A/N: I just want to say that this story came out of nowhere, but I really enjoy writing it. Since I'm crazy about non-massacre fics, sasusaku and Itachi (because they are the best things since ever when it comes to "Naruto" and you better believe it!), I decided to combine all three in a quirky, fun story that has nothing to do with canon, but is really easy to write and (hopefully) read. There will be a lot of Itachi/OC, but it will be balanced out by sasusaku quite evenly, so I hope that a lot of people will enjoy it.
If by the end of this story (which will be around 7 chapters long) you would like me to write another one, this time all about how Sakura and Sasuke became a couple (a oneshot, a chapter fic - you choose!), I'll gladly consider it~

For now, simply enjoy the madness! ;)

FIVE MINUTES

"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes."
-Lucille Ball

Chapter 1: Impression

(n) the effect or influence that something or someone has on a person's thoughts or feelings

Her clothes, namely the pantlegs of her trousers all the way up to her mid-thighs, were frozen.

As in stiff-beyond-belief and making-it-hard-to-walk-in kind of frozen.

It was unbelievable, plain and simple, and she wondered briefly – but not for the first time – if coming to Konoha head-on without inquiring about the weather conditions there was such a good idea. Obviously it wasn't. The telltale sights of an upcoming cold, shivers and loud achooes included, were clearly a sign from gods that she should have stayed in Suna instead of embracing on the adventure.

What was supposed to be a three-days-long, easy-peasy trip to Konoha was turning out to be quite a challenge. If she was completely honest with herself, she would say that if it wasn't for the Konoha nins who had met her at the border of Wind and Fire to escort her to their village and lent her some of their weather-appropriate clothes, she would have frozen to death a day and a half ago. And death by her own stupidity wasn't on the top of the list of her priorities. Not to mention that she highly doubt her siblings would survive without her. That and she absolutely refused to be bested by frozen water, thank you very much.

On the brighter side, she could actually see Konoha's gates now. Or at least a little bit of them, since the blizzard was successfully blocking her view. It was only thanks to Konohamaru that she even knew what the splash of green and red in the distance was, since she had never been to Konoha before. Hell, she had never left the borders of the Wind country! Even during the 4th Shinobi War she had stayed in the relative safety of the village, because someone apparently needed to take care of Suna's citizens, when their brave and noble Kage was off fighting.

For the most part she didn't mind it. Suna was her home and almost all of the precious people in her life lived there, but when Sakura had come to her almost two months ago and asked her in person to be her maid of honour, she could hardly say no.

Of course agreeing to that heart-warming request was one thing. Making sure she could go through with her promise to attend and be present in Konoha before the reception was another thing entirely.

She had many responsibilities as the Kazekage's sister. In fact she had more of them than the Kazekage himself and then some. She was his self-appointed assistant, an Academy teacher and a part-time babysitter for her sister's two little devils. If she had free time, she would still spend it all doing something productive, either for her family or her village. And when, by some miracle, she had both free time and nothing to do, she would go bonkers. She was so used to taking care of others that not doing so seemed somehow wrong. It was very exhausting and time consuming (especially considering just how stubborn Gaara could be when he wanted to), so it wasn't unusual for Hanae to be almost too tired to think straight. Still she point-blank rejected any and all willing helpers. She could manage everything herself and she really didn't need anyone to stuck their nose where it obviously didn't belong.

Besides, the kind of work she did while in the Kazekage tower was hardly within anyone else's expertise, because only she could push Gaara's buttons as much as she did and live long enough to tell the tale.

"Hanae-san, I believe there's a welcoming committee waiting for you at the gates!"

She looked at Konohamaru, who appeared unfairly cheerful through the entire journey, and then at the gates, where she could indeed see two blurry figures. One was red with a splash of pink on top, which was a colour combination that pointed to one person and one person only, namely Haruno Sakura. The second was very black, so she could make an educated guess that it was someone from the Uchiha clan. She had seen a lot of them pass through Suna over the years and she could swear she had never seen them in any other colours that black, dark blue and grey. A very boring colour scheme, if anyone asked her.

"T-that's n-nice," she said, through her clanging teeth and numb lips made it sound more like a stammer.

They increased their pace. Even though she was bone-tired and unbelievably cold, she made an effort to move faster if only to reach the safety and warmth a bit sooner. By the time they made it to the two figures (who turned out to be Sakura and an Uchiha, like she had predicted), her legs were unable to support her body any longer and if it wasn't for the Uchiha's quick reflex, she would have face-planted onto the snow-covered ground. Instead she found herself with her face full of a deliciously warm chest of a complete stranger that smelled like honeydew and something musky.

"Oh Kami, Hanae! Are you alright?!" Sakura's voice was slightly high-pitched and full of panic. "What happened to you?"

"F-fire h-happened," she mumbled into the aforementioned chest that rumbled gently with a man's – because that was most definitely a man's chest – deep, but quiet laughter.

She could hear someone snort from behind her and then she felt the familiar sensation of her friend's healing chakra as Sakura pressed her hands to the back of her head. It was really nice and soothing. The warmth of Sakura's chakra, combined with the warm body in front of her, made her rather sleepy.

"You have a very high fever," Sakura exclaimed worriedly after the withdrew her hands. "And we need to get you of this cold. Otherwise you're bound to end up with hypothermia."

At her friend's words, she turned her head to look at her and smiled at the concerned look on the medic's face. Then she turned her attention back to the person who was still holding her and her smile only widened. The man was really beautiful.

"Hi," she said, completely ignoring the fact that she was probably delirious and therefore should keep her mouth shut. "You smell nice."

"I'm truly delighted to make your acquaintance as well, Hanae-san," he replied with a barely-there smile. She could also detect amusement in his dark eyes. Or she was simply imagining things. Both scenarios were equally possible.

She didn't register much of what happened next. There was a commotion and she was suddenly in the man's arms, snuggled against his body. Sakura was saying something. They moved. At some point they've entered a house, she was sure, because the wind and snow were gone. Then someone's gentle hands helped her change into a set of soft not-frozen clothes and right after that she was back in the arms of the honeydew man (his smell and his voice were a testimony to that) as he carried her somewhere.

She didn't quite know where exactly, because she had fallen asleep almost immediately after he had picked her up.

-o-o-o-

Everything was warm and soft, and welcoming. Her head felt heavy, but it hurt a lot more than it did before she had landed herself in this unfamiliar room.

She took her time looking around. The place was obviously traditional. The shoji screens, tatami mats and a large futon she was currently laying on had told her that much straight away. When she moved her head to the side, blinking leisurely to get rid of the remains of sleepiness that were still making her brain kind of fuzzy, she immediately noticed a glass of water, a plastic cup with pills inside and a small piece of paper.

She squeezed her eyes shut before blinking a few more times. With her head slightly lighter, she attempted to sit up. As expected, it resulted with a rather alarming feeling of vertigo, which forced her to freeze for a moment and take a few deep breathes. When she was sure she wouldn't end up unconscious, she moved the rest of the way up. She reached out and grasped the piece of paper.

The pills will help. Drink a lot of water and tea. I'll back as soon as I can! –Sakura

Humming in thought, she put the note down and then picked both the glass and the plastic cup. The pills tasted bitter and the water wasn't helping her with getting rid of that horrid taste. That's why she hated being ill. The medication always tasted awful. The dull pounding in her head wasn't making it any better either.

Sighing, she looked around the room once again, this time in a somewhat lucid state, but there was sadly nothing more to it besides her backpack propped against one of the walls, which, from the looks of it, was empty. She hadn't noticed it before. It looked like some merciful soul (more than likely Sakura) had taken her clothes out of it to let them dry. Her katana, the array of scrolls, three weapon pouches and a sponge bag were laid down beside it.

Somewhat reassured that her belongings were still in one piece, she raised from the bed. This time there was no dizziness. Apparently Sakura's pills were already working their magic. She shivered when the chilly air hit her bare calf. A pair of pants would have been nice, but since all of her clothes were somewhere else – and she didn't exactly know where – she settled for the next best thing, which happened to be the fluffy crimson blanket that had been draped over her covers. She wrapped it around herself and almost purred at its warmth.

It was truly amazing how such a small thing could make a person happy,

Satisfied with herself, she made her way to the door. Once there, she peaked outside. The corridor was empty and silent, which probably meant that Sakura wasn't yet home. Shrugging, she made her way down the hall and then turned right. There was a faint smell of coffee floating through the air, which would hopefully lead her to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Hanae-san."

She yelped, jumping up in fright and dropping the blanket to the ground, before abruptly turning around to address the person who had just scared her half to death.

However the words got stuck in her throat upon seeing said person.

Her memories from the day she had arrived to Konoha came back in flashes. They weren't exactly clean, but that didn't stop her from recognizing the man's voice. She was pretty sure that if she sniffed the air right now, the sweet smell of honeydew would attest to it as well.

"Morning," she choked out, all the while feeling her face heat up in embarrassment. She had squashed her face into his chest the last time they talked – if her appalling attempt at flirtation and his too-polite greeting classified as such – and made a spectacle out of herself.

If first impressions were really that important, she was royally screwed.

-o-o-o-

If anyone said that they never judged people by their looks and only ever paid attention to what was hidden within, they were obviously lying, mostly to themselves. It took the brain more or less thirty seconds to assess someone. There was no deep thinking involved, no psychology whatsoever – just basic survival instincts.

Uchiha Itachi had always fancied himself a good judge of character. His self-preservation was up-to-date as well, since he was still very much alive in spite of the fact that every rouge nin he had encountered in the last twelve years of his life had been strangely determined to remedy that situation (thankfully with little to none success). Besides, the Uchiha heir was simply a very curious individual. His mother liked to say that he inherited that particular trait from her, through he strongly disagreed that his gathering of useful data was in any way similar to her penchant for gossip.

It didn't quite stop Shisui from calling both his aunt and cousin stalkers when he had a chance to catch them red-handed.

That being said, Itachi had never let anything stand in the way of his research. Shisui's stupidity, a common courtesy or most people's general need for privacy simply meant nothing when he wanted to know something and, in the end, he always got what he desired.

As he looked at the woman, who was now seated in front of him and slowly sipping at her coffee, he thought that maybe thirty seconds weren't nearly enough to figure out this particular person. Setting aside the chest-sniffing and her pitiful flirting skills, he was willing to admit that maybe be had put a label on her too early. She was far more interesting than he had originally assumed, which, for some unexplainable reason, pleased him greatly.

Maybe it was because he simply detested boring people (or any kind of people that couldn't provide him with a semi-intelligent conversation) or maybe he just expected something more from the Kazekage's oldest sibling. There was also a distant possibility that staying at home for a month and a half of his overdue vacation was damaging to his brain. Not that it actually mattered.

"How are you feeling, Hanae-san?"

The woman glanced at him briefly over the rim of the biggest mug in the house, which was roughly the size of her head, a small smile stretching across her pretty heart-shaped face.

"Much better, thank you. Sakura is a miracle worker. Normally I wouldn't be out of bed this early into the illness."

"Are you ill often then?"

"No, not really. Actually, it had been years since I've last come down with something." She sighed, putting the mug down on the kitchen table. "To be honest, I think I've been working a little bit past my limit for the last month and the horrid weather didn't help much."

"You should take better care of yourself then," he commented evenly, thankful that there was no Sakura nor Sasuke to point out that his statement was a dictionary definition of a pot calling kettle. Itachi was as good at taking care of himself as he was at being social, which was plain and simple pathetic. His persistent family was the only reason he hadn't dug himself an early grave just yet. Ever since Sakura had joined them at the Uchiha compound, so she could be closer to her future family and husband, it become even harder for him to not look after himself a bit more. Case in point: he had been recently forced by the little pink-haired fury to take the longest leave from active duty to date.

"So..." He looked up when he heard Hanae's voice. She didn't comment on his words . She also didn't look as if she was about to do it, but her mocking smile suggested she could see through him on this one and wasn't going to listen to him at all. "You obviously know who I am. I, on the other hand, only know that you are an Uchiha, through it doesn't really help me much. There's an awful lot of you, is there not?"

Feisty and intelligent. Oh, I like that, he thought with well-concealed amusement.

So she had figured out his last name. He wondered how exactly could she do it without knowing his name. Through the members of his clan looked very much alike, it still didn't explain the how.

"Dark hair, dark eyes, utterly boring colour scheme of your clothing, the clan symbol on the back of your shirt..." She smiled at him sweetly. "I've probably seen a dozen or so of your clansmen march through Suna's gates in the last few years. I learn quickly and rarely forget, just so you know."

Itachi considered for a brief moment not telling her his name and maybe taunting her into a guessing game. It would have been very childish and unbecoming of him, but boredom tended to have this effect on him. There was only so much one could do alone at home, after all.

"Uchiha Itachi," he said eventually, paying close attention to her face.

He was not disappointed.

-o-o-o-

Haruno Sakura was a type of person who rather enjoyed gossip.

She was by no means spending all of her free time on said activity, through with Mikoto by her side it was hard not to. The Uchiha matriarch had a knack for espionage, no doubt about it.

Apart from that very harmless fun, she also liked to play matchmaker. It had nothing to do with her blissful happiness or Sasuke's charming smile. Well, maybe it did have something to do with it, but Sakura wasn't about to admit it out loud. Luckily for her, most of her friends didn't mind her meddling with their personal lives. Of course there were a few who had tried resisting her at the beginning, but Sakura was very good at passive-aggressive persuasion.

But every rule had at least one exception and Sakura's crusade to make everyone fall in love had two.

Uchiha Itachi and Sabaku no Hanae.

She strongly suspected that her future brother-in-law was some sort of hybrid. There was no way that a man could be so damn uptight, even if said man was an Uchiha. Seriously, if you stuck a lump of coal up his arse, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.

Handsome, incredibly talent and a heir to a very prestigious clan – this would make, in Sakura's opinion, an advertisement good enough. That is if you kindly excluded the long list of his shortcomings.

Hanae was a different story. She was selfless to a point where it bordered on plain stupidly. While she really admired that trait in her friend, it was also a reason behind her nonexistent love life. The Suna kunoichi spent too much time taking care of her siblings, who were not only adults, but also capable to take care of themselves. Hanae hadn't probably even noticed when they've grown up in her quest to make their lives the best they could possibly be. As far as Sakura was aware, the woman had never even been on a real date. Considering her age, it was slightly alarming and unquestionably pitiful.

Both of them gave her a headache and to be honest she had absolutely no idea what to do with them, stubborn as they were. Not until she had seen them together.

For some reason she had never thought of setting them up, but the more she considered it, the better it sounded. Not only would they make an absolutely adorable couple, but she was also fairly certain they would be beyond happy together

When it came to looks, they were complete opposites, much like she and Sasuke.

Hanae was petite and even shorter than Sakura. Her face strongly resembled that of a porcelain doll - big eyes, long lashes, small nose, pouty lips and all that. Itachi, on the other hand, was the epitome of maleness. Tall, lean, with board shoulders and an air of authority around him, he was the picture perfect husband material. When he had been holding a barely conscious Hanae in his arms the previous day, Sakura could hardly contain a giddy smile from stretching across her face, because adorable didn't even begin to cover how they've looked.

Of course Sakura couldn't very well just tell them that they were perfect for each other. Direct approach was not something that had ever worked on Itachi before and Hanae would simply die of embarrassment at the mere suggestion.

She needed a bulletproof plan to make it happen and the only person who was better at matchmaking (and would be at least equally as interested) was Mikoto.

The two of them had spent an entire evening after Hanae's arrival swapping ideas, but the only thing they were able to settle on was the fact that they needed to find out if there was a real potential for this to work out. Itachi and Hanae were attracted to each other, that much had been obvious to both females from the beginning, but it wouldn't be enough if that was the only connection they shared.

Their characters matched, through Hanae definitely didn't have a stick showed up her ass, but that didn't mean they could work out. She and Naruto were very similar in this regard as well, and they certainly could never be more than friends.

Shaking her head, Sakura looked into the kitchen with a delighted smile. Leaving Hanae at home with Itachi had turned out to be a marvellous idea, since they were now talking. Itachi was clearly enjoying himself, if the smirk on his face was any indication, and her friend was so red, her hair was almost blending in with her flushed complexion.

On the side note it was truly astounding how much blood could gather under someone's skin without causing an injury.

"Hanae! I'm so glad you're up and about, " she said as she walk into the kitchen, deciding to save her friend before she spontaneously combusted from all that blood rushing to her head.

There would be time to tease her later on.

Like it? If so, please leave a review. I would really appreciate your input. Questions? Feel free to PM me or ask it in your review. I generally don't bite... ;)