Please visit twitter user Ludwig_ _ _ for a barrel of laughs and also to understand where this fic came from trust me

Ludwig Beilschmidt was watching television.

"Good day fuckers and virgins!" He smiled as he talked to the people on screen. He had no friends. The current program he was watching was talking about world records. He listened intently as they told him that one woman had 69 children in her life.

"wut the bloody hell? Was she running a vagina bar" he questioned out loud.

He cast a glance at the ticking clock on his wall. 12 AM, the stroke of midnight. He knew it was a perfect time to unleash the beast.

He knew what he had to do.

He quickly stood up, knocking the sweater he was currently knitting to the floor. He didn't pick it up; he could get it later. He had much more important things to be doing.

He ran outside to his front lawn. He looked down to see his beloved lawn gnome, Winklebottom, facing true North just like he left him. He sighed in adoration and picked up his gnome. Germany gently cradled him in his arms, loving the feeling of the ceramic against his skin. But that wasn't what he was here for.

He rushed inside, going over to his stereo. He leaned Winklebottom, staring deep into his eyes, and rolling off his bicycle shorts...

To pull on a pair of tight pants and a loose shirt. He reached past Winklebottom to turn on the stereo, which was set on traditional salsa music.

He grabbed Winklebottom passionately. However, just as he was about to start, he remembered what he was missing. He ran to his closet, and dug through the clutter for a few minutes... Before finally pulling out his favorite pair of traditional wooden clogs. he slid them on, loving how uncomfortable and disgusting they looked against his big ankles. His outfit was complete.

Now to dance.

He swung Winklebottom around before clutching him to his chest, elegantly strutting around the round in rapid movements. He tripped over his clogs quite a few times, since they weren't really proper footwear for Salsa dancing. But he knew it was what he had to do.

In one of the more nasty falls, he found himself staring right into Winklebottom's cold, glass eyes. Germany could feel his erection straining against his tight fiting pants.

Ludwig didn't bother to stand up or turn off the music. He gently caressed Winklebottom's cheek. He could feel the passion and lust emanating from the gnome.

"Love me..." Ludwig breathed.

" i will help u relax baby. Come here girl." Germany pulled Winklebottom close. "baby... ur my sweetie pie. My heart. My sole. Ur my everything. I want to ravish u..."

He took Winklebottom's silence as a consent, and his penis throbbed.

"fuck! Baby u dont know wut u do to me baby. I love u." *kisses.* * unbuttons ur shirt*

He couldn't believe how aroused Winklebottom was making him. No matter how many objects he fucked he would always come back to this gnome. His love. His life. His daughter. His baby girl. He had to get out of his underwear, ASAP. *i rip off my boxers and my erection springs free.*

" just close ur eyes... let daddy love u...baby goodnight," he whispered as encouragement. * takes off clothes. Undo ur off ur pantries*

*i stick my finger into ur pussy.* "oh baby girl...ur always so wet for daddy..." He cried as he fingered Winklebottom. *i take finger out of u and i slam myself into ur tight gnome ass*

Ludwig cried out in ecstasy as he thrusted into his sexy ass gnome. "Rest in peace Andy Griffith" he grunted.

* i cum inside u.* "baby girl. I love u so much u know that right." Germany panted into Winklebottom's ear, coming down from his orgasmic high. He let the afterglow encompass them both as he snuggled up beside his lover.

*holds u in my arms* *finally we rest*

He woke up the next day to see the delicate sleeping face of his gnome lover. He sighed and traced his fingers lovingly up his ceramic beard. "It Kinda feel weird that I fucked my daughter.I feel to much sexual feeling toward glad I feel nothing toward fleliciano." He stated before smiling. He gently kissed his sleeping gnome. This, he thought, was true happiness.

FIN