Act 2, Subscene 1 - Learning to Fly

A Sunday afternoon, leaving much time for contemplation and all glorious possibility. But somehow, my mind was completely blank. What to do on such a lazy day? I racked my brain for an idea, but I garnered none. It seemed a bit pointless. "What to do..." I said into the empty room, my words hanging limply in the stale atmosphere surrounding me. I was about to try another solution for my boredom when a knock at my door interrupted my train of thought.

OK, well, it was more like a tap, but I answered it anyway.

It was Rin.

"Hello," she said in her usual deadpan voice. My first instinct was to ask her how she knocked without any arms, but I thought better of it and let her explain.

If she would explain.

The problem with Rin is that she can`t really be left to her own devices when it comes to conversation. She needed to be provoked somehow; a social prod, more-or-less. If a conversation was to open between her, the other person would have to make it happen. She just stood there, gazing at me expectantly, or more rather right through me, her querying gaze directed more towards the wall behind me than myself.

"... Hi, Rin."

"Hello."

This was going nowhere fast. At least she gave me something else to focus on other than my Sunday boredom. I was looking at her absentmindedly when I realized I haven`t said anything to her for a few minutes. "Er... would you like to come in?" I said, trying to fix my apparent stumble.

"OK." Rin let herself in, walking right past me and sitting on my bed. I wasn`t sure where this was going, but with Rin, it could`ve been anything. I walked back inside and settled next to her, awaiting whatever was to come of this odd visit.

"So..." I began, trying to get a better idea of why she was here, "What brings you to my room today?"

Rin took a moment to ponder the question. Then she looked back at me and shrugged. "Don`t know. Maybe I just felt weird." There was another brief moment of silence. "...I couldn`t paint today." She said it casually, her eyes drifting from one side to the other as usual, but I found this unusual for Rin. It baffled me. Saying something like Rin not being able to paint would be like saying Emi wasn`t able to run or I wasn`t able to read. I looked a bit further into it, a strange feeling of concern coming over me.

"What do you mean you couldn`t paint? You love to paint."

Rin gave another nonchalant shrug.

"I mean I couldn`t paint. I just couldn`t. Don`t know why."

More silence.

"Ideas aren`t flowing through the mind."

And more silence.

"There is this boy."

"I know."

"You do?"

"Yes. From the art club. He`s blind. You told me before."

Rin looked almost surprised at this. Then she responded with another shrug. "I see."

I realized the conversation was going nowhere like this. So I attempted to salvage it in some way. "Would you like to go do something?" It was an innocent enough question. Now to just wait if the Rin-fish would bite.

As expected, she didn`t respond right away. Her eyes flickered with varying glints and shadows, showing me that the cogs were turning inside that mind of hers. I waited patiently until she finally replied.

"Yes."

She looked back up at me. It seemed apparent that there wasn`t going to be any continuation with this thought.

"Any idea where?"

"... The park."

The park? Which park? Where? And did she know how to get to it? I expressed my concern, which invoked a reply from her.

"I know." She got up from the bed, turning back towards the door. "Come on, let`s go." Ignoring this sudden turn of events, I obediently obliged and followed her out of the doorway.

The air outside is clear, and the scent of fresh air filling my lungs is pleasing. I try to match Rin's pace, but her gait is awkward and uneven. I still don't know which of us is going too fast or too slow. I think it may be me. "Do you go to the park often?" With Rin I find myself asking more questions than actually conversing, but she doesn't seem to mind. If it weren't for her almost aloof demeanor, I would have said she delights in not talking.

I suddenly realized that part of the reason I was so keen on talking was because it was one of those things I took for granted. During my stay in hospital I had no one to talk to, except the odd attendant, or just the bleak and empty walls that I thought for sure were foreshadowing my future.

She looked at me bluntly, her eyes half-circles under her short, red bangs. "Define often." She looked pretty serious, but I could tell that it was going to be a hard time getting any sort of answer from her. I decided to assume that she came here relatively frequently, knowing the way and all, and abandoned the issue.

Time passed by slowly, painfully slowly, as we moved along the path that still looked fairly familiar, as far as I could tell. The scenery seemed to melt into itself as it slunk by, making everything look pretty much the same as it had been for the longest time. Normally when people walk, they pass that time by making light conversation or musing about recent events in their life so as to distract them from the incessant minutes dragging by as they do so. But with Rin, this was pretty much disregarded completely as an impossible goal; a lonely thought that was nothing more than a fleeting dream.
Maybe I could use that word to describe her.

"Fleeting".

Heh. If nothing else, it`s definitely an accurate description of this red-haired girl walking next to me. Well, more like slightly in front of me, but beside me nonetheless. Yes; her nonchalant personality, her vague, dreamy air, the un-deliberate yet deliberate and precise movements of her legs and feet, the way she could so easily ignore any situation and disappear completely from sight... yes. She was fleeting. In every sense of the word. We turned a corner, which seemed so suddenly to transition into an area that I have not seen before. We were now walking down a narrow pathway, almost completely hidden behind a barricade of shrubs and greenery and a large, summery canopy of thick, lush trees.

"Wow," I said, more to myself than anyone. "This is kind of amazing."

A small voice from beside me caught my attention.

"How?" Realizing that the voice belonged to Rin, I was almost caught off-guard by the fact that she was the one to provoke a continuation from me. I smiled a little to myself, storing the moment somewhere deep in my memory for something to look back on, and answered her.

"Well, this place is kind of neat, y'know? I mean, it just seems so peaceful and full of life. Not to mention, it`s pretty much hidden away from all the liveliness of the city."

It was, the way I wouldn`t have noticed it if Rin hadn`t led me to it. It had the kind of quiet atmosphere one would recognize if they were in a cave or a good hiding spot. It was like a secret place. Maybe it was Rin`s secret place. She seems to have a few. Not that I`d put it past her, really; she`s the kind of person who isn`t really fond of crowds, so I wouldn`t blame her for having a hideout or two where she could find some peace of mind.

"Oh. I never really thought about it that way." She didn`t really look at me when she said it, but it was directed towards me nonetheless.

It would be kinda cool to know what way she thought about it; knowing what`s within the bewildering labyrinth that is Rin's mind would be like discovering the secrets of a long-lost civilization or understanding the meaning of life and the universe. But Rin's thoughts were hers and hers alone; understanding them or even simply knowing them would feel like stealing, somehow; like I was trespassing into a forbidden world.

The World of Rin.

We continued on until there was a small clearing, past the forest-like path that was supposedly discovered and founded by Rin, and stopped in the middle of a grassy area, adorned with two or three benches, a few more trees, and a swing.

Rin turned her head back to me, the same, bored-looking expression on her face, and indolently announced "we`re here." I took in the homely setting. It was a bit smaller than what I had expected, but it was nice. It was definitely a place I`d expect Rin to know. It looked as though the park here hadn't been visited in ages, like it was a relic from times gone past and the world had forgotten about it's existence. The grass had been unkempt, growing wild and free in spots, much like I imagine Rin's creative spirit was like.

Suddenly I was imagining Rin wearing furs and a large twig between her toes, doing cave paintings. My imagination's really been up and on the go lately, and I wonder if the redhead beside me is the cause for that.

"What do you want to do?" I asked, glancing first at the swings, then back to her. I wonder if she's ever been on one without falling off.

She gives me that hollow glance that it seems only Rin can pull off, and shrugs a little, looking up to the sky for a moment. "...Would you like me to push you?"

I probably should have added 'on the swings'.

Rin gave me a muddled and slightly aggravated look.

"No. Yes. No thank you. I don`t like pushes. Or being pushed. Especially if I fall over." She looked at the ground with a very focused malevolence.

"Er, no, I meant... on the swings..." I pointed to the swings, as if it would help in some way. Rin looked almost scared when she brought her gaze back to me.

"You want to push me off the swings?" What I wouldn`t give to see what Rin envisioned at that moment. I could picture someone sitting on a swing, and then a really buff guy coming up behind him and literally shoving him off.

I decided it would be best to stop trying to picture it.

I tried my best to explain what I meant, like trying to tell a child how to do their homework. I was almost convinced that she`d never been on a swing before. Or, at least... never used one properly. Although I suppose it wasn`t exactly an option, having no arms and all. I asked her about it, out of curiosity.

"No, I`ve been on them before." She looked back to me casually. "Sometimes I rock back and forth slowly on my feet. It makes the ground look like it`s moving, like the ocean." An odd smile was perched upon her lips at the memory. "I wonder if that`s what it is."

"What what is?"

"The ground. Maybe it really is the ocean but no one knows that." Her eyes shifted again, a few times to her side and then back to the supposed ocean that was beneath her feet. "Maybe it`s right below us."

"In a way, you're right," I said, recalling something that I had read while I was in the hospital. "Technically, there are oceans beneath us, underground. Where do you think well water comes from?" I thought for a second before quickly adding "Don't say 'from a well'." I took a seat on an empty swing, motioning for her to take a seat next to me. She does.

We sit in silence for a while. It doesn't bother me much; I've gotten used to long silences in the hospital. And it's a different sort of quiet when it's with Rin. I rock back a bit with my feet before looking up at the sky. A pair of robins flap past a void between two nearby trees. "...Ever wished you could fly?"

"You can`t?"

"You can?"

"Sometimes I feel like it. Like I can do anything."

And so, our short-lived conversation was once again put to a halt by this red-haired girl next to me. It makes me a little sad, because I really did want to talk about it. That dreamy, light-headed feeling of drifting up and flying above the ground, that airy resonance of the cloudy chasm in the sky. For some reason, I couldn`t help but think about me and Rin as I watched the two robins flit past my field of vision. We could`ve been those robins, for all I knew.

"You can, if you want."

I turn my head in confusion, startled by this sudden phrase that came seemingly completely out of the blue. Rin appeared to be confused with my confusion. This made me more confused. I guess sense was never really an option with Rin around.

"On the swings."

I still didn`t quite follow.

"You asked if you could push me on the swings, right? Now I am on them."

I took a moment to recollect when I had asked her that. It all came back to me in a dizzying flash. I smiled helplessly at her, that still gaze unwavering, waiting patiently for a response.

"All right."

I got off my own swing and made my way behind hers. I grabbed onto the weathered chains and slowly began to push on them, sending her into a steady back-and-forth motion. She rocked gently on the swing, keeping herself skillfully perched on top of it. I was once again amazed by how easily she could handle her body without any arms to support it. I pushed her again, this time a bit harder, sending her higher above the ground. I heard a sigh of some sort. It may have been nothing, but I looked back to her just in case.

Her face was calm and peaceful. It was like watching her sleep without her actually sleeping. It was the face of a dreaming girl, somewhere far away yet so close to the world around her. It was just barely noticeable, but the small wisps of a smile could be seen on her fair lips. In that moment, there was no way to describe how envious I was of her. There was so much I wanted to do with my life that seemed impossible (and by rights, I think they'd have been impossible for Rin, too), but she could do those things, by simply... willing to? I close my eyes and try to imagine myself flying. It works. I imagine myself soaring high above Yamaku, arms outstretched like I were an airplane.

I hear a laugh in front of me, and open my eyes.

"Something funny?"

"Your arms are up." A light blush spreads across my face as I sub-consciously put my arms back down and look away. I have absolutely no idea how to respond.

...Wait a minute, how could she see me if she was on the swing facing the other way?

I turn my head back again and realize that Rin had let herself off the swing and was now facing me, standing up. I guess more time had passed than I thought.

"Hey, Rin..." She turns to me, looking slightly more attentive. "...Teach me how to fly." She looks at me blankly, as if I had just spoken to her in a foreign language. She then looked at me in a more understanding way, the beginnings of a smile curling up on her lips.

"I guess it`s pretty easy. You just close your eyes."

I close them.

"And fly."

Her instructions are vague and unconstructive, as if you were teaching a child to walk and your first command was to walk. But with her, it made perfect sense somehow.

I started back from where I left off, imagining myself high above the ground. Feeling the gentle wind at my side, I soar higher, floating above the park, looking down at everything in the general vicinity. I feel myself getting lighter, drifting past the clouds. I could feel it, everywhere on my body.

I had successfully learned how to fly.
I opened my eyes back up and gazed into the deep, green wells that belonged to the girl in front of me, a knowing look on her face.

"Did you do it?"

"Yeah."

That rare smile she gave me felt even more rewarding than the last. It made me feel that maybe, just maybe, I was a bit closer to understanding this red-haired girl. Looking back on the horizon, I realized that the sky had turned a burning orange, casting a shadow behind us. "It`s getting late. Should we head back?"

Rin looked at the swing again, a strange sense of longing in her eyes.

"... Just one more time."

Her voice was pleading, begging. The subtle tones of helplessness and yearning could not be hidden by the clamp of indifference she had.
I gave up, placing a hand on her head and ruffling her hair endearingly. "OK. Just this once."

Another smile, followed by the bending of her knees and sitting down eagerly. I went back to where she was and got behind her, starting the first push...