(none of these characters are original or mine... these characters are all owned by squaresoft and what not.. I'm just "borrowing" them... ' please please this is my first fic and I hope you enjoy it... There might be a couple of guest appearance by other ff characters from other ff series. This story is pretty humorous so if you don't like funny then don't read it... Some of these scenes were inspired from friends, and three card stud.." oh and sorry about the spelling... it's got some suggestive content in it. The characters are at Costa de Sol and Cid discovers "fanart" of Avalanche, circulating on the web.
Sweet Sweet fantasies...
By LMG
It was a warm breezy day on the beach. Meteor was done and over with and everyone (and I mean everyone) was at the beach house Costa de Sol having a good time. Half the group was inside the house, while the other half were outside playing. Tifa was inside at the bar mixing drinks.
Reno was getting drunk and hitting on Tifa.
"Ya know.. Tifa... you got... some...RRRack there... "
Tifa smiled politely at him. "Why thankyou Reno... I spent so much money on them.. I didn't think anyone would notice..." She looked behind her at her new bar rack which housed a number of alcoholic beverages. "...at first they took some getting used to... and it's so hard to move around because they're so big... But I got used to them..."
Reno smiles at the audience knowingly and winks. "Uh huh... sure... Tif..."
Shera was making sandwich's in the kitchen, while humming to herself. Rude was playing five card stud inside with Cait Sith/Reeve and Yuffie.
Yuffie was trying to cheat by hiding cards in her tankini shorts. Every now and then she would pull out an ace or two from the card pile while her opponents weren't looking. "Heheh! I win!" She beamed and flipped over her cards. She reached for the pile of money in the center of the table. Cait and Rude gave her incredulous looks.
Cait Sith hissed at her,"How in the world did you get six aces? Now five aces I can believe! But six! That some cheatin!".
Rude cracked his knuckles.
Yuffie laughed nervously while the other two seethed at her menacingly. "Guys, I don't know what you're talking about... Heheh..."
Cid was sitting near them cursing up a storm as always and surfing the net on his new computer.
Elana was sun bathing on a lawn chair outside.
Red was busy mauling- I mean playing with Marlene in the ocean. Barret and Cloud were teaching Aries how to play volley ball along with Tseng, and Zack
"Now Aries..., " Cloud instructed her, "You hold the ball like this, and then ya bring your hand up like this and smack the ball like this..."
He demonstrated hitting the ball for Aries. He brought his hand up and smacked the ball towards Zack, who in return popped the ball back to Cloud.
"Now you try it.."
Areis laughed nervously. "heheh.. I dunno you guys.. I mean.. I've never done this before..."
"You'll do fine girl... come on... just pretend it's Sephiroth... you know... tryin ta kill ya and stuff...",Barret offered her words of encouragement.
Aries narrowed her eyes evenly. "Sephiroth...right..."
Tseng got ready to catch the ball. And Cloud stood back with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Barret turned his gaze towards the teams most independent character. Vincent was sitting under a giant umbrella, in the shade, with sunglasses and a Gun magazine. Everyone was in their swim suits except for Vincent who wore his regular clothes to the beach.
Barret called out to the pale man with an incredulous look on his face. "What in the hell are you dressed like that fo?"
Vincent turned to Barret and answered demurely,"Because the writer's insane and doesn't want me to ruin my goth/vampire/ whatever image."
Barret was too busy talking to Vincent to notice the mayhem going on behind him. Aries super punts the volleyball in Tseng's direction, which knocks him into a palm tree. Tseng moans pitifully. Cloud's jaw drops. Zack starts running the opposite direction of Aries. Aries starts cursing up a storm.
"There Sephiroth... That's what you get! You ##% #& &% 8$$ &&!"
Barret gave Vincent a quizzical look. "The who? I don't know what you talking bout fool! Make some sense!"
Vincent growled got up and headed for the house. Cloud tries to stop Aries from maiming anyone else, but fell under the might of her fury. And he didn't get back up. Aries was looking for a new target. Barret shook his head at Vincent and threw his hands up. When he turned around, he found Cloud and Tseng unconscious on the sand. Aries was breaking palm trees left and right with the mere force of her volley ball. Barret nodded with a stupid grin on his face.
"Aight.. now this is my kind of volley ball this is the way we play in da hood."
As Vincent entered the home, gunsounds and screams could be heard in the background. Cid erupted with a giant upheaval of curses.
"GDDMMIT, WHAT THE IN THE H#LL-" Cid swore while throwing his hands up in the air.
His cigar dropped onto the floor. "I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'D DO THIS TO US! " He pointed his finger at the computer screen.
Cid reached back and pulled at his hair. Rude, Yuffie, Cait, Tifa, and Reno stopped what they were doing and eyed the madman curiously.
Even Shera stuck her head out of the kitchen and asked,"Is everything alright?"
Yuffie, who was stuck in a headlock with Rude and Cait, pointed to the cigar on the ground next to Cid's foot, which was burning a hole on the wooden floor. "Ya might wanna pick that cigar up from the floor or Cloud'll kill ya..."
Cid's gaze dropped to the floor next to his foot. "Ahh!"
He quickly stomped out the cigar with his barefoot. Realizing his mistake (a moment too late), Cid dances around the room while cradling his wounded foot in his arms. Everyone returned to what they were doing before the interruption. Out of curiosity, Vincent strode over to Cid's computer. When he reached the computer, his eyes opened wide and his upper lip curled back in disgust.
"This is Disgusting! How could they do this to us?"
Cid fell down next to Vincent. "Yeah, that's exactly what I just said Nosferatu!"
Vincent glowered at Cid's remark.
"WELL, if it weren't for people like you... THIS wouldn't have happened!" Vincent retorted evenly while pointing at the screen.
Cid stood up. "People like me? Whaddaya mean PEOPLE like ME? I wouldn't write or draw pictures like this? I aint desperate... "
Tifa came over to the screen to see what was up. Reno took this opportunity to jump behind the bar and guzzle down as much liquor as possible.
"Okay this is stupid.. I don't know what you two are arguing about but this better stop- UGH!"
She stopped talking as soon as she got in front of the screen, and turned beet red.
"What in the hell is this? And why am I dressed like that?"
That got everyone's attention. Reno with two liquor bottles pressed upon his protruding lips stopped drinking and looked at the three people standing in front of the computer. He spat out the alcohol.
"Say WHAT?"
With a wolfish grin he lept out from behind the counter and into Tifa's waiting fist.
"No I don't think so...you don't get to see!"
She grabbed Cid's mouse and tried to close the windows and windows of pictures pouring in on his desktop. I have to close this all before cloud comes in and sees them. Reno is lying on the floor with chibi Tifa's dancing over his head. Yuffie, Rude, and Cait came over as well. Tifa was failing miserably. For every picture she clicked off another ten would show up in its place.
"Wait, what is it? Lemme see!"
Cait elbowed Yuffie out of the way. "I don't think so kiddo.. this is rated R.."
Rude pushed past the two squabbling avalanche members. He peered over Cid's shoulder. Cid jumped at this.
"Whoa! Dude, I ain't that kinda man.. if you wanna do that, then get behind Vincent... "
Rude snickered when he saw the pictures on the screen.
A very bruised Yuffie and Cait finally joined the party. What they saw made their eyes pop out of their head. There on Cid's computer screen were pictures of the final fantasy 7 cast members in awkward "sexual" positions.
"EWWWWW" the gang said in unison.
Yuffie looked up at Cid. "Hey, why are there so many pictures of you and Vincent... together?"
Cid crossed his arms together. His face turned bright red. "I don't know what you're talking about!"
Yuffie pointed at the pictures on the screen.. "Well here's a pic of you holding Vincent all lovey dovey.. and stuff... and then in this one... there's a picture of you and Vincent lying in the same bed together... and then in this one.. you guys are smoking cigarettes like ya did something kinky oh some-"
Cid cut her off. "ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE F#CKERS ARE THINKIN BUT I AINT GAY, AN THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I WOULD GO NEAR THIS VAMPIRE WITH A TEN FOOT POLE...THERE'S SOME SICK PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH SICK FANTASIES! I MARRIED SHERA! SHERA... NOT VINCENT!#% !% %$! &!&"
Vincent whimpers sarcastically "Uhn... uhn... Sniff sniff," He pretends to wipe away a tear and yells... "HALLELLUJAH... I'm pretty sure the gay world would thank you and I too agree that I wouldn't go near you, or your filthy trap with a ten foot pole unless a sawed-off shotgun was attached at the end of it.. "
Surprised by the sudden outburst, Cid was too taken aback to say anything.
"Pipe down you two!" Tifa warned. "You'll draw attention to us... "
Yuffie's eyes bulged "Hey wait issat me? Why am I getting teamed up on by Tifa and Aries? Ah... Yuccckk.. Grossnesss..."
Cait jeered her. "Uh huh.. did you see the one with you and Vincent... "
"Well, here's one of you and Red...And here's another one of you and Barret. " Yuffie retorts back with an evil grin, she suddenly turned her attention to Tifa. "Hey, Tifa why are you paired with so many guys?"
Tifa threw up her hands helplessly. "I don't know!"
Yuffie clicks the mouse on one of the pictures.
"Here's one with Cloud, Zack, and Sephiroth..."
Tifa cries out in disgust and grabs the mouse out of Yuffie's clutches.
"Here lemme see babe!" said Reno from behind. A bewildered look crossed Tifa's face. When did he become conscious?
Reno snatches the mouse out of her hand. "Hey Tifa I like this picture here of you in the nud-"
She clocks him out again.
Yuffie giggles, "Hey Tifa here's a pic of Reno and Rude... "
Rude's jaw drops at the mention of his name. "I would never!"
Yuffie continued. "CloudxBarret, Cloud and Seph, Cloud and Aries.. Cloud and Tifa... Cloud and Vincent... Cloud and – Jeez Cloud just about gets with anything don't he?"
Tifa turns to Cid with her hands on her hips,"Cid, what? How? Where in the world did you get these pictures?"
Cid shrugs his shoulders and scratches his head. "I dunno, I mean it wasn't like I was lookin for them y'know... I mean I was lookin for websites about us you know.. I mean I'm tryin to start my own website about me and my space adventures... And since we saved the world and all I thought that there would be so many shrines dedicated to us...(well mostly me..) I do this websearch about us and our shrines... then I get to this site about members of avalanche... I guess my curiosity got the best of me.. an I went inside.. and this is what I found!"
Cait Sith bowed his head. "It's a travesty.."
Shera comes out of the kitchen with a plate of sandwichs. "Is everything alright?"
"Get back in the kitchen!" Cid orders her.
Shera does a 180 and flies back into the kitchen. "Alright honey, tell me if you need anything..."
Yuffie points to another picture. "Here's one with Tseng and Elana... ah... here's VincentxHojo..."
Vincent shudders. Cid slaps Yuffie's hand away from the screen.
"Alright Yuffie, I think you're havin too much fun here." He turns to the others. "I think that we need to get rid of this ST b'fore anyone sees it... I don't wanna be known as a F#CKIN perv or nothin..."
Before he can turn off the computer, a volley ball comes crashing through the windows and into his computer. Cid screams and drops to his knees. Cloud comes bursting in with Zack hot on his heels. They slam the door shut behind them. Zack eyes Cloud wearily.
"When do you suppose she'll stop?"
Cloud shrugs his shoulders. "I dunno... she's like a freakin monster..."
"You think if we get her flowers... she'll stop?" Zack asked him hopefully.
Sweat pours down Cloud's face. "I don't know... Zack... all I know is... I don't wanna die..."
The two men turn around to find Cait, Yuffie, Vincent, Tifa, and Rude with the exception of Reno (who was on the floor unconscious, ) and Cid (who was too busy gawking at his broken computer), staring at them.
"Sooooo what's up?" Cloud asks everyone.
Everyone in the room automatically talks. Cloud and Zack look at each other.
"What in the world happened here?"
They both shrug, lean up against the door and sink to the floor in a tired heap.
I may write some more... But I don't think I will... Please no flames... or anything... thanx