For the DimClan Challenge, Numbers.
Disclaimer- If I owned the Warriors series, I would probably not be here.
onwards.
I do not think one quite understands the true meaning of lost until they are really, truly lost. Sure, they know the meaning of the word, but they don't understand that feeling of inner terror and loneliness. No one can really help when you're lost. It's just not that simple.
There is mud caked in between my toes, and I feel heavier with every step I take. There are other cats around me, but I am alone in this moment. I don't think any of them understand the gravity of the situation. I want to claw some of those cold faces into ribbons. It's a strong feeling, and I hold onto it. It's all I had then.
After Ferntail died, I had lost something so integral, so deeply a part of myself that I was lost without her. Lost, in the way that simply had no words to truly describe how excruciating it was. I was crushed by the terror, the loneliness and my anguish. I wanted to avenge her, but I could not.
Ferntail had been murdered, but there was no murderer. It was the worst feeling I had felt, and I was so angry. I didn't understand why she had to die. I still needed her. Our kits, Dawnpaw and Graypaw grieved loudly, leaning on each other for strength. I did not have that luxury.
I devoted my entire existence to finding her killer. It took two moons to find out the cat. It was a cat from another clan. I revealed his tyranny before the clans on the night of a gathering. Several cats didn't believe me, but I had outstanding evidence against this cat. This monster called Darkclaw.
Afterwards, I wasn't happy. I was just lost and very, very sad. Catching who killed Ferntail didn't bring her back, in fact, it really didn't do much of anything than maybe protect some other cats, but did that really matter? It was Ferntail who I cared about.
At some point, Dawnpaw had become Dawncloud, and Graypaw had become Grayleg. Both were capable, good warriors, but I was barely there anymore really. I had no idea when this had even occurred, and I was sure the two had tried correcting me more than once.
Some nights, I dreamt of Ferntail beneath the ivy canopy of the elder's den. I was resigned to this new home I had. I sometimes didn't hear the kits when the came tumbling into the den, not because I couldn't hear well, but because I was so lost in thought.
Ferntail was always beautiful in my dreams. She had the same soft, lilt to her voice when she spoke. I often had no desire to wake in the morning.
Then one day, I didn't.
What might your thoughts be?
~Minatu
(This ended up being too short, but I like it how it is, so... Meh.)