Hello ;)

This is an idea of mine; AU, one-shot, pretty short, pretty weird but I wrote it a couple of hours ago and decided to post it, in case anybody took the time to read it :D

So thank you to everybody who does- reviews are also much appreciated!

Nothing else matters

"And as my world crumbles and I write, son, just know how much I love you," I read and then I stare at him from beneath the fog that tears have brought to my eyes-

And I smile but my forehead wrinkles and slip a tear through my now narrowed eyes and I turn my head away in embarrassment- because I never liked crying- and I hide my reddened, puffy face with the back of my sleeve and wipe the tears that are now flooding my eyes away and feel them sting my cheeks and I sniff in the air to calm myself down-

And then stare at him some more-

And he's staring back, and his small eyes bear so much confusion, so much fear, that my heart can't help but melt and I wrap my arms around him and hold him tightly to my chest and rub his back with my palm and hum hoarsely a vague melody.

And I see him close his eyes and bury his head into my arms and envelop me into a hug-

And we stay like that for a while; don't move, don't breathe, until the world flashes before me and I breathe in quickly and wipe the last of tears from my face- because I surely cry a lot lately- and swallow fresh air.

And his eyes are also open and he's staring at me, past me, and I can almost see wheels turning inside his head; spinning out of control; and his eyes bear images of the past- images that only he can see-

And I frown a little and rock him gently from side to side on my knees, and I breathe calmly and bury my face into his shoulder and begin murmuring in what I wish to be a soothing voice-

"It's alright, sweetheart. It's going to be okay,"

Only it's not and I know that and he knows that-

And I should have acted when I could-

I could have kept things alright-

But now it's too late-

(What have I done?)

And it's like he can see my fear because he frowns- his skin wrinkles on his pasty face-

And he gazes at me with an almost pleading stare-

And I know that he is sending me strength-

And I know that I must be strong for him-

Because sometimes, life doesn't give you any other option.

And I tell myself that I have to hold on, that I have to look past the difficulties and straight ahead; to what is good, to what is real and hope-

Hope because it is all that is left for me to do.

Be strong, carry on, survive, and hope.

And I clear my head of any alien thoughts and pick the book up gently, get up from my inadequately small armchair and carry it to the shelf.

And I look back at him, and sigh.

He's got his eyes closed now, mouth halfway open, his shaggy hair covering up most of his face and his chest heaving lightly and effortlessly.

And I smile to myself and watch him sleep for a while longer and then I shift my stare and I look out through the window at the deserted lane that outstretches before me- at the darkened streets barely swept by the wind; at the sky drained of colour; at the leafless trees.

And I think of him yet again like I do every day; every minute.

Because he is out there on his own and like it or not, there is nothing that I can do to help-

Because he told me to stay here and I would have fought back, I would have gone to look after him had I been alone.

I glanced back at the silhouette sleeping soundly on the couch and thought of him, of their resemblance, of how I miss him-

It's been three months now, give or take, and still noting. No sign of him, no sign of Todd.

And it's like I'm all emptied up inside without him; without his sarcastic remarks, his flash of a smile bursting towards me every time; without his presence and safety.

And it's like there's a wide hole inside me as I think of him; and it's growing every day-

Because it's the guilt that's gnawing at me-

Because I know how useless I am sitting in this deserted corner on this deserted alley in this deserted town and I hate to complain-

But without him, without my Todd, everything is incomplete.

Nothing is enough and everything is too much and I feel myself missing him so much more as time flies by and I still wait, still hope, still have faith that he will return.

Because they came one day and called him over; took him away-

And I opposed myself strongly and I tried, I tried not to let go-

And I held on to him as they tugged him away-

But I wasn't strong enough-

Off towards war-

Off towards what seems like old New Prentisstown all over again-

And so he left, promising to return, begging me to stay-

But never have I heard of him since.

And the world is so lost without him, so empty.

Hewitttown has joined forces with the world and is now fighting, fighting for its freedom.

The settlers have started arriving a few years ago. A few of them landed and settled in on the planet, making peace with its initial invaders and living happily, until more of them arrived; all of Old World seeking refuge within this planet; all of them searching for a place, for space, doing anything they could just to gain it. Even start a war with its people.

And so New World fights back. Men have been gathered from all over across to join forces with the army; prepare for the fight, train their soldiers.

New World is now filled with people. Populated all over; enveloped in Noise and Voice, filled with life and humanity.

Perhaps too filled with people, too populated, too much enveloped in Noise and Voice.

And Todd, my Todd has gone to fight.

"You have to stay out of this, Viola," he had said before leaving. "I count on your safety. If anything happens to you or to Peter-"

And I had understood; I had seen his view on things, but I had tried to hold on to mine, and failed.

Pete makes a gurgling sound and his Noise flashes

And my heart sinks as I look at my son's face and read into his Noise, his Noise that says he misses his father a lot; his Noise that is begging for food-

But they've left us scarce portions when they left to war-

And I've given him everything I had- given him my own share-

But I know it isn't enough.

And I find that tears are rolling down my cheeks again-

Because it's him that I stayed for, my beautiful, little boy-

And we both feel the pain gnawing at us every day but we try to push it aside-

Because it's vivid emptiness tearing at our lungs and our skin-

And sickness has taken over me-

And I feel myself thinning as day pass because I'm not getting enough food and I miss him so much that I don't even need it-

And I cry a lot, cry for him, cry for our son, cry for us.

I feel like I'm losing Todd again. Losing myself again.

Because so much time has passed and I feel my hope slipping away from me and I try to catch it but it's faster-

And then my heart thuds loudly in the silent room as a knock echoes through the door.

And I turn my gaze towards it and can't help but wonder-

Because nobody has knocked at our door for a while-

And I hurry towards it and fumble with the doorknob agitatedly and push the door open to find myself staring at a familiar face- messy hair scribbled around the head; a pair of hazels warmly washing me over; those same mature features that turn my heart over and that identical smile that brings one on my own lips-

That face, the face I love, the one I haven't seen in what feels like an eternity-

And I jump into his arms and don't bother to hold back my tears and sobs; my relief comes flashing onto my face in the shape of a grin- disbelief and utter happiness burst into me and I clean my face of tears but it's useless because even more are coming down-

And I'm so grateful because he's alive-

Once again, he's alive-

He's made it.

And I wrap my arms around his thickened neck and plant a kiss onto his cheeks and then bury my head into his shoulder-

And then I glance over my shoulder at Peter, who is suddenly awake and now comes running towards us and jumps into our arms and we all hold each other like that and laugh and beam and cry-

Because we finally have each other again.

And nothing else matters.