Disclaimer: The show and the characters belong to CBS and Viacom. They are merely being borrowed for this piece of fan fiction.
Author's Note: Thanks to the incredibly patient lady who deals with all my grammar and punctuation issues. You are the best.
Beauty Can Be Deadly
Chapter 1
"No," Steve emphatically stated.
"Steve, please," Jesse implored.
"No way! No how! Not gonna happen," Steve responded.
"Oh come on, Steve, you'll enjoy it," Amanda added.
Directing an annoyed gaze towards Amanda, Steve aimed his next comment towards her. "Amanda, stay out of this. I don't need you guys ganging up on me."
"You know, Son, it really….." Mark started.
"Not you too, Dad?" Steve interrupted.
"I just don't see why you are being so difficult?" Jesse whined.
Amanda nearly choked on her coffee. "You don't see Steve being difficult? Now that's a first."
Trying to hide his amusement Mark once again addressed his son. "Steve, I promise it won't take much time."
Steve snorted. "Like I haven't heard that before."
"Steve, you'll be surrounded by beautiful women. All of them will want to make an impression on you." Jesse winked suggestively at Steve.
"Jesse, knowing my luck they will all be members of a women's club formed for psychos and murderers," Steve responded dryly.
"I promise Steve, they are all nice normal girls," Jesse responded. Sensing that Steve's resolve was wavering Jesse continued, "I'll close at BBQ Bob's for a month."
"Why is this so important?" asked Steve.
"Steve, we need someone above reproach, a pillar of the community, someone honest to a fault." Jesse responded. "And your Dad is already busy so we thought we would ask you!" Jesse dodged the slap that Steve aimed his way.
"Ok, tell me more about it," grunted Steve.
Jesse gleefully obliged. "Ok, here's the scoop. This year for the Children's Burn Unit Fundraiser we decided to have a Beauty Pageant. Those who want to participate pay an entry fee and we charge admission for the pageant itself. I have lined up some sponsors who will be providing the prizes. They're not too shabby if I say so myself so they should draw in some contestants. Of course, what would a Beauty Pageant be without judges and that is where you, my lucky friend come in!"
Steve shook his head. "Jesse, I still don't understand why you want me for this. I've never judged anything in my life."
Mark intervened. "That's not true; you have judged a few Chili contests."
"Dad, that's food not people. In case you hadn't noticed, there is a difference," Steve intoned.
"I'm well aware of the difference Son," was Mark's dry response.
"Steve, personally I find Beauty Pageants distasteful. They imply that you have to look a certain way to be considered beautiful and I just don't happen to agree with that. But this is for a good cause. The burn unit struggles every year. If I can put aside my personal feelings for the cause then you can make a sacrifice as well," Amanda smiled as she finished.
Steve viewed the three expectant faces that stared at him intently. There was more to this. He was sure of that. He felt like a fish nibbling at the bait just before the fisherman yanked the line and hooked him. I'm going to regret this, he thought to himself. "Ok, you guys win, but be warned if this turns into a disaster I will make you pay."
"Thanks, buddy, I knew I could count on you," was Jesse's ecstatic response.
~~****~~
Steve stood with his hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans. A petite well endowed blonde glided by slightly brushing him. Maybe this won't be so bad after all. His thoughts were interrupted by the page for all judges to meet in front of the stage. As he made his way towards the assigned area he failed to notice the pair of green eyes that had watched his every movement.
Savannah Aldridge liked what she saw. Tall, obviously well built and those to die for blue eyes. Wait till I call Momma and Daddy tonight and tell them I have found the one.
Steve found himself amongst an eclectic group of judges. He was pretty sure he was the only one that wasn't yet taking advantage of AARP benefits. The elderly gentleman to his left said he was a retired butcher. His hearing aid was emitting a high pitched squeal that seemed to vibrate down Steve's spine. The lady to his right said she was a retired dressmaker. By the smell of her breath Steve had to wonder if she was spending her retirement in the bar down the road. As if that wasn't enough each time she talked to him her false teeth slid forward and clicked like a mouse trap. Oh yeah this will be great. I'll be dispensing Geritol and running to the store for Depends during the breaks. His thoughts were interrupted by the beginnings of the introductions of the contestants. He leaned forward and tried to shut out the squealing to his left and the clicking to his right.
Steve leaned back in his chair. He didn't know women could come in so many shapes and sizes. He had seen hair colors that he couldn't identify. He also was pretty sure that some of the hair styles would have required the help of structural engineers. There must not be any hair spray left in LA and the hole in the ozone layer above this building must be huge, he mused. There were a total of 23 contestants. He had lost track of the names about half way through. He had speculated that some of them had implants so big that their breasts probably shifted like the tides with the moon.
"Lt. Sloan," came a voice from behind Steve.
Steve turned to find a rather attractive young women staring down at him. "Yes?"
"I'm, Anthea Monroe, I'm one of the contestants in the pageant."
"I'm pleased to meet you Ms Monroe," Steve responded. "What can I do for you?"
"Oh, it's not what you can do for me, it's, what I can do for you."
"Excuse me?" Steve wore a slightly startled look as he took in the small brown haired woman in front of him. "I'm not sure what you mean."
With a look that Steve could have sworn he had seen on a Cheetah closing in on its prey in a Discovery Channel special she lithely moved towards him. She stopped mere inches from him. As she bent down to look closely in his face she rested her hands on his thighs. "I mean that I want to win this pageant. I would consider it an honor if you would allow me to privately show you my talents."
Steve gulped and tried to slide back further in his chair. He found his way blocked by the back. "Ms Monroe, I intend to be fair about this and I will not be viewing anyone's talents privately. Please feel free to share that with the other contestants."
Neither party was aware of the angry green gaze that had observed their encounter. Those same green eyes seethed with anger at the hands that still rested on Steve's thighs. Well, little missy you have trespassed onto private property. Nobody can touch him like that but me.
Steve gently reached down and removed Anthea Monroe's hands from his legs, "Ms Monroe, if you'll excuse me I need to step outside for a moment."
As Steve excited the room he felt a hand on his sleeve. "I'm not interested in seeing your talent."
"Well good because I certainly wasn't planning on showing it to you," stated a delighted Jesse. "Just for fun what kind of talents have you been exposed to?"
"Knock it off Jesse. I just had my first encounter with a contestant who really wants to win."
"Oh, and that's a bad thing?" asked a disbelieving Jesse. "So?"
"Jesse, I am not going to give you a play by play description of everything that happens. If you find it so interesting them maybe you should have been a judge yourself. By the way does the local nursing home know that you have kidnapped most of its occupants and are using them for judges?"
"A little grumpy aren't we," replied a highly amused Jesse.
"Grumpy? Now what reason could I have to be grumpy? I spent the better part of the morning having my cheeks pinched," Steve proclaimed.
"Which cheeks, and by who?"
"Ha! Ha! You really think you're funny don't you? You're female judges seem to think it's a fun thing to do, I remind them of their favorite son or grandson," Steve replied.
"Well look at it this way Steve it's the most action you've seen in a long time," Jesse replied wickedly. "And my question still stands, which cheeks?"
The look that was thrown Jesse's way full of promised revenge. Jesse gulped and decided to beat a hasty retreat.