A Being Called Insanity

by xXLiarXXLiarXx

Have you ever put a blade to your skin to test your endurance of pain? Have you ever jumped from a tall building to see if someone would try to catch you? Have you ever felt that everything was falling apart in front of your eyes? R&R. "...Love Me..."

October 8, 2008

Woke Up: Eh, the alarm went off at seven. I didn't actually GET UP until 7:30.

To day I have the Unit 4 History Test. I took it- didn't even need my notes. Being smart does pay off XD!

When I woke up- it was like every other day. I wake up feeling tired.

It's weird you know?

I went to sleep at 11:30. That's one of the earliest times I can sleep at. I woke up at 7:30. That's exactly eight hours, the recommended time to sleep. So, I am waking up tired- I didn't even want to move! I just want to lie there, no moving involved.

A friend informed me about something that irks me, and I already knew.

My closest friend since like practically ever is a real free loader. But I give her what she might need, still. I still defend her when people talk ill about her. I don't really talk bad about her, just how much she can be annoying.

But, my other friend told me that she's been talking bad about me behind my back. She's stood up for me a couple of times (all in 5th and 6th grade); she doesn't really help me back.

Why do I still defend her?

Why do I suffer knowing that she might be telling lies about me, giving me a bad reputation at school?

Why do I continue helping her?

It makes no sense- but it will sooner or later. Besides, I believe that all the wrong she's doing now will come back and bite her in the ass one day.

So, why do I need to worry?

The rest of the day went fine. My cracked mask survived another day.

People say that words hurt; I agree, the do hurt. People say that actions hurt more; I agree they do hurt more than words. People say not knowing why they say those words and/or do those actions hurts badly; I agree they really do hurt badly. But not many people say what hurts the most. The words they don't say, the actions the don't take/do. That hurts the most.

It hurts, but when you look into their eyes and know that that's the way they feel. To know you're the reason. To know that the words they spoke are true. To know that you should've. To know that they don't know that you cry about living like this.

I think that's beyond not hearing what you want or not doing what you want to do.

I think I am going to buy some colored string and start making those cool string bracelets. I don't want to depend on my friends for it.