Hey everyone! It's me again with a spoof of chapter 12 of Lord of the Flies. It's really weird and random and I just had a really good idea for one part but I don't remember it. FML.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN LORD OF THE FLIES AND I'M NOT WILLIAM GOLDING. HE'S DEAD, YOU FUCKING IDIOT. KAPEESH? GOOD.
"You're-"
"Going-"
"To-"
"Hide-"
"In-"
"That-"
"Bush?" Ralph sighed and rubbed his temple at the two twins, their skin illuminated by only the thin light the moon provided.
"Yeah, don't judge me, I just came up with it."
"Bro-"
"That's-"
"Retarded."
"Hey, I came to you for advice and sympathy and perhaps a three way! Not to have my ideas shot down!" Ralph protested.
"Fine."
"Now, I'm going to hide in that bush and wait everyone out."
"Hey Sam?"
"Yeah Eric?"
"Why are we not killing Ralph right now? I mean, it would be the practical thing to do since he's, like, right here."
"Yeah but then Jack would throw a hissy fit since he didn't get to kill Ralph and then another hissy fit because he smudged his makeup in his previous hissy fit!"
"Eh…I guess you're right…"
"Guys! This isn't helping!" The two twins snapped their heads towards Ralph as if he had just re appeared after disappearing, which never happened in the first place, which is weird.
"We're-"
"Just-"
"Being-"
"Practical!"
"You know what, fuck this, I'm leaving," Ralph left with a huff and moved the hair out of his face for the one-billionth time.
BEWARE OF THE PAUSE THAT'S OCCURING RIGHT NOW!
"Where's Ralph?" Ralph's eyes snapped open to Jack's voice. With a moan, he turned over to see Roger and Jack terrorizing Samneric.
"We-"
"Don't-"
"Know!"
"Fine, if you won't fess up I'll just have Roger get in the water then look 10 times more gorgeous than he already looks by standing in the sun!"
"Fine he's in that bush over there." Ralph flipped off the four and stalked away as the bush magically lit on fire since Roger has magical powers for some reason. As he trudged through the forest, a few gross looking littluns screamed as they saw Ralph.
"Hey, I'm not half as ugly as you, fuckers!" Ralph called after them as they hurried away. Sighing, Ralph headed onwards until he found a skull on what may or may not have been a stripper pole, nobody could really tell.
"What the fuck is this?" Ralph headed over to the skull, which was starting to take the form of a pig's. He then punched it because he had a sudden burst of anger.
"HEY GUYS I THINK HE'S OVER HERE!" Ralph heard someone call out. Ralph just managed to hold in a screech when he heard the noise and dashed away as the "Yakety Sax" chase music started playing in a comical fashion.
Think, think Ralph think! Ralph's heart was pounding. What would Piggy do? Well, Piggy would probably be all whiney, and nobody listened to him anyways so Ralph didn't quite know what Piggy would do. What would Simon do? Simon would say, "You'll get back alright!" and stroke Ralph's arm in an awkward fashion.
Now, to be even more of a downer, Ralph considered whom he did not want to meet at this moment. Probably not the gorgeous yet deadly Roger. Definitely not Jack, who would probably just end up raping him or something.
"Got you now, fucker!" Shit. Ralph could hear the redhead's voice approaching and took off again.
Soon enough, he tripped on a root since he's a crazy son of a bitch and fell stomach first on the beach. Looking up, he saw a naval officer standing above him. He scrambled onto his feet and before he knew it all the other boys were standing behind him.
"Who's in charge here?" the naval officer stared at them all in horror.
"Me! Pick me!" a littlun squealed. Roger silenced him by kicking him in the balls and then manically laughing afterward.
"Me," Ralph stepped forward since he's our sort of hero and shit.
"Well you guys clearly haven't been using Colgate toothpaste, which is the best toothpaste, and we have plenty of Colgate toothpaste on board, so why don't you come along and brush your teeth with some Colgate toothpaste?"
"Okay, whatever," then Jack started crying, which made his makeup run, which made him cry even harder. Then everyone just got on the boat.
THE END.
ATTENTION! I have a quiz for you; if you answer it correctly IN A PM I will review and follow a story of your choosing. Here's the riddle: why did Suzie fall off the swing? PM ME THE ANSWER, DON'T REVIEW ME. THE FIRST TO GET IT RIGHT GETS THE PRIZE I JUST MENTIONED. Please review and tell me what you think of this crazy summary! Oh, and I remembered what I was going to write that I had forgotten before.