I don't own Gakuen Alice though I wish I do. xD

Hey there! It's been a while.

It's summer and I'm bored so my head is filled with crazy things. Anyways, enjoy!

Pragmatic Love Story

Reality Check: Not all love stories end up happily ever after

She loved him.

A sad and painful reality she has to deal with. It was exciting when she first realized it. Finally she met someone who would make her heart beat fast and slow at the same, whose smile would create butterflies in her stomach, finally. But what she didn't anticipate was the dreadful feeling in the pit of her stomach whenever he's with her, how much her heart would tighten with pain whenever he puts his arm around her shoulder.

Yes, he was in love with another girl.

To make matters worse, the other girl happens to be her best friend.

I was still a college freshman on my first semester when I first met him. He wasn't typically the hottest guy you would have a crush on. Fine! Maybe he was a tiny bit attractive but he's anti-social attitude was a major turn off for me.

Sure, he had those great crimson eyes but what help would it do when all he does is stare at you whenever you attempt to talk to him.

He wasn't exactly popular, especially with the ladies, during those times. He had a few male counterparts he hangs out with during breaks and shares ideas with. That was it. I know, so anti-social. And imagine, we were supposed to be at the stage of our lives where we go out and party with others most. We're teenagers for Pete's sake. We're expected to talk nonstop, mingle even with strangers and just act plain crazy.

But he wasn't like that. Nope, not one bit.

So, maybe he has some sense whenever he talks. It doesn't really matter that he knows a lot about life and talks deep. Maybe he was just mature for his age. It's not really important that no matter how much I try to deny it I'm able to relate to him.

Maybe, I guess, it did matter because the next thing I knew I was befriending him. No, don't take it that way. I'm a teenager, remember? I'm supposed to mingle with others. It was natural. Those extra efforts I did just for him to finally notice me and be comfortable around me doesn't really mean anything.

I admit there are times when I feel extremely happy whenever he smiles at me or says "hi". But that's just because he is extremely shy around other people. Eye to eye contact with him is a major achievement, trust me.

It was also natural for me to add him on facebook and exchange occasional SMS. What? We were classmates. Was I supposed to pretend he doesn't exist outside school? I had to make sure we have some kind of communication. You know, for school purposes. Yes, definitely and strictly for school purposes only.

I guess over time we got accustomed with each other that we actually hang outside school. No, no and no! It's not a date! We were not even alone. Yes, we had another friend with us. She's the best friend I'm talking about.

I didn't really know what I was thinking when I introduced them to each other. Heck, I forgot why I force them to hang out with each other despite their lack of interest to do so. I never thought it would cause a dilemma in the near future. Of course, I also never expected to fall for him. Guess to you can say those things just happen because they are bound to happen.

So, yes it was because of me that they eventually became friends.

But no, this is not where the tragic part starts.

The three of us got along just fine, even greater than I expected. He later managed to make new friends and later became popular. I kinda realized when I got to know him that behind his silence was a guy who had a sense of humor and great understanding of things when the time calls for it. No, I still did not like him during these times. Alright, maybe I kinda admire him by now.

It doesn't mean though that I was looking at him whenever he doesn't notice because I like looking at him and I get this weird but happy feeling. That's not the reason. Ok, fine! Maybe a part of it was because I actually like looking at him. Hey, don't take me for a stalker. There's just this force that glues my eyes on him. Another thing was that he was sitting right in front of me in class. So you see it's really hard not to look at him whenever I look ahead. Reasons… Pfft.

Our friendship deepened and I was happy with that. He was really something and I was glad he was coming out of his shell. We talked anything under the sun. Of course he told me about his past relationships, what it was like and why it ended. It was all fine to me.

Then just one day he keeps talking about this new girl he likes. I was not jealous. Let's make that clear. I was actually rather happy. You wanna know why? I had this gut feeling he was talking about me. I know. Confident much?

I was right though.

I wished it ended at that moment. But it didn't.

There was really nothing official between us. Only some of our friends know the score between us. They kept quiet but at times they get much excited than I do. That includes my best friend. She was actually one of the avid fans of our complicated love story.

So, why didn't I make things official? Simple. I was scared.

Ever had that strong feeling towards someone that you can't imagine life when they hurt you? It was that way with him. He was the only guy that made me scared of what lies ahead. Yes, I was happy with him… So happy that it scares me. You know what I'm talking right?

I was trying to test him perhaps. I wanted to know if he was sincere and would wait for me.

Anyways, it only lasted for a couple of months. Our communication didn't go well that next summer. Though the intensity of my feeling whenever I talk to him over the phone was still the same. He still made me smile.

You know that feeling? When everything just seems perfect though it isn't? You're so happy that you don't care about anything anymore. You feel you're always on cloud nine and you're on drugs with all the mix emotions you're feeling.

That was his effect on me. I thought he felt the same.

I was wrong. Maybe I was right at first but something changed and everything turned upside down.

We went back to school after summer. I was ready, finally. I was so sure of him and I was ready to give him my heart. I wanted to make things official. But I knew something was different with him when I saw him.

His eyes didn't twinkle.

I know, so eekkk.. I think that statement is worse than twilight. (No offense twilight fanatic xD) But it was because of that I knew something was up. My presence didn't make any difference at all. I thought it was because we were not in the same class anymore or because we haven't seen each other for some months.

But I knew I was only making excuses.

I got busy for the first few weeks. He and my best friend understood that. I thought they didn't mind spending time without me since they were both in the same class and I wasn't. I thought they didn't mind spending time without me since they were busy with school too.

But I knew I was only making excuses.

The moment of truth came when I was on my way home with her. I was happy spending time with my best friend. I missed her so much. But I wished I didn't go with her that night. I should have stopped her when she started talking, just to save myself from hearing the truth and from the pain. But I knew there was no running.

I had to face the truth. They were dating, not officially though. Geez thanks. It makes a lot of difference.

I think that moment my brain stopped functioning because all I was able to do was smile sadly and say I'm happy for you. Imagine that. I know, why didn't I demand explanations? Actually, that part is kind of blurry.

All I know was it hurt and the pain was too much to bear. The stupid part is they didn't even bother explaining to me what happened. Last time I check he was in love with me and she was happy with Ruka.

I felt betrayed and lost. I felt I was not enough. It was like a dream when I was asleep but the moment I opened my eyes I realized it was a nightmare.

Imagine spending everyday with them in front of you acting so disgusting, putting his arm around her, carrying her things. Those things just made me roll my eyes. I sound so bitter, right? I don't care. I think nobody is expecting me to act so happy and excited about it, duh?

Nobody knew the whole story. A lot of my concerned friends asked me what the heck happened. I kept quiet. I couldn't answer them even if I wanted to because I'm asking the exact same question.

What did happen?

Destiny?

Fate?

Or simply life?

It was hard. It was beyond hard, if I were to be honest. I did not talk to them unless needed. I was being stupid for now throwing things at them, for not shouting and pointing fingers. I believed I was trying to keep my dignity.

Sigh. I felt like I was attending my execution every time I prepare for class. The feeling inside me was boiling and things felt so heavy like, like, I dunno. There were times when I found it hard to breathe every time I looked at them, when I feel like I couldn't hold the tears anymore.

My heart was being stabbed. That was what it was like every time I see them. I couldn't look at them without feeling so much pain.

I never even talked about it with my other friends. No, I was not in denial. In fact, it was my way of moving on.

I felt like I was being bullied, like the whole world turned its back on me. I only cried twice during the whole thing. I felt like it was admitting defeat and I didn't want that.

But I've managed to move on.

I did, at least I think.

But the important thing was that I'm slowly forgetting the pain and seeing the brighter side of things. I always thought he was the guy I was gonna end up with. I'm glad I was wrong.

I don't know what the score between the two is but I know she's dating Ruka still. I know, I know. She was my best friend. I don't understand either why she can't just choose between the two and have a serious and more importantly, moral relationship.

He's slowly coming back to me now however.

Jerk!

I don't know if he honestly thinks I'll accept him after what he's done to me. He left without leaving any explanations. He gave me hope with his promises and it was painful when I fell flat on the ground after he left me hanging. They can spend eternity in hell together but I'm not going with them. I won't go back to that.

I've managed to move on while keeping my dignity. There was really no way I'm turning my back and reliving the pain all over again with him.

I'm Mikan and I'm no fool in love.

I may not belong to those few lucky ones, yet, who get the love story they deserve and constantly dream about but I still have faith in love.

Maybe one day I'll get to that and-they-live-happily-ever-after chapter of my life, I hope...

I hope it wasn't that bad.

Review please! :)