was calm. His coat flapped behind him, showing the slender form in one of Dean's dark gray t-shirts and blue jeans, cinched tight above the hips. As he trudged closer, looking closely, Dean could see every wince, bandage, future scar in the mortal man.
"Hey, Buddy, how about we head back before I freeze my fucking ass off."
"I am ready to leave." Cas said, his equal tone diffusing Dean's sour tongue.
Sam let out relief through his nose and hopped into the passenger side. Cas slid into the back and peered out the window. Dean started the ignition and in no time at all they were flying down the highway.
Dean heard a soft knock on his door. "Yeah?"
A head of tousled brown hair and two big, blue, inquiring eyes peeked around the door. "May I come in?"
"Sure thing, Cas." Dean made room on the bed for Cas to sit next to him. Dean couldn't help but notice Cas was still wearing his old flannel pajamas, even though Sam bought him new ones that day. "What's up?"
"What were you reading?" Cas' eyes were locked into the pain cover of the book Dean had just tossed on the nightstand.
"Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea."
"Thank you, for taking me to the field today." Cas' blue orbs intently , mere inches from Dean's.
"I'm just glad it helped, it did help, right?"
"Yes," Cas smiled. Dean felt a rush of warmth flow through him. Dean shifted his knees to ouch Castiel's. He looked down at his hands, "Cas, buddy, anything you need," Dean slipped his hand into Cas'. "I will do for you," Dean squeezed gently, reassuringly. Cas' other hand, rough from healing, moved to Dean's face, leading his chin towards his own, melting like butter on the skin, smooth and salty, Cas kissed him.
"Can we keep him?"
Dean whipped his head up. A giant puppy, holding a puppy stood in the doorway. It even had long floppy ears and big brown eyes.
"What the hell, Sam!"
Sam grinned mischievously, "Cas picked him up."
"Cas?" Dean had that look on his face, I can't believe you and I am totally weirded out.
"Yeah, said his owner had him tied up all the time, I don't know how he did it, but the next minute he was holding him, and the dog was licking his face."
Dean flared his nostrils. He felt torn, "Cas found him, huh?" Dean heard the softness in his voice. Sam smiled knowingly, "yeah." Dean knew that he knew that he couldn't say no to Cas.
"Fine, just don't let him in my room and pee on my stuff. Wait, don't let him pee on anything. Or he's," Dean pointed a thumb over his shoulder, twice. Sam nodded, barely containing a childlike glee. He hurriedly carried the puppy off to the kitchen. Dean heard Sam run the tap and the dog loudly lapping. He noticed the book he was still holding open, greek mythology, and bookmarked his page. The look on Sam's face brought back a vivid memory, one he hadn't thought of in a long time. Dean slid into the stuffed armchair in the corner.
"Hello, Dean." Cas came into the room.
"Hey, Cas," Dean said, a little dazed.
"All right?" Cas eyed his as he drank from his glass of water.
"Yeah, just, thinkin'," Dean smiled softly.
"About what?" Cas waited, patient. He's always ready to listen.
"Just, when Sammy brought your new pet through here, it reminded me of when he was just a kid, bringing home strays."
"Yes, he mentioned that on our way home."
"Yeah, well, we never got to keep any of 'em, so," Dean trailed off. Cas placed a reassuring hand on his thigh. His blue eyes stared at Dean, kind, warm. "I wanted to, there was this one time, Sam brought home a wet and muddy golden retriever. Said he was limping along the high way. We were in Iowa, so there was mostly just corn fields. He didn't have a collar and he looked starved. Dad was out, and I let the dog sleep with us, when he got back the next morning, he was angry and wanted to kick the dog out. Sammy started to cry. I tried to tell him I would train him to be a hunting dog, and he could probably learn to sniff for bones, maybe, but, he was so mad, he grabbed the dog and threw it out the door."
Cas kissed Dean on the forehead, holding the back of his head, he held his lips to Dean's skin for a long time. Dean closed his eyes and felt his breath. Cas looked Dean in the eyes, barely a breath away, "he should have let you keep it."
"Yeah, maybe. Hey, what did you name," Dean paused, unsure what sex the animal was. Cas filled in, "Him. Sammy named actually." Dean was puzzled, what name would Sam have chosen?
"Bobby."