So after writing fluff series two A Little Night Music fic to exercise Ruth-angst-nine from my poor broken heart, I'm blinking back to angry, depressed Ruth putting myself through the wringer again. What is wrong with me? Fic Inspired by Australian author Jaclyn Moriarty's Finding Cassie Crazy and the legend of Troy apparently? Angsty but ends well and happy!
Ruth was restless. She picked her coat up off the door hook and walked outside. It was New Year's Eve and what was she meant to do with herself? Be alone with her despair again? No, she would do anything on New Year's but put up with feelings she can't even adequately label.
One upon a time, once upon her younger self, she would have just gone to a pub somewhere, put on a false cheery persona, chatted to anyone who approached- maybe they would have invited her back to a party or come along with her to the fireworks off the London Eye. They had always been easy enough to get rid of afterwards; usually they were ridiculously drunk.
She sighed. It was cold and icy and she didn't feel like waiting on The Embankment for four hours by herself waiting for the stupid clock next to parliament to chime twelve. Bloody Hell she was in a mood. Big Ben was beautiful at night and all lit up and she loved it. Well, she loved that part of London really, especially sitting on The Bench with a good book of poetry.
The others were on The Grid. They were having a party and then watching the fireworks together to bring in the New Year. She'd been invited but she hadn't wanted to go and be stared at by everyone. None of them really understood and they were always so damn eager to offer sympathy that she didn't necessarily want.
But you act in a way that brings sympathy down on your bare, unprotected head, a niggling voice at the back of her mind whispered.
She shrugged at no one, ran back inside, fetched a bottle of wine from her alcohol cabinet and ran out onto the street, her hair streaming out wildly. She hailed a taxi, hastily texting Dimitri that she'd changed her mind and was coming to join them (she couldn't bring herself to text Harry in case he read something into it).
The balding taxi driver laughed at her. "Do you ever read the ancient stuff?" he asked after she gave him the street for Thames House.
"What do you mean? The classical literature? I studied it at university."
The driver must have had an odd imagination. "You reminded me of Kassandra of Troy just now," he said, "the prophetess." He laughed, "Tell me Kassandra, what is it you see?"
"Nothing at all," she said dully. She had seen things that would make this poor man's hair curl but he wouldn't believe her anyway.
"I always think there's an element of the mystic about on New Year's," he continued, "I'll wonder tomorrow if you're even real."
"Well I am." She paid him the money and he opened the door for her to get out. A real gentleman.
He was staring unnervingly into her face. "I hope 2011 washes the sadness away from your lovely face Kassandra."
"My name is Ruth and I am not so sad."
"You are. I drive millions around this city. I see it year after year- those who are world weary, those who have given up, those who have no hope left- it's always worse on the public holidays."
She stumbled away from him angrily. "What do you know? You know nothing about me. Nothing!"
He got back into the taxi and reset the meter. "Kassandra told the truth and no one belived her and yet in the end it could have been the truth that set Troy free," he said quietly.
Ruth was confused enough to turn back. "What?"
He looked puzzled and then shrugged. "I don't know myself what I mean half the time. Go on. Get to where you're going. They'll be waiting for you."
As soon as she stepped through The Pod Dimitri crushed her with a hug. "Got your text Evershed."
"Can't breathe Dimitri," she laughed.
Beth came over with a cocktail glass. "Care for a Midori splice?"
"Why not?"
Dimitri smiled hopefully. "That's the spirit."
Harry didn't look up from where he was talking to Tariq. She tried not to feel hurt before remembering she had asked for it to be this way.
"Always so complicated and sad," she heard Beth murmur helplessly to Dimitri. Ruth remembered the taxi driver and frowned.
It was 11 30pm and everyone was still surprisingly sober considering how close to midnight it was. Harry had finally come over to talk to Ruth. She tipped her head at him, acknowledging their distance. "Check your desk, we're all doing it so you can too," he said coldly.
She opened her mouth angrily to demand to know what he was on about, but he had already moved away and was talking to a protesting Beth. His look was like thunder and Beth soon kept her mouth shut, but not before Ruth heard her tell Harry, "... not helping matters."
She was beginning to wonder why she had come at all, but she went to her desk and checked for a piece of paper anyway. It was sitting there folded; plain white, lined paper. She opened it.
From: Field Operatives Beth Bailey and Dimitri Levandis
To: The Grid (yes that's you too Harry)
Meme: It has occurred to us that there is not much camaraderie and team work happening anymore around here. Dimitri is driving me mad-
I am not!
Ahem. As I was saying... Dimitri is driving me mad telling me that we should do something about it.
So we are... now... on New Years... thank us later.
Anyway...The Assignment: Everyone write down a New Year's Resolution on the piece of paper you are now reading. This is compulsory.
Directives:
1. Watch the midnight fireworks together and toast to 2011
2. Ruth for God's sake try to smile and Harry try to stop looking so angry ok? Don't frown at me Levandis, you know as well as I do that he's not himself... and stop being a wuss about decommissioning... oh yeah Harry please don't decommission us for this. I'll never hear the end of it.
3. Tariq re #2 and Ruth maybe you could crack some nerd jokes for us all- that or we could paint a smile on Ruth or more to the point I could. Excuse Levandis Ruth, he is an idiot. That doesn't even make sense you git? He also has a major c-h on you and refuses to admit it. Shut up Beth. Real mature. Haha. Crossing out my words. Real good start.
4. Anyway, back to the point. After smiling and laughing and drinking and fireworks write down resolutions, BUT only if it is after midnight. They aren't idiots Beth.
5. Everyone hands in their resolution to me (Dimitri) at which point I will tape them all up in a shoe box and put them away for a year, till 2012 when we open it and check what our resolutions were and see if we kept them.
Except- ohhh I love this part Levandis- except ONE person has the option to read their resolution out. Don't be embarrassed. If anyone laughs Dimitri will punch them in the face (if it's Levandis doing the laughing never fear Beth is here). Dimitri trained in the army so I wouldn't laugh if I were you.
6. Anyway that's the plan. Till midnight.
'What?" Ruth almost shouted as soon as she finished reading.
For once Harry responded. "I know. Tell them it's idiotic will you."
Tariq shrugged. "I don't see what the problem is. There's no harm in it and it could be fun."
Ruth was about to say she was leaving when she remembered the taxi driver again. I don't want to be Kassandra prophetess of doom forever. She made a face and nodded at Tariq. "He has a point Harry. It can't hurt."
He glared at her and his look cut right through her. She could almost feel the imaginary bleeding.
It was thirty seconds to midnight. Ruth was surprised. She had managed to laugh with Tariq and Beth and Dimitri. Even Harry had managed to crack a weary smile at Tariq's truly terrible joke about Einstein. He was sitting as far from Ruth as possible.
"Ten."
'Nine."
I want to reach out and hold his hand in mine.
"Eight."
But I can't.
"Seven."
I am a coward.
"Six."
'I hope those sorrows are wiped away for 2011.' Could they be?
"Five."
Wiped away.
"Four."
Harry is so far away.
"Three."
Sometimes you have to fight for what you want. You have to fight. Ruth got up and sat close by Harry, trying to swallow down the lump that had sprung up in her treacherous throat.
"Two."
He sat stiffly beside her and didn't turn his head away from the TV.
"One."
The fireworks went off as Dimitri cheered and clashed his glass against everyone's. He was so enthusiastic some sloshed down the sides but he kept laughing anyway because he was Dimitri and he was like that. The obligatory glass chinking over Ruth said clearly, "To a happier New Year."
Beth's smile seemed slightly plastered on but she nodded and repeated, "To a happier New Year." Still Harry didn't react.
They'd all written down their resolutions and handed them to Dimitri. He paused and looked from Beth to Tariq to Ruth to Harry meaningfully. "Is someone going to volunteer?" He paused, his eyes sinking into Ruth's own. She knew what he wanted, what he and Beth both wanted.
"I will," she said quietly.
She saw Beth nod her head ever so slightly behind Dimitri in acknowledgement. Dimitri was already opening her plain piece of paper up. Her neat writing came through backwards reflected on the paper. Funny how this had turned out to be so simple in the end.
Dimitri opened his mouth to read what Ruth had written but to Ruth's surprise he couldn't get the words out. For all that he was a Spook and a former soldier, he was crying, frightening silent tears. Beth took the paper off him, one arm gently around his broad shoulder.
"It's alright Levandis," she said, and Ruth could hear the affection there, "I'll do it."
She straightened out the piece of paper and began to read it silently. Her expression changed but she was prepared and her voice caught, ragged but she did not cry.
I, Ruth Evershed, resolve to stop running away from love, to stop blocking Harry out, because I can't keep going like this... like I am. I'm always angry and discontented and unhappy and today a taxi driver noticed and something he said; well, enough's enough Harry Pearce because I love you. I LOVE YOU OK? LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU. I RESOLVE TO LOVE YOU AND TO MEAN THAT I LOVE YOU AND TO SHOW YOU THAT I LOVE YOU THIS YEAR BECAUSE I DO AND I AM TIRED OF SEEING US DANCE AROUND EACH OTHER, LIKE TWO LITTLE LOST CHILDREN AND SEEING OUR FRIENDS SUFFER FOR US BECAUSE THEY FEEL THAT LITTLE BIT TOO DEEPLY.
Ruth winced at that bit. She had nearly made holes in the paper at the force of how hard she was pressing down with the pen in that part.
Beth kept reading. Harry I resolve to love you, but do you resolve to love me? She stopped reading and fell silent.
Everyone was looking at Harry. He didn't look so forlorn and broken anymore. There were sparks of life. He was crying and so was she. He moved as though to speak but he couldn't get the sentence out, "But I... I thought..."
"I was wrong to keep you away from me Harry. I love you darling! I love you, I love you, I love you and I always have, always did, always will."
"Oh Ruth dear heart. You don't know... I can't express... not with words... how much I love you..."
"Thank God for that," Tariq said to the Grid wall, earning him a black look from Beth.
But Harry and Ruth didn't notice. "We're going home," they both said at the same time, both reaching for their coats. There was so much time that had been wasted, so much, and now, well now everything was different.
"A very happy New Year to you all," Harry said softly. "Oh and Beth," he added with a mischievous grin, "could you please do something about yourself and Mr Levandis here."
He and Ruth exited the pod together both still laughing at the expression on all three of the remaining Grid members faces and then Harry turned and kissed Ruth and she forgot they even existed as he smiled down into her face and whispered in her ear that she was coming home with him tonight.
In the elation and the joy there was still some articulate thoughts left floating.
Thank you mystery driver. Thank you Dimitri and Beth. Thank you Tariq and beautiful world.
And finally; Goodbye Kassandra, little sad eyes, I won't miss channeling you.
Blimey, I forgot how small the series ten team is at the moment. It's especially noticeable after writing a series two fic. Oh weird fic ideas- how I love them. If you enjoyed this one shot please review. Xx. HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR.