I could see Rachel waiting by the fountain in the park, searching the trees with her eyes, waiting for me. Darn, I had kinda hoped she'd be staring wistfully at her reflection, or watching the sun setting over the edge of the trees. At least then I would have had the advantage of surprise. But no, as I stepped out of the trees, she saw me immediately, and I had to walk the thirty feet to the fountain with her eyes piercing holes into me.
"You?" She sounded annoyed. "You sent me this note, Marco?" She waved the small piece of paper I had slipped into her locker earlier at me, her expression one of utmost aggravation. Then, she stopped, and her face was worried. "Oh no, is something wrong? Is there a mission?" Her expression turned eager, and she flicked her eyes around, checking to make sure we were alone. "Is this about that thing Jake was telling us about-"
"Rachel, I love you." The words burst out of my mouth without my meaning them to.
What an idiot I was. Of course, that had always been me. Marco the idiot, Marco the cynical, Marco the one here to make everyone laugh and to be the scapegoat for everyone's annoyances.
"What did you say?" She was stunned. At least I had partly surprised her.
"What, do you want me to repeat myself?" I leaned over the fountain and scowled at my reflection. It was one of those three-tiered numbers, with the ugly pigeon-poop covered cherub at the top. "I said I-" but I couldn't say it again in the same sarcastic, angry tone. "I love you."
I never knew my voice could sound so sappy. Apparently, Rachel had never known either.
"What is this, some kind of joke? Some new way to piss me off?" Rachel asked, hand on her hips. She was trying to be angry, but she wasn't. I knew Rachel. When she was angry, her eyes were on fire, and she was all movement. She would never be able to stand still when she was angry. She was just waiting to hear my explanation.
Problem was, I didn't have one. "Well, I promised Cassie I'd tell you, I did, so I'll just be going now." I turned away. I wasn't really going to walk off, of course, but I wanted to do something to make Rachel respond.
"Don't leave!" She grabbed my shoulder, and I froze. Everyone says that when the person you love touches you, it's like lightning in your blood. And it was. A jolt ran through me as I realized what she was doing.
She must have realized it too, because she let go slowly, and backed up a step as I turned to face her again.
When had our faces become so hard, we warriors, that even expressions of love were blank and cold? We stared into each other's eyes, both our faces like ice.
Her mouth formed the word before her voice could create the sound. "Why?"
I started to respond, when she added in her normal way, "Don't give me a smart-alecky answer, either."
I wanted to not be the smart-alecky, cynical, cold-hearted person I knew I was right then. I wanted to say 'Because you're beautiful,' or 'Because you're the strongest person I've ever met.'
"Because you're-" I stopped, not sure what to say. "You," I finished stupidly. "Rachel, I don't want you to make a big deal out of this. I just want you to forget it and walk away." And I did. More than anything I didn't want our relationship to change. I was happy just as things were.
And yet I wasn't happy. And that's why I'd stupidly spilled to Cassie, and that's why she had sent me on this suicide mission. I might as well be stabbing myself in the back. Just looking at her from now on would kill me.
"Marco, you're a really good friend." I knew what would come next. "But Tobias-" Even she felt the distance that one word put between us.
"Yeah, it's the classic love story. Boy meets girl, boy turns into bird, girl and bird get married someday and ride happily off into the sunset." It wasn't a very good joke, but I wasn't feeling very funny at the moment.
"Marco, I'm really sorry." Her eyes flickered upward, and I followed her gaze, to see the dark shape of a red-tailed hawk against the disappearing rays of sunlight. It wasn't Tobias, of course, because I knew that he was with Cassie, getting his hurt wing attended to. But that little visual aid still stung.
I watched Rachel, wishing she'd been angry, morphed to a bear and ripped my head off instead of being so-.
"I'm all he has." She interrupted my thoughts.
Was that sadness in her voice? I looked up quickly to try and spot anything in her eyes that would give her away, but a warrior's eyes never betray her.
There was a moment of silence as once again we two soldiers in this increasingly hopeless war stared each other down.
"So, what do we do now?" I was happy to hear that Rachel was as clueless about the future as her airhead looks advertised.
"You make some witty and stinging remark, I reply with an equally witty remark, and we both walk away laughing." I gave her my I'm-a-little-bastard-and-I-know-it smile, but I think she could tell it was fake. "Just make a joke and walk way, with nothing changed, nothing different. Make a joke and walk away." It sounded simple enough.
She stared at me for quite a while. The sun had completely set now, and the evening darkness had arrived. If there was any emotion in her eyes now, I couldn't see it.
She shifted her weight, and I started to turn away, to turn away from whatever dig she'd use, to pretend I was laughing, and to pretend I wasn't watching my life follow her away.
Then she kissed me.
It was a brief touch on the cheek. I froze completely, not able to move at all.
Then she walked away.
"That was not funny," I whispered to the darkness. "That was really not funny at all."
"You?" She sounded annoyed. "You sent me this note, Marco?" She waved the small piece of paper I had slipped into her locker earlier at me, her expression one of utmost aggravation. Then, she stopped, and her face was worried. "Oh no, is something wrong? Is there a mission?" Her expression turned eager, and she flicked her eyes around, checking to make sure we were alone. "Is this about that thing Jake was telling us about-"
"Rachel, I love you." The words burst out of my mouth without my meaning them to.
What an idiot I was. Of course, that had always been me. Marco the idiot, Marco the cynical, Marco the one here to make everyone laugh and to be the scapegoat for everyone's annoyances.
"What did you say?" She was stunned. At least I had partly surprised her.
"What, do you want me to repeat myself?" I leaned over the fountain and scowled at my reflection. It was one of those three-tiered numbers, with the ugly pigeon-poop covered cherub at the top. "I said I-" but I couldn't say it again in the same sarcastic, angry tone. "I love you."
I never knew my voice could sound so sappy. Apparently, Rachel had never known either.
"What is this, some kind of joke? Some new way to piss me off?" Rachel asked, hand on her hips. She was trying to be angry, but she wasn't. I knew Rachel. When she was angry, her eyes were on fire, and she was all movement. She would never be able to stand still when she was angry. She was just waiting to hear my explanation.
Problem was, I didn't have one. "Well, I promised Cassie I'd tell you, I did, so I'll just be going now." I turned away. I wasn't really going to walk off, of course, but I wanted to do something to make Rachel respond.
"Don't leave!" She grabbed my shoulder, and I froze. Everyone says that when the person you love touches you, it's like lightning in your blood. And it was. A jolt ran through me as I realized what she was doing.
She must have realized it too, because she let go slowly, and backed up a step as I turned to face her again.
When had our faces become so hard, we warriors, that even expressions of love were blank and cold? We stared into each other's eyes, both our faces like ice.
Her mouth formed the word before her voice could create the sound. "Why?"
I started to respond, when she added in her normal way, "Don't give me a smart-alecky answer, either."
I wanted to not be the smart-alecky, cynical, cold-hearted person I knew I was right then. I wanted to say 'Because you're beautiful,' or 'Because you're the strongest person I've ever met.'
"Because you're-" I stopped, not sure what to say. "You," I finished stupidly. "Rachel, I don't want you to make a big deal out of this. I just want you to forget it and walk away." And I did. More than anything I didn't want our relationship to change. I was happy just as things were.
And yet I wasn't happy. And that's why I'd stupidly spilled to Cassie, and that's why she had sent me on this suicide mission. I might as well be stabbing myself in the back. Just looking at her from now on would kill me.
"Marco, you're a really good friend." I knew what would come next. "But Tobias-" Even she felt the distance that one word put between us.
"Yeah, it's the classic love story. Boy meets girl, boy turns into bird, girl and bird get married someday and ride happily off into the sunset." It wasn't a very good joke, but I wasn't feeling very funny at the moment.
"Marco, I'm really sorry." Her eyes flickered upward, and I followed her gaze, to see the dark shape of a red-tailed hawk against the disappearing rays of sunlight. It wasn't Tobias, of course, because I knew that he was with Cassie, getting his hurt wing attended to. But that little visual aid still stung.
I watched Rachel, wishing she'd been angry, morphed to a bear and ripped my head off instead of being so-.
"I'm all he has." She interrupted my thoughts.
Was that sadness in her voice? I looked up quickly to try and spot anything in her eyes that would give her away, but a warrior's eyes never betray her.
There was a moment of silence as once again we two soldiers in this increasingly hopeless war stared each other down.
"So, what do we do now?" I was happy to hear that Rachel was as clueless about the future as her airhead looks advertised.
"You make some witty and stinging remark, I reply with an equally witty remark, and we both walk away laughing." I gave her my I'm-a-little-bastard-and-I-know-it smile, but I think she could tell it was fake. "Just make a joke and walk way, with nothing changed, nothing different. Make a joke and walk away." It sounded simple enough.
She stared at me for quite a while. The sun had completely set now, and the evening darkness had arrived. If there was any emotion in her eyes now, I couldn't see it.
She shifted her weight, and I started to turn away, to turn away from whatever dig she'd use, to pretend I was laughing, and to pretend I wasn't watching my life follow her away.
Then she kissed me.
It was a brief touch on the cheek. I froze completely, not able to move at all.
Then she walked away.
"That was not funny," I whispered to the darkness. "That was really not funny at all."