Arthur didn't open up to people. He knew how it went. Invariably, those he got close to were lost or hurt. He'd learned that much as a child. The one person he'd been open with, the one person who knew him was a child his age he'd met in the woods during a hunting trip with his father. He'd wandered away from their camp the first time and had come across the Druid boy. Ever since that first time, he snuck away from the camp to meet up with him. No harm came to him, and he had a friend.
Until his father found out. He was 8 and had been talking to Cynwal for nearly 2 years by the time he did. Arthur was dragged away, trying to keep his mind on the fact that his friend had gotten away as his father beat him. He started training the next day.
He didn't like to think about before. The fact that there was a before meant that now, something had changed. That something was wrong. If he could pretend this was how it had always been, he could pretend it didn't mean much. He told himself it was training. He was a knight, and a prince. He had to be prepared to endure anything. If he could take this from his own father, he would be able to withstand anything an enemy may do to him. That was what he told himself.
It wasn't what he believed. It wasn't how he felt. What he felt was his father's anger. What he felt was a constant aching pain, so constant that it had almost become nothing to him. What he felt was the blame and guilt for his mother's death.
What he felt was that Merlin was getting too close. Too close to his father. Too close to figuring it out. Too close to him.
He had just come to Camelot when it truly started, he supposed. Sure, he hated Arthur at the time, but not really. He hated his arrogance, his unwillingness to see how his actions touched others. But from the moment he'd seen Arthur, Merlin had known how attractive he was. Objectively. He only had a couple days in Camelot before he was made Arthur's servant.
It happened slowly. At first, their closeness started and stopped with the fact that they worked together, lived in the same – admittedly, massive – building, and Merlin was helping Gaius, so Arthur couldn't hide from him. Merlin quickly learned the signs that Arthur was hiding his pain, holding something back. It was only a matter of months before Arthur couldn't hide his pain from Merlin anymore. That was how Merlin got a man who had always been taught that vulnerability and closeness were weaknesses. Completely accidentally.
Within months, Merlin noticed a pattern. Arthur seemed to be getting hurt by training at least once a week, despite nothing seeming to hit hard enough to leave the bruises he had. Even with no strong blows, Merlin would see bruises during Arthur's bath. It was rare to see him without any. Even though nothing seemed to hit that hard. Even though the knights were always careful to not actually hurt the Prince, Arthur had no reason to do the same for them, yet none of them had any. There was no sense to it. There wasn't any type of training that it happened during. No real pattern.
It wasn't until another few months passed that Merlin saw what was happening. Some noblemen were visiting, which meant that all the servants in the kitchen were otherwise busy. Which meant that for dinner, Merlin was there to serve Arthur and Uther. Usually, he was only with them during parties – he'd be there when the noblemen were having dinner. Today was different. Today, it was just Arthur, Uther, and Merlin. Merlin stood back in the corner, out of view of both Arthur and Uther. Able to see if they needed anything, see if they raised a hand to ask him for something. He was silent, and he allowed his presence to be forgotten. That was how Merlin learned the secret of the royal family. That they were nowhere near as perfect as Uther let the public think. That Arthur feared his father.
Every time Uther lifted his hand to call Merlin over, Arthur would tense. As if he expected any hand lifted by his father to come down on him. Just as Merlin realized the pattern, he saw evidence of his suspicion. Uther raised his hand, and as Merlin took a step to fill his cup again the previously relaxed fingers curled into a fist. Arthur looked up, glancing toward Merlin as he moved his arms to cover his face. And Merlin saw something in Arthur he hadn't truly seen before. Fear.
Merlin didn't even have the time to process what was happening before it was over. Arthur had curled up, making his back and side more vulnerable to shield his face as Uther dealt blow after blow, then walked off as if nothing happened.
As soon as Uther left the room, Arthur straightened in his seat, smoothed out his shirt, and stood, all vulnerability gone from his face. He stood as if nothing had happened, walking out of the room moments after his father, his intent for Merlin to follow going unspoken. They returned to Arthur's chambers, Arthur sitting at his desk to finish the few tasks he still had. Merlin made sure Arthur's bed was ready, then started preparing a bath for him.
"I didn't ask for a bath, Merlin." Arthur didn't even bother looking up from his work.
"It'll help with the bruising." He said quietly, looking over at Arthur. He saw him tense, as if not talking about it meant that Merlin didn't know, meant that it didn't happen.
Arthur took his second bath that day, this time completely silent. He usually rambled on about what they needed to do that day or complained about something during the day. This was different. This was Arthur trying to close himself off while being completely open.
Arthur spoke again after he crawled into bed. "Merlin?" They had this interaction every night, but tonight it seemed more intimate.
Merlin looked over at him. "Hm?"
"Go away." He said, his tone only slightly different from normal. Just a hint that maybe this time, part of him didn't mean it.
Merlin couldn't sleep that night. His initial hatred of Arthur had long ago become nothing but minor annoyance, but now it was entirely gone. Of course he acted out a bit, he was scared, and didn't have anyone to talk to about it.
He should've noticed sooner. The thing Arthur complained about most was dinners with his father, how 'completely unreasonable' he was. Despite loving his people, he was happiest when they were away from Camelot. Away from his father. The bruises that had no explanation, the fact that they were only ever under clothes. Neither of them wanted people to know what Uther was doing, it would destroy each of them. Arthur's reputation would be ruined, people only seeing what his father did when they saw him. Uther would be seen as cruel to his own son – and if he was cruel to his son, how could he truly be kind to his people?
He should've seen it sooner.
But he didn't, and there wasn't any way to change it. And there wasn't any way to stop Uther. The best he could to was try to make Arthur feel better.
He started letting his touches linger a second longer, slightly softer. Not exclusively business anymore. He tried to keep himself in Uther's eyeline, keep him aware that someone was watching, even if that someone was just a servant, hoping that it would stop him. It didn't.
Then Arthur noticed the changes.
"Merlin, you don't need to baby me." He snapped one day as Merlin was taking off his armor again. "I'm a knight. And the Prince of Camelot. I need to be trained to endure pain, he's been doing it this way since I was a child."
"That isn't what he's doing. He's angry and taking it out on you. It will only get worse." Merlin muttered. "He says you're the most important thing to him. If that were true, he wouldn't be able to hurt you."
"It's none of your business." Arthur said quietly, the statement softened by the fact that part of him knew that Merlin was right.
It was nearly a year before Merlin was proven right. There were two visiting noblemen, each with daughters a couple years younger than Arthur. Dinner with four guests was safe, even if Arthur thought Vivian was unbearable and Elena was a mess. It was safe.
It was odd, really. For once, a dinner that had Arthur thinking about how Vivian was very much so a princess, but entirely annoying and rude, and how Elena was probably the least princess-like princess he'd ever met but seemed to have actual interests and was kind. He was in the middle of a conversation with Elena, only slightly annoyed by the snorting of her laugh, when he learned that he'd underestimated his father.
Arthur froze for a moment, his hand going up to his cheek where his father's hand had struck. He had barely processed the blow itself, just the hint of pain. But Merlin had seen it. A heavy hit with a gloved hand that would bruise. Arthur just blinked a few times before returning to his conversation, trying to pretend it didn't happen.
Merlin put himself between Arthur and his father, only making a quiet sound as the hand aiming for Arthur hit him instead.
Uther was furious, everyone was staring, and he couldn't even see Arthur as he got up and left the room. He was somewhat in shock as he turned to follow Arthur, his loyalty to the Prince, not the King. He heard Uther's voice behind him, though none of it really clicked.
"You haven't been dismissed yet." That was for him. Then, louder, "You shouldn't need a damn servant to protect you." That was for Arthur. "Get back here, now." That was for both, though neither listened. The last sentence was said in a way that if Merlin's mind was working, he would have known that Uther was screaming, red in the face.
Arthur was far enough ahead that Merlin knew it was entirely possible he wouldn't know where he'd gone. Merlin looked around, trying to decide which way Arthur was more likely to have gone, about to go to Arthur's chambers, when he heard slight movement and turned. He saw Arthur tucked in an alcove, going over to him. He was about to insist that he was fine, and there was nothing to worry about, and
And Arthur was crying. Arthur didn't cry. Not when one of his knights died. Not when he was wounded and dying.
Not when his father beat him.
Merlin sat next to Arthur, pulling him closer. "I'm fine, really. I was standing, it was just my side." He said quietly.
Arthur stayed quiet for a moment, the two of them staying hidden. He knew they would have to move soon if they didn't want to come across Uther. But for now, what mattered was just them.
"Nobody's ever stood up for me like that."
For a few minutes after Arthur spoke, Merlin just held him before suggesting they go on a walk. It would take them away from Uther and give Arthur a chance to calm down. The more Merlin thought about it, the more he realized it was true. People defended Arthur. In battle, from people speaking ill of their Prince. But nobody stood up for him. Not that anyone was given a chance. Uther ensured that nearly nobody knew of how he treated Arthur. That those who did were nothing but servants. Until now. And his mistake had been clear. He thought Merlin was just a servant. He had handed Arthur the one thing he never wanted him to have – a friend.
They'd been walking for nearly an hour when Merlin finally spoke again. A bruise was becoming increasingly clear on Arthur's face. Part of it made him happy – Uther couldn't hide this. "We should go see Gaius. He can help with the bruising."
People knew now. Not that it would change much. Uther would just be more careful. He wouldn't hit Arthur's face anymore. Maybe he would stop most of the time. But most of the time wasn't enough. And he could find a way to get Merlin fired. Or executed.
But people knew now. Something would change. Two neighboring kingdoms had knowledge of how Uther Pendragon treated his son. Two women who had potential futures with Arthur knew. And they were about to be telling Gaius what happened. It wasn't just Uther, Arthur, and servants anymore.
Gaius treated Arthur's bruise while Merlin explained the events of the night. Arthur's usual wall was back up, nothing more than a hint of vulnerability that only Merlin could see. He almost seemed more upset as Gaius was checking if there was any sign of injury, relieved when there were none. It wasn't much longer until the two of them returned to Arthur's chambers. As soon as they were through the door, Arthur let his guard down again. Just enough that Merlin could tell he was trying to open up.
"You were right." Arthur muttered. "It got worse."
"He got worse." Merlin said, going to Arthur's cupboard to get him more comfortable clothes to sleep in.
Arthur pulled off his shirt, not even bothering to try to hide from Merlin since the first time he'd seen it happen. He changed quickly, sitting on the edge of his bed and looking up at Merlin.
"There's nothing I can do about it. If I hadn't been so stupid as a child, he wouldn't have ever started."
Merlin decided to take the chance and sat next to Arthur, relaxing when Arthur leaned against him slightly, their shoulders pressed together.
"It isn't your fault." He said quietly.
"It is though. I never should've spoken to that Druid boy. I knew what my father would think. What he thinks of the Druids. It was stupid."
"What Druid boy?" Merlin asked after a moment, draping an arm around Arthur.
"As a child, I would sneak away from camp when I went on hunting trips with my father. Go talk to this Druid boy, Cynwal. He was… different. He knew who I was, and he wasn't afraid of me. He never even thought it was possible that I might tell my father. Which I never did." He said quietly, the subject clearly a bit touchy. "But my father followed me. That night was when he started to… Cynwal ran. My father never got to him."
Merlin held Arthur closer, running his fingers through his hair. "There's no use dwelling on the past. You can't change it. Just use the knowledge to change the future."
Merlin stayed with Arthur that night. They'd fallen asleep with Arthur in Merlin's arms. By the time Merlin woke up, he was in Arthur's. He smiled at how truly peaceful Arthur looked, knowing that he only found that peace in sleep. He moved, carefully getting up so he didn't wake Arthur up as he moved. He'd get Arthur breakfast, as he did every day. Come back, wake up Arthur. Apply more of the paste Gaius had given for his bruise to his cheek – Uther and Arthur both wanted it to fade quickly.
He tried to make the day as normal as possible. But people did tend to gossip, and a glaring bruise on the side of his face meant that he was walking around confirming the rumors.
Merlin treated him as normally as possible. Normal for them.
Which meant Arthur making jokes at Merlin's expense, Merlin calling Arthur a prat at every opportunity, and the two of them being in near constant contact. Hands brushing gently as they walked, Arthur's hand on Merlin's shoulder as they spoke quietly, Merlin's hand on Arthur's arm as he tried pointing out some of the more beautiful parts of Camelot that he felt Arthur wasn't appreciating properly.
Merlin convincing Arthur to go see the outer town, where people recognized Merlin before they recognized Arthur. Where Merlin was… well, popular. Where instead of being "Prince Arthur and his servant" they were "Merlin and Arthur."
Where they were people. Where they were normal.
Normal for them.