A/N: Hello! Here with another story I've originally posted on AO3! WARNING: This story will revolve around Castiel recovering from being sexually abused and isolated by his father for most of his life. Flashbacks will be in italics if you would like to skip the scenes THAT CAN GET GRAPHIC. Eventual Destiel! I aim to end and start each story with a flashback.
Also I am obsessed with good big brother angel's as Novaks. Michael, Lucifer and Gabriel.
I am copying from AO3 so formatting may be weird, bare with me on this I will try to change. I RECOMMEND NOT READING ON MOBILE AS ITALICS ARE A BIG PART FOR THE STORY
Triggers: Parent/Child incest (Non-con), Childhood Sexual Abuse, May be disturbing to certain readers.
'Why don't you come over here, Cas baby, come sit on daddy's lap.' The raven haired boy stumbles forward from his hiding spot in the kitchen, moving hesitantly until he could climb onto his father's lap. He nestled on top of the man's legs folding his own criss cross and placing his hands on his thighs. He released a slow breath and peered at the movie all of his brothers were engrossed in; some flick about a man that was also a spider. He could smell his father's distinct musk, whiskey and pine spice; it was comforting as it was unsettling. Castiel loved his father, his father favored him among all the others. His father called him beautiful, told him he was his most prized possession; that he was the prettiest angel ever. Castiel shifted slightly as his father runs a large calloused hand down his arm, slow, causing the rising of gooseflesh. This is okay, Castiel knows this is how fathers show their love and his father liked to show him a lot. His father absently takes a swig of the beer in his other hand, leaving his right to trail down Castiel's back, stopping at the hem of his shirt and diving underneath so his fingers can flick up and caress his spine. Castiel feels a bit shaky but his father whispers gentle blessings into his ear, breath hitting Castiel's cheek and leaving the smell of alcohol. He flattens his palm and runs it up Castiel's back toward his neck messaging for a moment and then trailing back down with only a slight scratch of his finger nails. Castiel can feel something hard poking into his bottom and he knows his father his pleased with him. He almost chokes out as fingers trail down and dip into his sweats barely nudging the cleft of his bottom. 'Castiel, would you like to go make popcorn with me?' The sudden voice of his brother Michael is unexpected and causes him to jump and the hand to fly off of his body and rest awkwardly aside. Michael is glaring at father. Castiel smiles because he likes being with his brothers, nodding he jumps up and into the kitchen. Michael casts one last accusatory look at father before he turns away.
"Cassie, Cassie get your ass up!" The amiable groan of Gabriel is not what wakes him but the sudden assault of cold air as his blankets are tore from his body. "Gaaaaaabe" Castiel usually isn't one to whine but the sun isn't even flashing through the windows and goddamn when did it get so cold? "Cassie, it's time to get ready for school" and with that Castiel's mood shifts, his stomach ices over and he slowly sits up. Oh yeah school…
Gabriel must sense his mood shift and smiles sympathetically, "You'll get used to the whole time thing," he knows that's not the problem but it helps to avoid the elephant in the room. "Thank you Gabriel, I suppose I should tend to getting ready now" Castiel runs his fingers through his unruly hair and heads for his wardrobe. He's picked out a simple outfit, never having to dress for school before, he had settled on a nice suit but Lucifer had chuckled and told him high school was not the occasion, so after his shower he pulls on black jeans and a long-sleeved dark blue and black striped shirt.
He quickly finishes his other tasks, brushing his teeth and making his bed, before he goes to the door to continue downstairs where he can hear the bustle of his brothers. Castiel freezes with his hand on the knob, sighing deeply; his father's voice ringing in the back of his head
'School is dangerous for people like you angel, that's why I keep you home, with me, nice and safe'
Castiel shakes his head as if to rattle the voice loose and continues out and down to the kitchen, the scene that greets him succeeds in making him feel somewhat warm and content despite his anxiety. Michael stands at the stove flipping pancakes, Lucifer next to him buttering toast, wearing a ridiculous apron that donned a picture of the devil holding a spatula.
Castiel peers over to see Gabriel squeezing an ungodly amount of chocolate sauce into milk as Lucifer occasionally glares at him and mutters things about diabetes and blood sugar. Castiel shakes his head because no matter how impossible his brothers can be, he loves them more than anything.
Michael is setting a plate of pancakes on the table when he finally spies Castiel who has unintentionally pressed himself against the opening frame of the kitchen, hiding half of his body, much like he did when he was younger and didn't want to disturb their father. "Castiel" he smiles and ignores the flinch, "Come get some breakfast." The youngest Novak nods a tad and moves to sit in his seat, eyes down as Michael makes his plate. It is true that his brothers baby him more than normal, they watch over him almost obsessively, caring for him as if he were a glass vase, ready to shatter at any moment.Too bad, Castiel twitched his lip sadly, I'm already broken.
-x-
Michael and Lucifer, being Castiel's legal guardians now, had already discussed it the night before, they would drive the boys to school as to keep Castiel's anxiety at bay for as long as possible but, as the raven haired boy went to pick up his book bag, Lucifer can see his fingers digging into his palm. Gabriel is shoving things into Castiel's bookbag as Lucifer pushes his twin aside and sighs, "He's scared shitless Mikey...can't...can't we wait for another day or so?" Michael sighs but shakes his head firmly, he's just as worried as Lucifer but he can't let that get the better of him, Castiel has to go to school, there was no argument about it. "Luce, I know you're worried but he needs to go to school. We can't keep him from an education. I know it's not ideal but we just can't afford homeschooling any longer and if we delay it, it will just get harder for him" his blue eyes plead for understanding as Lucifer nods eventually, "I know...I just hate seeing him like this." Michael sighs and forces a smile, walking over to where Castiel is listening to Gabriel babble on about courses and whatnot. "Alright little hoodlums, let's get you out!" He tries to sound amiable and enthusiastic, ushering them towards the car. Castiel looks around, taking in the crisp morning air; the sun is just barely peeking up and casting a pinkish color across the sky. He doesn't leave the house too often but when he does he always remembers to take in the scenery. Castiel shudders as he remembers what his father used to say when he would ask to join his brothers outside;
'There are bad people out there angel, bad people that want to take you away. I'm only doing what's best. You'll be healthy soon.'
"Cassie" fingers are snapping in front of his face and he is pulled back to reality to very worried looking brothers, "S-Sorry" his voice is barely above a whisper as he climbs into the car and buckles himself up while the others exchanged worried glances.
By the time they reach Lawrence High, Castiel has four more crescent shaped scars dug into his palm.
The parking lot is full of cars and students all carelessly bunched into small or large groups; Castiel swallows hard, they all have their cliques, they've all known each other for years, and here he is, the only friends he's ever known are his brothers. Castiel makes it a mission to walk as quickly as he can to the office, walking close enough to Michael's back that when he stops Castiel rams into him. "Sorry-sorry" he mumbles out as Michael waves him off and they continue until they're standing in the main office. A kind looking girl is perched behind the desk and quickly turns her attention to Michael, "Hello Michael! What brings you in? Gabriel couldn't have screwed up again so soon?" Castiel feels a sudden contempt towards this woman when she speaks about one of his brothers, but the way they all laugh, including Gabriel, stifles Castiel's anger; he never could pick up on sarcasm.
"No not for Gabey here today. I'm here to bring my little brother in for his first day, this is Castiel" He moves aside from where Castiel had strategically hid himself behind his older brother, "H-hello" Castiel manages out as the girl smiles brightly and flicks her red hair, "Hello Castiel! My name is Charlie! It's so nice to finally meet you, let me grab your schedule and get you on your way! We are so glad to have you here!" She's so overly enthusiastic that Castiel almost rolls his eyes, but he twitches his lip and nods, waiting.
When he receives his schedule it all becomes real, Michael and Lucifer are saying their goodbyes, "Okay Castiel, everything is going to be fine, just keep with Gabe and it will all be okay, and if anything goes wrong just text me and I will come right away, I promise and-" Michael is pulled from his babbling by Gabriel mentioning the warning bell, Michael smiles at Castiel and squeezes his shoulder, Castiel gives him a small smile and presses two fingers against Michael's palm as if to say, It will be okay. I will be okay. Lucifer is next, smiling, holding his hand up so Castiel will put his against it, that is how they hug when Lucifer knows everything is too much, "You'll do great." With that the eldest Novaks are off, leaving the youngest Novak's to scamper out into the thinning hallways.
Castiel's schedule shows that he will have English Comp. first so Gabriel shows him to the classroom just as the bell rings. Gabriel stands in front of Castiel who is trembling now and looking half faint. "Hey...hey, it's going to be okay Cassie, I'll be right outside this classroom as soon as it ends okay?" Gabriel assures, Castiel nods and swallows, not looking convinced, "You're the smartest kid ever Castiel, you can do this." Castiel nods and God they are all going to be so disappointed because he really doesn't feel like he can do it as he sees him walk toward his own classroom.
Castiel has never been without his brothers, so as he enters the classroom and literally fucking hears the rooms fall silent he can feel his composure start to crack. The teacher looks up with a smile and walks forward motioning for him to stand in the front, "Hello! You must be the new student! My name is Ms. Harvelle! Why don't you introduce yourself?" Castiel's eyes widen, his brother hadn't informed him of this, he looks toward the students who are staring quietly and then back at the teacher. She must see the look of confusion so she prompts him, "Why don't you start with your name?" He wishes in this moment he could run out of the room and back home. Wishes he could dive underneath the covers and scream and scream until he falls into blissful unconsciousness and oh, he's supposed to be speaking right now, not standing there mute.
"M-my name is C-Castiel Novak" he nods a tad as for confirmation, and fixes his eyes back on the teacher as she smiles sympathetically, "What a beautiful name" she comments but the others don't seem to agree because there's an eruption of giggles and sneers; so Castiel inhales deeply and takes the walk of shame to the back of the classroom, almost losing his footing and crashing into the ground as a leg is held out with the intention of tripping him.
He awkwardly drops into his seat, setting his book bag down on the floor and grabbing out his notebook and pencil to set on the desk just like Gabriel had told him; you have to at least try to make it look like you're learning. Castiel frowns to himself because he knows that's most likely what Gabriel actually does and is why Michael is always on him for such low marks on tests; he, however, enjoys learning, but he had a lot more when he could do it from the safety of his own home. Castiel peers down at the table which is etched with profanity and crude drawings that make his heart clench with sadness and debilitating fear. The classroom seemed entirely too small to hold the sweaty, pubescent bodies within, the tables all in close proximity that Castiel could just feel the eyes on him. He knows he isn't a normal teenager, knows deep within his heart that he doesn't belong out here with all the perfectly sane humans that have no idea what it's like to be a prisoner in their own minds, plagued by memories and phantom sicknesses.
'You're sick Castiel. I know you might feel fine but there's something inside of you, only I know how to make it all better okay? Now come here, come lay down with me.'
Castiel shakes his head, bringing his fingers to run through his hair, ruffling it up worse, but not caring in the least. Out of the corner of his eye he catches a glimpse of green, brilliant green, turning to face the magnificent color he is face to face with another student, whose eyes are trained carefully on his own, for a moment Castiel finds himself lost within the gems but quickly averts his eyes when he hears the teacher drop a book on her desk. The raven haired boy feels his face heat up, painted in his vision are those irises, that seem to compliment every part of the handsome boy next to him. "My name is Dean Winchester" He whispers waiting for a moment but not receiving a reaction, "Like the gun" he adds quickly.
Castiel looks up to him, tilting his head and squinting in the way he does when he's confused, he's never really been into guns, so he'll have to take green eyes word for it. Castiel finds his tongue lying limp in his mouth, refusing to work and give the poor boy next to him at least some kind of greeting; his hands shake in his lap and feel clammy. He's not used to talking to new people, not at all, and for a fleeting second he is worried that perhaps he has a fever but shakes his father's thoughts from his head. "C-Castiel Novak..." He forces out, worrying his lip and then shaking his head, "Like nothing..." He feels entirely too embarrassed to look up as Dean chuckles, "No. Like the angel" he whispers back, the word piercing Castiel like ice covered needles.
'You're my little angel Castiel. Yes you are. My pretty, little angel.'
Castiel shakes his head and is about to deny it but the bell screeches, causing him to jump and look about rapidly for the fire, but all he sees are students filing out in a bored fashion, "Whoa dude!" Dean's voice is huskier without the guise of a whisper, "It's just the bell, you look like you've never been to school before" he chuckles, running a hand through his sandy hair, watching Castiel closely as he gathers his pack up. "I-uh...I haven't, Dean" He bites the inside of his cheek, he already feels exhausted and it's only second bell. Dean, in turn, gives him the questioning look as they both walk into the hallway, Castiel shrinking as close to the wall as possible and fishing out his schedule, "I've b-been home-schooled my whole life...this is all new" he informs the boy next to him, looking over his schedule futilely, stopping as Gabriel strides forward, "Castiel hey," he's biting on a candy bar as he smiles toward his little brother and then looks to Dean, "Jesus Winchester, already corrupting him? Careful, Lucifer is my brother and you know what he's capable of" He grins impishly.
Dean looks sheepishly at Castiel and then Gabriel, "He's your brother? That's impossible!" He throws out as Gabriel scans Castiel's classes, "Why's that Dean-o?" Castiel watches Dean and his brother interact, taking in the smattering of freckles on the taller boy's face that seem to contrast perfectly with his cheekbones. "Because he's cool and you're completely insufferable." With that Gabriel laughs out loud, narrowing his eyes at the Winchester, "Insufferable? Has Sam been giving you vocabulary lessons? I'm impressed!" They joke back and forth, leaving Castiel to balance on his two feet and wait patiently; he grips both straps of his book bag that rests on his back and stares at the ground, trying to memorize the prompt for Ms. Harvelle's upcoming essay.
The hallways flood back and forth with teenagers, yelling and laughing, it all is completely overwhelming and once again Castiel finds himself longing to be curled up under his bed-sheets, safe from the world. He closes his eyes and counts, breathing in and out rhythmically as to calm himself down and he's almost completely relaxed when a tall body comes bounding up next to him, placing a rough hand on his back, "You must be Castiel!" His voice is so amiable, but Castiel can't see for fear of passing out if he moves even an inch, all he can do is remember hands.
Rough, calloused hands running over his bare flesh, the grip strong on his shoulders as he is held in place. The tremors start in his own hands as his heart beats rapidly against his chest, making his mind fog and his vision unfocused, as he gasps out in desperate need of a nice, quiet place, "Castiel this is my little brother Samm-Castiel?" The voices around him are beginning to sound worried, Castiel wishes he could wave them off and tell them not to worry of him, but Gabriel is quickly grabbing his shoulders and guiding him to a deserted area of the student lounge, forcing him to sit on the bench. "Deep breaths Cassie, c'mon, no worries, just breathe" he instructs, breathing along with him till Castiel's vision clears and his hands only shake slightly.
Castiel looks up to his brother's worried, whiskey colored eyes, "Cassie, are you okay?" Castiel nods and forces a weak smile, "Sorr-y about that Gabe, He just... gave me a scare. I'm okay" Gabriel looks unconvinced but nods anyway, "So, your next class is Biochem, this way" he guides him gently.
-x-
Castiel quickly learns that Dean Winchester is in most of his classes, albeit being in the same grade as Gabriel; he doesn't apply himself, Sam, Dean's brother, tells him. Castiel finds himself more at ease around Dean, and, for the most part, around Sam as well. They both sit in French class, although Castiel is near fluent, talking, mostly Dean, about anything. "So Cas. I'm going to call you that okay? What do you do?" He asks when their teacher announces he has finished for the day. Castiel flusters quickly, knowing he really doesn't do much. "I-I write sometimes..." he quirks a small smile as Dean gives him a wide one, "That's cool. Maybe I could read sometime, yeah?" He is leaning back in his chair so he is only on two legs, Castiel wishes to tell him it is dangerous, instead he just nods, "Perhaps."
The end of the day finds Castiel exhausted mentally, in all sense of the word, as Dean, his new official guide when Gabriel is unavailable, walks with him to the exit doors. "T-Thank you Dean for helping me today" Castiel smiles at him, ducking his head as Dean flashes another amazing smile, "What are friends for?" He replies and Castiel feels a warmth spread throughout him. Dean wants to be my friend. Dean is my friend. I have a friend. "Okay" Castiel feels himself smile a little more as he waves his goodbye and clamors in Michael's Honda next to Gabriel. They buckle up before Michael speaks up, "How was it?" Castiel knows it's directed towards him but Gabriel blabbers on until Lucifer tells him to shut it and looks toward Castiel worriedly, "I believe...It went well" Castiel thinks and then nods towards his protective older brothers who give him small smiles and leave him be to process his day.
Finally home, Castiel drops his bag and swaps his jeans for pajama pants and a loose shirt, falling on top of his sheets, mulling over his day. He'd gotten by without much incident, but he feels that continuing is too good to be true so he doesn't let himself become hopeful that he may just fit in. He shakes his head and switches to his, friend, Dean Winchester, with his spruce eyes and award winning smile, who wants to be friends with me. Castiel finds a small buzz in his chest to feel quite content, it's not the usual coil of anxiety but something...hopeful? He presses his face into his pillow as he imagines the smell of leather and motor oil that intoxicated him the entire day, he wouldn't mind drowning in that smell that was totally, irrevocably Dean.
He lets his mind focus on the lines and muscle that seem to make up Dean, imagining what it would be like to be enveloped in his strong arms, away from the past. He feels a new dizzying heat, one he hasn't felt in a long, long time and it isn't until the heat coils around his belly that he shoots up in horror, realizing belatedly that he is actually hard, achingly so. He feels contempt and disgust unfurl in his body, surging through his veins and making bile rise in his throat. Anger at himself for letting such a thing happen, for thinking about Dean in such a way that he was not supposed to be. Castiel shakes his head, willing his erection down, stifling a scream in his throat, nothing seems to help, his body hellbent on some kind of release. Castiel shoots off his bed, anger at himself and the world coursing through his body as he tugs at tufts of his hair, knocks over his nightstand, something to will his body compliant again.
It isn't until he looks down at his hands, focusing on the way the fingers on his right seem a bit crooked and strange, that he feels himself come to, remembering the words of his father. He stares at his unshapely fingers for what seems like hours until his erection is gone and his belly is replaced with a sickening memory.
No. He could not allow Dean to come that close again.
All kinds of things were happening to Castiel's body. He wasn't sure what it was, his father had never let him take any biology books or anatomy courses, so he was a bit frightened. His skin felt more sensitive, especially around his groin area. He was used to his father rubbing his hands down there but he never had a reaction. This morning, though, Castiel had awoken to an uncomfortable tightness in his Marvel pajama pants. He shifted a little, not sure what he was supposed to do about it. When he fully awakes from his grogginess he feels it tenfold, a pulsing heat that made his little prick twitch. He looked around to tell his father about it but he was nowhere to be found, so Castiel found himself closing his eyes and hoping it would just stop soon. But it didn't, it got worse and he found himself unconsciously hovering his hand over his crotch, almost like instinct. He let himself suffer a little while longer before he lay his palm flat on his crotch, mewling out a tad when his over-sensitive area flares at contact. It felt wonderful! Castiel hurriedly starts palming at his hard member, feeling the electricity move throughout, putting him on the edge but unfortunately not allowing him any further. He let out a low whine when it began to ache, this causing him to act purely on instinct, pulling his pants down and rubbing his little hands all over his cock. He worked at it clumsily, palming and rubbing till it hurt, letting out whines and cries the entire time. Through Castiel's cries he did not hear someone enter the room, and it's not until his wrist is gripped harshly that he opens his eyes and looks up with a gasp. His father stands over him, anger etching every line of his face. "F-Father?" it was barely a whisper but just that seemed to elicit more anger from the man as he jerks Castiel toward him by his hand, "And just what do you think you're doing young man?" he was loud and accusatory, the tone he used when Castiel had done something wrong, this causes Castiel's stomach to sour. He didn't like disobeying his father. "I-I…" Castiel wasn't sure how to answer because he wasn't sure exactly what he was doing. "I've told you boy" his father hissed, looking down at Castiel's slender fingers, "No one. No one is allowed to touch you," he grabs a hold of the young boy's pointer finger and pushes it back, back, CRACK! The breath catches in Castiel's throat and his eyes blow wide, he wants to scream but he can't because father keeps talking, "Not even you Castiel" he moves on to the middle finger, going slower this time, letting Castiel yelp out a noise of utter pain as his other finger is broke back. "You're mine" CRACK! There goes his ring finger. "Only mine" and last his pinky. Castiel feels his breath hitch and tears spill down his face as he watches his fingers swell and purple maddeningly. "Do you understand? No one can touch you. Not you or anyone else ever. Do I make myself clear?" He growls, reaching down and tightening his hand around the boy's member, squeezing enough to elicit a yelp of pain from Castiel who feels his eyes water and nods quickly, "Yes, Sir!"