THE FOLLOWING WAS INSPIRED BY JAMIE GRANT!! Lol I love you Jamie…yes dat way… moves eyebrows suggestively
If you thought the last chapter was funny, you'll love this…omg I have no idea why I chose to do this. It took my like two hours to write this chapter…. I don't know why. My friend Jamie told me to do it. She is my beta reader. "Beta Betty"
Ok what she may have imagined would not have made any sense…but it was a lot funnier.
If sexual innuendoes offend you, I suggest you leave…do not flame if because then that's your problem…not the story's.
p.s. this story isn't supposed to make sense. Don't flame me on that…I'll just delete it because you're telling me something that I already know.
Chapter Two: Baby Got Back
The wind was speeding through Draco's hair as he flew around the empty stadium. He saw Pansy there. She was one of those girls that would do anything, anything to get what she wanted. Pansy was pretty but for some reason he couldn't get Hermione Granger out of his mind. She was beautiful and smart. What else could a guy ask for…? She is a mudblood, He reminded himself. He glanced down and saw her lick her lips. He growled fiercely and flew himself down. Landing softly, he called her over. Pansy smirked at her "friends" as if she had just won some great prize. If he said something, mean to her he would break her heart.
Oh well.
"I don't want to see your ugly pug face again Parkinson," he snarled. You would think she would be heartbroken.
On the contrary, she put her hands on her hips and said snapping her fingers "Don't be all up in my kool aid!" Draco stared at her. Wow, this girl can't even come up with a near logical comeback. After a few seconds she said, "Wait…are you calling me a bitch?"
Draco smirked. "Well not entirely, take it as you see fit…but sorry Parkinson…I'm not really a dog person…"
"So what do you want me to dress up as a cat or something?" she said. Dear God help me.
"Look…I like you like I like dogs, leashed. And if you didn't notice; I've been comparing you to dogs for the past 5 minutes. Cant you take a hint?"
Pansy opened her mouth and closed it. Suddenly a wide smile appeared on her face. She neared him, fiddling with his robes.
"Ohhh…Draco. I see what you want now. I didn't know you liked it rough. So this time, would you like me to be on top? Is that what you have been fretting about?" Draco swatted her hands away. Draco was close to hitting her on the head when he heard a distant noise from the other side of the pitch. He looked and saw a swarm of red and gold flying their way. It was their practice time, he guessed.
He also, noticed, to his torturous delight, Hermione was accompanying them. She walked over to their area but made sure to distance herself from them. She glanced at them and was met with many sneers from the Slytherin Girls. She opened a book she was carrying and started reading. For some reason, he found himself getting on his nimbus and flying over. He landed right next to her. Oddly, she didn't notice. He coughed loudly causing her to bolt up and give a silent scream.
"Holy crap Malfoy what are you doing?" He walked closer to her and said, "Just though I'd annoy my favorite mudblood." He saw her cheeks turn red and he found himself wanting to make her angrier…just for the fun of it. In some odd way, he got off on it.
"Don't call me a mudblood!" she yelled.
"But Granger that would be lying. And you know me, I can never tell a lie."
"Oh really?" she said standing up so they were face to face. "Well stop! Don't say that word ever again or I will hex you to hell!" She turned and was about to leave when he put his hands on her books and forced them down. She didn't even glance at him when she bent over.
Although she was only down for one second it felt like an eternity. She had the biggest, roundest, most curvaceous…
He barely heard Pansy talking very loudly.
"Oh, my, god, Millicent, look at her butt.
It is so big. She looks like,
One of those Gryffindor guys' girlfriends.
But, y'know, who understands those Gryfindorks?
They only talk to her because
She looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
I mean, her butt, is just so big.
I can't believe it's just so round, its like, out there, I mean- gross. Look!
She's such a …. Mudblood"
Draco felt something erupt in his…diaphragm. He did not know what was making him feel this way but he knew that after he did what he had to do…he would feel better. Somewhere in the stadium,…he heard music start to play. He looked around and saw the Gryfindors stop practice and look around. He blinked … and suddenly he was on the quidditch pitch with Hermione. He looked up and saw Hermione looking around wildly. She turned around sharply when she heard his voice.
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up tough
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the robes she's wearing,
He looked at Hermione and noticed that she was red as a beet. He enjoyed her under pressure so he decided to make it harder for her. He walked up to her and was circling her.
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My Slytherins tried to warn me
Draco made suggestive movenments with his hand. He made as if to grab her butt but held back. Maybe because of the noise or maybe they were just taking a walk but a group of Slytherin boys appeared from the entrance to he castle and was pointing to Draco and Hermione laughing and moving their heads to the beat.
But that butt you got
Make Me so horney
Ooh, rump of smooth skin
You say you wanna get on my nimbus
Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupy
After saying 'nimbus' he grabbed his nimbus (the broom) an got over it, putting it to a slant. He stared fixedly at Hermione and started moving up and down the broom. He could hear the Gryfindorks yelling something but he didn't know if they were laughing or it was out of rage.
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's Sweat, Wet, got it goin like a firebolt
He went over to the group of Slytherins and it was as though he was talking to them.
I'm tired of magazines
Saying flat butts are the thing
Take the average slytherin and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
Hermione saw the Slytherins nod and cheer. Soon it was as though they were at a concert and they were jumping up and down.
So Slytherins(yeah) Slytherins (yeah)
Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)
Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt
Out of no where appeared this very, very "healthy" looking Slytherin girl and Draco went over to her, put his hands on her hips and shaked her "healthy" but.
Baby got back
I like'em round and big
And when I'm throwin a gig
I just can't help myself
I'm actin like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
Hermione was so embarrassed that she covered her face with her hands. She was near tears.
And UH, double up UH UH
After the previous line Hermione would have sworn she heard some odd animal cry.
"Hermione!" yelled Harry. He chooses to come now. "Was that a whip?"
I aint talkin bout playwizard
Cuz silicone parts were made for toys
A Slytherin boy, that Hermione recognized as Marcus Flint, handed Draco some kind of carton.
I wannem real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Draco walked over and dropped the juice on his butt. He walked in front of her…doing the butt clap, drops of juices spilling all over her.
Malfoy's in trouble
Beggin for a piece of that bubble
Draco pulled out an tube in which he would blow bubbles with. Many bubbles flew out, flying towards Harry and attacking him. He nearly fell off his broom.
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Pansy walks over and he pushes her to the ground. Out of no where the "healthy" Slytherin girl appears.
Knockin these bimbos walkin like hoes
You can have them bimbos
She jiggles her ass in his pelvic area and he slaps her butt.
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sistas
I wanna get with ya
I won't cus or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna --
Til the break of dawn
Baby Got it goin on
Pointing to the Gryfindors who were still trying to get rid of the bubbles that were attacking Harry he sang:
Alot of pimps won't like this song
Cuz them punks lie to hit it and quit it
But I'd rather stay and play
Cuz I'm long and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
He did the moonwalk over the Slytherin girls and yet again pushed Pansy down. He was handed some black sunglasses and jacket, a hat, and a cane.
So ladies (yeah), Ladies (yeah)
Do you wanna roll in my Nimbus (yeah)
Then turn around
Stick it out
Even Gryfindors got to shout
Hermione looked at the Gryfindors…hoping…praying that they didn't shout…
Baby got back!!!
…said the Gryfindors in unision.
Yeah baby
When it comes to females
Cosmo ain't got nothin to do with my selection
36-24-36
Only if she's 5'3"
A midget walks over and starts shaking her butt to him. He kicks her away.
So your girlfriend throws a Nimbus
Playin workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Nimbus
My basilisk don't want none unless you've got buns hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that hard role
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that
Cuz your waste is small and your curves are kickin
And I'm thinkin bout stickin
To the beanpole dames in the magazines
You aint it miss thing
Give me a sista I can't resist her
Red beans and rice did miss her
He gets on his nimbus, flies over to Harry (yes still with the bubbles) and gives him a noogie.
Some knucklehead tried to dis
Cuz his girls were on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And pulled up quick to get with 'em
So ladies if the butt is round
And you wanna triple X throw down
Dial 1-900-Malfoy and kick them nasty thoughts
Finally walking over to Hermione, he got really close and grabbed her ass.
Baby Got Back.