Bashing the Badfic
By Amelia Silver
Disclaimer: Inuyasha created by Rumiko Takahashi.
A tall, muscular figure stood solidly as the wind blew, the fur of his tail rippling. His gold gaze glared down at a clearing, the pupils narrowing with distaste.
What the hell was taking that damn hanyou half brother of his from recognizing his scent?
As if on cue, Inuyasha and his entourage came skidding to a halt. "Sesshomaru! What are you doing here?" The inu-hanyou's claws grazed the handle of his sword, never letting his gaze falter from his elder brother's.
"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru started, slightly holding up a few scrolls in his clawed hand. "I have not come for a fight." Inuyasha gripped Tetsusaiga a bit harder. "Or Tetsusaiga for that matter, yet," he added. "There are more pressing matters." He dropped a scroll into Inuyasha's hand, Inuyasha looking up with question and confusion. He hesitated to open it. He unrolled the parchment and peered at the characters written upon it.
"Ka-go-me-licked-her-lips-and-o-pened-her-arms-for-her-love-er-Ses-shom-a-ru," he read, struggling through the misspellings and horrific grammar. "What the fuck is this shit?!" Inuyasha roared at his brother.
Kagome's mouth dropped open, feeling embarrassment and feeling wronged. "He's right. What the hell is that?" Sango nodded in agreement, both girls having a mask of red covering their faces.
"That," Sesshomaru gestured to the parchment. "is the filth created by some 'fans' of ours."
"Fans? What fans create garbage of Kagome and you! Being…lovers!" Inuyasha spat at the very word, his golden eyes flickering angrily.
"It's absolutely ridiculous," Kagome choked out through embarrassment.
"For once, I agree with the human," Sesshomaru said softly, though not losing his edge. "I would not defile myself so."
"Are you saying Kagome is ugly?" Inuyasha argued heatedly.
"Inuyasha!" Kagome exclaimed, swatting at his shoulder blade.
"What?" the hanyou asked, not giving it another thought.
Sesshomaru, the mighty, cold, stoic Sesshomaru snorted in amusement. "She is human, nothing more."
Miroku raised a black eyebrow, now catching on. "Sesshomaru, what are in the other texts," he asked, hoping there was more of the questionable material.
"Ah yes," Sesshomaru mumbled while rifling through them. He mumbled some words, then mumbled a name.
"Rin, huh?" Inuyasha smirked. His hearing was ample than enough to pick up the mutter. "They wrote about her too? And is she with you in those?"
Sesshomaru must have been holding back either embarrassment or deep rage, Kagome figured, because it took the youkai a moment to create a retort. "It is none of your concern, half-breed."
"Oh ho!" Inuyasha snorted. "But it is! You approached us about this. You wouldn't have Kagome but I guess Rin would be alright. But wait, isn't she a human? Your children would be just like your beloved half-brother."
Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed to pin-heads. "I would not harm Rin in any way. Ever."
"Ya didn't say you wouldn't mate with her. I don't understand why she follows you around."
"I don't understand why Sesshomaru would allow her to follow him around," Sango said in earnest to Miroku under her breath. The monk nodded. "It just doesn't make any sense."
"It is not your concern."
Inuyasha sucked his teeth and crossed his arms. "Geez, articulate, aren't we?"
Miroku coughed and spoke loudly. "Hey Sango, you've accepted to bear my child in this one…and we're about to..," Miroku broke off, a rather large grin crossing his mouth.
"Hentai!" Sango yelled at him, giving him a slap across the face and taking his smile away.
Miroku massaged the red-hot hand print on his cheek, wincing at the pain she had inflicted. "May I remind you I didn't write this."
Sango shook. "But you read it!"
"But--"
"I don't care! I can't believe someone would write about that." Sango fumbled with her fingers, the word 'sex' unable to cross her lips.
Kagome sat onto the ground, skimming the texts of another. "Me and Kouga-kun--" Inuyasha's eyes narrowed at the name of the wolf prince. "Of whom is only my friend, Inuyasha," she said sternly to get his gaze off of her.
"Keh," he retorted, sitting lotus position beside Kagome. "Kikyou takes me to hell in this one."
"You kill Kikyou in this one," Sesshomaru stated. "Kagome kills Kikyou. Kikyou kills Kagome then Inuyasha. Kaede kills Kikyou. Inu-gumi…, wait…Inu-gumi?" Sesshomaru bit out what sounded like a laugh.
"Keep reading, half-wit," Inuyasha barked at him. The brothers locked gaze for a moment before Sesshomaru continued. "Naraku kills them all, except Shippou, who later kills Naraku in his adolescence."
"Hold on Sesshomaru, it says that Inuyasha purrs in this one!" Kagome laughed.
Inuyasha's ears flattened. "I do not fucking purr! I'm Inu-hanyou not Neko-hanyou!"
"And what's with everyone's infatuation of Inuyasha's ears?" Miroku asked, knee deep in opened scrolls. Inuyasha growled.
"I don't know. I guess they're kawaii," Kagome put in, now feeling the urge to pet them.
"I swear wench, one fucking feel and you're done for," Inuyasha barked.
"Speaking of feel," Kagome covered, speaking loudly. "They seem to have Miroku's undying lust of grabbing every woman, including Sango-chan, down pat." Miroku grinned.
"It's good to know that I was not portrayed out of character!" Sango groaned.
A ball of fur came bounding up the hill. "What about me?"
"Keh, what about you brat?" Inuyasha asked. "You're portrayed as annoying, bratty, whiney. Sounds about right to me."
"Inuyasha, you take that back! Kagome you tell him to take that back!" Kagome sighed. The texts were pretty spot on about Shippou. She held out a Charms Blo-pop for Shippou and he took it greedily.
"Shippou, could you please go tend to the fire?" Kagome asked sweetly, and Shippou left, sucking on the lolly. "Wow, I adopt Shippou here."
"Why in hell would you do that?"
"Pity, I'd guess," Sesshomaru added, and Inuyasha laughed.
"I'm too young to be a mother anyway," she muttered to Inuyasha.
"Actually, you're not," he said back and coughed out a badly sounding laugh.
Kagome crossed her arms. "Osuwari." He hit the ground, a muffled "Biiittch!" coming from the dirt.
"And for the record, I don't find Inuyasha's name calling a term of endearment," Kagome said with edge.
"Don't find Inuyasha's name calling a term of endearment," Inuyasha mimicked in a high pitched voice. "They're not supposed to be! I'm trying to insult her for gods' sake!"
Straightening up, Sesshomaru fixed his tail. "Speaking of terms of endearment, I do not enjoy being called Fluffy or Sesshie."
"Same goes for Inu-kun."
"Who the hell writes this stuff?" Sango asked, her own blood beginning to boil. "It's so laced with bad grammar, bad spelling, horrible metaphors and similes that it's scary! Oh and the sudden tense shifts! Future here, present, past, then back to present! All in the same paragraph!"
Kagome pointed at a spot on a scroll. "Not to mention the idiotic use of they're instead of there. Or their. And stare and stair."
Sango nodded in agreement. "It's called a beta-reader people! Go to a forum! Post it!"
"Golden orbs?" Miroku got out. "That sounds ridiculous. Wouldn't golden eyes suffice?"
Kagome hit the paper with her fingertips. "This one isn't even finished yet. God that's annoying. It's only on chapter two and the date on the top is from over two years ago. Why post something to be read if you haven't almost finished it and not go back to it?"
"And I'm not that crazy over Ramen!"
"Mound of flesh? Sweet Buddha, just use breast," Miroku continued critiquing. "They are breasts people, all women have them."
Sighing loudly, Kagome rolled the scroll down a bit to reveal another couple of lines. "Raven black hair. That's redundant. It's like saying dirty mud. Wet water."
"My hair is really blue white. Like when you add water to milk. It's really not silver," Inuyasha stated, holding up a strand of his long hair. Sesshomaru's eyebrow raised, a sign that he agreed. "Though I do keep it nice and shiny."
"Ewww Sesshomaru and Kagome switch bodies in this one!" Sango squealed, tossing the scroll as if it was cursed. Sesshomaru's eyes landed on her and Sango straightened. "Not that that would necessarily be bad but it's just--"
"Do not worry human. I was not insulted. I would not wish such a circumstance to happen anyhow."
Inuyasha yelled out tearing a scroll into shreds. "Inuyasha, what's the matter?" Kagome asked, her hand on his shoulder.
"Nnnnnnnnaaa…" Inuyasha couldn't even speak.
Sesshomaru finished what his brother couldn't. "Naraku got you in that one, didn't he?"
"THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE COULD EVER WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND ACTUALLY HAVE OTHER PEOPLE READ IT! THERE ARE SOME FUCKING SICK PEOPLE OUT THERE!" Inuyasha roared. "That's it! No one is reading anything more! We are going to burn every FUCKING last one of these scrolls so no one ever finds them!" Inuyasha tore off his red haori and started to throw scrolls onto it.
He ripped one from Miroku's hands. "Hey! I was enjoying that one."
"Shove it, monk." Inuyasha bound up his filled haori and led the others down to the campsite, where he promptly threw them into the fire. "There." As he watched the last scroll crumple into grey ash, a thought dawned upon Inuyasha.
"Wait a fucking minute. Since when does Sesshomaru come to us and have a civil conversation? Something ain't right."
"Shit," he swore, his hands balling into fists and the others looked at him seriously.
"We're being written about again."
[Thanks for reading. On a note, I have just created a Fanfiction forum. Http://messageboard533138.aimoo.com. I currently don't have any members, but hope to get a helpful and dedicated community going!]
~Amelia Silver
By Amelia Silver
Disclaimer: Inuyasha created by Rumiko Takahashi.
A tall, muscular figure stood solidly as the wind blew, the fur of his tail rippling. His gold gaze glared down at a clearing, the pupils narrowing with distaste.
What the hell was taking that damn hanyou half brother of his from recognizing his scent?
As if on cue, Inuyasha and his entourage came skidding to a halt. "Sesshomaru! What are you doing here?" The inu-hanyou's claws grazed the handle of his sword, never letting his gaze falter from his elder brother's.
"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru started, slightly holding up a few scrolls in his clawed hand. "I have not come for a fight." Inuyasha gripped Tetsusaiga a bit harder. "Or Tetsusaiga for that matter, yet," he added. "There are more pressing matters." He dropped a scroll into Inuyasha's hand, Inuyasha looking up with question and confusion. He hesitated to open it. He unrolled the parchment and peered at the characters written upon it.
"Ka-go-me-licked-her-lips-and-o-pened-her-arms-for-her-love-er-Ses-shom-a-ru," he read, struggling through the misspellings and horrific grammar. "What the fuck is this shit?!" Inuyasha roared at his brother.
Kagome's mouth dropped open, feeling embarrassment and feeling wronged. "He's right. What the hell is that?" Sango nodded in agreement, both girls having a mask of red covering their faces.
"That," Sesshomaru gestured to the parchment. "is the filth created by some 'fans' of ours."
"Fans? What fans create garbage of Kagome and you! Being…lovers!" Inuyasha spat at the very word, his golden eyes flickering angrily.
"It's absolutely ridiculous," Kagome choked out through embarrassment.
"For once, I agree with the human," Sesshomaru said softly, though not losing his edge. "I would not defile myself so."
"Are you saying Kagome is ugly?" Inuyasha argued heatedly.
"Inuyasha!" Kagome exclaimed, swatting at his shoulder blade.
"What?" the hanyou asked, not giving it another thought.
Sesshomaru, the mighty, cold, stoic Sesshomaru snorted in amusement. "She is human, nothing more."
Miroku raised a black eyebrow, now catching on. "Sesshomaru, what are in the other texts," he asked, hoping there was more of the questionable material.
"Ah yes," Sesshomaru mumbled while rifling through them. He mumbled some words, then mumbled a name.
"Rin, huh?" Inuyasha smirked. His hearing was ample than enough to pick up the mutter. "They wrote about her too? And is she with you in those?"
Sesshomaru must have been holding back either embarrassment or deep rage, Kagome figured, because it took the youkai a moment to create a retort. "It is none of your concern, half-breed."
"Oh ho!" Inuyasha snorted. "But it is! You approached us about this. You wouldn't have Kagome but I guess Rin would be alright. But wait, isn't she a human? Your children would be just like your beloved half-brother."
Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed to pin-heads. "I would not harm Rin in any way. Ever."
"Ya didn't say you wouldn't mate with her. I don't understand why she follows you around."
"I don't understand why Sesshomaru would allow her to follow him around," Sango said in earnest to Miroku under her breath. The monk nodded. "It just doesn't make any sense."
"It is not your concern."
Inuyasha sucked his teeth and crossed his arms. "Geez, articulate, aren't we?"
Miroku coughed and spoke loudly. "Hey Sango, you've accepted to bear my child in this one…and we're about to..," Miroku broke off, a rather large grin crossing his mouth.
"Hentai!" Sango yelled at him, giving him a slap across the face and taking his smile away.
Miroku massaged the red-hot hand print on his cheek, wincing at the pain she had inflicted. "May I remind you I didn't write this."
Sango shook. "But you read it!"
"But--"
"I don't care! I can't believe someone would write about that." Sango fumbled with her fingers, the word 'sex' unable to cross her lips.
Kagome sat onto the ground, skimming the texts of another. "Me and Kouga-kun--" Inuyasha's eyes narrowed at the name of the wolf prince. "Of whom is only my friend, Inuyasha," she said sternly to get his gaze off of her.
"Keh," he retorted, sitting lotus position beside Kagome. "Kikyou takes me to hell in this one."
"You kill Kikyou in this one," Sesshomaru stated. "Kagome kills Kikyou. Kikyou kills Kagome then Inuyasha. Kaede kills Kikyou. Inu-gumi…, wait…Inu-gumi?" Sesshomaru bit out what sounded like a laugh.
"Keep reading, half-wit," Inuyasha barked at him. The brothers locked gaze for a moment before Sesshomaru continued. "Naraku kills them all, except Shippou, who later kills Naraku in his adolescence."
"Hold on Sesshomaru, it says that Inuyasha purrs in this one!" Kagome laughed.
Inuyasha's ears flattened. "I do not fucking purr! I'm Inu-hanyou not Neko-hanyou!"
"And what's with everyone's infatuation of Inuyasha's ears?" Miroku asked, knee deep in opened scrolls. Inuyasha growled.
"I don't know. I guess they're kawaii," Kagome put in, now feeling the urge to pet them.
"I swear wench, one fucking feel and you're done for," Inuyasha barked.
"Speaking of feel," Kagome covered, speaking loudly. "They seem to have Miroku's undying lust of grabbing every woman, including Sango-chan, down pat." Miroku grinned.
"It's good to know that I was not portrayed out of character!" Sango groaned.
A ball of fur came bounding up the hill. "What about me?"
"Keh, what about you brat?" Inuyasha asked. "You're portrayed as annoying, bratty, whiney. Sounds about right to me."
"Inuyasha, you take that back! Kagome you tell him to take that back!" Kagome sighed. The texts were pretty spot on about Shippou. She held out a Charms Blo-pop for Shippou and he took it greedily.
"Shippou, could you please go tend to the fire?" Kagome asked sweetly, and Shippou left, sucking on the lolly. "Wow, I adopt Shippou here."
"Why in hell would you do that?"
"Pity, I'd guess," Sesshomaru added, and Inuyasha laughed.
"I'm too young to be a mother anyway," she muttered to Inuyasha.
"Actually, you're not," he said back and coughed out a badly sounding laugh.
Kagome crossed her arms. "Osuwari." He hit the ground, a muffled "Biiittch!" coming from the dirt.
"And for the record, I don't find Inuyasha's name calling a term of endearment," Kagome said with edge.
"Don't find Inuyasha's name calling a term of endearment," Inuyasha mimicked in a high pitched voice. "They're not supposed to be! I'm trying to insult her for gods' sake!"
Straightening up, Sesshomaru fixed his tail. "Speaking of terms of endearment, I do not enjoy being called Fluffy or Sesshie."
"Same goes for Inu-kun."
"Who the hell writes this stuff?" Sango asked, her own blood beginning to boil. "It's so laced with bad grammar, bad spelling, horrible metaphors and similes that it's scary! Oh and the sudden tense shifts! Future here, present, past, then back to present! All in the same paragraph!"
Kagome pointed at a spot on a scroll. "Not to mention the idiotic use of they're instead of there. Or their. And stare and stair."
Sango nodded in agreement. "It's called a beta-reader people! Go to a forum! Post it!"
"Golden orbs?" Miroku got out. "That sounds ridiculous. Wouldn't golden eyes suffice?"
Kagome hit the paper with her fingertips. "This one isn't even finished yet. God that's annoying. It's only on chapter two and the date on the top is from over two years ago. Why post something to be read if you haven't almost finished it and not go back to it?"
"And I'm not that crazy over Ramen!"
"Mound of flesh? Sweet Buddha, just use breast," Miroku continued critiquing. "They are breasts people, all women have them."
Sighing loudly, Kagome rolled the scroll down a bit to reveal another couple of lines. "Raven black hair. That's redundant. It's like saying dirty mud. Wet water."
"My hair is really blue white. Like when you add water to milk. It's really not silver," Inuyasha stated, holding up a strand of his long hair. Sesshomaru's eyebrow raised, a sign that he agreed. "Though I do keep it nice and shiny."
"Ewww Sesshomaru and Kagome switch bodies in this one!" Sango squealed, tossing the scroll as if it was cursed. Sesshomaru's eyes landed on her and Sango straightened. "Not that that would necessarily be bad but it's just--"
"Do not worry human. I was not insulted. I would not wish such a circumstance to happen anyhow."
Inuyasha yelled out tearing a scroll into shreds. "Inuyasha, what's the matter?" Kagome asked, her hand on his shoulder.
"Nnnnnnnnaaa…" Inuyasha couldn't even speak.
Sesshomaru finished what his brother couldn't. "Naraku got you in that one, didn't he?"
"THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE COULD EVER WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND ACTUALLY HAVE OTHER PEOPLE READ IT! THERE ARE SOME FUCKING SICK PEOPLE OUT THERE!" Inuyasha roared. "That's it! No one is reading anything more! We are going to burn every FUCKING last one of these scrolls so no one ever finds them!" Inuyasha tore off his red haori and started to throw scrolls onto it.
He ripped one from Miroku's hands. "Hey! I was enjoying that one."
"Shove it, monk." Inuyasha bound up his filled haori and led the others down to the campsite, where he promptly threw them into the fire. "There." As he watched the last scroll crumple into grey ash, a thought dawned upon Inuyasha.
"Wait a fucking minute. Since when does Sesshomaru come to us and have a civil conversation? Something ain't right."
"Shit," he swore, his hands balling into fists and the others looked at him seriously.
"We're being written about again."
[Thanks for reading. On a note, I have just created a Fanfiction forum. Http://messageboard533138.aimoo.com. I currently don't have any members, but hope to get a helpful and dedicated community going!]
~Amelia Silver