Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride

Max POV

"Knock knock!" Dylan, my boyfriend, called out to me for the umpteenth time from his perch on the fence as I waded through the muck with the pigs' slop bucket.

"Who's there, Dyl?" I sighed, knowing what was coming, as we'd already been through this joke about twenty times.

"Banana!" Sweet boyfriend. Nice boyfriend. Friendly-conversation-making boyfriend. Does-not-deserve-to-be-beaten-up boyfriend.

"Banana who?" I sighed yet again.

"Knock knock!" Ok, maybe just one punch?

"Who's there?"

"Orange!" Oh, thank God.

"Orange who?"

"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?" Orange you glad I didn't kick you in the crotch? He giggled like a lunatic, oblivious to my annoyance.

I should probably back up. I'm Jo. Technically my name is Josephine (80-year-old, much?) Maximum Ride (sexual innuendo for the win!). Nice going, Mumsie and Popsicle. Basically, I go by Jo, and if you call me anything but that, I will bust you one. Particularly Max. I used to go by Max, but not anymore, for very personal reasons.

I've lived on my family's farm, two hours outside New York City, for 6 years, along with my younger siblings, Ari, Ella, Zephyr (called the Gasman for very smelly reasons), and Angel, and my mom. My mom owns the farm, but it's pretty huge, so we hire about ten guys to help, and Dylan's dad is one of them.

I do as much, if not more, than any of the guys that worked for us, but Dylan doesn't work, he just lives on the farm. He often offered to help, but he wasn't exactly coordinated, so I didn't really let him.

He was gorgeous, with perfect blond hair and turquoise eyes that any girl could just melt in, and he's so sweet. I liked him a lot, and he was desperately devoted to me. It's a shame he had absolutely no sense of humor. Anyway…

Suddenly, he got very serious and solemn. "You know, I love you very much, right, Josephine?" Ughh. You know how I said I will beat you up if you call me anything but Jo? Well, that goes for everyone except Dylan, because he's just so…nice. So sickly sweet. It'd be like kicking a puppy covered in chocolate.

"Uh huh," I mumbled distractedly. He told me he loved me all the time, and I wasn't ready to say it back, but I honestly don't think he noticed.

"And that will stay true. This month won't change anything. I love you, and you love me," Well, OK, buddy, whatever gets you through the day. "And- and- and- and just because I'm leaving for a month doesn't mean anything. We are soul mates and NOTHING can get in between that, even if we're not gonna be together-"

Finally he'd gotten my attention. "Are you on drugs? That's the weirdest break-up speech in the history of ever." I stared at him.

Dylan stared at me like I was the one spewing utter nonsense. "I'm not breaking up with you! Jo, didn't your mom tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"All of the farm hands are leaving for a month. My dad and I have to be gone tomorrow. You guys have these city kids coming from some high school in NYC to live on the farm for a month-"

"WHAT?!"

"You know, how the junior class of that rich-kid private high school in New York City, Manhattan Talent Academy, I think, always comes down to the farm for a day as a field trip every year?"

"Uh…yeah..."

"Well, they're staying for a month this time. And they're going to stay in our lodge and do our chores, so your mom doesn't need us or have space for us while they're there."

"No one told me this. This is crazy. You misunderstood." I climbed out of the pit, hopped the fence Dylan was sitting on and sprinted up to my house and into the living room.

"MOOOOOOM!" I bellowed, before seeing her standing right in front of me, looking pissed.

"Josephine Maximum Ride! What did I tell you about tracking mud onto the white carpets?" She snapped. Oops.

I pulled off my ratty combat boots while demanding, "Dylan just went psycho on me and started babbling about how we're having those stupid stuck-up city slickers here for an entire month. Starting tomorrow. But I KNOW there is no way in HELL you would decide something like that without talking to me and not even tell me until the day before. RIGHT?!" I demanded desperately.

My mom looked sheepish. "I'm sorry, Jo. It must have slipped my mind. But as you know, we're pressed for money and, well, the school approached me about it, and they pay very well. It's only a month, there are only about 20 kids coming, and they're your age! It'll be great! You'll show them the ropes of the farm. You can make friends, and you'll have someone to visit in New York City!"

I shook my head. "Whoa, Nellie! I refuse to be involved in teaching these snots. Make Ari and Ella teach them."

She turned away and reached into the oven to pull out a tray. "Okay, fine. But you know, I was thinking that, with all that energy you'd be expending teaching them, you'd need these delicious chocolate chip cookies to keep you energized, but I guess I can just give them to Ari and Ella…"

"Blackmail?! This is so unfair!"

"Blackmail is such a dirty word, sweetie. I prefer…rewards for good behavior." She smiled sweetly at me. Damn, my mom is good. I sighed in defeat and grabbed six cookies from her tray, burning my hand in the process but not caring.

My mother's chocolate chip cookies are actual heaven on earth. I swear, if I had to choose between a tray of cookies and, like, saving my family's life, I'd probably go for the cookies. That's not to say I don't love my family, 'cause they're awesome. Cookies are just…better.

I marched up the stairs with my cookies, getting ready for some Class-A teenager sulking, but Nudge, my best friend, hijacked me as soon as I got into our room. Yeah, our room. Nudge's parents have a shop in the closest town (about half an hour from the farm).

She comes to live with us and help out on the farm during harvest season when we don't have school, so she has nothing to do, and the farm needs as much help as it can get. When we do have school, I live with her during the week because town is too far to drive to daily.

"OMG, Jo, Mom (Yeah, she calls my mother mom. She's basically my sister. Deal.) just told me about the kids that are coming, and remember last time they came, and you wore that weird orange shirt? This time Mom told me I have to make you dress up, and I'm allowed to use cookie bribes if I have to, and I have this adorable shirt with sparkles on it that you can wear! ZOMG, don't you just love sparkles? I think they're-phthooo" I slapped my hand over her mouth, stopping the word-vomit.

I shook my head at her. "You will get me into a dress when flying bird kids save the world."

She shook her head at me and said, "Where do you get this stuff, Jo? I mean seriously, flying bird kids? It's like your brain is this giant piece of fluff with, like, all this random stuff floating around in it, like-"

"Why am I friends with you?" I demanded with a laugh, grabbing one of her precious fancy down pillows and whacking her over the head with it. It exploded, showering the entire room with feathers.

It was like a slow-motion moment in the movies, and I turned towards Nudge in horror, ready to apologize my ass off. She grabbed a handful of feathers as they floated down, looking murderous. Then, all of a sudden, she threw them back into the air, yelling, "WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!" I couldn't help it. I cracked up.

"Oh yeah," I said through gasps of laughter, "This is why."

Thanks for reading! Please R&R! This is my first attempt at an AU fanfiction, so constructive criticism is welcome!