A/N: Well this is my first attempt in a one-shot fic. I didn't want to add to many details so I kept it T rated. Please comment. As I said the first part is from the book but from Leah's point of view
disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight/New moon/Eclipse related
"This is making me sick, Jacob. Can you imagine what this feels like to me? I don't even Like Bella Swan. And you've got me grieving over this leech-lover like I'm in love with her, too. Can you see this might be a little confusing? I dreamed about kissing her last night! What the hell am I supposed to do with that?"
"Do I care?" He answered. His face clearly showed what he was stating. He didn't give a damn about me or my feelings.
"I can't stand being in your head anymore!" I snapped feeling my blood boiling inside me "Get over it already! She's going to marry that thing. He's going to try to change her into one of them! Time to move on, boy"
"Shut up" He growled.
I wish I could but, by now, I not longer had control over the words my mouth expelled.
"He'll probably kill her anyway," I kept going despite the fact I could see his anger building up "All the stories say that happens more often than not. Maybe a funeral will be better closure than a wedding. Ha."
I wanted to slap myself, to throw myself out of the cliff as Jake had cleverly suggested earlier in out conversation. I was tired, sick. I was sick of myself and the way I had been acting. I had become this horrid creature. Worst of all, I was sick of having to keep every thought of Jacob away from my mind. Jacob. Little Jacob. He had no idea the desire I felt for him, how my eyes couldn't turn away from where he stood, how they examined and memorized every inch of him. If he only knew how many times I had to force myself to think the most horrid things about him only because I wanted to have his picture in my head. Of course, due to those same images now he considered me a "bitter harpy".
"If you are concerned with gender confusion, Leah…," He started shaking me away from my trail of thought.
I felt lucky to be in my human form, that was the best way to keep my thoughts and feelings for myself.
"How do you think the rest of us like looking at Sam through your eyes?" He scowled. Now he had touched a soft spot "It's bad enough that Emily has to deal with your fixation. She doesn't need us guys panting after him, too."
That was the exact point where I broke down. I could see by the look on his face that he had known what effect this would have on me. How could he be so cold-hearted as to remind me of this? It was only when I felt his arms around me that I noticed I had fallen on my knees. I could feel the moist grass beneath my jeans, tears coming down my face with no control. Maniac sobs reached my ears and it took me a while to realize they were my own. It sounded as if I was trying to laugh but was crying instead. It was the truth; every single emotion I had been hiding until that moment simply came bursting out of me in the form of sobs.
"I'm sorry Leah, I'm sorry" Jacob kept repeating. If he only knew this wasn't because of what he had just said.
I hid my face on his chest, trying to calm myself down but it wasn't working. Deep inside, I was certain this would stop unless I took it all out, and it was going to take some time for me to do that. My hands clanged to Jacob's broad shoulders as if I was unconsciously trying to find a support, something that kept me from running away, the cliff looked so tempting. I felt Jake's hand touch my chin; he brought my face up gently so that my brown eyes were looking at his. Slowly, my sobs started to cease, tears stopped falling down my cheeks and all I could hear was the sound of out breaths. We stood that way, staring into each others eyes and not being able to think about anything at all. He knew; I could feel it even when he wasn't thinking about it, even when I couldn't read his mind.
"It's not you" I managed to whisper "That was meant to happen, the breakdown. Listen Jacob there are a lot of things that I had to keep away from my mind and had been killing me, ripping parts of my heart every time I shove them off. I guess that is what turned me into this…this…monster" I spat looking down at myself.
How I wished to have the courage to rip myself into shreds an end with it all.
"But this is it, Jacob. I can't keep hiding this in me; it's eating me inside making me seem like a bitter harpy as you so elegantly phrased it…"
"I am sorry, Leah. Stop it!" Jacob commanded taking my face with both of his hands and forcing me to look into his eyes one more time.
"You don't need to be sorry because it has been me. It has been me all along. The one who has been hurting every single person in the pack for the sole fact that I couldn't hurt myself!" I could feel my voice rising with every word I said, my emotions overflowing once again. "And I hate me! I hate me for being such a soulless bitch! For being envious of Emily's happiness, god, she was like a sister to me and look at how I repaid her! Then there is Sam, I know every look I give him stabs his heart and still I can't find a way to stop making him suffer even more. And you, I should be the one apologizing to you because…"
My words were cut by Jacob's lips crushing mine with I passion I had never felt before. He backed up for a second to look at my eyes which were now wide in surprise. My heart was beating so fast on my chest I was certain he could hear it now. Without any warning he took my lips again but this time with less impetus. I moved my hands to the back of his neck and tangled my fingers on his shaggy black hair. I brought him closer, I needed him closer. I could feel his own hands traveling to the small of by back while his lips moved in synchrony with mine. Slowly, he laid me on the wet grass kissing down my neck.
"Just don't say anything, not now" He whispered to me bringing his head up again and gently nibbling my ear making me close my eyes in delight.
No more words were said. There was nothing we could put into words. His touch allowed me to know he needed me with the same desperation I needed him. Every kiss sent a jolt of electricity down my spine, we wanted each other. I had no idea if I was doing this because I felt something form him or because I wanted to erase Sam once and for all from my mind. I also didn't know if Jacob had given me the first kiss in order to shut up my hideous rambling. Despite all this, it felt right. His touch felt right, his kisses felt right, like if, somehow, this was meant to be. We were both so alike, in temper, in loss, in passion.
The heat between us was unbearable, we couldn't get enough of each other, being close wasn't enough, we needed more.
Jacob held me in his arms placing kisses on the top of my head. His hand trailed the now bare arm up and down. For a moment a sense of guilt washed over me. What if I used him? What if I was going to hurt him? My doubt was cleared almost immediately when lifted my chin to kiss me gently once again. The flutter in my stomach told me this was real, I was feeling again. If it was love, I didn't know yet, but it was going to be good for both of us. It was going to help us survive.
A/N: So this is it, hoped you like it and, if I get reviews, maybe I will try to make some more chapters for this. Just let me know if you want lemos involved hahaha.