Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.
A/N: The setting of this fic takes place after Light joins the investigation but before Misa's arrest. It contains spoilers for the whole manga so turn back now if you're not done. I must warn you of the possibility of oocness. Playing Lilium, It's Only the Fairy Tale, or any other tragic song makes it a lot better. Just a tip.
Hopeless Dreams
The ring of a bell echoed throughout the empty campus of the university, cutting through the tranquil silence of winter's wake. The sound of laughter and conversation ignited by the end of a demanding school day steadily traveled throughout the school grounds. A light, cheerful mood was created as students talked of their plans over winter break.
The mass of people and noise seemed to blur into a background of a monotonous color as L stared up from his bench.
The sky was shadowy amid varying shades of gray. Laden with massive, looming clouds, the sky foretold the arrival of an impending storm. The icy chill of the wind cut into L's one-layered shirt and straight through his frail frame.
Overtaking the university grounds, the presence of winter had stripped the tall, oak trees of their leaves, leaving only shrunken skeletons behind. It had transformed lush fields of emerald green grass into their present, lifeless color, matching the solemn atmosphere.
Leather shoes producing a clicking sound on the gravel path suddenly halted their motion as they neared the distinct park bench.
"Ryuuzaki, why are you here?" asked Light, making sure that his tone appeared amiable.
L lowered his chin to meet his rival. His eyes held a look that was different than the usual wide and intense stare he gave, which seemingly pierced through the body and right into the soul. Instead his eyes were heavily lidded and filled with a sort of quiet sorrow. They held age and weariness that was not gained by the sheer simplicity of time.
"Raito-kun, I did not plan on coming but I was thinking and…" L drifted off into thought, talking more to himself than anyone else.
'What's he doing here?' Light thought internally, automatically turning his gears into overdrive at the oddity of this visit.
Was this another plan to catch him off guard and do something that would reveal his identity as Kira? No, L knows better than this. Light was not naive enough to do anything in public. In addition, the existence of the second Kira will merely put his own life in danger. This move was reckless but precautions would need to be heeded.
"Did you need to tell me something?" Raito encouraged with a friendly smile.
Why did the detective's presence make him feel so agitated? Everything that came out of his mouth seemed fake and unnatural. Was it because he was afraid that for once someone may have the ability to defeat him at the game that he himself had started? It was like the first time he had gotten hold of the notebook. The aspiration to cleanse the world of its impurities and make himself god was lighted and that fire grew into an insatiable monster which devoured everything in his path. Even then, there were little road blocks like the national police force and CSA but he would just find a way around them.
However, this monster was soon met with a vast, unyielding wall that was not like the little obstacles he had dealt with before. The wall's name was L and from their first meeting, both had known that the other was a true opponent with an intelligence matching their own. From then own, it had escalated into a full-fledged battle of mind games and the painstaking process of planning of strategies to overthrow the other. The sheer existence of L had kept Raito tossing and turning at night, checking then double checking then checking again to make sure that there were absolutely no errors in his plans. The pressure had piled up layer by layer, never lessening only growing larger.
"I have come to a revelation," L replied in his rough voice, breaking off Light's train of thoughts. Wait a minute, why did the detective refuse to glance anywhere except at Raito?
He felt his curiosity pique at what could make the genius who was renowned for his stoic demeanor so uncomfortable. And from the looks of it, it concerned him.
"Oh, what kind of a revelation?" he asked in an innocently as he watched his rival fidget uneasily, biting his thumb a tad harder than normal.
"What would you do if the person you loved is the only person you couldn't be with?" L murmured in a detached tone. He appeared rather cynical wearing a sardonic grin which contrasted with his mournful gaze, looking more like he was crying rather than smiling.
Raito felt his heart catch in his throat at his words. All calculations halted in his mind and he felt the world around him fade into oblivion, leaving only him and L behind. The person whom he has been thinking about in his every waking hour was troubled by an emotion as trivial as…love? Somehow, he could not help but feel his own heart plummet at the thought of L being lovesick about another person. Shaking his head, he tried to regain his composure but the feeling of disappointment remained.
"I would just go for it. Love should always be cherished. Who is it anyways?" Raito asked regretting the answer.
"It's you, Yagami-kun," L whispered staring straight into his eyes. He took a deep shuddering breath.
"Aishiteru yo."
The first droplets of water fell from the sky landing between them. Others soon followed spilling out of sky, growing into a full-blown storm. Yet, the two of them just stared at each other as if nothing else existed. Neither moved a muscle give the impression that they were unaware of the rain and how drenched it was making them.
Before the logical part of his brain could recover to stop him, Light had walked over to L in a few rapid strides. He paused for an insignificant moment before summoning his courage to capture his enemy's lips with his own, releasing the pent-up tension that had accumulated since they first met. The kiss was an intense battle of tongues with neither willing to surrender to the other. L's hands encircled Light's shoulder before digging his nails into the other's blazer.
As the air in their lungs began to run out, they both held on struggling against it. Even when they were forced to be broken apart, their lips lingered on each others, hanging on as long as they could. When Light's senses finally returned, he glanced down at the detective in his arms. Ryuuzaki's coal-black hair contrasted vividly against his unnaturally white skin producing an ethereal effect. Rain droplets rolled down his slim face as Light noticed how much they were both trembling.
"Ryuuzaki, I think we should-" he said starting to lead the other to an alcove nearby.
"Just one more moment, even if it's just one more moment," L whispered softly, holding on firmly to Raito's arm.
"What are you talking about? We can always do this later," Light replied frantically as if trying to convince himself into believing in his own words.
"It's too cold and we're both soaked."
"There is no later. We can't be together," L's dark bangs covered his eyes, casting a shadow on his face. Raito opened his mouth to speak but no words came to mind. Deep within, he knew that the other was right. He watched as Ryuuzaki slowly made his away from him, becoming smaller and smaller before disappearing from sight.
"Demo, I love you too." Raito glanced around the campus. The path was empty and left no sign of the meeting that had occurred. He, too, slowly made his way into the shadows.
The two were like actors on a stage carrying out the cliché plot of good versus evil. And in this story, only pure hatred could exist between the two sides because good was not supposed to fall in love with evil and evil would definitely not fall in love with good. And like every actor, they would do as the plot desires them for they, the best of the best, were not supposed to do such a petty thing as feel.
They were the only ones in the world that could understand and love each other but fate forced them onto opposite sides of the interminable game. They either had to kill the one they loved or be killed by the one that loves them. They were with each other everyday but could not be with each other. They hated but could not hate and loved when they could not love. Teased with the sight of the one that their hearts yearned for most but could not have made living more difficult than dying.
"But…I…"
"I wasn't wrong…"
"So…I..."
"Humans, someday, will surely die. After death, their destination is nothingness."
What is the point of wondering what ifs?
Because Light will be Kira.
And L would have to be the one to stop him.
But one cannot help but dream.
Of blue skies and white clouds.
Of holding hands and sharing secret smiles.
Sakura petals, blowing in the wind.
Taking away the pain and sorrow.
They don't exist.
Not here.
A/N: Reviews appreciated. Compliments adored. And criticism loved. So, how was it?