AN: This was a challenge set by 'Solar Flare' (from Whofic/A Teaspoon and an Open Mind - www dot whofic dot com) The challenge was to write about a Dalek who was in love with the Doctor (very in love... with odd sexual fantasies, possible jealousy over the companion). Basically a story where the fluff is between a Dalek and the Doctor. Ok, so maybe I haven't quite achieved this. I may try something more 'adventurous' later but for the moment though I think its safe to say: I just can't write smut very well. So this is really more of a fluffy thing.

Fluffy Thoughts

Inside a rather odd looking blue box a blonde human tries to hit on a scruffy-haired alien, luckily they're both wearing clothes:

Rose smiled excitedly at the Doctor. He was running around the console room flipping switches and turning cogs, the TARDIS was groaning and wheezing in complaint. She loved his enthusiasm for everything; his keenness for travel, his contempt for evil and his huge sense of adventure. And to add to that, he was intelligent, vastly so, and he wasn't that bad looking either, almost — no! He was — sexy. She wanted him for herself…

She wondered where and when he was taking her. What wonders were they going to see? What exhilarating quest they would have today? What new cultures were they going to be acquainted with? What kind of alien butt were they going to kick? And more importantly, what were they going to have for lunch? Hopefully something romantic…

At last the TARDIS landed with an exhausted rumble into real space and time and they both raced each other to the door. But instead of pulling open the door Rose looked up at the Doctor and batted her eyelashes. She took his arm and started to swing it about like a little girl on a sugar rush. His eyes widened in shock.

"Look, Rose," he said awkwardly. "I'm a Timelord, yeah, and so that means I could live for thousands of years. But you only live for, say eighty, yeah? I can't go out with you, I can't let myself love a human, or anything that's lifespan is under a thousand years. Sorry, but that's the curse of the Timelords…"

Rose was utterly disappointed, heartbroken, but in some ways she knew it was coming. She still tried to give him the sad puppy dog eyes look but he was determined to ignore her suggestions and pulled open the TARDIS door.

"Oh, bugger…" he said.

Rose tore her eyes from him and looked outside the doors to see a barren desert landscape with a few empty grey towers poking from the sand.

"What is it?" she asked, "where are we?" Well, this place isn't very romantic, she thought sourly, it looks like a tip, or a quarry.

The Doctor gave the TARDIS console an evil glare. "Is this your idea of a joke?!" he screamed at it, "oh, yeah! Just take us back in time to Skaro, why don't you!" He stepped moodily out onto the planet surface. "Come on, Rose. Let's go see what's new here… not a lot probably."

Somewhere on Skaro's surface, a few minutes walk away from the TARDIS and half an hours walk from the sand covered city of the Daleks, a large grey metal thing on wheels with a sink plunger and a deadly egg whisk for arms, an example of your common garden Dalek, wheels around the desert in a lonely depressed way because only moments before it had been struck by lightning for the second time that day. (Gasp for air) Or was it the third? Anyway, it's depressed and lonely, possibly just a tad on the insane side and needs the Dalek equivalent of a hug, a hot chocolate and a straight jacket:

The Dalek stared at the horizon in a disapproving way; it thought it was so big, with all its blue, purples, reds and occasionally a few green skies.
It was so absorbed in the sky it shrieked a rather offensive Dalekese word at the universe in general. It began with the Daleks most unforgivable letter: 'J'.

To use this letter in a comment was either a death sentence for the user, or the receiver of the word. It served as a kind of translation of 'fuck' or 'cunt', maybe even both simultaneously.

Let's just face it; the Dalek was just having a really bad day. If it rained on Skaro and if there were any heavy goods vehicles cruising around the immediate area this would have been the perfect time for the Dalek to be splashed by one.

The noise of time and space being bashed quite savagely together in a raging fit echoed through the skies, through the rocks and through the Dalek's body. The sound created quite a vibration, nothing like the Dalek had ever experienced before. It was intrigued, bizarrely so. It wanted to find the source of the vibrating noise, whatever it had been it was sure to be worth investigating.

After a few minutes of wanderings it came across a peculiar blue box. It halted in front of what it assumed was the entrance and stared hard at it.
The blue box looked familiar, what was it called? A TARDIS? It was difficult to remember, it seemed being struck by the lightning for the third time did it some damage, or had it been the fourth time?

The Dalek gave up trying to remember how many times it had been struck by lightning and pushed the door open with its sink plunger. It gave the interior a sceptical look.

"Oi! You!" an angry voice yelled out. "What do you think you're doing? Get out of there!"

The Dalek got a shock and reversed away from the doors, turning its eyestalk just in time to see a rock sailing gracefully through the air towards its domed head. The impact left a few scratches on the paintwork. That is going to cost a lot to get repainted, it thought unhappily.

It glared at the person who threw the stone. The culprit was a tall brown messy-haired humanoid, he was wearing a long coat and a pinstripe suit, and he was gazing at it like he owned the ground it stood on. The Dalek scanned the ground around it to check who really owned what, after finding nothing conclusive it snapped its attention back on the man and a blonde girl behind him. Blue box, female companion, logically this man was the Doctor. Its iris widened as very weird thoughts ran through its mind. Very, very weird thoughts.

So, while everyone stares at each other and says nothing, what is the Doctor thinking, apart from wishing Rose was a Time Lady and visualising her in a bikini:

Hmm, screwdriver use no. 874: a shoehorn! I've got to use that function at some point.
Why is that Dalek looking at me like that?
I'm guessing from the angle of that cloud, the large boulder over there, and my shadow, that this planet is 12, 070, 012 years, 2 months, 6 days, 1 hour, 23 minutes, 8 seconds and 5 milliseconds old.
That Dalek really is staring…
That boulder in the distance looks like my grandfather! It has the same kind of nose that he had in his third regeneration. I really don't understand it; all of his regenerations were ginger, but I haven't been ginger once! It's so unfair!
If it doesn't stop looking at me I'm going to have to gloat at it…
It's my birthday tomorrow and no one knows. Maybe I'll try and annoy Jackie again…

And all that was within a few seconds. But what was Rose thinking about:

Chips! I wonder if they sell chips here?
Gosh, that Dalek really is giving the Doctor a hard stare. I wonder what those things think? Locked away in a big metal dustbin… When's the garbage man going to come? Ok, that was so not funny.
I really ought to get new trainers. These ones are falling apart, there're going to be useless if I have to run away from something with twenty heads and heartburn like I did last week.

Back to the Dalek:
It was drooling internally, and it didn't know why. It had to be his hair, there was something hypnotic about his hair. Or was it his eyes? They were big and round, and the Dalek liked them. Why was it thinking like this? Oh yeah, being struck by lightning four times, or was it five? That would be its excuse for having such unimaginable thoughts if anyone ever found out. Maybe it could be its excuse for a lot of things, like avoiding chasing the tiny Thals away from the city's ruined swimming pool. On that day it had just suffered an acute attack of laziness; it was hot and sunny, and nobody was in mood for rampaging around the city and shooting things that moved.

The Dalek gladly brought its attention back on the Doctor. After a few moments it came to realise what on Skaro it was feeling, it was called infatuation. It grinned mentally at itself as it got lost in a world where everything was Doctor related.

"Is it broken? It's not said anything yet, it just keeps looking at you." The blonde girl asked the Doctor.

The Doctor turned his head away from the Dalek so he could answer back. The Dalek became infuriated. How could he ignore it like that, and just for her?

"I don't know," he said.

The Dalek prodded the Doctor with its plunger arm to get his attention back on it.

He glared at it. "Excuse me, I was having a nice little chat with my friend, Rose!" The hatred in his voice disappointed it; at this rate the Doctor wasn't going to like it at all. And he would probably never speak to it again, but something told it; pity, get pity from him.

It blurted out a pretend sob and wavered its iris, just generally trying to look cute; but trying to act all sweet and adorable is excruciatingly hard when everyone knows you're a ruthless killing machine.

His expression turned from anger to shock, horror and confusion. The Doctor's mouth fell open, now the Dalek could see his sparkly white teeth, if only it could make him smile at it.

"No, no, no, no. You aren't crying… Daleks don't do that."

The Dalek blubbered again, trying to squeeze all the sympathy and attention out of him.

He was backing away now and shaking his head, but it wasn't going to let him get away easily. The more he tried to run, the more it wanted him, and the more worryingly obsessive fantasies it had of screwdrivers, jellybabies, scarves, and a plastic wooden spoon. How a spoon could be plastic and wooden at the same time it didn't know, but what it did know was that it wanted one, preferably a red one with orange polka dots.

It most wanted the Doctor performing jiggery pokery on it though.

To stop the Doctor escaping the Dalek grabbed hold of his coat with its vacuum grip and gave him the most sugary look it could muster.

"Oh, dear fuck." The Doctor's eyes widened further.

"What is it?" Rose asked. She was looking between the two with a slight fearful expression. The Dalek noticed that this time the Doctor hadn't looked at the female and it glanced a smug look at her. It was winning; it was getting all the attention. Neh, neh!

"I think," he started, "it fancies me. I don't blame it, I would fancy me."

The Dalek saw Rose's eyes roll, was she mocking him? The cruelty! Or was she mocking it? The Bitch!

"What are you going to do about it? Put its hopes down gently?" she asked.

The Dalek's iris widened, put its hopes down? Surely not!

"Put it down?" The Doctor repeated with his voice that could melt anything, even things that were already melting. He looked at her. "Nah!" He turned his head to grin at it.

The Dalek was ecstatic about his smile, and was even more pleased at Rose's shocked face.

"Do you love me? Aww…" He put on a high-pitched voice and tickled its eyestalk. "You know something? I think you'd like to see the sonic screwdriver's other functions!" He grinned again.

It nodded its eyestalk enthusiastically.

Rose's jaw dropped. "You're sick!" She pivoted around on her feet and headed for the TARDIS.

"Hang on a mo!" He said to it and chased after Rose, much to the Dalek's distaste. It could hear them speaking, and he mentioned something that sounded incredibly good, "Ever had a foursome before?"

"No, sounds good though. But foursome, there's only three of us?"

"Me, you, the Dalek and the TARDIS!"

The TARDIS's excited rumbles could be heard light-years away.