Disclaimer: I don't own The Good Wife
Spoilers: End Season 1 I guess, maybe right after press conference.
We'll See
Chapter 1
They hadn't exactly hit it off after being introduced, not that you could blame her. Here was the man that was supposed to put her husband back on track with being a good person, at least image wise. She hadn't wanted anything to do with him. Of course, it had taken time to want to have anything to do with her husband too, so what was one more thing to get used to after her world had been spun on its axis.
At first it seemed like everything he did was destined to rub her the wrong way. His attitude toward her and the kids, his personality and mannerisms, and the way he did his best to suck up to Peter's mother. Everything. But she had to admit, him dropping by the office, or the house wasn't quite so bad, and he'd helped her out of a tight spot with the law firm, which meant she got to keep her job, a job that she really loved. So he was ok in her book, for the most part.
"You're going to make my life difficult, aren't you?"
It was odd that those words would ring in her head, days after they left the lips of a man she never thought she'd like. But they were. She didn't want to make his life difficult, not that anyone really asked her what she wanted. If they had, they might be surprised at the answer.
As if he was zooming in on her thoughts about him, much like a heat seeking missile, Eli Gold appeared in her office doorway. He was sharply dressed as usual, and but his casual approach this time, said it wasn't about Peter.
"Mr. Gold." She nodded toward her couch, feeling a little more gracious than usual. He looked a little surprised that she could be so welcoming. "What can I do for you?" His eyebrow inched toward his hair line. Apparently he didn't expect her to be accommodating either. She could be anything she wanted to be, it was part of what made her a great lawyer. She could be an excellent actress when she needed to be, hadn't the scandal over Peter's mistake's shown that? No, perhaps the scandal had only shown she had a top notch poker face.
"I was in the neighborhood, and thought I would stop by." It was a poor excuse, and they both knew it.
"What do you want, Eli?" Her voice took on a soft quality, as did her eyes, when she used his name for what had to be only the first or second time since they'd been introduced. She rose and closed her door. From the look on his face, usually he had an excellent poker face as well; this was going to be a personal conversation.
"Actually, Alicia, that's what I came to ask you. Its seems like, through all of this, everyone else has made the decisions for you. Peter, your children, Jacqui, me, Childs, Gardner. Everyone is pushing and pulling you in the various directions, and you just react as best you can. The only time since I've met you that I've seen you do something for yourself, was when you came to me, to bring in a client to the firm. And even that was only a reaction to the possibility of being let go, rather than because you really wanted to. So I'm going to ask you, just once, Alicia, and I want you to answer me truthfully. What do you want?" He was sincere, more sincere than he had ever been. He put aside all of his normal personality quirks, and attitudes, everything. He genuinely wanted to know the answer to this question, and he wanted her to know that he was serious.
"I want to move on from this." She answered almost immediately. It was like the man had ESP and knew exactly what she'd been thinking when he walked through her door.
"Move on from what? I don't understand."
"This! Everything!" She gestured wildly for a moment, something she never did. If you could describe Alicia Florrick in one word it would 'poised'. His lack of comprehension must have shown in his face, because she got up and started to pace before continuing her tirade. She had even kicked her shoes off, in order to pace more furiously and with greater force, and he suddenly realized how tiny she was in comparison to her husband. He had never seen her in anything other than complete control of herself and her wardrobe.
"I don't want to go back to being Peter's perfect wife. I don't want to go back to Peter. I wouldn't turn back the clock to when we were 'happy'." She quoted the word 'happy' with her fingers. "I already had an idea about the escorts, before everything hit the fan, but I didn't want it confirmed. And if you're worried about Will Gardner, I don't want that either. I want to be able to go to work and do a job I love without being judged on who my husband is, but on the quality of service I provide. I want to go home to happy kids that have no problems with life. I want to not have to worry how my reactions will affect Peter's political career. I want the chance to finally be me again, without the repercussions of a camera pointed in my direction. Can you offer that to me, Mr. Gold? Because I think I'm finally reaching my breaking point." He was stunned. He hadn't expected that. Maybe a turn back the clock or for Peter's indiscretions to have never happened, but what she wanted was different. She wanted a whole new life.
"Alicia, I can't make over your whole life, it's impossible, but I can offer you my friendship whenever you need it, no strings. And if you want me to try to extract you from some of the things you mentioned, then I will, gladly." He was being uncharacteristically generous, but he had to admit he really admired, liked Alicia Florrick. She was so much more than the image she projected. She suddenly seemed to come back to herself.
"Thank you, for listening." The stoic composure she routinely displayed slid into place.
"I meant it Alicia." He was earnest this time, his tone showing his honesty. She took a play from his own book and cocked her head to the side in silent study of him.
"I believe you did. We'll see, Mr. Gold. I've trusted you with enough for one day." She gave him that small quirking of lips that said she was almost sincere in her smile, but still reserving judgment on whether or not he was worthy. He wondered in that brief second what she looked like when she really, truly smiled, without any pain shadowing her eyes, and vowed that he would see it one day.
"Eli. I like it when you call me Eli." The smile was just a little more on genuine side this time, a small hint of warmth in her eyes that gave him hope.
"We'll see, Mr. Gold, we'll see."