I Love Him
Song-fic. One-shot. Ginny pays a visit to St. Mungos to help the person she loves most. Based on the song "On My Own" from Les Miserables.
Disclaimer: I solemnly swear that I did not create any of the characters from Harry Potter, because if I did, that would mean J.K. Rowling is not a literary genius. And I also did not write any songs from Les Miserables.
On my own, pretending he's beside me
All alone, I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me
Ginny walked up the nearly deserted London street. It was late on a Friday afternoon, and she had just gotten off of work at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. The rain was falling in thick sheets and every time she stepped, the puddles splashed beneath her feet. She used to love to play in the rain, but now all the water did was remind her of crying.
She reached an old storefront, or at least a building which had the appearance of an old storefront. She knew that St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries was magically hidden within it. She did not want to visit this place, but had been compelled to come every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the past five years. It had been five years since...
Leave those thoughts buried, she reminded herself. There is no reason to bring up the past every time you come here. Just because he is locked within these walls doesn't mean your mind needs to be locked in with him. Let it stay behind, let it stay locked, let only the good memories return now.
"Are you just going to stand there all day, Missy?" an irritated, slightly muffled voice asked her. "You'll catch something if you stay out in the rain too long." Ginny started and realized the ugly dummy was talking to her.
"Um, no, sorry." She stared around for a minute before whispering, "I'm here to see Harry Potter." The dummy smiled and beckoned her into the hospital.
In the rain, the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
She did not even bother to check in with the Welcome Witch, but wearily walked to the door. Ginny did not feel like she was twenty-one; she felt so much older than her years. I've seen too much to be my age, she realized slowly. I've seen too much to be a young girl anymore. I feel as old as Mum was, maybe even older. Mum didn't see her best friends die, nor did she have to watch as Voldemort disposed of the only older brother who really ever cared for her. No, all Mum did was feel a momentary shock and then she was gone, too...
She felt the tears well up and brushed them away as she climbed the steps to the closed ward. It was a path that her feet had traveled so many times that she did not even bother to pay attention. She knew where she was going. She did not have to keep her mind on anything, and she tried to keep it on nothing at all.
Every step felt like a nail in her own coffin. It had been that way since the battle five years…the day that everything had gone right and wrong all at once. It was the day that Neville, Luna, and the majority of the Weasleys had died like heroes. It was the day that Harry once and for all defeated Voldemort…and then…
No, she told herself. Remember him as he was at school, when he was happy and still himself, not as he is now. He was the love of your life then, and he still is. Let what happened on that day stay buried in the past.
However, letting things stay buried did not ever work like she hoped. When she closed her eyes, all she saw were jets of light and bodies falling. When all was quiet, she could still hear the din and confusion of battle, the screams of the dying, the shouts of the triumphant, the cries of the wounded. Certain smells or textures would bring it all flooding back to her. She hoped it would go away with time, yet every week, she came back here in hopes that she could help reverse the damage of that day.
She reached the door of the closed ward and was tempted not to knock, but she did anyway.
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us
The lock clicked open and she entered. The closed ward was never especially cheery, but today, with the iron-colored sheets of rain pouring down just outside the windows, had to rank in as one of the gloomiest Ginny had ever seen. A flash of lightning lit up the room for a moment, sending chills up Ginny's spine. There were four beds in this particular room; two belonged to Neville's parents, and the fourth one was empty.
The third one held the person that she had come to see. She was crossing the room when a familiar voice called out, "He's just taking a little afternoon nap, Ginny. Sure you don't want to come back later when he's awake?"
"No, that's alright, Hermione. I'll stay here 'til he wakes up."
Hermione came out into the open, stopping her progress to his bed. "He's been doing loads better today, Ginny. He actually recognized my voice for the first time. It was the happiest I've been since…"she trailed off. "Well, the happiest I've been in a long time, anyway."
"If he could see us, then maybe he would remember us. If only he hadn't lost his sight when Agapius worked...if only I had been there to help him!"
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Ginny. Don't remember it if it's too hard. He was trying to save your life. He wanted all of us to be safe again. He was the only one willing to lay his life down for all of us to live, which is why he's still alive and Voldemort isn't."
"I know, but I hope that someday…" Ginny trailed off. "I hope that someday things can be like they used to be for us."
She sat down in the spindly chair next to Harry's bed. His dark hair lay more unkempt than ever before across his pale forehead. She smoothed it a little, feeling just for a minute more like his mother than the love of his life. He needs me to take care of him. He still needs me, in whatever way I can be here for him. Ginny took his hand in hers, feeling for a moment as though everything was alright. She remembered the walks that they had taken by the lake when he had held her hand and told her that everything was going to work out just fine.
She loved him so very much, and the fact that he could not return that love was tearing her apart. Maybe one day I'll walk in here and he'll remember me…he'll remember us. He'll love me again. And we can get married and have a family and everything will be alright. It will be the 'happily ever after' I always dreamed of having. But even the idea of someday having a happily ever after hurt, because she knew that now was supposed to be the happily ever after.
"It's no use, Ginny." Hermione came over to the two of them. "He's been like this for five years. If there was any hope, it's probably gone. He may never come back to us. I can't tell you how many times I wished he would come back. But he won't, Ginny, and we all just have to face it."
"I have hope," Ginny whispered, "that someday, things may change."
"I want the old Harry back as well, but it's—not—going—to—happen. Just like Ron's…Ron's…"
"Never coming back either." Ginny sighed. "I know everyone says we should move on, Hermione, but I can't. I miss my Mum and Dad. I miss Percy and Charlie. I miss Ron and Luna and Neville. But this is so much worse. Having Harry here, alive, and yet not having him truly here is killing me from the inside out. I always—always—knew that Harry and I were going to be together. I don't care if it takes one year for him to return to us or one hundred years, I will never leave his side. I love him, and I know he loves me. I will always love him."
I love him, but every day I'm learning
All my life, I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known
Ginny began her walk back to Diagon Alley. She had moved into a spare room of the twins' above Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, just to get away from all the memories at the Burrow. She was happy to have Fred and George helping her get through everything. They had started being more responsible and took better care of her since Percy's death. She wanted to do some extra inventory to help the twins when she got home.
But she could barely bring herself to walk home. Her heart was elsewhere, locked up in St. Mungo's for as long as it would take.
I will always love you, Harry Potter.
I love him
I love him
I love him, but only on my own
A/N:Well, hope you enjoyed! Please R&R if you'd like to drop me a line about this