A/N: Hey everyone ^^ It's been a while since I last posted DX I'm trying to get as much writing done as I can but my schoolwork is preventing me from getting anything productive done... I'm sorry! *Bows deeply* This was just some crazy idea I thought up when I couldn't bring myself to do some studying so yeah...
Basically... This is my fail attempt at humour/comedy combined with some sort of explanation of why Yoruichi can turn into a cat. Honestly, that question has bothered me for I forgot how long. I do hope Kubo decides to explain it soon...
Oh, special mentions to my friend 'ysa' for helping me write and edit this story~~~~~ Big thank you to him =D If he didn't help me, I think I would've taken at least another month to actually be motivated enough to write and post this one shot ahahha XD MY DEAR FRIEND, I CANT THANK YOU ENOUGH~~~~~~~
By the way, this was set roughly 100 years ago in Soul Society, before Yoruichi and Urahara were exiled etc... Oh, and the characters that appear in the oneshot are probably all OOC ^^" I've gone a bit rusty but hopefully I can improve in the near future =D
Anyways, enjoy ^^
"…What's this?" Yoruichi studied the sign. "…Please have a drink?"
Earlier that morning, she received a message that Urahara needed to talk to her urgently. But when she arrived, his office was empty save for a few kittens she never knew Urahara had. That was when she saw the elaborately-decorated sign sitting on his table right next to a jug of lemonade.
"Well, aren't you being unusually nice today? Even providing drinks for your visitors while you go off to Kami-knows-where," she commented as she sipped her drink and played with the kittens that were eager to gain her attention. They ran circles around her, meowing continuously and grabbing or nibbling at her hands playfully as if to stop her from drinking it. Before she knew it, she had finished all the lemonade. By that time, the cats had already grown tired and began to lose interest in playing with her. She checked the time and realised it was already nearly noon. Leaning back in her chair she sighed deeply. Tapping her fingers on the desk impatiently, she watched as the cats slept peacefully on around her.
Maybe I should take a nap too, she thought. She didn't know when Urahara was coming back, after all. So she settled into her chair and closed her eyes.
When she opened her eyes again, she was surprised to find it was already dark outside. The light from the moon that streamed in from the window was dim but Yoruichi could see unexpectedly well.
"How long does Kisuke expect me to wait?" She huffed before she stood up and stretched. That was when she realised something was very, very wrong.
She was standing on four legs.
Correction – four paws.
"What in the name of-" she yelped in surprised which caused the cats around her to wake up.
The closest cat, a small one with brown eyes and light brown fur, rolled their eyes, "Oh, Kami-sama. Another one."
"You can talk?!" Yoruichi exclaimed.
The brown cat brought its paw to its face and shook its head before pushing a small mirror in front of her.
Yoruichi looked into the mirror to see a black cat with golden eyes staring right back at her. "What the… I'm a cat!"
"No, you're an f*cking octopus," the brown cat spat.
Yoruichi continued to study herself in the mirror. "Hmm… I look pretty good," she joked.
A though stuck her and she looked around at the half dozen cats lounging around the office. Urahara's office...
She narrowed her eyes into slits, "I'm guessing that jug wasn't filled with normal lemonade."
"No sh*t, you retard."
Yoruichi's eyebrow twitched. She only knew one person who had a potty mouth like that. "That means… Are you Sarugaki Hiyori?"
"Took you long enough," the brown cat – Hiyori – replied. "What was that dumb idiot doing, making everyone drink that lemonade. Do you know how hard it was for me to watch all you idiots fall for that retard's senseless invention? Every person that came in here today fell for his trap!"
Oh, so that was why everyone was meowing at me so enthusiastically before, Yoruichi thought. She looked at the other cats – Urahara's unfortunate subordinates- empathetically. Knowing them, they were probably too polite to blame Urahara, so she decided to take revenge on Urahara in their place. A cheeky grin formed on her face when plans took shape in her head. She wasn't worried about being stuck as a cat for the rest of her life because she knew Urahara would try everything to make them return to normal. Well… at least she would make sure he did.
"Ah, crap, I completely forgot I called Yoruichi-san to come over!"
Everyone's head turned to watch the door slide open. There was a moment of silence as Urahara turned on the lights and saw a group of cats staring right back at him.
"Where did all these cats come from…?"
He then spotted the empty jug sitting on his table and beads of sweat formed on his forehead.
"Oh, no…"
"Oi, look what you've done!" Hiyori hissed and started attacking him.
"Wha!" Urahara yelped in surprise and brought a hand up to shield his face. With his other hand, he grabbed Hiyori by the scruff of her neck. "You must be Hiyori-san," he studied her face and said, all the while completely ignoring her efforts to gouge his eyes out. "And that means..."
He looked at the rest of the cats sitting around his feet and looking at him expectantly.
"What am I going to do with you all?" He asked them.
"Don't you have an antidote of some sort?" Yoruichi asked him but Urahara just stared blankly at her in confusion.
"Don't give me that look, Kisuke," she narrowed her eyes. "How am I supposed to inherit the Shihoin family if I look like a cat? You better take responsibility of this!"
Urahara looked vacantly at her before opening his mouth, "…Meow…?"
Silence, then…
Hiyori started laughing and Yoruichi slapped Urahara's face. He covered his cheek in surprise as 3 trails of blood began forming before leaning down and inspecting Yoruichi, "Yoruichi-san?"
She cat-punched him in the eye and hopped onto his desk. Completely ignoring his gasps of pain, Yoruichi dipped her front paw into the ink cartridge next to the calligraphy brushes and drew on a paper.
'Kisuke, turn us back now before I order the omnitsukidou to assassinate you.'
"Good evening, Yoruichi-san," Urahara greeted with his trademark carefree smile. His smile died as every cat began to glare at him.
'Give us the f*cking antidote!' Hiyori copied Yoruichi and wrote on the paper with great vicious strokes.
"Ah… about that," Urahara gave a dry laugh.
"Taichou," someone knocked on the door. When Urahara called him to come in, he looked at the cats with a weird expression before deciding it was better not to ask.
"What's wrong?" Urahara asked his subordinate.
"Hiyori-fukutaichou has been missing all day. We were wondering if you have seen her. So have various other people that belong in our division. Oh and it seems that Yoruichi-hime has disappeared as well. There's a rumour that there might be a kidnapper in Soul Society so we wanted to warn you before we leave the office."
The scientist glanced at the cats around him before he gave the man a smile, "I see, thank you for warning me. You be careful of the kidnapper, too. I won't allow my precious comrades to be harmed."
"Thank you for your concern, Taichou. Well, it's getting pretty late. Good night, Taichou," the man said and bowed despite seeing some of the felines starting to hiss and scratch Urahara.
"You, too," Urahara said and continued watching his subordinate until he left the room and slid the door firmly shut.
Urahara sighed deeply before turning back to the cats. He tried imagining he was talking to his fellow shinigami instead of a group of felines.
"I'm sorry this has to happen, everyone," he said to them. "I do know how to make the antidote but one certain ingredient is missing and there is only one place to find it…"
"I swear, as soon as I return to my original body, I am going to kick that idiot all the way to Hueco Mundo," Hiyori grumbled as she and Yoruichi ran on the roof of the buildings. "He was the one that made us change into cats, and yet we have to be the ones to get the missing ingredient!"
The missing item that Urahara told them were cherry blossom petals. And he needed the ones that were only found in a certain tree located in a certain garden located in a certain Kuchiki Family Manor. He also explained that he was sorry for causing this to happen and stated that he put that elaborate sign that he made for an upcoming feast next to the invention by accident.
"At the time when I made the potion, I couldn't find any other container except the jug…" when Urahara announced that, he received simultaneous kicks from both Hiyori and Yoruichi.
Since it was already nearly midnight and cats were less suspicious than a haori-wearing shinigami, it was decided in the end that Yoruichi should go get it since she was stealthy. Hiyori volunteered to join her with the reason – "I don't know what that experiments-and-inventions-addict will do to me if I stay with him."
So, the two cats left the 12th division barracks and quickly made their way toward the Kuchiki's home. When they arrived, they sat atop the fence and peered at the manor. Everyone was already asleep so it was completely dark.
"Where did Kisuke say it was, again?"
"Back garden," Hiyori replied before heading off.
An idea popped into Yoruichi's head and she grinned before going off in the opposite direction, leaving Hiyori to her own devices. She can get the petals herself…
Peering inside a certain young shinigami's room from the open window, Yoruichi supressed a giggle and landed softly on the floor. The future captain of the 6th division slept on peacefully beside her. Mentally rubbing her hands together evilly she studied the room which was surprisingly empty.
Hmm, what shall I do…?
The very next day, Yoruichi found herself stomping angrily down the corridors and into Urahara's office.
"Oi, Kisuke! What is the meaning of this?!"
Urahra turned away from the paper he was reading at his desk, looked around in confusion before looking down at the floor. "Hello there…?"
"Don't give me that, Kisuke," Yoruichi rolled his eyes. "You've already seen me in this form."
There was a pause.
"Yoruichi-san?" Urahara jumped up from his chair and looked at her again. Sure enough, he was staring directly at the exact same black cat from the day before. "I can understand what you're saying but... but… but… you sound like a man…"
"Exactly," She narrowed her eyes, "why I'm here right now. You gave us the antidote, and we all went home because you promised we would return to normal when we woke up again. So why do I still look like this?"
"Ah..." Urahara looked at her thoughtfully before asking, "How much lemonade did u drink?"
She thought back to the day before, "Uh… the whole jug?"
"I see…You drank more of the others than the lemonade," Urahara nodded slowly as he thought. "Maybe you didn't have enough of the antidote?"
"But we drank all the antidotes," Yoruichi clicked her tongue before something occurred to her. "You're not thinking of making me go get more petals, are you?"
Urahara shrugged, "Maybe…"
And so they left Urahara's office and walked down the busy streets of Seireitei with Yoruichi walking on the fences with great agility. Not even five minutes into their walk, they saw Hiyori strolling towards them.
"Ah, sorry about yesterday," Urahara immediately apologised while scratching his head.
Hiyori gave him a weird look, "What are you talking about? Yesterday?"
There was a weird pause before Hiyori's confused look changed into one of disgust, "I knew it! When I woke up with no memory of yesterday – I knew it!"
After saying that, she grabbed Urahara's shirt and pulled him down to eye level. "What did you do to me? I thought I made you swear never to run experiments on me! Do you want to die?"
Urahara glanced at Yoruichi, who subtly shook her head. He formed his trademark smile on his face, "Please have more faith in me, my dear fukutaichou. I think you may be mistaken. Why would I ever break my promises with you? I was merely apologising for, uh, accidentally eating the dorayaki you had saved up yesterday."
There was another flicker of confusion on Hiyori's face before she let go of his shirt, "Is that so…?" Before suddenly stomping on his foot and growling angrily, "That's what you get for eating my food! You better return DOUBLE the amount to me before tomorrow!"
"Ah, but…" Urahara started to say but she had already trudged away. "Ah… my poor wallet," he sighed resentfully.
Yoruichi just shook her head and continued walking. Seeing the princess walk away, Urahara put away his wallet and caught up to her.
"So… is it safe to assume no one remembers what happened yesterday?" Yoruichi asked when no one was around.
Urahara looked around trying to locate the source of the voice before realising it was coming from the cat. He couldn't seem to get used to her new appearance nor her low voice. "Yes, I think so. I think only you remember because you drank a ridiculous amount of that lemonade."
She shrugged, "It tasted delicious."
"Why, thank you, Yoruichi-san," he smiled. "Maybe I should make it again."
"Please don't," Yoruichi said quickly.
The two walked on in silence for a while before…
"Hey, look, here comes Byakuya," Yoruichi announced with an unusually gleeful tone.
The scientist looked at her suspiciously and couldn't help but think something bad was going to happen.
And happen, it did.
"You! Captain of the 12th division," Byakuya stood right in front of him and huffed. "I don't know how you did it, but if you still want your head connected to your neck don't come into my room ever again!"
"I…"
"Don't even try to talk your way out of this," he hissed angrily. "Honestly, I can't help but question your mental age. 'Have fun mending all these ripped clothes! Or you can always come find me to invent a clothes-mending machine for you.' I expected better from you, Urahara-Taichou!"
"But I…"
"Oh, and give me back my ribbon!" He gestured to his ponytail. "I had to use my spare ribbon today because I couldn't find it. If you tell me you've lost it, I'll make you buy me a new one no matter what! And I'm sure it would take you at least half a century to pay me back!"
"It's Yoruichi!" Urahara managed to say before the young Kuchiki could interrupt him again.
The youngster stared at Urahara with narrowed eyes, "Yes, I know it's usually Shihoin who takes my ribbon but, really, after seeing the state of my room, do you think I will believe it if you pushed the blame onto her? I really was wrong about you. When I heard you got promoted to a captain… I seem to have overestimated you."
"But it really was Yoruichi," Urahara persisted and pointed at her.
Byakuya looked at the cat on the fence. It stopped licking its front paw and watched Byakuya with wide eyes and swished its tail, "Meow~"
The young heir looked at the scientist in disbelief, "You would name a cat after Shihoin? I question your taste… Wait…" His head swivelled back to look at the cat who was now stretching lazily.
"Urahara-Taichou…" He said in a dangerously calm tone.
"Yes, Kuchiki-dono," Urahara replied slowly when it finally dawned on him. He took a step back when Byakuya reached for his zanpakutou.
Byakuya slowly took out his sword while continuing to talk, "Is that my ribbon I see on that cat?"
Urahara took another step back, "Um, I think it is…?"
"You would tie my ribbon – made from the best fabric by the best seamstress in Soul Society – around the neck of a cat?"
"Please, allow me to explain…" Urahara said from 10 metres away.
"Chire, Senbonzakua," the Kuchiki heir unleashed his newly learnt shikai.
From her place on the fence, with an evil look on her face, Yoruichi suppressed a giggle as she watched the events unfold. She then strolled casually around Seireitei, stopping occasionally to receive pats from unsuspecting shinigami and free food from restaurants. Finally, when the sun was starting to set, she arrived at the Shihoin House. Skilfully avoiding the guards on duty, she crept into her room.
"Ah… today was a fun day," she said to herself before closing her eyes and clearing her thoughts.
Then she imagined her tanned skin, long, black hair tied into a ponytail and human appearance. Smoke formed out of nowhere and surrounded her. When they cleared, Yoruichi was back in her Shinigami form. She allowed herself a little smile. Perfect, she was already getting used to her new transformation ability.
Truth was, when she woke up that morning, she was already in her original appearance. However, when she thought back to how fun it was being a cat, she changed back into a feline. After it happened a few times, she quickly got the picture – and she was quite proud of that.
While getting dressed, she couldn't help but laugh when images of Urahara being chased by Byakuya flooded her mind. "That should teach Kisuke never to leave inventions like that lying around again…"
"I wonder how long Kisuke will take when he realises what I can do now." She picked up the ribbon that had fallen onto the ground when she transformed and a cat-like grin formed on her face. "What shall I do next?"
Thoughts, anyone? =D
It's a pretty weird story, I know... But I hope you all found it somewhat enjoyable... ^^
Oh, and for those who are wondering about the sequel for 'Rabbit and Carrot'... I haven't forgotten about it, don't worry! But it might take a while for me to actually write and post it.. a 'while'... aha fingers crossed its 'soon' =S I haven't really thought of any ideas that are good enough for the sequel, and my schoolwork isn't helping one bit... TToTT
Anyways, until next time~
-AO-