This is just something that came to me in the middle of a sleepless night. I've given it an M rating to be safe which is unusual for me. I blame my angstiness on the Adam chapters of TW High. What do you think?
Need
Today Ianto returned from suspension. It had been four long weeks. Jack stood in the board room, arms crossed and the signs of last night's weevil hunt still visible on his face, as he looked down as the young man, immaculately dressed as always. Ianto looked up and Jack wondered what he was thinking? Would he ever know? Their eyes met briefly. Oh those eyes! Then Ianto turned and began to clear up after them; picking up their shit, as he always did.
Jack watched and wondered. 'Had Ianto ever needed him? Did he need him when he was on his knees in front of Jack between the shelves in the archives? Did he need him when Jack did the same? Did he need him when Jack bent him over the desk and made him scream for more? 'Harder, faster, please Jack more.' Did he need him when they fumbled with each other in the SUV, with a dead weevil in the back? Did he need him when he slammed Jack against the wall of the alley, after they'd had to go out to rescue Owen having trouble with a Hoix? Did he need him when he called out his name as he gasped with Jack buried deep inside him?
During the time that they'd been together did Ianto ever really need him, ever really want him or was he just a part-time shag. Did any of what they'd done mean anything to Ianto or had he played Jack so expertly to keep his secret hidden? When he called out Jack's name did he really mean Lisa? When Jack had nearly found her and Ianto had grabbed him, pulled down his zip and taken him there and then, was it just a diversion? Was he merely a means to an end? When they'd occasionally lain on the bed in Jack's bunker; when Jack had held him in his arms; did he want it to be Lisa? What did he mean to this man who'd called him a monster? Did he mean anything at all? Did he need him? Did he want him? Or was it all a smokescreen? And why did he feel so hurt, so betrayed. Why had that young man carrying the bin bag around the Hub got so far under his skin?'
As he picked up their shit, as always, Ianto thought about the four weeks he'd been away. He thought about the times he'd cried lying on his bed. He thought about how much he missed her. Then he thought about the times he'd found himself screaming out someone else's name as he'd touched himself. He knew that the man who'd watched him enter the Hub felt nothing for him. He was just a toy to be played with until he found a new one and now he would, perhaps he already had. The trouble was that Ianto knew, although he didn't want to feel this way, that his only thought when their eyes had briefly met was, 'don't abandon me Jack. Please I need you.'
A/N
Never really been sure how I feel about Jack and Ianto having some sort of relationship before the Stopwatch but this just appeared fully formed in my head.