A/N: I don't own anything except the grammar and spelling mistakes (don't have a BETA yet – please PM if you are interested) and I haven't actually watched the recent episodes, so I apologize in advance if anything doesn't quite fit. English is not my first language so please bear with me. Thanks. This takes place right after Enemies Domestic and will follow up with False Witness and the Christmas break.

Faces

Anthony DiNozzo sighed and squinted slightly at the bright light illuminating his kitchen.
Throwing his badge, ID, wallet and keys into the bowl on the counter he trudged into the hallway to take off his shoes and coat and put them in the closet.

Rolling his tense shoulders he scuffled back to the kitchen to raid his fridge for something to eat.
He thought about his long day of petty crimes, paperwork and MTAC calls– the usual holiday work - as he started fixing himself some pasta.

At least it was pretty quiet in the office with just the skeleton crew working on Thanksgiving and he managed to score points with Vance for his last minute offer to take over for Balboa.

As the most senior member of the crew Vance even named him acting team leader and Agent in charge.
Well that – and his life looked seemed back to somewhat 'customary' with him workingholidays again, his father putting work or a woman or both before him and his team overlooking him.

He did casually mention Thanksgiving slash a small house warming dinner sometime ago. It was perfect timing when he finished moving and unpacking last week. He even invited his father, when he dropped by two weeks ago.
Maybe he should have sent them cards or maybe it didn't matter anyway.

After the Israelis were safely put on their plane they went to Bethesda to collect their praises and the rest of the week off from Vance.
The moment they returned to the office, Ziva roped Abby into checking for a flight to Miami, McGee called his sister and parents to tell them he will be home for Thanksgiving and Gibbs made plans to meet up with Jack,
Palmer slipped out to meet with Breena, Ducky gushed that he can finally visit his nephew in Boston, Abby cheered that she and Ziva share part of their travel to their stopover in Memphis
and he listened to his father telling his voicemail that he'll have to reschedule as he needs to head to Madrid.

Within an hour Tony sat alone in the bullpen filing his reports and forecasts, his mood worse than ever.
He was about to leave when Mike Balboa nearly threw him to the ground as he rushed from the elevator into the bullpen.

"Sorry Tony!" the Agent called out as he rushed over to his desk and started searching.

"Whoa Mike, where's the fire?" he asked as he stepped up to the partition.

"Bethesda, Lorie went into labor. I have to get my camera. Laura will kill me, otherwise. Well, she'll kill me anyway once she hears that I am Agent in Charge for the holiday and this way I get at least photographic evidence of my first grandchild." Mike told him while nearly disappearing in his desk drawer.

"You know, I'm actually off now and as some people rained on my parade I have actually no plans – so if you get the Director to agree I'll be your knight in shining amour." Tony offered on a whim.

"You would actually do that?" was the incredulous question and Balboa stopped his search to stare at DiNozzo.

"Sure. I've got nothing better to do anyway and I can record the game and watch it later."

"You know that I could kiss you right now, right?" Mike asked as he found the camera and slowly closed the drawer.

"Hold your horses; we still need the Director's approval."

So Tony was back on his way to Bethesda for the fifth time today, this time driving the anxious Mike fast, but carefully to his family. They had Vance convinced within moments,
Balboa vouching for him and Tony assuring him that he knew the Agents and promising to update the Director daily. Balboa handed him the keys to his charger and Tony finally made his way home.

Wednesday was a slow day for him and Balboa's team and Thursday equally manageable with a few petty crimes, paperwork and MTAC.

Spending the rest of the evening parked in front of the TV with a few non-alcoholic beers, Tony headed off to bed at a reasonable time, but not before locking up and wandering around his new home.
Feeling accomplished for the work and detail he put into it.

The next few days were quite uneventful, except for finding out about Brenda's suicide attempt.

That threw him off his pattern and made him ponder his way of life and his regrets. He was finally accepting his needs, wants and dreams, but Brenda wrapping her car around a pole made him step back and revaluate.

He did dream of a family the wife, the kids and the dog. He went a step further with buying this former run down house and fixing it up himself by putting weeks of manual labor in planning, renovating and decorating.

He started communicating with his father again and didn't fall back into his flavor of the week style he had before going undercover for Jenny. He was terrified what an impact his need for real physical contact had made.
Maybe he was getting old – too old for his dream of a family of his own – and was destined to stay single.

Right now, his want, his need and his dream was on another page, well better yet in another book or more accurately in another state.
He wasted too many opportunities and now he was cursed with watching everyone move on, while he stayed in the same place – alone.

He made a few small steps forward with his house and another with Vance finally warming up to him, him giving up alcohol except in company, eating healthier and extending his daily run.
At the same time he made large steps back, one with his father, one with his one-night-stand turning suicidal, another with his masks failing, it became harder and harder to pretend to be happy and easygoing when he was not.
Was this the beginning of his midlife crisis?
Was he supposed to party more, be more juvenile and get a new car, when all he wanted was someone to share his life with?
Someone to come home to and to love and cherish him for who he is?

The only problem he had now – who was he really?

Oh he knew that his name is NCIS Special Agent Anthony Darren DiNozzo Junior– but who is he?

Is he Junior, the failure, the stuttering, abrasive, attention seeking good for nothing kid, that escaped reality and hung unto movies?

Is he Tony, the never serious, movie quoting, juvenile frat boy slash clown?

Or is he maybe Anthony, the forgotten, rational, cultured, honest, man with a striving for justice and a wish for love, family and happiness?

Is he DiNozzo, the pervert who'll chat up anything with a pulse, who constantly thinks of sex and is a general bastard to his co-workers, constantly putting others in place and imagines his dead partner naked?

Or is he Special Agent DiNozzo, the hardworking Senior Field Agent without a life out of office, who needs his work as he doesn't know what else to do with his free time.