I had a bit of a void after I finished the last one (Part Time Nobody) and no ideas- so I surfed the AU tag on Tumblr.
I found a ton of cute ideas, but most seemed to warrant a cute, quick one shot- and I wanted something a bit longer. Then it occurred to me- tie them all together. And who doesn't love a neighbor AU/ "You irritate me" to "I love you" type stories? (I'm sure plenty of people, but I love them- right up there with fake married… give me all the fics!)
Anyway- brace yourself for some fluffy, silly fun. Not an angsty fic or a deep character exploration- sorry. This was just for giggles.
/
A big thanks everyone who reviewed "Part Time Nobody." This fic was motivated in no small part to your kind words and requests for more fics.
And thanks to those AU idea creators- I've used about 15. The prompts used are (in no particular order): your shirt ended up in my laundry, I know I don't know you but there's a spider in my bathroom (please kill it), this isn't what it looks like, mail mix up, you don't want to do that, one of the pair is super competitive, should I be concerned with the amount of caffeine you're ingesting?, Smokey the Bear would cry if he saw what you were trying to do (maybe the best prompt ever), wifi name wars, kiss me my ex is coming, our friends are making out- this is awkward, I've been sexiled- can I hang out with you?, caught in a storm together, find one crying in the hall, I stole your toaster at the party- sorry, catch one doing something embarrassing, both want to eat the last of something.
/
"Karen!" Ana yelled from the kitchen. "Come here! You have to see this!"
With a sigh, Karen paused Netflix and rolled off her bed. "Tell me you didn't melt a bread bag to the stove again."
Karen rounded the corner to see Ana at the front door, her eye pressed to the peep hole. "Um, what are you doing?"
Ana waved her over without moving from her post. "Come here! You have to see this!"
Karen shook her head and walked closer, "You know the door opens, right?"
Ana grabbed her sleeve and with a last look, pulled Karen to the tiny circle of glass, "Look at what's moving in across the hall!"
Karen, humoring her roommate, looked through the tiny window. "You wanted me to see a couch?"
Ana batted at her arm, "No! Just watch- they just went in."
"This is really kind of creepy, Ana." Karen turned to look at her friend.
"Shut up." Ana pointed at the door, "Watch. Thank me later."
Karen sighed and turned back to the door.
About thirty seconds passed before shadows reached the doorway followed quickly by their owners.
Two guys about their age stepped into the hall. They were around the same height with dark brown hair- one's a little longer than the other. The one in front- the taller one- if such a minor distinction could be made- turned to talk to the other, who nodded.
The heat had beaded sweat on their foreheads. As they walked toward the end of the hall the one in front lifted his arm to wipe his face- the damply clinging shirt showing off the lean muscles of his shoulders and back.
"Hm." Karen's noise of appreciation drew a chuckle from Ana.
"Worth pausing that 'Friends' rerun for, right?"
Karen resisted the urge to stick her tongue out. "It was 'Scrubs' actually."
Ana grinned, "We should see if they want lunch. It could be lunchtime, right?"
"It's like 10:45."
"So… we should give it another 20 minutes? They should still be working then, right?"
Karen watched amused as her friend plotted, tapping her finger on her chin.
Ana pulled up short. "No." She grabbed Karen by the arm, "You're coming with me." Karen's noise of surprise was ignored as Ana flung open their door and barged across the hall with Karen in tow.
She knocked on the door frame of the open door. "Hello?"
"Hang on!" a voice called from within. "Move it over, more... ok there." A heavy thud echoed through the apartment.
A moment later, their new neighbors appeared around the corner.
Ana smiled brightly, "Hey! I'm Ana, this is Karen and we just wanted to say hi- and um, welcome to the building."
The shorter haired one leaned against the doorframe and smirked. "You must not be native New Yorkers," he observed drily.
The other stepped in front of him, waving him off. "I'm Kyle- ignore Jimmy. He's not normally... Well, actually, he's usually like this."
"Hey!" Jimmy protested from the doorway.
"You are," Kyle replied without missing a beat. He shrugged one shoulder and grinned at the girls, sticking out his hand, "It's nice to meet you."
Social pleasantries satisfied, Ana leapt into her interrogation. "Are you new to The City or…?"
"Nah. We grew up here- well, Brooklyn."
"So... you guys are… brothers?" Ana tried and failed at casual. Karen shook her head, Ana was nothing if not blunt.
Kyle smiled, "No- but we've known each other practically our whole lives. Jimmy-"
The neighbor in question interrupted, "Jimmy thinks we need to get back to work so we have a place to sleep tonight."
Ana arched an eyebrow, "Oh, so you two," she pointed between them, "are like actual childhood sweethearts then."
She looked over her shoulder at Karen, "Damn," she mouthed.
Kyle's eyes widened before he all but giggled, "Oh! No! No! No no no, we're not... I mean, we don't- um..." He stopped himself before trying again, "We sleep in two SEPARATE bedrooms."
Jimmy, amused, rolled his eyes, "Aw, Kyle, I'm hurt. I think that was like ten no's."
Kyle blushed, "I just meant that we aren't together, you know- like… that." He looked at Ana and Karen. "Just friends." He concluded firmly.
Karen gave him a small smile. "Well, we'll let you get back to getting settled." She grabbed Ana's elbow and began to lead her away.
Ana called over her shoulder, "Welcome to the building!"
She dragged Ana back into their apartment, but before the door closed all the way Ana burst into giggles. "Methinks he doth protested too much."
"Ana!" Karen hissed as she latched the door. Realizing her admonishment fell on deaf ears- as always- she moved to fridge to poke around.
Ana composed herself, "But hey! The other one is CUTE! And he was checking you out.
Karen looked up, "No he wasn't."
Ana studied her for a moment, before snapping her fingers. "Oh, you're right- that piece of food in your teeth must be what he kept staring at."
"Oh my God." Karen's hand flew to her mouth as she ran for the bathroom. A quick check in the mirror assured her that her teeth were food free. "You are such a jerk!"
Ana cackled. Karen swatted her arm as she returned to the kitchen..
"Too bad his friend is gay- and with a huge crush on his best friend… he's cute too." She sighed dramatically.
/
It was just over a week later that Ana was out and Karen was gathering up all the makings of a long, relaxing soak.
In one hand she had her iPod and a frozen margarita, in the other, a book and a bowl of popcorn. Her candles were under the sink next to the bottle of bubble bath. She was minutes away from forgetting the week from Hell.
She set everything down on the counter of the sink and reached to turn on the water.
Her hand was on the knob when movement caught her eye.
Karen's shriek tore through the walls of her apartment, startling Jimmy across the hall.
"Dammit!" he tossed his controller as his on screen character died. "What the hell was that?!" he complained to Kyle.
A second shriek drew Kyle to his feet with Jimmy following behind him.
Opening their door, Kyle stepped into the hall to find Karen barreling out of her apartment, eyes wild, clad in a bathrobe.
Jimmy's irritation transformed into amusement almost immediately. "Well, hello there." He drawled from the doorway.
Kyle shot him a look as he stepped toward the hysterical woman. "Um Karen, are you ok?"
She shook her head vigorously. "No." She pointed behind her, "Big. Gross…" she shook her head again, horror still etched on her face. "In tub," she finished wiggling her fingers to demonstrate.
"Kyle, I think she's trying to tell us something. What is it, Lassie?"
She took a breath and leveled a glare at Jimmy. "Are you always such a jerk, or is it just me you don't like?"
Jimmy looked taken aback, "What? No." He shook his head, "I was just…"
He huffed in exasperation, waving her off, "Nevermind. I'm going back to my game." He turned and disappeared back into his apartment.
"So, um, what happened?" Kyle inquired kindly, deciding to ignore the last few minutes. "Everything ok?"
Karen blushed, "Um, there's a um…" She swallowed, "a spider in the bathtub." She shuddered. "And uh, I don't like spiders." She finished lamely.
Kyle paled a bit. He turned his head, calling over his shoulder toward his doorway. "Jimmy!" Kyle's voice was a little shriller than usual. "Come here!"
"Why?" his roommate demanded.
He leaned into the apartment so that he didn't need to yell. "Karen needs you to kill a spider!"
"You're joking," Jimmy's voice drew closer. "Seriously Kyle- it's a bug-" He emerged in the hall again. "You're like a million times bigger than it is." He continued his lecture loftily, "At some point you're going to have to start doing this for yourself."
"Maybe that's why I keep you around- if I learned to kill my own spiders, you'd be homeless. You should be grateful for my phobia. And it's not a bug- it's an arachnid."
"Ok, calm down Bill Nye-" he pointed accusingly at his friend. "And I bring more than my exterminator skills- I make an awesome grilled cheese."
Kyle chuckled. "Right. Can't forget the grilled cheese." He stage whispered behind his hand at Karen, "He uses two slices of cheese- and butter instead of margarine. Calls it his secret recipe."
"Hey- that fake butter crap is disgusting- and it's called a secret for a reason, Kyle."
"O-kay…" Karen said slowly. She jerked her thumb at her door, "So, about that disgusting thing in my tub…"
"Oh, yeah- let's hurry- before it hatches a jillion little spider babies who scurry away and hide in your cabinets and under your bed, lurking- waiting..." Jimmy teased.
Karen looked like she was considering moving.
Kyle shivered, "Jimmy, you are such an asshole." He shook his head, "Go kill the damn bug already."
Jimmy barked a laugh as he disappeared into Karen and Ana's apartment.
The toilet flushed and a moment later he returned to the hall. "Never fear, the beast is vanquished and the hero returns victorious."
Karen rolled her eyes. "Thanks, the banquet in your honor will commence at eight. We need time to roast the boar and brew some mead."
"Tell the minstrels to prepare my favorite song."
"It's 'Barbie Girl' by the way." Kyle chimed in.
Karen giggled, unable to play along any longer.
Jimmy shook his head, "You couldn't be more wrong- my favorite song has always been 'MmmBop'." He adopted a wounded look, "I thought you knew me, Kyle!"
Looking down to compose herself, Karen cleared her throat. "Ok, this has been-" she cut herself off.
Her expression changed as she realized what she was wearing. "Anyway, thanks for killing the spider- but I'm gonna go… not stand around in my bathrobe…"
"Fuzzy slippers would really round out the outfit, maybe some rollers in your hair…" Jimmy offered. Kyle elbowed him in the side.
"We were glad to help. That's what neighbors are for, right?"
Jimmy looked at his roommate incredulously, "What did you do exactly? I don't remember you killing any hairy eight-legged monsters."
Kyle pushed Jimmy into the apartment, "We'll talk to you later, enjoy your spiderless apartment."
Karen waved as she closed the door.
She sighed and returned to the bathroom to gather her things. Dead or not, a bath seemed far less appealing after the spider incident.
Hopefully curling up in bed with her book would prove relaxing instead.
/
Karen stepped out of her apartment fiddling with her iPod. It took only a moment to find the familiar 'a bear must be chasing you' playlist.
She was tucking in her ear buds when Jimmy appeared down the hall.
It is really unfair how hot some people look when sweaty and out of breath. Karen turned blotchy and red- but Jimmy… Jimmy's skin glistened like a model in a beach ad and his shirt clung to him, showing off his lean build.
The distraction of his flat stomach and nicely muscled shoulders made her miss the first words he spoke. She hoped he blamed her distraction on music induced deafness (he didn't need to know it wasn't playing yet).
She shook her head, "Sorry, what?"
"That's my shirt."
Karen looked down, confused. "What?"
He pointed at the item in question, "Um, that shirt is mine- I've been looking for it all week." His eyes lingered for a moment, noting how cute she looked wearing his shirt. His mind unhelpfully supplied other contexts where her wearing his shirt would be even more welcome.
He pushed those thoughts from his mind. That was his favorite shirt. He wanted it back- for now at least.
She plucked at the material. "No, I think it's Ana's- it was in our laundry."
"Oh yeah? She went to Fort Hamilton, Brooklyn?"
"Well, no- but Ana has more clothes than I can keep up with." And Ana always picking up shirts- from thrift stores, from boyfriends- she liked oversized shirts. And almost everything was oversized on her tiny person. "So I just figured-"
She noticed his eye on her shoulder where the shirt had fallen down. She smirked to herself- maybe she wasn't the only distracted one.
It was a well worn shirt, the material thin and the neckline stretched out. She tugged the shirt back over her shoulder.
He blinked, before continuing his argument with the tenacity of a bulldog with a bone. "Well, it's not," he said bluntly. He pointed at the shirt, "That one belongs to me. I must have left it in the dryer."
Karen shrugged, "Well, it's mine now- or at least until I finish this run," Karen relented.
In the short month or so since Jimmy had moved in, most of their interactions had been more like verbal sparring matches and less like neighborly small talk- which she managed just fine with Kyle- and Jimmy usually managed to get the last word. So with a certain amount of pride- and a quick grin Karen tucked her earbuds in her ears and jogged down the hall, waving behind her.
Less annoyed than he'd rather admit, Jimmy called after her, "At least wash it first!"
/
A few days later, Karen looked inside her small mailbox to see a set of keys on top of their usual collection of envelopes and assorted junk mail.
"I wonder what Ana ordered now?" She questioned aloud in the empty lobby.
Opening the larger mailbox, she withdrew two mid-sized packages- one addressed to Jimmy Collins, the other to Kyle Bishop.
Deciding the simplest course would be to drop off the packages herself than try to get it sorted out with the post office, she headed to her floor. A few steps up she paused, laughing out loud at the return address on the label.
To her delight, Jimmy answered the door.
She bit back her laugh as she explained, "Uh, these were left in our box by mistake- and I figured you'd need your 'man packs' as soon as possible." She dissolved into giggles.
Jimmy turned red immediately. He took the packages and tossed them into the apartment as if out of sight would erase them from her mind.
"It's not- it's not what it sounds like. I mean- I don't know what you think it sounds like..."
He huffed, embarrassed and annoyed with her continued mirth.
She tried to compose herself.
She even took a breath and cleared her throat. "So, um, you each need a, uh, 'man pack'?" And at that she burst into laughter once more.
He rolled his eyes. "It's just like soap and crap- Kyle's mom signed us up for this thing because she was terrified we'd forget to buy shampoo or something-"
He narrowed his eyes at the giggling girl in front of him. "Funny, I'd think you'd be more worried about your WiFi ID. I mean, 'karenneedsman' is way more embarrassing than a monthly soap delivery."
Karen sobered quickly, "I'm gonna kill Ana."
Jimmy grinned, feeling victorious as he watched her whirl on her heel and disappear into her apartment.
/
Hours later Jimmy yelped in outrage when he saw that their neighbors' WiFi now read 'jimmyneedsmanpax'.
He shot off a quick message, 'that's not even how it's spelled!'.
Her response came through a few moments later, 'I only had so many spaces'.
'Liar' he thought, but didn't type.
"You wanna play like that?" He muttered to himself.
Kyle looked over at his roommate quizzically.
A few clicks of his keyboard later, Jimmy sat back, a satisfied look on his face. "There!"
He turned his computer to face Kyle, showing him their new WiFi name. 'bewareashirtstealerlivesin4A'
Kyle rolled his eyes, "Oh you got her, Jimmy. How will she ever recover?" He intoned flatly.
Jimmy ignored him. A genius's work was never appreciated.
/
In response Karen began wearing the shirt in question everywhere- to get the mail, to do her laundry, while running errands in the neighborhood- anywhere she might see Jimmy.
Kyle had threatened to create a 'Karen jar' that he'd make Jimmy feed every time he complained about their neighbor.
On the other side of the hall Ana took a more direct approach.
They were doing the dishes one night when Ana asked bluntly, "So when are you gonna admit you like this guy?"
Karen sloshed dishwater on Jimmy's shirt. "I don't! He's a jerk! I just... like irritating him."
"And why do boys pull pigtails again?" Ana asked innocently.
/
PS- Man Packs are a real thing- I found it when I was googling 'by the month clubs'. I thought it was way better than sending the boys fruit.