Mal was never one for watchin' Kaylee cry. It just plain… hurt. The girl was like his mei mei, and so sweet. Always cheerful. Watchin' Kaylee cry was like watchin' a kitten get drowned. More over, Mal felt like he was the one drownin' the gorram kitten for bein' the one to make her cry. And all this over Jayne. Jayne of all people.
Strange thing though; seemed the only thing worse than seein' Kaylee cry was hearin' River cry. Mal had done a whole lot in his time to make sure that girl didn't ever feel sad. Closest thing he knew he'd ever have to a daughter and to know her heart was breaking broke him a little bit. The girl just tore his heart out. Mal was generally of the opinion that he just didn't have no more heart left after all he'd been through, but every time he was sure of that, River'd go cryin' and tear it right out again.
She didn't cry often, not since her crazy days. Mal figured that made it much worse when she did cry. Especially on account of he knew that the girl genius had known pain, and lots of it, so that when she did finally let those tears loose, she gorram meant it. That pain, whatever it was, was deep and soul damaging.
The air in the cargo bay was cold. So cold that everyone's breathe became clouds the second it left them. It was raining. Big fat single rain drops beat a relentless rhythm on the open ramp. They splattered and crashed and created a river flowing down into the mud of Jayne's home moon. Mal watched all this from above the rest of the crew. Down in the bay, that was not a place he wanted to be.
Inara's soft steps sounded behind him and as if to reinforce the point that he wasn't welcome on the ground floor of his own rutting ship, the former companion breezed directly by him, paying him no mind at all. Instead, she floated gracefully down the steps, and then over to Jayne who was standing before the semi circle the rest of the crew created, duffle bag at his feet, ready to leave.
Inara took a tiny satchel from her purse, made of expensive blue silk and presented it with soft hands to Jayne. The merc took it with surprising care and opened it slowly. His lips quirked up into a grin.
"Tobacco." He said softly, almost chuckling, but not quite.
Inara nodded. "The best that money can buy." Jayne nodded solemnly and laid a hand on Inara's shoulder for a very brief squeeze and then removed it.
Simon took a meek little step forward when Inara walked to stand beside a bawling Kaylee. He made eye contact with Jayne and they nodded slowly at each other.
"I never wanted it like this." Simon said honestly. Jayne clenched his jaw, but nodded.
"I know Doc."
Simon nodded back jerkily and stepped backwards into the semi-circle. Zoe stepped forward once Simon retreated.
The two stood and stared at each other for a long while. The silence stretched between them like some great ocean, but Mal knew better than to assume that meant they weren't saying anything. Zoe could communicate more with her eyes than most could in a thousand speeches. Jayne exhaled shakily and extended a hand for her to shake. Zoe looked at it and shook her head.
She surprised the go se out of Mal when she stepped forward and embraced him quickly. Jayne looked a mite surprised himself. When the first mate stepped back, she had tears in her eyes. After a beat, she reached up to her leather chord. Jayne caught her meaning and shook his head 'no'. Zoe nodded at him, 'yes'.
She pulled at the back and it loosened. She slipped the leather necklace over her head and held it out to Jayne, who knelt like he was being knighted. Zoe slipped it onto his neck and adjusted it. Jayne stood back up and Mal may have been hallucinating but he swore there was a shimmer in that big man's eyes. He touched the chord almost reverently and nodded.
"Take it I don't gotta say who that's supposed to remind you of when you're away."
"Wouldn't forget her anyway."
"Just the same."
"Just the same."
Kaylee rushed him once Zoe had stepped back. She threw her arms around his waist and buried her face against his wide chest. Her entire body shook back and forth with sobs. She didn't try to say anything. Nothing would really help. She pulled away and wiped at her running nose and eyes. Jayne patted the top of her head and she cried harder.
"Imma miss you somethin' fierce, ge ge." Jayne ruffled her hair joylessly and closed his eyes against any signs of salty liquid weakness. Kaylee shuffled back to enfold herself in Simon's arms.
River stumbled forward on shaky legs, she was blind from her tears. Jayne's mouth dropped open to say something, anything, but he was unable to muster even a single syllable. River had once again made him speechless. The tiny girl laid one hand on his chest, seeming to rest all her weight there. Jayne placed one large paw over her hand, which was over his heart, and for several seconds, could not for the life of him get in a full breathe. He kept shuddering and trying to clench his jaw.
River wailed and dug her fingers into Jayne's t-shirt. Jayne grasped her hand tightly in his. "Well…" he said in strained voice. "Ya said this were a bad idea."
River sobbed in the deepest, most heart wrenching way Mal'd ever heard. He'd be damned if he that wasn't the sound of that little girl's heart ripping clean in two.
River collapsed into her Jayne. "I love…" she choked on her own tears. "I love you. So much." She professed, taking his face in her hands and looking him dead in the eye. Jayne went completely still. Then he closed his eyes. This weren't a moment meant for other people to see, but if this was the last time he'd ever see her… couldn't hurt to tell the truth.
"I love you too." He whispered, and one single tear drop trailed down his stubbly cheek.
River screeched as if in pain. "My heart!" She wailed, clutching at her chest. "Ripped in half. Torn in twain."
Jayne sucked in a harsh breathe. "I know baby, I know."
"Don't go!" She pleaded, climbing up onto him.
Jayne buckled under her weight and his own heartbreak. The pair of killers crumpled to the floor. Jayne took River's face in his hands and pulled her towards him for one, last kiss. Their lips barely touched but the longing in that brief moment outstripped anything they'd ever felt.
"G-g-gotta. River-doll." Jayne said, beginning to cry. Mal didn't think he'd ever live to see the day Jayne Cobb shed a tear, but he was wrong on a lot of counts lately. "Aint my choice but I gotta leave."
River shook and gasped on his lap. "No! No!" She begged him. "Please." She said desperately. "Please, my Jayne. Don't leave me."
Jayne gritted his teeth and fought his own emotion. "Aw c-come on baby," he said with no conviction, choking on his own words. "Yer young, right? You'll live."
River shook her head, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Life without you isn't living, bao bei." Jayne shuddered and a few more tears escaped.
He ran his fingers through her hair worshipfully. "I know, baby. It's just dyin' one minute at a time."
River sucked in air unevenly and clutched at him. "I'll never match another soul but yours. I'll never love eyes and lips and hearts that aren't yours. Never."
Jayne nodded into her shoulder. "Can't say as I'll end up lovin' any other girl but you neither, love. Yer it fer me. Till the day I die, yer it fer me."
"Longer than that."
Jayne screamed in rage and despair. A short, sharp, broken sound. "If I could change this I would River-girl. I'd take you with me and we'd get married and have kids and all that stuff I told you I'd never do. But I'd do that fer you cuz I love you. If I could I swear to you I would." River started to shake violently in his arms.
"I know. I know."
Mal watched from above and wiped at his own misty eyes. He sighed and gritted his teeth.
"Enough." He said, and the whole crew turned to him. River's eyes were sunken and duller than her normal shining brown, riddled with bitterness and defeat.
Mal sighed reluctantly. "He can… he can stay."