Title: How Not to Save a Life
Author: Mindy
For: ham_napkin
Prompt: rerun
Disclaimer: Tina's et al.
Spoilers: "The Funcooker".
Pairing: Jack/Liz
Rating: K
Summary: His life was in her hands…sort of.
-x-
It's a year later when Jack remembers. Probably because the episode that was never again meant to see the light of day somehow makes it on air a second time. The episode where Jenna in a Bear costume is knocked unconscious by her panicked doctor and Tracy pulls his pants down and shows the viewing public his funcooker. Even the hasty cut to his commercial is preserved in the rerun because they'd been obliged to later claim for legal purposes that it was a satirical sketch and part of the show.
It's understandable that Jack hadn't til then remembered the minutes immediately following the blow to the head he received that night. Firstly, because of the blow to the head itself. And secondly, because the day that preceded said blow was one of the craziest of all his many crazy days at 30 Rock. Also, after he recovered, the only injury he incurred being a hammering headache, Lemon proceeded to set fire to her office. With her staff in it. Though she assured him that her little act of arson and potential manslaughter was in fact accidental. Not that he'd entirely blame her if it were not.
But those are the things Jack remembers about that day one year ago. The warehouse full of unnamed mini-microwaves. The on-air fiasco. The accidental fire. Giving Lemon a Funcooker - and he does mean the microwave, not Tracy's version of such. All of those events are still fairly clear in his memory. What he had not remembered was coming to on the studio floor with Liz Lemon's mouth on his. Jack hadn't remembered that part of his day at all. And that…would definitely have stuck in his mind.
Perhaps it's his new heart medication from Dr Spaceman, coupled with the rerun of the infamous episode of TGS he viewed before bed which causes him to wake one night with that rather startling image. And the distant sensation of the newly recovered memory still lingering. Liz leaning over him, her outline blocking out the bright studio lights. The faint sensation of her hair brushing his face, her fingertips opening his mouth. His head swirling, everything moving as if in slow motion. And her mouth descending, covering his, as chaos and commotion echoed in the background. Then her hands pumping on his chest to revive him. Then her mouth again, her breath, her smell. Shortly thereafter, medical professionals had arrived and interceded. And by that, he does not include Spaceman, who he's pretty sure encouraged this course of action on her part.
Jack sits up in his bed. He turns on the light. He runs over the memory a few times, blinking the drowsiness from his eyes and mind. He looks over at the other side of the bed but all that remains of the body that was curled there hours before is a delicate dint in the pillow. He reaches for the phone, pressing the speed-dial.
Lemon answers with a sleepy grunt.
"Did you…kiss me…after I was knocked out?"
There's a long pause on the other end of the line, in which she seems to return to some level of consciousness.
"…Who is this?" she mumbles slowly.
"Who're your options?" he responds, making himself comfortable against the pile of pillows. "Think about it, Lemon."
"Augh, Jack," she groans, rustling round in her bed. "What the…? Aw, seriously? I have to be up in like, two hours…!"
"They re-aired Tracy's funcooker episode."
He receives another unintelligible grunt.
"And I suddenly remembered-"
"Yessss. I gave you mouth-to-mouth," she replies, impatient and irked. "And you're welcome, by the way. For saving your life."
Jack smirks to himself. "Had I stopped breathing?"
She pauses. "I dunno."
"Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation is what you do when a person has stopped breathing. Not when they've been knocked unconscious."
She huffs into the phone. "Well, how do I know that, huh? I'm not a- I was just doing what Spaceman was doing to Jenna. Though I suspect he was enjoying himself a whole lot more. But he said to, so I did. And I panicked, okay? I didn't want you to die."
He chuckles. "I wasn't going to die, Lemon."
"Yeah, well…next time I won't bother. Next time, I'll get one of the teamsters to give you the kiss of life. Or I'll bet Lutz wouldn't mind volunteering."
"Were you planning on orchestrating another blow to my head? Or performing one yourself?"
She mutters something about his 'big head' that he can't quite hear and probably isn't meant to. Her official response is: "No comment."
Jack takes a breath. "You know I was thinking…"
"Oh brother…"
"Are you aware, Lemon, of what they say happens when you save another person's life?"
"What?" she grumbles unwillingly.
"You are forever responsible for it," he tells her. "You are beholden to that person for the rest of their days. "
"Who says this?"
"Lots of people."
"Right. Well..."
He hears her sigh, hears her bedclothes rustle again. He wonders if she is alone. Then he wonders where that particular thought came from. He assumes she is.
"I guess it's lucky for both of us that I had nothing to do with saving yours then," she answers, then follows this by asking more sharply: "Can I go back to sleep now please?"
One corner of Jack's mouth lifts. "Of course, Lemon. Sweet dreams."
She pauses a moment, not hanging up. He can almost hear her eyes narrow. "It's not like I dream about it or something."
"What's that?"
"You know. Kissing—giving—what—"
"Did I—?"
"You implied it. But I don't. And it doesn't—cos I—you—"
Jack chuckles again.
"Oh, shut up, Jack." Liz hangs up.
Jack chuckles some more then hangs up the phone as well. He turns out the light again and lays his head back on the pillows. When he closes his eyes, the image is still there, getting less watery and more technicolor by the second. The sensations grow more and more distinct too, leaving him with a small smile on his face as he drifts back to sleep.
END.