Plot: The war has ended; everyone can carry on with their lives again, can't they? Sirius is finding it hard to distinguish his need for alcohol and for Remus, and Remus is finding it hard to decide where his loyalties lie- with Sirius or Harry. RL/SB, RL/HP

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Ms Rowling is free to keep her heterosexual little girls and boys. The musical gods' song lyrics also do not belong to me.

Warning: Slash, if you're underage and like to protest then please scamper away.

Thanks: To my darling beta, UnderLucius. Please read something of hers, you won't regret it.

"Stay by my side. And the pipe dream is yours now. Stay by my side. And the cynics won't get in our way. Don't you know you've got your Daddy's eyes. And your Daddy was an alcoholic. But your mother kept it all inside. Threw it all away. I was looking for another chance. To see your blue eyed problem."

Alcoholic, Starsailor.

He entered the room with a weary sigh, distractedly throwing the keys on the table by the door and staring upwards.

Massaging a crick in his neck, Remus Lupin shouted up the stairs, "Sirius, I'm home."

There wasn't the usual shuffle of noise in reply then the thunderous sound as the energetic thirty-something bounded downstairs to give his friend the customary hug in greeting.

"Padfoot, you there?"

The werewolf frowned, quickly going from room to room in search of his errant housemate. Grimmauld Place was a large building; it took a good five minutes for him to check every single room.

By the end of it he was exhausted and flopped down in front of the fire in the kitchen. Lupin sighed again, and called into the fire. A moment later a head popped up.

"I'm sorry to be inconvenient, but it appears that I'm not in the room at the moment." It was Dumbledore's answering fire. An ingenious device that the eccentric wizard had created based on the idea of a muggle answering machine. But taken to a different level.

"If you'd like to leave a message, then it will be sent straight to me. In the mean time, please, take a sweet. Lemon sherbet; I'm sorry Severus, but I ran out of humbugs."

The Dumbledore smiled as he held out the bowl and Remus grudgingly took one to not offend the headmaster. Then he pulled out a notepad and watched with rapt attention.

"Could you tell Dumbledore that Sirius has gone missing again? I'll check all the local bars, just- oh, never mind. I'll look for him; don't worry. I'm sure he'll turn up in some ditch somewhere."

Remus nodded at the answering fire before scrambling to his feet and making his way back to the front door. He tore his robes off and slipped a coat over his muggle clothing.

He always wore at least a shirt and a pair of trousers underneath his robes. You could never be too sure when you might need to hide your wizarding identity.

The werewolf was just reaching for the doorknob when he heard a familiar voice and Minerva McGonagall rushed down the hallway at him. "Remus- thank Merlin you're here- it's Sirius!"

Remus spun around, grasping his former teacher by the forearm in his panic. "Where is he?"

"At Hogwarts."

"But that's not possible- you can't Apparate into Hogwarts; there's hundreds of years worth of anti-Apparation wards around it."

McGonagall smiled. "So Miss Granger tells me," she murmured, nearly finding amusement in the likeness between her former and present students. "Black managed to get into Hogwarts via the Floo Network."

"No," Remus groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "The Ministry?"

She nodded slowly.

Ever since the demise of Lord Voldemort, the Ministry had deemed it necessary for every single public building to have full Floo access. Hogwarts could not longer hold the barriers up that prevented any entry.

As it was before, travel through Floo could only happen at times especially appointed by Dumbledore himself or inter-Hogwarts.

"Come on, Lupin. We need your help. He's completely"-

"Drunk. I'd guess as much," Remus sighed, checking that his wand was in his pocket then dashed with Minerva towards the fireplace.

~

"Damn Black," Snape growled, his robes billowing out around him as he exited the room. The drunken wizard had skills at Apparating (despite being inebriated) that could have rivalled Merlin's.

Plus, he had a brilliant mental library of offensive spells. Many of them of his own design such as the one that Snape was currently nursing. It left him with the bushy tail and ears of a fox as well as a voice well beyond any normal man's range.

So his growl was not too intimidating as he glared at a student who had dared to giggle at him.

Falsetto Fox, Black had gleefully named it as he cursed the unfortunate Snape.

He rounded a corner and bumped into a slightly stooped figure. "Lupin," he managed, struggling to keep his voice in a more respectable tenor.

The lycanthrope looked up as if startled, and for an instant a flash of a smile dashed over his tired features. "Falsetto Fox."

Snape nodded, realising that silence would be more dignified than sounding like a twisted mixture of a choirboy and one of the Beach Boys.

"Merlin, Sirius must be drunk if he can still remember that one." Lupin nodded curtly before dashing off in the direction that Snape had come from.

Grimacing inwardly, the Potions Master realised that he would have to tell Remus where exactly Black was. "He's in the Gryffindor Common Room!"

There was a loud burst of giggling from behind a tapestry and Snape spun around glaring, Remus' footsteps echoing as the werewolf ran in the direction of the common room.

He thrashed his wand in the air and the sheepish students appeared. They didn't need to hear Snape to know that they had detention and an indefinite amount of house points knocked off.

~

When Remus reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, he saw that he was not alone. Nearly fifty agitated Gryffindor students surrounded Dumbledore. The headmaster was patiently explaining the situation in as few words as he could.

When he saw Lupin he threw his hands up with a worried smile. "I wondered when you'd make it."

"Is Sirius in there?"

"Alone with Harry, Hermoine and Ron. He's managed to lock them in there. He won't let anyone in. They stunned him once but he managed to recover too quickly for them too escape."

Remus swore under his breath, flashing a quick smile at a worried student who had heard his mumblings. He made his way to the portrait, leaning his head against it. "Sirius?" he called in.

He heard a strange noise then there was the sound of running. "Moony?" came the mumbled reply.

"Do you want to let me in, Padfoot?"

"Not really," his voice was sulky now.

"Sirius Indus Black, let me in now." Remus made his voice steely hard and the students surrounding him murmured. They had never heard the werewolf sound so strict from what they remembered of him.

"Okay," was the whispered response.

The Fat Lady gave a little shriek as she felt herself being pushed forward. Remus slipped in and the portrait door shut firmly behind him.

He met the watery blue eyes of Sirius Black with a hard scowl. "You bleeding idiot," he hissed.

"Oh, Moony, don't be mad with me. You know I hate to see you frowning," Sirius staggered forward with a lopsided smile.

"You're drunk out of your mind," Remus hissed back, forcing himself not to respond to Sirius' endearments.

"It makes you look ugly- like Snape. And you're much prettier than Snape"-

"Now unlock the door and we'll get you a horrible potion that'll sober you up"-

"I mean, you're gorgeous Moony; truly gorgeous. You shouldn't frown like that. It was probably why you never got a date at school. You were always frowning!"

Remus knew that this wasn't working. He made his way past the drunken Black and crouched in front of the sofa that the three children were seated on.

Harry was pale, Ron looked slightly ill and Hermione as though she was about to burst into tears. "Hey," Lupin whispered, taking the witch's hand and squeezing it. "Are you all okay?"

Harry sat in silence and Ron leant forward to assess the current state of his friends. "We're okay, Sirius is just scaring everyone. He ran in here and"-

"Oh, Ron," Sirius exclaimed loudly, throwing his hands down and flopping onto a sofa with a cry. "You're giving the game away." He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.

"Remus can't find out. He'll tell me off, then! And we all know how scary Mr Big Bad Wolf is…" Black giggled, winking at Hermione who promptly burst into tears.

"Padfoot, I'm in the bloody room," Remus growled, trying to control his temper, but finding it rather lacking.

Sirius giggled again, covering his mouth with one hand. "So you are, Moony. How nice of you to join our little soiree. Will you be staying long"-

"I'm sorry, Sirius. Stupefy."

He couldn't stand the stifled sobs of Hermione echoing in his ear, or the stony silence of Harry who stared in horror at the man who was apparently his guardian, or even the defensiveness of Ron.

Sirius' head lolled as his body relaxed against the chair. His eyes drooped closed all though there was still an inane grin on his handsome face. "All of you, I'm sorry that you had to witness that. You truly shouldn't have. I was meant to be keeping him at home."

Ron nodded stiffly, gathering Hermione in his arms. "Come on Herm', we'll go upstairs. Harry, you coming?"

The Boy-Who-Lived just stared ahead, shaking his head slowly.

The Weasley boy shrugged his shoulders and quickly left the room.

There was a burst of light and the portrait door swung open. Dumbledore stepped into the common room, instantly looking from Lupin to Harry, quickly assessing the situation. "Who did it?"

Remus raised one hand. "Guilty." He swallowed deeply, feeling his cheeks colour slightly with shame. "I'm sorry Albus. I'll take him back home now."

The Headmaster placed his hands on the werewolf's chest, stopping him from getting to Sirius. "Perhaps you both need a break from Grimmauld Place."

"We could go somewhere else for the week… Sirius might like to have a change of scenery." Remus perched on the edge of the chair, gently combing his fingers through the black curls that covered his friend's head.

Dumbledore nodded, now turning to Harry. "Harry, would you like to go with them?"

It was a couple of days before the end of the summer term and already there was a buzz of excitement around the sixth year's as they looked forward to their final year at Hogwarts.

Harry slowly blinked, looking from Sirius' prone figure to the exhausted look on his former Professor. "I don't think so," he said, drawing out the words. "You have enough on your plate already, Remus. I wouldn't want to intrude."

The lycanthrope smiled sadly. "It wouldn't be intruding, please come and visit us sometime. But maybe it'd be better if you came when Sirius was over his… rough patch."

Harry bobbed his head in consent. "I'll write to you, Professor. Will you write back?"

Remus felt a knot forming in his throat at the sudden likeness between the son and the father's voice. He remembered a similar proposition during the first winter break.

"I will."

~

Professor Lupin,

I hope this gets to you. Hedwig's not allowed out of her cage while I'm at the Dursleys and so I'm sending this by muggle mail. Dumbledore gave me your address. 

I hope you're okay. The Full Moon was yesterday- I've put all of them on my calendar so that I'll know when you'll be feeling a bit unwell.

I bet Padfoot spent the night with you. At least I hope so. Snuffles' isn't too ill is he? There must be something that the healers can do to make sure he's better. That day in Hogwarts was really scary.

Give my love to him.

Harry.

Remus brushed his sleeve over his eyes as he stared at the parchment bleary-eyed. Normally some form of correspondence from Harry would have overjoyed him.

But at the moment he felt he couldn't feel very happy.

Sirius had managed to escape the wards last night and had disappeared into the shadows, no doubt on his way to the nearest pub. He would return in the morning in a foul temper.

It had happened a couple of times already.

Remus tried so hard to keep up all night, trying to prevent Sirius from leaving the house, trying to keep him away from any alcohol. But it was so hard. As Harry had said, the Full Moon was only yesterday. He was so tired.

Moony had spent the night alone.

Padfoot had gone with a slightly remorseful glance in the direction of the cellar, drowning what must be the whole world's sorrow in his glass.

Moony had been even more violent than normal. Remus was still nursing a rather painful gash on his temple if evidence was needed.

There was loud banging at the door and the werewolf hissed as the loud noise assaulted his sensitive ears. Trying to command his weak legs, he went into the living room.

"Good morning," he managed bitterly, shutting the door behind Sirius as the man staggered in. "How are you this fine day?"

"Well, if it isn't everyone's favourite werewolf!" there was no venom in his voice. Thankfully, otherwise he would have probably found a weak punch aimed in his direction.

His words were still slurred and Remus could smell the vile stench of alcohol on his breath. He was still drunk. Great, Lupin thought sarcastically. Sirius when drunk was either happy like he had been at Hogwarts, or suicidally depressed.

Today seemed to be the former.

Remus sniffed at Sirius' appearance. The wizard was dressed in tatty muggle clothing. Jean knees muddy from drunken stumbling, jumper elbows raggedy from leaning on bars.

His hair was unkempt, hanging around his neck in messy curls. There was a five o'clock shadow around his chin and throat and an almost manic glaze in his eyes.

"Come on Sirius, you'd better get to bed," Remus murmured, grasping his friend by the shoulder and tugging him in the direction of the cottage's bedroom.

"Only if you join me, Remus m'dear," Sirius drawled.

"No thanks, Padfoot. At the moment I'd be more likely to sleep with Snape than you." Remus had switched onto autopilot. It hardly required all his thought processes to reply to Sirius when he was in moods like this. It happened that often.

"Bastard," Sirius suddenly growled, barrelling Remus into the wall.

"You better not be sleeping with that scum." His voice was low and menacing.

Remus wriggled, trying to get away from the stronger wizard. Sirius pinned him against the wall with his hips, crushing his thighs against the werewolf's. "Lupin?"

"What?" he gasped, struggling for oxygen as the wind was knocked out of him by the sudden movement.

"Are you shagging SNAPE?"

"No-Of course not! I didn't even know he was that way inclined!" Remus cried, twisted his head to the side to avoid Sirius' breath.

"Of course he is!" Sirius bellowed drunkenly. "He was always shagging bleedin' Malfoy!"

A distracted look came into Sirius' eyes and Remus tried to lever himself away, slipping downwards.

A knee hoisted him up once more and the werewolf's head slammed back into the wall with a sharp thud. "Shit!" he swore as he felt the tender skin start to bleed.

Sirius smiled slyly, one hand slipping underneath Remus' dressing gown to graze roughly down the inside of his thigh. "Mornin' Moony," he murmured huskily, slowly rubbing himself against the smaller man at the same time.

Remus felt himself colouring with shame as he felt Sirius' evident arousal. "Please," he whispered as fingers crept higher and higher up the inside of his thigh.

Dry lips tore at his with feverish passion. He gagged on the tongue that rent them open. Yet he withstood the actions with a sort of numb detachment, forcing himself to pay no attention.

He gave a yelp though as Sirius reached his groin with his rough fingers.

This was enough. He wouldn't stand this.

Mustering all the strength that he possessed after the transformation, he shoved Sirius away, kicking him between the legs for good measure and dashed into the kitchen.

Sirius got up, licking his lips lustfully and eyeing Remus as he stood in naught but his dressing gown, which was already hanging, open.

Flushing, the lycanthrope tied it around his slim waist. "Stay the fuck away from me, Black!" he cried, his voice breaking as he spoke.

"Okay, Moony, no need to get all aggressive on me." Sirius laughed as if the very idea was preposterous.

In three quick strides Remus strode across the distance between them, all previous weakness forgotten as adrenaline thrummed through his veins. He landed one square blow on Black and was aiming another when his arm was caught in a steely grip.

Sirius twisted the situation and he now had the upper hand. He didn't retaliate; he kissed Remus fiercely. Hands, rough, seeking whatever contact with bare skin they could make.

He fell to the floor a couple of seconds later under a Stupefying Spell.

Remus collapsed onto a chair, crushing Harry's letter as he sat. He suddenly didn't have the strength to remove it though.

His hands dropped into his lap and he instantly removed them. It had been many a year since he had half-willingly allowed someone to touch him in such an intimate way.

He always knew secretly that he did not have any major preferences between the sexes, however he had lost his virginity to a girl. He had been fifteen, she eighteen.

He had hated it. That was probably why he had never sought similar comfort in the fairer sex. It had been messy, quick and none of the stuff that he had been told of. The media portrayed sex in a way that made it seem amazing.

Empowering ecstasies; fun.

Sirius he had kissed before. Strangely enough the situation had been reversed. Remus had been depressed on the eve of the anniversary of his parent's death and had turned to the bottle for help.

He found none of the answers in the harsh liquid. Only something that altered his reality and reactions. He had ended up snogging Sirius against the windowpanes of the common room while most of Gryffindor watched in amusement.

The last kiss had been a dare. It was the final night of Hogwarts and all of the year were gathered on the floor of the common room in a large circle. He was dared to 'osculate' with James for a full five minutes.

… "Come on Mr Heterosexual, afraid to show us how much of a man you are?" Sirius called mockingly from where he sat, half-draped over a pretty brunette.

"I know that Remus would just love to snog the living daylights out of you"- the boy continued much to the embarrassment of his friend.

"I think you're severely mistaken there, Padfoot. That's your job- occupying Remus' rampant sex drive!" James countered with a high laugh.

"Fuck," the werewolf muttered to no one in general and the whole group laughed at him. Lily leant over to squeeze his shoulder.

"Rem', I don't mind. Feel free to grope James. You might teach him a lesson or two!"

The girls started laughing while the boys watched James' cheeks gradually grow pinker and pinker.

And so it was that a couple of minutes later, James and Remus found themselves shoved into a toilet cubicle in the boys washroom.

Everyone was gathered outside so that they could hear properly while Peter was scrambling for a foothold on the slippery toilet seat so that he peek over the walls.

James shrugged his shoulders, pulling his wand out. Remus watched mesmerized as purple writing flew out in a sparkling font.

Do you want to? If not, we could just make some noises to fool them.

Remus shrugged his shoulders and James just smiled goofily before wrapping his arms around his friend's hips and then leaning in.

Their lips brushed hesitantly at first. Remus pulled away, he didn't like the memories that were beginning to circle in his head. This was different though, he told himself.

This was nice. He smiled bashfully and they kissed again. This time with more vigour.

Remus opened one eye to peek at his friend. James' eyelashes were fluttering and there was a relaxed look on his clear features.

He heard a muffled shriek. And the boy's smiled against each other's lips before continuing to kiss. Remus enjoyed the way that he could feel the wiry muscles of James' stomach beneath the thin material of his pyjamas.

One hand slipped underneath the tatty t-shirt Remus wore for bed and stroked up and down his back. James frowned as his fingers ran over the bumps of old scars.

With a growl Lupin swotted the hand away and pushed James possessively against the wall. "Leave it," he murmured, tearing his lips away.

"Okay," James replied in a faint whisper.

The spell was broken.

"How long has it been, Padfoot?"

"Sirius wouldn't know if the watch had been stapled to his forehead," came the high voice of Lily Evans. "He's running his own competition. Its called 'How Long Can I Kiss without Breathing'. At the moment he's set a new world record."

The two boys laughed and Remus leant forward to rest his forehead against that of his friend. "We okay?" he asked hesitantly.

James smiled gently, brushing an errant lock of hair away from Remus' face. "Of course we are." …

Remus gently tucked the covers around Sirius' comatose form with motherly attention. He fetched a damp cloth, wiping a patch of dirt away from his face.

"Oh dear Sirius, what am I going to do with you?" he asked aloud. "I'm a werewolf. I'm the one that needs all the attention. You promised me that you'd always look after me- even if it was against my will.

Sirius what happened?"

But he knew the answer. Azkaban had happened. Voldemort had happened. The end of the war had come and they had both survived it with hardly an after-effect.

Physically, that was. Mentally, Sirius suffered from some kind of survivor's guilt. To drown this pain, he turned to alcoholism, trying to engulf his problems. It worked to some extent.

There would be days, days that Remus would almost be relieved that Sirius was slightly drunk. It meant that the man would forget his problems, or at least be pushed aside, and then it would be like it was before.

He had his playful childhood friend back at his side. On those days they would spend hours in each other's company, relaxing in the brutal beauty of the Scottish Highlands.

But then there were the dark days. He was moody, unsociable and would not tolerate any form of contact. Remus hated those more than most things. He hated Voldemort for causing the nightmares and he hated Azkaban for the memories.

Remus felt Sirius' strange condition having an adverse effect on him. It caused great lethargy whenever Sirius was in his dark moments, yet great happiness and energy in the other.

He did not like Sirius groping him in such a manner. Although he knew he was not averse to the affections of the same sex; he did not want it from his friend.

Sirius was strongly heterosexual and would never admit otherwise. It just seemed that he wished contact or even sex, and it did not matter the sex of the person. Just that he got it.

"Would me sleeping with you make it any better?"

Sirius had never been attracted to Remus. He probably never would be. But at the moment it seemed that he did need someone.

The werewolf sighed. Either way he was buggered. He slipped underneath the sheets and folded his arms around Sirius' body. If the wizard chose to take advantage of the situation then Remus wasn't sure whether he would stop him.

~

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