Sandra: My second SMS fanfic! I'm addicted to it! But this time it's Seiya/Usagi!
*SPOILERS!*
Usagi's P.O.V. and flashbacks.
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I looked at my reflection in my full length mirror as I brushed my hair.
Staring at my face, I can see the dried on tears, again, I woke up by another dream about him. Of Seiya. I can't stop thinking about him ever since he left. Every night, I would have dreams about him.
I closed my eyes as a memory came back into my mind.
*Flashback*
"I'll never forget you." Seiya said.
I looked at him and before realising what I was saying, I smiled and tilt my head, answering with, "Of course. We'll be friends forever."
*End Flashback*
I sighed, if only I took my time to think about what he said to me, why did I just say that? I knew what he meant, but why didn't I reply back the way I want to? Why didn't I listen to my heart?
'Because Usagi-chan, you were too busy worrying over you future and Chibiusa to believe in what you wanted!' My heart screamed at me. It always told me the exact same thing, all the time when I ask myself this question.
Despite it's been so long since they left, the way Seiya looked, the way he said it, the way he held me, it's all very clear to me.
*Flashback*
I saw a red rose hit the ground, it can't be…is he… I look up slowly, I see a man in the shadows, his cape on, he's….back?
Just then I look closer as I realise it wasn't Tuxedo Mask, it wasn't Mamu-chan, it was Seiya, he was holding his red jacket slung over his shoulder.
After the battle, I couldn't hold it any longer, I sank to the floor onto my knees, why does it hurt so much? Why isn't he here? Why hasn't he replied to me?
"I want to see you…" I sobbed,
"I want to see you Mamu-chan…" I cried so hard as the rain pelted down, but I didn't care, where is he?
Suddenly, I felt a pair of hands hold onto my shoulders, lovingly, caring, and almost hopeful, then I hear,
"Am I not good enough?" I look up into Seiya's dark eyes, I can feel my cheeks growing hot, he was looking so hopeful and lovingly into my eyes, but yet they held fear.
Then he said it again, "Am I not good enough?"
His voice held so much hope, the more I stared into those beautiful eyes, the deeper I fell into them, just drowning in them.
Why can't I get any words out…what would I say?
It's like all my emotions for Mamu-chan, are slowly mixing with my feelings for Seiya…I have been aware of my growing feelings…the way I felt for Mamu-chan is like how I feel for Seiya, but why can't I tell him? All I can do is stare at him, at his face, at his eyes.
Why can't I do it?!
*End Flashback*
All I can feel is regret, when I had the chance, I didn't take it, because I was so lost and in so much depression and pain, I couldn't do it, and now that it's gone, I can't have it…
I felt something wet run down my face, I raised my hand to touch it, fresh tears…but when I close my eyes, I see myself crying blood, I feel like I've cried all my tears out and the only thing I got left is my blood.
I know what kind of state I'm in at the moment, I've seen it before, a lot of time, so dishevelled and broken. Yeah, broken, that's what I was…
I really hate what I've become, so full of depressions, full of regret, full of sadness, filled with tears, someone vulnerable.
I know how stupid I have been, no one knows of my feelings for Seiya, and it hurts to bottle things up, but if the others find out, they will lecture me about the future and that I am destined to be with Mamu-chan…
I look around my room, it's just me alone, in this big empty space, despite I can go call my friends and hang around with them, it wasn't the same anymore, knowing that he isn't here with us, or that I won't have a chance to crash into him coincidentally, maybe this is how Neherenia felt, so isolated, so alone, just staring at nothingness but herself, probably why she felt so much anger and hate, I would hate to be in her place, she knows that, but now I feel like I am trapped here, the real me anyway, the fake me is out here living it big and smiling and acting as if not a care in the world.
I remember watching Starlights and their Princess disappear off, Seiya giving me one last longing and loving glance before he was no longer visible… I remember how my expressions changed just before he left…I knew that I wanted to call him back, but I seemed to have lost my voice again…
Now I really wish that Neherenia did seal me away, that way I would have never met Seiya and I wouldn't have to feel all this pain and sudden loneliness…
But then like I said, I would've never met him…
I felt my cheek where Seiya has kissed me so long ago, I could still feel that tingly sensation, I can feel his warm lips against my skin.
The image of Seiya kissing my cheek appeared in front of my eyes, I reached out to touch it, but only ended up reaching out to nothingness as the image disappeared as soon as it came….
I shut my eyes, trying to prevent my tears of 'blood' stream down my face, when I think about myself as a person in general, I wonder if I really am worthy of being the moon princess…
I always cause trouble for others, whilst they are always looking out for me, I'm just running around crying…
*Flashback*
I turn around and see a bright light, only to have it blocked as Seiya fell into my arms unconscious, I started to cry, calling his name, trying to wake him, why did he do that? Why did he block my way?
"Don't touch him." Taiki said, as him and Yaten take him away from me. All I can feel is hate and anger towards me as they continued to speak, but ears deafen as I cannot hear a word they're saying, all I can see is all the negative things swirling in their eyes towards me.
"All the trouble we get is because of you!" Yaten yelled at me, that I heard, I felt something stab my heart, I feel like it's just twisting, trying to rip my heart out as the words echoed in my head.
I watch them take Seiya away. And what I did? Was nothing.
*End Flashback*
I could've done something, maybe even apologise at the time, but did I do that?
I growl at myself, Heh, Moon Princess, Sailor Moon, Fighting for Love and Justice. I always say that, it's like a trade mark quote, at first it was real, that quote is what I did, what I followed, but when I met Seiya, slowly I didn't follow that path anymore.
Fight for love? Did I fight for Seiya? Did I fight to get him back? Did I do anything to restrain him from leaving?
Fight for Justice? Would I be doing that soon? Each Dream and Nightmare taking a chunk out of me each time, just braking me more and more by the minute…would I be able to fight anymore?
The only fighting I can be doing is the fight to keep on going soon.
*Flashback*
"Do you love our princess?" Sailor Saturn asked Seiya who was in Sailor Star Fighter form.
"Yes I do." I look up, look at Seiya's face, he was smiling, so lovingly at me, happy even, and relieved. There was my chance, I could say something to him. But I just kept it shut.
*End Flashback*
Again, something handed to me on a golden plate to my face and yet I still didn't take it. It's because Sailor Uranus, Pluto, Neptune and Saturn was there, I couldn't let them know that I too have feelings for Seiya, especially Pluto, for she believes about Destiny, believes in me and Mamu-chan, so the Chibiusa would be born…
I couldn't bring myself to do it, my pride for being the future princess and to have a beautiful child like Chibiusa wouldn't let me, so I stayed quiet.
I let my pride down in many things, but in this certain case, I couldn't do it.
It's too late now, too late to finally make myself realise what I lost and could've had!
He would always be there for me, and would always believe in me.
He did a lot of things for me, even when I risked my life and told him that I would, he didn't stop me because he understood. Yeah, he understood me.
*Flashback*
As Sailor Lead Crow fired the energy balls at me, before they hit me, my eyes locked with Seiya's, his eyes filled with pain, anger, sorrow, regret and lost.
Before I had a chance to give him a sign of goodbye or be able to tell him it's alright, I was hit as pain ran through my whole body, it hurt so much, but I tried to not let it get to me, and I done this by thinking about all the fun I've had with all my friends, I thought about Mamu-chan, and then my thoughts landed on all the fun I had with Seiya from the very first time I met him. And then I black out.
*End Flashback*
I look over at the pictures on my shelf, so many photos of myself and Mamu-chan together, so happy, and one with the two of us and Chibiusa…
I'm sorry, but that me is gone…I turned the photo so that the image was facing the table.
I remember a time when I first invited Seiya over to my house to my room. It was awkward because I was trying to rid feelings for him at first.
*Flashback*
I brought up the tea and cake, and then I saw Seiya by my cupboard, I smile and told him to come over, then I notice my photo frame with Mamu-chan's and my picture was facing down. Seiya's…jealous? NO! I can't think that! I can't like him! I'm destined to be with Mamu-chan!
"I want to tell you something." He said, coming a little closer. I wanted to back away, but my heart said no, don't back away.
I tried making up excuses for him not to, my mind was just screaming to stand up and get away, but my heart trusted him.
We was so close, merely a few inches away…
*End Flashback*
I can't believe that I doubted my own heart, if those mere inches would've gone, I would've been able to realise my feelings much earlier, then perhaps, there would've been a chance, a chance for Seiya and I to be a 'us'.
But NO, I HAD to pull away didn't I? Why am I so stubborn and prideful for?
I sigh as my dreams came back to me, so many of my dreams are based on what has happened between Seiya and I, and what the outcomes could've been like If I did something different.
The last flashback I had was my most recent dream which left me shattered.
*Flashback to dream*
"I need to tell you something." He said as he leaned closer, I tried to make excuses to stop this, but he leaned next to my ear, I could feel his warm breath against my skin as he whispered, "I love You Usagi Tsukino, more than anything in this whole galaxy." He moved away from me so that our faces were mere inches apart, I stare into those beautiful dark eyes, he was telling the truth, and then I felt my eyes flutter close as his hot breath is against my lips and then this beautiful feeling runs through my body like electricity, we kiss, he parted his mouth as I did mine, and he deepened the kiss, slowly slipping his tongue into my mouth, I do the same back, I run my tongue along his teeth and tongue memorising it, this feeling is far beyond what she felt when kissing Mamu-chan…
I felt his arms embrace my waist as he pulled me into him, pulling our bodies against each other.
"Aishiteru…" I heard him whisper as he broke the kiss, I sigh as I laid my head against his chest,
"Aishiteru koibito…" The words slipped out of my mouth, I smile and look up at him, only did I fall into a dark nothingness, looking around, I see no one, crying for help, then I see Mamu-chan, I reached out to him as he walked away. Then I turned around and see Seiya, I reach out to him, he tries to reach for me, but Yaten and Taiki pull him away, leaving me alone, as he disappeared into the darkness…
"He never wants to see you again." I heard Yaten's voice echo.
"Don't touch him." I heard Taiki's voice echo.
"I'm sorry…" I heard Seiya's voice echo… I cry, feeling alone, then a sudden fire wall circled me, there was no way out, I saw all the others, but they all walked away from me, I see Mamu-chan, he turned on his heel and walked off, I see Seiya, he reaches for me, only his image changed into Neherenia and Galaxia laughing at me and then the fire ring got smaller and smaller, trapping me in the middle…
Why doesn't anyone help me?
*End Dream Flashback*
I drop to the floor and bring me knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as I rock back and forth.
I always wished, every night before I go to bed, that I can see Seiya, just one more time to correct my mistakes, just one more time to say I'm sorry, and one time and chance for me to say, "Aishiteru Seiya…" I whispered, hoping that he can hear me.
I always do, I hope he hears my calls for him, my tears I shed cause of him, my heart just aching because of him, my dreams only of him.
Only he can make me what I used to be, I feel so alone, hiding within my shell, I'm too afraid to come out, he isn't around for me to go to if I get hurt or just need someone there for me. I miss him. I love him. I Need Him…I need Seiya…
"I miss you Seiya." I sobbed out.
"Are you coming back for me?" I asked 'him' hoping he can hear me as I looked up at my ceiling.
"Do you know how much I need you?" I say, Heading over to my bed, I sat on It and looked out into the sky, it was still very early and the sky was still kind of dark.
I closed my eyes.
I see myself the way I am, smiling happily as a pair of arms embraced my waist, myself hugging the arms, the owner of the arm's body standing right behind me, his head resting on my shoulder as he, Seiya, smiled back lovingly at me.
"Am I still dreaming…?" I whispered out.
"That doesn't matter for now...what matters is that you're here with me koibito, my Seiya-koibito…"
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Sandra: I know that wasn't exactly the best, but hey I'm trying to change the story a twitch bit and make it suit the coupling of Seiya/Usagi!
If you think it's good then Review ne? and I'll do one based on Seiya's thoughts about Usagi-chan!
Deal? DEAL! SO review! Ja ne!