A/N: Whedon is my master, and snarky fluff is my driving force. I won't confirm or deny femslashy or Rayney subtexts, but freely admit to waving the Simon/Kaylee, Washburn, and Mal/Inara flags here. Hey, my ship for this fandom is Serenity; everything else is just a bonus.
"Romancing the Shipboard" takes place two months, more or less, after "Run Away," but the previous fic shouldn't be entirely necessary to read this one.
This one's dedicated to my brother, for the key ring, and his girlfriend, for accepting him anyway.
"Inara! Zoe! River! You gotta see what Simon got me!" Kaylee bounced through the hatchway, hugging all in her path. The doctor in question followed more slowly behind her, an expression of abashed pride on his face. River winked at him over the bubbly mechanic's shoulder as the young pilot received her own bout of squeezing. "Ain't it shiny?" Kaylee said, presenting her left hand for her crewmates' approval. "An' you and me are really gonna be sisters, River!" The sandy-haired woman hugged her again.
"Many facets and high carat," the youngest woman said, taking hold of Kaylee's hand and staring again. "Casts a lot of reflected light." She had helped her brother pick it out during a recent layover. River still was not exactly normal, even by her crew's loose standards, but she was sane enough to know better than to leave Simon on his own with this sort of issue, otherwise the boob would mess everything up. Not that Kaylee would have cared if it had been a tin key ring, as long as Simon managed to present it to her without sticking both feet in his mouth. She might have accepted even if that came to pass, knowing their history, but River did not want to take too many chances.
"Nearly as much as your smile," Inara added, teasing the bride-to-be.
"Aw, I can't help it," Kaylee said bashfully, waving the former Companion off. Inara swept her and River up once more into her arms.
"Can't blame you, either." Zoe smiled, throwing an arm about the group hug before glancing at Simon. "Think someone's gonna need the bridal suite soon?"
Inara shared a secretive smile with the first mate, nodding. "I'd say so. You two just tell me when the big day is and I'll get the shuttle prepared."
"Now, Inara, you don't need to do that," Kaylee protested. "We don't wanna kick you outta your room."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Simon agreed, tenatively stepping into the tangle of celebrating women.
"I did the same thing for Wash and Zoe when they got married," Inara said firmly. "It'll be no trouble at all."
"Always was nice to have a place to escape the captain's wrath 'til he could come around to the idea. I reckon we can pass the favor on." Zoe wore a reminescent look on her face, her free hand drifting to her womb.
"Now, who's invoking my wrath?" Mal asked, approaching from the catwalk. Simon took an involuntary step back.
"They're not romancing the shipboard. Only you do that," River explained, clear as mud. Zoe and Inara caught each other's eyes and were hard-pressed to control a very undiplomatic and unsoldierly fit of giggles at Mal's befuddled expression.
"Huh," was all that the captain said. He walked into the knot of women, noticing the ring on Kaylee's finger and Simon's expression – a mix of stubborness and fear, like the last time he had seen his little baby sister get called out to a job. "Huh," Mal said again. "Inara offering you diplomatic immunity?"
"Of course," the Companion-turned-agent said, stepping between her captain and her friends. "Not that I expect it will necessarily do them much good; you still have yet to learn to knock before entering."
"On Kaylee and Simon's door, I have," Mal muttered. The doctor blushed at some best-forgotten memory. "You got someplace to stay that night, Inara?"
"Was going to let her bunk with me, sir," Zoe spoke up, flanking the black-haired diplomat. "To be honest, I wouldn't mind the company."
Mal rolled his eyes skyward. "No one on this boat ever listens to me, do they?" Simon harrumphed pointedly, glancing at his little sister and then scanning the ship for the final member of the crew. River ignored her brother, but the captain quickly revised his tirade."Well, I hope you an' Jayne are still listenin' as well as either of you two're capable of, River, but I don't wanna know if you ain't. Your brother can take care o' that mess if it ever comes to pass, an' to be honest, it'd serve you right if it did." Mal turned to stare the doctor hard in the eye. "I know you probably ain't gonna pay me the least bit of attention now that you got one o' my beautiful girls on your arm – Lord knows Wash never did – but Simon, you are a lucky, lucky hun dan. You're doin' good to marry her, and if you've got a lick of sense, you'll stay true to her. I know all the threats you made when I first started takin' River out on the job, and as I see it, I'm in a better position to carry out any o' those as I see fit. That said, I wish you both the best of luck. You make a mighty fine couple." Mal found himself tackled in a pair of bear hugs.
"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" Inara murmured from his shoulder.
"I'm gettin' better with practice," Mal replied ruefully, taking in the scent of her hair. "'Sides, it's not so hard as it'd be to ask you to change your sleeping arrangements when Zoe's got a mind for some girl-time."
"Thank you, Cap'n," Kaylee said, squeezing them both.
"Long as you keep us flyin', mei mei," Mal said once he could breathe again. He reached past Inara to offer the doctor a congratulatory handshake. "Long as we're still flyin'."