EDITH'S 21ST CENTURY BREAKDOWN
Once every October, Vile City Elementary School held a Music Fair where each of the students got to study a certain music artist and make posters of them and stuff. And one year, Edith decided to study up on one of her all-time favorite bands, Green Day.
The 7-year-old watched the punk trio's live albums "Bullet in a Bible" and "Awesome as F**k" (after Gru had censored them, of course), read a couple of J-bios from the library, and even played a couple songs from "Warning" and "Revolution Radio" on her harmonica.
Finally, Edith made a poster (with her dad's help, of course), and she was all set for the Music Fair.
...
"21 Pilots!?" Edith remarked incredulously upon seeing Margo's Fair poster, which was decorated with pictures and records of the alternative duo.
The 10-year-old raised an eyebrow.
"What? You got a problem with Pilots?"
The 7-year-old scoffed. "No, I'm just surprised you're not doing 'April Lapine' or whatever. But it doesn't really matter; I'm gonna win anyway since you're so shy."
"Uh, excuse me?" Margo sputtered indignantly. "I'm NOT shy."
Edith sighed knowingly.
"Look, Marg," she said, taking a sip of flavored water and leaning on her table. "It's a well-known fact on the playground that 'of the Gru girls'...uhhh, hold on a sec..."
Here she produced a book titled 'Kids' Guide to the Vile City Elementary Playground' and began skimming through it.
"Ah, here we go: 'Of the Gru girls,'" she read. "'Margo Miranda, grade 5, is the sk-skit-tish, shy bookworm who reads Shakes-pierre and loves math; Edith Mildred, grade 2, is the de-struct-ive rebel who bakes mud pies and draws monsters and cats; and Agnes F. is the k-k-kind-er-gartner who likes unicorns'."
Margo looked outraged as Edith put her book away.
"That's a bunch of bologna! I am NOT skittish!"
Edith stared at her blankly, not knowing what either of those words meant.
"Never mind," Margo snapped in exasperation. "It's just all untrue, OK!?"
"I dunno," Edith shrugged. "It got MY part right."
Just then, Edith saw Gru enter the gym, as he'd come to help Agnes with her presentation,making the 7-year-old gasp excitedly.
"DADDY!" she squealed, running to go give her dad a hug and show him the sparkly, pink sock puppet she'd made in class that day.
Margo rolled her eyes, smiling smugly.
...
10 MINUTES LATER...
The guest judges - Billie Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt, and Tre Cool from Green Day, who Edith failed to recognize - had arrived to judge the presentations.
"Heh, Justin Bieber," Tre chuckled at a 3rd grader's poster of the pop star who'd garnered more controversy than "Despicable Me's" two sequels combined. "Hey, Billie, remember when you -"
"Shut up," Billie Joe snapped, smacking Tre with his clipboard, his face bright red.
...
Then it came time for the punk trio to critique the final three contestants: the Gru girls.
True to what Edith had read in her "Playground Guide", Margo shyed her way through the whole judging; looking at the floor, digging her sneaker into the tile, and mumbling instead of talking.
Writing on their clipboards, Green Day moved on to Edith and her poster.
"Hmm," Billie Joe remarked thoughtfully, staring at the tomboy's poster. "These guys look familiar."
"Is it Blink-182?" Mike asked Edith, who just giggled in response. "It's gotta be Blink-182."
Though they were hilariously unable to decipher who the band was, Green Day scribbled away on their clipboards, all the while praising Edith's choice in pictures, the color of her work, etc. Then they moved on to Agnes.
"Who are those guys?" Edith asked Margo, who didn't answer.
...
When the time came to announce the winners, Green Day gave out the awards thus:
-3rd Place: Agnes Gru (grade K), Elvis Presley
-2nd Place: McKayla Kasanoff (grade 4), Avril Lavigne
-WINNER: Edith Gru (grade 2), ?
...
LATER, ON THE WAY TO THE TANK...
Edith and Agnes' medals were gleaming on their chests, both girls wearing them with pride. As if to rub it in, the 7-year-old was playing "Minority" on her harmonica.
Green Day, who was walking toward their tour bus at the time, noticed this and walked over.
"Hey, kid," Billie Joe said.
Edith looked up at him.
"What's your name?"
"Edith," she said, her usual, coquettish self.
Billie Joe chuckled. "Well, Edith, you sure play the harmonica well."
His band-mates murmured in agreement.
The singer glanced at Gru. "This your kid?"
Gru nodded.
Billie Joe then crouched down so he was eye-level with Edith. "Got a piece of paper on ya, Ms. Edith?" He winked.
The 7-year-old tomboy nodded eagerly and took her Music Award out of her sweater pocket.
Billie Joe John-Hancock'd the Award, then passed it onto Mike and Tre, who did the same.
The singer handed Edith the signed Award, and ruffled up her blonde hair underneath her beloved tassel hat.
"Good luck, kid."
And the band walked off.
"Best. Day. EVER!" Edith breathed, a half-smile on her face as her family gathered around her.
THE END!
A.N.:
1) This story was requested by Punk Rock-Guest.
2) Edith's harmonica-playing is a self-reference; I also play the harmonica.
3) I'm open to requests, guys!