Trunks: Hi there. The name's Trunks. I'm basically just a regular guy, except I have purple hair, enormous muscles, I can shoot ki fireballs, I can fly, and I'm slightly stronger than my friend over there…
Goten: You take that back, Trunks! Hey, ladies, I'm Goten! I'm like a smaller version of my dad, who just happens to be Son Goku, the strongest man in the universe! I learned to fly when I was about five, and I became a Super Saiyan before that!
Trunks: So… who are you?
Lisa: Umm… well, my name's Lisa. (holds up a sheet of paper) I'm pretty tall, around 6 feet, I think, with long, flowing blonde hair and eyes as blue as the ocean… (do I really have to say all of this?) … as far as girls go, I'm quite statuesque, with perfectly rounded hips, a smooth slim stomach and full, eye-catching breasts… (OK, that's going a bit too far!) I have a power level of 10'000 million (can you say "exaggeration"?), and there is no man alive who can resist my lovely, feminine charms (That's it, who the Hell wrote this!?)
Goten: Oh, God! Not another of these girls!
Trunks: Listen, we don't need another "perfect fangirl" with "beautiful, sun-bright blonde hair"…
Lisa: Huh? Umm, it's just blonde…
Goten: Why can't we escape, Trunks? WHY?!
Trunks: It's just another stupid girl writing herself into the story and making us all fall in love with her!
Lisa: Whoa, I didn't ask to be written into this! In fact, I'm missing Byker Grove for you people. I'm talking SACRIFICE here!!!
Goten: Yup – another random girl has been catapulted into our lives…
Lisa: Against my will…
Trunks: And look at this shit! "Long, flowing blonde hair", "statuesque, with full, eye-catching breasts", "power level of 10'000 million"…
Lisa: I didn't write that!!!!
Goten: Trunks? It's another Mary Sue, isn't it?
Trunks: I'm afraid so, Goten…
Lisa: Uhh… what's a Mary Sue?
Goten: That would be YOU.
Lisa: Doesn't tell me a lot…
Trunks: Basically, a Mary Sue is a female character who gets inserted into an existing series, but has lots of super magical powers, has all the hot guys falling for her, and basically can't die.
Goten: Of course, we CAN'T have the wonderfully magical busty girl dying, can we?
Lisa: Eh?... look, I know I have lots of special powers, but they should only be useful in Rocket Air… I could kill quite a lot of people in Dragonball Z, but since I'm not from this anime, they wouldn't stay dead… right?
Goten: I don't care what you have to say, just leave us alone! We're not interested in yet another Mary Sue…
Lisa: I'm NOT a Mary Sue! Whatever the smeg one of those is!!!
Trunks: Well, we're gonna go fight Majin Buu now… I supposed you'll want to tag along and use your powers to destroy him before we can do anything…
Lisa: You can't be serious…
Trunks: …
Goten: …
Lisa: … you're serious.
Trunks: Buu's heading our way!!!
(Goten pushes Lisa in front)
Goten: Time to see what you can do, Mary Sue!
Lisa: …… this won't end well…
Mary – Who???
A fan fiction written by DJ Morris
Buu: Hee-hee! Me gonna eat you up!
Trunks: Oh, yeah!? Just try it!
Goten: Yeah, fat boy! We have a Mary Sue here, and she can beat you with her little finger, since her power level's 10'000 million!
Lisa: It is not!!!!!
Trunks: Oh, sorry, it's higher?
Lisa: NO!!!!!!!!!
Buu: Buu no like you! Buu make you dead! Now how should Buu kill you, hmm?
Goten: But Buu… hee-hee! Lisa can't die!
Lisa: Things from your world can still kill me, you know?
Trunks: Naaaaaaah, we can't kill the prettiest girl in the DBZ universe!
Lisa: Pan in her late teens?
Goten: Dude, Pan's my niece!
Trunks: Don't forget the "long, flowing, beautiful, sun-bright blonde" hair…
Lisa: It's just blonde!!
Trunks: The eyes "as blue as the ocean"…
Lisa: They're just blue!!!
Goten: "Full, eye-catching breasts"? I know, I know, "they're just huge"!!
Lisa: Not helping! (kicks Goten into the ground)
Trunks: And your power level of 10'000 million…
Lisa: But my power level's only 2'400…
Trunks: … still pretty high, for a girl.
Goten: Mary-Sue!
Lisa: Sexist!
Buu: Buu know how kill you now! Buu make you chocolate!
Lisa: Chocolate? No thanks…
Goten: See, Buu, the Mary-Sue can't afford to gain any weight, otherwise it all goes downhill.
Lisa: What? I just don't like it… wait… so if I ended up gaining weight, I'd no longer be this "Mary-Sue" thing?
Trunks: Well, you'd be one step closer to losing your status, I guess…
Lisa: OK, I never thought I'd say this, but make me some chocolate, Buu!
Buu: Huh? Oh, no. Buu no make chocolate FOR you – Buu make YOU chocolate!
Lisa: …oh… well, that doesn't sound good.
Yamcha: (flies down) Hey guys, what's going on?
Goten: Hey, Yamcha! Buu's about to kill us.
Lisa: Hold on, if this is the Buu saga, why are Trunks and Goten teenagers?
Trunks: Great, so you know all about DBZ too?
Lisa: My cousin used to watch it all the time until Toonami decided not to show it any more.
Yamcha: (eyes Lisa up) Well, hello! And who is THIS vision of loveliness?
Goten: sigh Typical Mary-Sue…
Lisa: Are you sure it's not just typical Yamcha!?
Buu: Hello? Is anyone gonna fight Buu?
Yamcha: So, what's your name?
Goten: Mary-Sue, of course!
Lisa: Shut up! My name's Lisa!
Yamcha: You're a LOT prettier than my last girlfriend. She left me for some Saiyan prince, or something…
(Trunks and Goten stare daggers in Lisa's direction)
Lisa: In my defence, I bet he says this to ALL the girls…
Trunks: That's… actually a good point.
Buu: Buu hate being ignored! Buu make you chocolate!!!
(Buu fires his pink beam thingy at Lisa, but with the valiant battle cry of "Oh, shit!", she dives out of the way, leaving Yamcha to get hit instead! Within seconds, Yamcha becomes a chocolate statue of his former self.)
Trunks: Always the first to go. Typical Yamcha.
Goten: I think you're starting to stick up for her now, Trunks. You smitten?
Trunks: Just trying to be neutral. Whenever extra characters come into DBZ, I kinda stop caring what happens. None of it's canon anyway!
Lisa: Whoa… just imagine all the weight I'd put on from eating this much… bye-bye, Mary-Sue! (begins eating Yamcha)
Goten: Hey! You can't eat him! He's our friend!
Buu: Now, who wants to be cotton candy?
Lisa: You mean candy floss, right?
Buu: You from England? Buu make you tea and crumpets!
Lisa: Not everyone from England is posh and has tea and crumpets, you know. In fact, I don't know anyone who does…
Buu: Grrrrrr!!! Buu mean Buu make you INTO tea and crumpets!
Lisa: …oh…
Buu: Mary-Sues piss Buu off…
Lisa: For the last time, I'm NOT A MARY-SUE!!! I don't even know how I got here! I just wanna go home! And why haven't I gained a single pound from eating a life-size chocolate statue? Bloody anime diet… never works when I want it to, but always does when I don't!
Goten: …
Lisa: And before you say anything, I don't have the ability to use Wolf Fang Fist now!
Trunks: Well, you just ate about 267 pounds of pure chocolate and you didn't gain weight. You didn't even get full!
Lisa: You think I can eat a lot, you should see some of my friends back home! D-Chan can eat for all of NewJapan!
Goten: You live in a NEW Japan?
Trunks: Let it go, Goten…
Buu: You all ignoring Buu again!
Lisa: Shut up!
(Lisa gives Buu a swift roundhouse kick to the head. After a few seconds, Buu silently falls to the floor.)
Goten: … you…
Trunks: … killed him…
Lisa: … oh, come on!! This guy can regenerate himself after being blown into little bitty pieces! You can't honestly think ONE KICK would do him in??
Goten: A kick from us wouldn't, but you got that 10'000 million power level going on, there…
Lisa: I told you, it's 2'400!
Goten: 2'400 million's still pretty high…
Lisa: No! No millions! Just 2'400!
(Buu jumps up to his feet.)
Buu: Just kidding! Hee-hee! Buu really had you going there, huh?
Lisa: You… you did that on purpose!
Trunks: See, Goten?
Goten: What's all this "See, Goten?" stuff? You thought he was dead too!
Lisa: Umm… shouldn't we get Goku here, or something?
Goten: Why bother? Just use your magical powers!
Lisa: What makes you think I have any magical powers?!
Buu: Who Buu kill next? Purple Nancy boy, spiky-hair boy, or Mary-Sue?
Lisa: Stop calling me that!
(Lisa generates an enormous fireball and throws it at Buu, burning him to cinders. Lisa then notices deathly stares from Trunks and Goten.)
Lisa: …… you didn't see that!
Goten: Way to go, Mary-Sue…
Lisa: What? He won't stay dead! I told you, characters from different anime can't kill you!
Trunks: So… Buu couldn't kill you, either?
Lisa: Since he's a natural part of Dragonball Z, yes he COULD kill me!
Goten: Yeah, like he'll be able to kill you now… he's a smouldering crater…
Lisa: But he won't be forever!
Trunks: Well, I guess we'll have to go tell everyone that there's nothing to do for another ten years…
Lisa: It'll be ten minutes tops!
Goten: Wait, since Buu turned Yamcha into chocolate, and Mary-Sue –
Lisa: LISA!!!
Goten: OK, OK… Lisa was the one who ate Yamcha, will he stay dead, or not?
Kame House…
Trunks: Hi, everybody!
Gohan: Hey, Trunks! Hey, Goten! Who's the girl? Goten's latest catch?
Lisa: Say WHAT?!
Goten: Hey bro! This is Mary-Sue…
(Lisa stomps Goten's foot!)
Goten: OWW!
Trunks: Her name's Lisa. And we're all guessing it's a no on the whole "Goten's latest catch" thing.
Goku: What's that saying? "You always hurt the ones you love"?
Lisa: Why would I love him?! He's done nothing but make fun of me since I got here!
Goten: Well, if you hadn't shown up here with your sun-bright blonde hair, ocean-blue eyes and breasts the size of the Namekian Dragonballs, then I wouldn't need to make fun!
Lisa: I told you already, my hair's just blonde, my eyes are just blue, and the next thing you say about my chest will be your LAST!
Trunks: Won't stay dead, remember?
Lisa: I don't care!
Goten: But Buu never came back to life, and Yamcha's been gone for quite a while…
Vegeta: Buu? What happened to that disgusting blob of blubber?
Goten: She blasted him with a fireball…
Gohan: And where's Yamcha?
Goten: In her stomach.
Lisa: Ah, shaddap…
Vegeta: Hmmph! That's all we need – another Mary-Sue!
Lisa: Hey, don't YOU start!
Vegeta: If you think I'm going to instantly fall in love with you, you've got another thing coming!
Lisa: Ewwwwwww!!! You're an obnoxious creep! Plus you're probably like 40 already!
Vegeta: Saiyans don't age as fast as regular humans. But then, being part-Saiyan, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?
Goten: You're part-Saiyan too?
Lisa: News to me.
Vegeta: But of course! She's part-human, part-Saiyan, part-dragon, part-angel, part-Goddess, part-Jedi, part-Namekian, part-Sith, part-Gundam, part-Evangelion, part-talking-pie, part-whatever-the-Hell-Frieza-is, and even part-Simpson!
Lisa: Uhh, does the term "overkill" mean anything to you?
Vegeta: Looking at the chest, I'd say there's some cow in there, too…
Bulma: Stop staring! (smacks Vegeta with a frying pan)
Lisa: Idiot. I'm not part-anything! I'm a purebred RocketGirl!
Goten: What the Hell is a RocketGirl?
Lisa: Well, we're basically like humans, except instead of naturally growing, we evolve at certain points of our lives. Plus we can fly (for a limited time), we can use special attacks depending on our Spirit Base (as you can tell, mine's fire), and once we fully complete our evolution, we become half-immortal.
Bulma: Uhh… how can you be half-immortal?
Lisa: Can't age, but CAN be killed.
Goten: Sounds like a Mary-Sue to me!
Lisa: God, do you ever stop? I already told you that my powers are useless here!
Yamcha: Hey there, what's going on?
(Trunks and Goten gasp as they see Yamcha walk in through the door.)
Trunks: No wonder she didn't gain anything!
Lisa: See, I told you!
Goten: Then that means Buu's still alive too!
Lisa: Really should listen to me…
Vegeta: Well, Lisa, the good news is it looks like you're not a typical Mary-Sue after all…
Lisa: Thank God for that…
Vegeta: The bad news is… YOU SUCK!
Lisa: What!?
Vegeta: You didn't even manage to kill Yamcha! I mean, come on! He's a wuss!
Yamcha: I resent that!
Lisa: Oooh, if we were in MY world, you wouldn't stand a chance!
Goten: Hey, if the two of you were in a completely different anime, like Tokyo Mew Mew, could you still kill each other?
Lisa: No idea.
Goten: Oh. Well, it does seem kinda interesting.
Lisa: I guess…
Goten: So, what's your world like?
Lisa: It's gotta be pretty cool if there's no world hunger despite the fact that Amy, D-Chan, Emi, and DJ live there...
Goten: You have a girlfriend?
Lisa: I am a girl, doofus.
Trunks: There he goes again…
Goku: If it's not Yamcha, it's Goten! I just hope Master Roshi doesn't wake up soon…
Lisa: Wait… you mean Goten's coming on to me?
Goten: What can I say? You're pretty cute…
Lisa: You've sure changed your tone from before…
Goten: I just didn't know how to handle my true feelings. I mean, I've dated lots of girls, but now I feel like I've found the girl I wanna spend the rest of my life with…
Lisa: (blush) R-really?
Goten: Nah, just kidding! Try again, Mary-Sue! (laughs)
Lisa: Gah!!! You asshole!
(Lisa punches Goten through the window!)
Lisa: I hate you!!
Goku: Goten!
Trunks: Have to admit, he asked for that.
Lisa: Wow. You weren't kidding when you said you don't care.
Trunks: No, ma'am. No, I wasn't.
Vegeta: Are you all too busy being mesmerised by the Mary-Sue to remember that Majin Buu is still alive?
Lisa: Hey, you just said earlier that I'm NOT a Mary-Sue!
Bulma: Don't forget, she didn't even manage to kill Yamcha…
Yamcha: For the last time, I'm not a weakling!
Goku: Even Tien could beat you, Yamcha...
(Buu crashes in through the roof of Kame House.)
Buu: Hah! Mary-Sue no manage to kill Buu! You suck!
Lisa: That's because I'm NOT A MARY-SUE, YOU FAT BASTARD!!
Goten: … yes, you are!
Lisa: I BLOODY WELL AM NOT!!!
Goten: Well then, prove it!
Lisa: Fine, I will!
(Lisa generates the same fireball in her hands again, but this time she powers herself up and increases the size to that of the Moon!)
Lisa: Feel the wrath of the Forbidden Star Crash attack!!!
(With just a single push, Lisa sends the fireball into the planet, blasting away everything in its path! The fireball hits the planet's core and violently reacts with everything in it, causing an enormous explosion that destroys the Earth!)
Lisa: … 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…
(Earth and everything on it re-materialises as if nothing happened.)
Lisa: There, see? If I were truly a Mary-Sue, I'd have gotten away with that!
Vegeta: I can't believe that maniac blew up the Earth!!!
Lisa: It didn't stay blown up, though, did it?
Buu: Is anybody gonna fight Buu?
Goku: No! Go away!
Buu: Buu want fight Mary-Sue! No matter what she try, she can't kill Buu!
Lisa: Cheater…
Buu: Mary-Sue!
Lisa: Cheater!
(This carries on for quite a while...)
Vegeta: I haven't felt this disappointed in Dragonball Z since Funimation told me I wasn't allowed to say that I was going to kill people…
Yamcha: Yeah, for your information, back in the Saiyan Saga when Nappa destroyed that helicopter... there were no parachutes.
Vegeta: Tell me about it! "Oooh, they blew up the Cargo plane!" Cargo plane, my ass!
Goku: So, how come Jeice was still allowed to say "Bugger" and "Wanker"?
Gohan: Yeah, and Dende was still allowed to tell me not to piss off the God of love...
Vegeta: So, this is why Cartoon Network won't show us any more... I knew it couldn't have just been Mr. Satan… I mean, Hercule...
Goku: Hear that, son? You married the daughter of the devil!
Gohan: So, you're gonna have a part-devil grandchild?
Goku: I… I guess… but that won't be for a while, right?
Gohan: Uhh… (blush) right…
Goku: …… oh, God…
Lisa: I'm sick of all this crap!
Buu: Mary-Sue!
Lisa: Shut up! I wanna go home!
Trunks: Don't let us stop you.
Lisa: But I don't know how to get there! I don't even know how I got here!
Gohan: We could always use the Dragonballs…
Goku: Aren't we saving those for bringing people back from being killed by Buu?
Vegeta: We don't like Mary-Sues. This is more important!
Lisa: I'm not a Mary-Sue, dammit!
Goku: Well, OK… We summon you, Shenron!
(The 7 Dragonballs glow in a brilliant white light. Eventually, an enormous dragon bursts forth from the collected Dragonballs and fills the sky.)
Shenron: You who have gathered the 7 Dragonballs. Please state your wish…
(Master Roshi wanders into the room.)
Roshi: Hey, who's bright idea was it to summon the dragon? (notices Lisa) Well Hellooooooooooooo, lips, legs, breasts and ass!
Lisa: Shenron, get me out of here!!!
Shenron: Very well. I understand.
Goten: Gonna miss ya, Mary-Sue!
Lisa: Eat my ass, Goten!
(In another flash of light, Lisa disappears completely.)
Shenron: Well, that was the highlight of my year. Guess I'll go gamble… farewell.
(Shenron disappears, and the 7 Dragonballs scatter to opposites parts of the Earth.)
Goku: Think she made it back OK?
Vegeta: My, Kakarot, what would Chi-Chi think if she saw you fawning over the little Mary-Sue?
Goku: I wasn't fawning! And she wasn't even a Mary-Sue anyway! For everything even slightly Mary-Sue-ish, she had rules and boundaries to countermeasure them!
Buu: Someone fight Buu now?
Goku: Sheesh! All right, already!
Hinata House…
Keitaro: Man, these open air baths sure are great…
Naru: Yeah… kinda strange that I'm sharing a bath with you, though. Don't you think, Tama-chan?
Tama-chan: Myuh!
(A brilliant flash of white light fills the sky, and Lisa falls into the open air bath, right in front of Keitaro!)
Naru: Oh!? And who is THIS!? (punches Keitaro into orbit)
Lisa: … this isn't Rocket Air…
Naru: Huh? Oh, no! A Mary-Sue! I'll never win Keitaro's heart with you around!
Lisa: For the love of - !!! You won't get him anyway if you keep punching him for no reason! YOU SET ME UP, SHENRON!!!!!
Naru: Shenron? That dragon? You travel through loads of anime, don't you? Mary-Sue!
Lisa: In my defence…
(Lisa notices Naru staring daggers in her direction.)
Lisa: …ah, screw it.
END