Considering my own acquaintance with the subject, I thought it would be prudent to do additional research on the topic.

Time Travel.

I may very well be the only person in the world who has actually experienced the phenomenon, though I have found others on the Internet who at least claimed to have done the same. Some spoke of isolated incidents, going back weeks or months with full memory of future events but no idea how it had happened. Others claimed to have free access to the flow of time, being able to travel to the past and future as they please. I imagine most, if not all of these, are either liars or insane.

I also found those who simply had an interest in studying the topic from a scientific point of view, discussing the physics necessary and exploring the possibility of creating machines which could travel through time. These numbers and theories are meaningless to me, however. My method does not require complicated formulas. I just place my hand upon this shield, feel the cold steel beneath my palm, and twist.

Aside from looking at the topic scientifically, there is another angle to ponder it from. This is the one that was most dangerous for me, and I wish I could have stopped my mind from traveling down this path, for it caused me to commit my greatest sin. I have since attempted to free my mind and forget the horrible things I had done during five of those time loops. I wish I could forget about how I had… experimented…

Experimented with the life of my only friend.

Putting it into those words brings tears to my eyes… but that is exactly what I had done.

It started as an accident. A series of events which, if just one piece had not fallen in quite the same manner, would not have happened. Junko Kaname once explained the dangers of mixing bleach and toilet cleaner to her daughter. By themselves, they were relatively harmless, but mixed together they could set off a chain reaction and lead to tragedy. That is exactly what this was. Considering that I was already living in an endless maze of tragedy, you should be able to understand the depths of my words, when I point to those five loops and single them out as the darkest period of my journey through hell.

It began eighteen days into the first of the five loops I speak of. Until this point, things had transpired as they normally would: I transfered into the school, gave Madoka my warnings in the hall, tried to keep Kyubey away from her, and she and Sayaka eventually met Mami.

Abruptly, on that eighteenth day, something about Madoka had changed. I saw the terror in her eyes as she walked into class that day. The paleness of her face. The awkwardness of her movements, and the way she could not hold her pencil without her hand shaking.

Both Mami Tomoe and Sayaka Miki were still alive, so that was not the cause. It could have been a reaction to seeing her first witch - the timeframe matched - but… I have seen her reaction to those events before. Having those horrors shatter her world sometimes caused despair to overcome her… but not like this… Not like this…

Something was different…

Sayaka Miki, on the other hand, was her normal self. Cracking jokes, laughing, even poking fun at Madoka in her usual way, but completely ignoring how unresponsive her friend was to her humor.

No… she was not normal either…

It was too much; she was trying too hard to hide it. Between her corny jokes and bright smiles, there was a deep layer of guilt... Whatever was different about this timeline, Sayaka was a part of it...

What happened? I asked myself.

What happened…

Once class started, Sayaka finally stopped with her insensitive chatting and sat at her desk like a model student. When I glanced back, I could see the concern in Hitomi's eyes as well. She did not know what was going on, but she too could tell that something was amiss.

It was not that hard to tell, either. Even Saotome-sensei caught a glimpse of Madoka's horrified expression. She had a class to teach, though, so she continued on normally at first. However, as soon as she was no longer needed at the front of the room, and had the students busy with a worksheet, she walked over to Madoka and kneeled down beside her.

Saotome whispered to her, trying not to draw attention from the class. I used magic to enhance my hearing and listen in.

"Madoka, are you okay?"

Madoka gave no verbal response, and I was pretending to work on the math problem in front of me, so I could not see her; but she probably gave a little nod.

"Well, you don't look okay. Why don't you go see the nurse?"

"A-alright…" Madoka whispered. Her voice was so soft that I imagine her lips barely moved. She then slid her chair out away from her desk and got up. Saotome-sensei went with her, leaving the room in the middle of class for the first time that I had ever witnessed in my many time loops.

There was a little hushed chatting in response to this from the class, mostly concerned. Hitomi leaned towards Sayaka and asked, "What's going on with her? Did something happen after school yesterday?"

Sayaka shrugged. "Beats me. Eh, it's probably nothing too major. Probably just sick or something."

Hitomi clearly did not appreciate that answer, but apparently did not know how to respond, so she just left it at that. They both went back to doing their classwork.

Not long after that, Saotome came back, but Madoka was not with her. After collecting the classwork, she casually announced to the class, "Kaname-san is feeling ill and will not be joining us for the rest of the day, but do not worry, she is okay. She is just too unwell to continue, so the nurse sent her home early." Then she addressed Sayaka directly. "Miki-san, can you bring her bag and classwork to her home after school?"

"Ah, sure thing, Saotome-sensei!"

The period continued normally from there on, but once the bell rang Saotome drew the attention of Sayaka and Hitomi, wanting to speak with them. I collected my things as slowly as possible, wishing to eavesdrop on what was said, but it was clear Saotome was waiting for the class to clear before starting. Instead, I left the class, but remained right outside in the hallway so I could use my enhanced hearing to listen in.

Hitomi was the first to express her concerns and asked what was going on. Saotome said she did not know, and went on to ask them for clues to Madoka's strange mood. Neither of them seemed to have anything to offer, though it was clear Hitomi thought much harder on the topic than Sayaka she was still unable to come up with an explanation.

"Yeah, I don't know Saotome-sensei," said Sayaka. "Maybe we should just give her some time and she'll probably come around? I don't think anything happened."

"Okay… you might be right," said Saotome, "but if you do think of anything, please let me know. Here, I'll give you both my phone number."

Having heard enough, I continued down the hall, not wanting to risk being caught listening in on them like that.

There was no doubt about it, something had happened, and there was something else that was completely clear: Sayaka knew what it was. Furthermore, there was the way she kept denying that anything at all was amiss, I had seen her do that before. That was Sayaka Miki's way of dealing with guilt. Therefore, was it Sayaka's fault that Madoka was like this? She had hurt Madoka in past timelines, plenty of times, but usually not until she was succumbing to her own despair and on the verge of becoming a witch. It was too early for that, and either way, this was the worst that I had ever seen Madoka. Even after personally witnessing Sayaka become a witch, she was still able to get through her school day. The way she was now, however…

"It doesn't make sense!" I thought. "Sayaka has not even made her contract yet, so what could she possibly have-"

My thoughts stopped there. I realized she should not have made a contract yet, but I did not actually think to check. That usually would not happen until after the Sweets Witch had hatched, which would not occur until tomorrow.

I continued on to my next class, but stopped at my locker along the way. I started pretending to be busy with exchanging books, just waiting for Sayaka to pass me so that I could look for her SoulGem, or lack of one. When she finally came down the hall along with Hitomi, I discreetly glanced toward her left hand.

Indeed, there it was, along with the blue C-shaped tattoo on her middle fingernail. Sayaka Miki was a Magical Girl. I took a moment to ponder what this meant. She had contracted early in timelines before, but simply her making a contract did not explain Madoka's completely lost and horrified expression. I thought the two might not even be directly related, but still, this could be a clue to what exactly transpired yesterday.

Did Sayaka do something crazy and hurt someone? That was one possibility that entered my mind. If she had accidentally murdered an innocent person with her new powers which she had not gained control of yet, and Madoka had been forced to keep that secret…

I shook my head in irritation. It was a wild conclusion, and one I did not have any evidence for. However, I had already gone through a countless number of time loops, and even in Madoka's darkest moments I had never seen her act this way. Sayaka's clearly guilty conscious was also eating away at me.

Something out of the ordinary happened… something horrible. I knew that, but the truth of what had transpired the previous day was far more horrifying than I possibly could have imagined.

Looking back on it now, I wish I had just turned back time in that very moment. If only I had done that I could have put a stop to the chain of events that began to unfold, and stopped myself from going down that terrible road which would lead to my greatest sin.

I'm sorry Madoka… for everything…

But how could I have known?

How could I have known…

Next chapter coming soon.

-Atomyst

Follow me on Twitter at /Atomyst_Fics where I give updates on my writing progress every Thursday.