Hey ! Not so long ago I wrote a Linstead one-shot in french and decided to translate it in english so it can be read by more people. As I'm french, my english is not perfect and you might find some mistakes (maybe a lot, I hate past perfect). It was inspired by the song Don't let me go sung by Harry Styles. I hope this will please you.
The characters and the show don't belong to me. They're the whole property of Dick Wolf, Derek Haas and NBC. Everything else belongs to my imagination.
Jay had always liked being in the police. Even if there were bad days, he liked his job. He hadn't dreamt about it when he was younger. When he was a little boy, he wanted to be an actor in his favorite cartoon. Growing up, he found out that it was impossible. He then went to a career more athletic. American football and hockey suited him pretty well. He was even pretty good and didn't suffer from severe injuries unlike many many of the athletes. Unfortunalyn this life didn't seem to be destined to him. Recruiters weren't interested in him. Then, life becoming more and more difficult, he chose himself a new path.
Right after his graduation in high school, he had stopped his studies and applied for army. He had been taken in and formed in little time. It had made him revisit his priority and had made him able to travel in the world. Of course, he had seen – and had taken part – in many horrific things and injustice whose images would forever stayed engraved in hism emories and nightmares but it also had let him focus on him and find a new path. At the end of his second contract, he had been diagnosed with severe PTSD for what he had to see a therapist for several months. Following the diagnosis, he had left the army.
He had to get through a lot of troubles before going back to a stable life. His therapist had helped him to find a proper housing than his seedy hotel room and had compelled him to work on a lot of little jobs to learn again how to live in society. It hadn't been easy because his mind had been conditionned to react in war's zone. Every little noise could make him be on the alert and push him to overreact. Little by little, a normal life was being open for him. He then chose to settle in Chicago and enlist himself in the police. After different passages in the city's districts, he had admitted in the 21 and had worked under the orders of Trudy Platt while dreaming of joining the Intelligence section leaded by Henry Voight.
He had been training hard and had gotten the best results possible to do so. Unfortunaly, just like recruiters in his teenage years, the sergeantseemed to royally ignore him. When the team had been dismantle and Hank put in jail, Jay felt his hopes fly away. He had seen this elite team being brought back together again and search for new members. An offer was made to him but rather than rushing headlong, he had prefered thinking about it. Antonio had come several times to convince him. Jay finally gave in to be a part of the new team and Antonio vouched for it to Voight to admit him.
It's been two months now since he got into the Intelligence section and, though the Voigt's method that he often disagrees, he liked it very much. What he liked the most in the police was being able to help people. He was able to do a lot of good in his career. He had helped many people to do well. Some people even became his Cis. There were particurlarly precious for the cases he was working on with the unity. He'd like to be able of helping everyone but that was impossible. However, when one of his Cis had called him for help in the middle of the night, he didn't hesitate and jumped into his car.
Here was why he was rushing through Chicago's streeets at an hour when even the dogs stopped barking after the night's shadows. He only had time to put on a jogging, a sweat and his shoes before leaving his flat. He had a gun in his glove box. He hoped not to have to use it but felt like it wouldn't be the case. The desperated words that went through the phone when he picked it up were on repeat in his mind and he speeded up. He didn't care about the violations he was commiting as long as he was there in time. His anxiety went up when he got into the hot districts of Chicago.
He ws forced to slow down to not get noticed. He knew where he had to go and regretted that it was in a such desertic area of Chicago. If he were taken in that part of the town, it would be bad. He had to act quick and good. He quickly located the motel from where his CI had called him. He stopped his car on the the parking lot, put his gun in his pant's elastic and went to the reception where he showed a pic of the person he was looking for. When he had his information, he went slowly but surely to the room indicated by the housekeeper, gun at hand. Shouts broke the night's silence, making him understand the gravity of the situation.
_ Chicago P.D. ! He shouted while knocking on the door.
Shouts went on and nobody obeyed. The only answer that Jay got were the three bullets that went through the door. The suspect was armed and dangerous. His CI was really in danger. He had to do something. But how to do without getting hit by a lost bullet ?
As long as she could remember, Erin Lindsay always hated her life. She was the daughter of an alcoholic and drug addict mother and of an unknown father. Hardly born, she went through Hell. She always had to fight that idea that her life wasn't worth living it. She had tried to live like a normal little girl by going to school and making friends. However, the bad characters her mother had did have an influence on her. She was just a kid but she lived like an adult. At eight years old, she was more clear-headed than most of children. She was the one taking care of her mother, cleaning her vomit and going to fetch her drug.
As she was still young, she had found herself in a lot of schemings because she was naive. She was getting used to the streets but was still going to school. A part of her wanted to have a normal course even though it had become difficult to reconcile school and streets' life. She had often been summoned in the director's office but never told or let seen her situation. It was a secret she kept buried in her. If people knew the truth, she would be separated from her mother. Even if she wasn't an exemplary relative, she was still her mother. She didn't want to be placed in another family.
Erin didn't really have dreams except for having a better life. She wanted her mom to get herself together and to take care of her like the normal mothers she saw at school. Oh, yeah. She wanted Bunny to become so but she hadn't planned it so Erin kept on cleaning the vomit, playing courier ad closing her eyes on men that went regularly. She had always been afraid that one of them came into her room to do the same to her. Even when she closed her eyes tightly and put her fingers in her ears, she still heard them. Sometimes she had nightmares and stayed up for hours hoping for the images and noises to disappear.
She was eleven when her nightmare became reality. No matter how much she shouted, cried and begged, nothing changed. Her own mother didn't come to protect her, to prevent her from being sullied. It took weeks for her to get back on her feet and months to stop telling herself she was dirty and disguting. After that, she had left home, not bearing anymore to be haunted by memories and fear she would live it again. She had learned how to survive in the streets by stealing and doing some things for bad characters. She was earning some money and preventing her from being found by her mother who barely looked after her when she left.
It was in this period of instability that she had met Charlie. On the contrary of the others, he had felt her potential. He then had taken her in and had put her up in his modest home. She was three years younger than him but they were as thick as thieves. She worked for him knowing that her security was assured. If someone hit her, he or she would bitterly regret it. Her and Charlie finally worked out as an almost ordinary couple. She was still doing the missions he was giving her without any defiance though it was more and more demanding. The conditions were difficult to fulfill. It had been so until she was caught in the middle of an police intervention and busted by sergeant Voight.
She was locked in a cell of the 21 district and under the watch of one of Voight's detective. The latter often came to force her into talking but she never said anything although he was making her threats and deals. He never got anything from her. Yet, he managed to track Charlie down and to bust him. When her boyfriend had seen her again, he blamed her for being responsible of all of this, denied her and threated her from death. She was highly upset by this and blamed Voight for destroying her life. She even spat in his face when he released her without any charges against her. Later, when Charlie ran away from his jail, Voight wanted to put her under protection. She replied by disappearing in nature.
She was about seventeen when she came back in Chicago et learnt Charlie's death et that her other pulled herself together. She was sure that Charlie came back for her and that Voight didn't see it that way. As for her mother, Erin didn't even want to see her. This woman was the origin of all of her bad days. After Charlie had left, she took all her genitor's bad habits : alcoholism, heroin addiction and prostitution. It wasn't easy to make a name for herself with Voight behind her. Soon as he heard that she was back, he hung around in her districts to find her. She let him know that she didn't want his help. Despite everything, she felt he wasn't giving up on her.
Years passing by, she didn't have news from him anymore. Yet, several times, officers in uniform had made raids in the districts. She always had the reflex to hide and watch by far. However, once, she was glapped with a displeased client when they came. She couldn't run away and the guy was threatening her with a knife. An officer stepped in and goth her out of here. She was still under the shock when he put his jacket on her shoulders and led her to the back of an emergency truck to make sure she was fine. On the contrary of Voight, she immediately knew that she could trust him. She accepted his phone number et learnt that his name was Jay Halstead.
They saw each other again on other interventions and he always ended up getting herself out of a mess. She still denied leaving the quarter and her activies though Jay was insisting for her to do so. As she was perfectly stubborn, he couldn't make her change her mind but succeded in making a dal with her : he promised to help her treat her addictions if she became his CI. She didn't accept immediately but ended up giving way to his demand as he was insisting. Little by little, they built a real trustful realationship. Erin was now healed from her addiction to the great displeasure of her pimp. When he showed up that night threatening her with a gun, she discreetly called Jay.
Now, she was praying for him to come quickly. She already bore some punches and her boss wasn't going to stop here. He violently flattened her on the floor and immobilized her so she couldn't move. She kicked to free herself but couldn't do anything. When he got out a box full of pills. She understood what he was going to do and struggled as she clenched her teeth.
_ It's about time you learn to obey to the orders we gave you, Erin Lindsay. This time, you won't be able to run away.
The cruel glint glowing in his eyes wasn't reassuring the young woman. He tried to put the pills in her mouth but she shook her head to prevent him from doing so. Incensed, he slaped her and pinched her nose. She was forced to open her mouth to breathe. He took advantage of the moment to put the pills in and forced her to swallow by putting his hand over her mouth.
_ …
_ You'll always be my property.
_ I'll never do anything for you ! She shouted in return.
She struggled even more and was receiving as much punches as she was giving. When he tried to rape her, she started shouting in the hope of someone coming to rescue her. As the pimp was owning the motel, there was no such a chance. Her hope went up when knocks were giving on the door.
_ CHICAGO P.D. ! They heard with the knocks.
_ You called the cops, you bitch !
Punches, insults and shouts doubled. Suddenly, the pimp took his arm in his pant's belt, hit Erin's head with the grip and shot three bullets in the door. The cop won't enter the room alive. Erin shouldn't expect any help.
Jay got away from the door while hearing the first shot. The bullet only had time to scratch his thigh. It ripped the fabric of his pant without touching the skin. He had luck. However, he doubted that Erin got the same luck. He heard the shouts, the punches and the insults. That guy was beatin her to death, physically and psychologically. He had to act but couldn't do it without any backup. If he tried, he would be holed from everywhere. As silently as possible, he got back to his car. He was surprised not to see any curious people behind the curtains after the gun shots. As if nobody lived there. Lucky.
Jay got in his car and started it up. He left the parking lot and stopped the car out of sight of the building. Then, he opened the trunk, took off his sweat and put a T-shirt on. He got his second gun, the one he kept hidden with the spare wheel, and checked the bullets left un the cartridge. He only had to put his bulletproof vest on but, before that, he needed backup. He didn't want all the team to come. Too many cops would scare the pimp who could then hurt Erin even more. Jay only needed one person to back him up. He knew exactly who and, even if he would probably regret it, he didn't hesitate in taking his phone and giving the call.
_ Voight, was answered Jay immediately.
_ One of my Cis just sent me an SOS.
_ I guess you're already there.
_ I couldn't get in the room. My CI isn't alone. She's with a blind with rage guy. He's violent and armed. I made him believe that I left. It gives me time to kit out.
_ Get straight to the point, Halstead.
_ I need backup.
_ You want the team ?
_ No, just you. And an emergency truck.
_ Send me the address. I'm on my way.
_ No problem.
_ Don't do bullshits, Halstead.
Voight hung up. Jay put his phone back in his pocket right after he sent the address and put his bulletproof vest on. He took his second gun, closed the trunk and got back to the motel, still silently. He posted himself near the room where Erin was captive and looked around while listening closely. He shouldn't move until Voight's arrival. Inside the room, he heard whispers. He highly wanted to go in the room and save Erin but it was risky. What were they doing in there ? Did the pimp take advantage of his absence to hurt her or even more ? What would he do if… He promised to protect her. He couldn't fail.
While he was still looking around waiting for Voight, he heard noises in the room, like a fight. Then, once again, Jay heard Erin's protests. At least, she was still alive. But that also meant that the pimp was still there and that he was hurting her. When she started shouting again at her pimp, Jay couldn't wait anymore. He knocked down the door with a kick and pointed his gun at the man who was above Erin on the bed. Immediately, the pimp got up, taking his victim with him. He kept her captive and put the larrel of his gun against her head. A vindictive smile smile stretched on hi slips while Jay discovered his CI's bruised face.
_ Get the gun down now ! Said Jay furious.
_ You, get it down !
_ No fucking way this would happen !
_ If you don't, I'll blow up her head !
_ The, nothing will prevent me from killing you.
_ If you really cared about this bitch, you would have got this fucking gun down !
_ Nothing tells me that you're gonna let her go even if I put my gun down.
_ True. I'd rather see her dead than with another one.
Jay looked into Erin's eyes. She was terrified. As rotted her life was, she wanted to live it a little it longer. He felt that she wanted to defend herself but didn't do it because of the gun the pimp kept against her head. The trigger guard was off an he was playing with the trigger, hoping Jay would drop his to save Erin's life. The latter was all messed up. Blood was running on her face and red marks were appearing on her neck and arms. The guy abused her but not only. Her eyes were glowing but not only because of the tears. The son of a bitch did something else to her, something that made her feel hopeless and defetead. Erin always appeared as a strong woman to Jay's eyes, even in the difficult times, but that night, she was defeated. Deep down, she didn't think there was an exit door. How was he going to prove her wrong ?
After the three gunshots, the silence went back on the motel and in the room. Erin was still laying on the ground, dizzy because of the knock she just received. Her pimp released her and went near the door. The gunshots didn't get any answer. Jay didn't tell anything. Had he been hit ? Why wasn't he responding ? Erin strated to freak out. That man was the only one able to save her. If he weren't there anymore, how would she get away ? Who would she trust ? Her pimp was posted near the door, listening closely. Was he expecting Jay's return ? Wash e enjoying his victory ? Tears were running down Erin's cheeks. She felt her hope decline with minutes passing by. She heard a car leaving the parking lot and her heart stopped beating. He was gone, he left her in her condition. The pimp came back on her and brutally caught her chin with his hand.
_ Seems like it's only you and me, dearie.
_ …
_ Your friend the cop just left you. How does it feel to be betrayed ?
_ …
_ Don't worry. I'm staying here, he added, stroking her face with his free hand.
When she turned her head to avoid the move, he took it like a provocation and got angry again. He got up and looked at the woman laying at his feet. She couldn't move because her head was hurting. He was looking at her like we watch a garbage and she hated that. She hated being proved right, being watched like she wasn't worth it, like she was useless. She closed her eyes not to see that reflection of herself, that failure in her life. The pimp shouted something at her, something she was trying not to hear. He was reminding her of her miserable condition. He hammered home his words to hurt her more deeply than any weapon would ever do. And she believed him. She was just a common shit we just fucked to remind us why we shouldn't end up like her. As she wasn't reacting to insults, he started to kick her, then to punch her. Exausted, Lindsay ended up letting go.
_ …
_ You're not even worth being someone's interest. The world would be better if you disappeared. But before, you will do something more for me.
When Erin opened her eyes later, she was laying on the bed of the motel's room. She had difficults reminding what had happened earlier. A throbbing pain was twisting her head and the intense light of the room wasn't helping. If the pain increased, she would be sick. She had to proceed step by step. She started by closing her again et tried to gather the pieces of the exploded puzzle of her memory. As her hand was reaching her head to massage her temple, she heard one of her bones crack and another unbearable pain appeared in her rib cage. It left her breathless. She tried to turn on the side to calm her down but the pain only grew up. She chose to stay still hoping that someone or something would come and relieve her. The lack of air was burning her lungs when the face of her pimp came in her sight. She held out his hand towards him.
_ Help… Me… She succeded in articulate.
_ Of course I'll help you. You can't die now.
He caught her hand and leant towards her. He pressed hi slips against hers. This simple gesture disgusted her but she was so in pain that she coudn't get free. The touch made her want to throw up. She refused him the access of her mouth. Then, she saw the eyes of her mac. She saw the arousal mixed to the anger and got scared. She didn't like that look. She saw it too many times on other clients of whom she didn't want to satisfy the demand. He was going to try to take advantage on her. As she was really weak, it wouldn't be that difficult. What would he do when he will have what he wanted ? In her state, no one would ever want her. Sshe wouldn't make any money. Wash e going to make her disappear like he did with some other girls ? As soon as they become a burden, he made her disappear. If someone asked anything, the same thing happened.
Erin was even more terrified. She had challenged his authority and refused his advances. She made everything to go against him : he was going to get rid of her. But, before that, he was going to take his due. As she wasn't willing to do it voluntarily, he had to do by force. She stuttered some pleas hoping making him change his mind. Lost cause. He sat astride her, caught her wrists and kept it hold over her head while he wedged her legs between his knees. With his free hand, he ripped off her T-shirt and made his fingers slide on his white skin. The simple fact that he was touching her made her tremble with disgust and when his mouth followed his fingers, she couldn't bear it anymore. Elle started to struggle again shouting. It was unlikely like someone was going to help her. She was going to die that night but didn't want it to happen that way. She didn't want to get sullied again.
She hardly had that thought when the door opened with roars. The pimp brutally got off her and got up draging her away. Everything happened so quickly that she was dizzy and the pain stronger than ever. She heard shoutings but didn't succeed in inderstanding what was saying. The room was turning too quickly around her and she was conscious of the gun's barrel against her temple so hard that she could feel the thing getting engraved in her skin. The lower move would lead her to the slaughterhouse. She was over. She looked up and saw Jay's eyes. He was focused on his target but made sure that she was okay. Eyes on his, she felt her inner panic calm down and the time considerally started to slow down. Even if she wasn't going to make it – and she was 99% sure it would be the case – Jay would bust her pimp. He would arrest her murderer and she would be avenged and in peace. However, Jay seemed to understand what she was up to.
_ No, he shouted, powerless.
The following scene happened slowly to Erin's eyes but was really quick. Plucking up her courage, she stepped on her pimp's foot who released her cursing. She took advantage of the situation and ran away. He aimed his gun at her. New screams crossed the room and there was a gunshot. Then, second one. The detonation tore the air and resonated a long time in the night's silence. Erin's ears were whistleling. Was she hit ? She didn't even know ? Everything was happening so slowly. It seemed like she lost notions of time. That night counted like one of the longest of her whole life. One of the most painful too. She didn't know what had just happened but she was feeling so shaky that she had to grip the bed's edge not to fall. The night's wind stroke her face. It was over. Now, she knew it. She was free and she couldn't hep but smile before collapsing.