A/N: This story is set post 3x17, so don't read if you haven't seen it yet. This takes places no more than a couple of hours after the episode ends.

Dive In

"I wish I had someone who would be there for me and I could be there for him, and we could just dive into it together."
– Kate Beckett (episode 3x16)

Chapter One

The realization didn't hit her until she was alone in her apartment. The similarities. How Josh was her Gina, and Castle was like her.

Okay, so, not exactly. Because last summer she'd been meaning to tell Castle how she had reconsidered his offer to join him in the Hamptons. About maybe wanting to give them a shot at being together if everything worked out. Then Gina had interrupted.

She was pretty sure Castle hadn't been about to tell her about some feelings for her or anything similar earlier that day. Or even ask her out. She didn't really consider the possibility, after all, part of her was still in denial about him after all this time. But there was something about the way he'd said 'I was thinking…' that had caught her attention. Even made her heart slightly flutter in anticipation. For what? She had no idea.

But she didn't even need to be a detective to know that he hadn't been wanting to tell her about 'having to go home to rest.'

Sure, she'd pretty much told Josh the same thing not long after, because she really was exhausted herself, and she could imagine him being the same, but still. It wasn't the same.

Two near-death experiences in twenty-four hours. Castle was the one who had been with her every step of the way. The one to hold her in his arms when they were both freezing to death. And the one to hold her hand when the bomb was about to go off. Also the one to think about just yanking the damn thing apart. She chuckled. Only Castle.

The memories she had of the events that took place in the freezer were fuzzy. Vague. She didn't remember all that much at first. But then as, hours later, she was facing death again, it came back to her. The last moments before she went out. She'd thanked Castle for being there… there in the freezer, holding her. But also for all the other times he'd been there. Always. He'd voiced her thoughts.

And then, 'I just want you to know how much I l…' ove you. She remembered. In what could've been her last breath, she had wanted to tell him that she loved him. And there, she was again, with only three seconds left on the timer, about to die. Holding hands with the guy she loved. It was what brought a small smile to her face. Knowing that he really always was there for her. And that she'd finally been able to admit it to herself.

Love.

She shook her head. It was absurd. Not the concept of love itself, but just the fact that she had to nearly die to finally admit that she loved him. She smiled humorlessly. And how she almost immediately went straight back into denial the moment she fully realized she was out of life threatening danger.

It's stupid the way the human mind works sometimes.

All of this brought her back to what was really bothering her. The nagging feeling in her stomach she got when she thought about the scene that had taken place with Castle.

What was he going to say?

Josh had interrupted him before he could say what he'd wanted to. And Castle had left. So, no, it wasn't the same as last summer, when Gina interrupted her. Because Castle was the one to leave then, not she. But she was the one that was left wounded, emotionally. And if she could tell anything from his facial expression earlier that day, he had been disappointed, maybe even hurt, too.

She climbed out of bed, thinking she wasn't probably wasn't going to be able to sleep anytime soon. It wasn't even all that late yet anyway.

He'd kind of saved her life that day. No, scratch that, he'd definitely saved her life. The least thing she could do was see how he was. Be a good friend, like he always was for her. And maybe find out what he had been about to say, a voice in the back of her head said, but she ignored it. This wasn't about satisfying her curiosity, this was about him.

The annoying voice in her head seemed to have a different opinion, but she didn't want to listen.

She got out of her oversized sleep shirt and slipped into some casual clothes. After quickly running a brush though her hair and looking in the mirror (not that she felt like she should look good for him, per se, but she wasn't about to go see him with her bed-hair ), and grabbing a bottle of wine from her kitchen she was out the door. She considered driving there, but then glanced at the bottle in her hand and decided against it. It had been a long, tiring day too, so she hailed a cab and gave the driver Castle's address.

Her heart thudded in her chest as she recognized the streets they were driving through, her mind already calculating how long, more or less, it would take to reach his apartment from where they were. Getting closer with each street. Each building. Each dangerously loud heartbeat.

When the taxi pulled up in front of Castle's building, she stood outside on the sidewalk for a moment. What if he'd really meant the thing he had said about wanting rest? She thought. Was it selfish to just drop by unannounced?

Suddenly lyrics of several love songs flashed through her mind, describing exactly the sudden mixed emotions she was feeling. Great. All the songs make sense.

She hated this particular issue became rather hard to deny. She sighed. It had been easy before. So easy that she hadn't even realized she was doing exactly that. Denying.

She sighed, took a deep breath, and entered the building.

Castle had seen Josh coming just in time. Just in time to keeping him from saying something stupid. Okay, not necessarily stupid, but… well, not exactly smart either. He knew she had a boyfriend. Still, they had just shared two near death experiences together. And they were friends, too, of course. Dinner and movies at his place wasn't such a horrible idea, right?

At first, after she'd told him all those things about Josh not being there, and about how she wanted someone who would be there for her, and about wanting to just dive in together, he'd been almost wanting to offer. Offer to be the one to be there for her. Offer to take the dive with her.

Then, after they'd survived the freezer he was suddenly in an ambulance, looking at that dr. Motorcycle boy of hers. The look of happiness on her face when she told him what it meant to her that Josh hadn't gone away, that he'd stayed for her, made something twist in his gut. Because she suddenly seemed intent on making this relationship with that guy work. And happy, too.

He wanted her to be happy.

But was it so selfish, or arrogant even, to wish she would be happy with him? He sighed and took a sip out of the mug he was holding, letting the warm, sweet liquid slide down his throat.

He didn't take hot chocolate very often. He used to, when he was young and before he started liking coffee. And then later, he made it a lot for Alexis. Sometimes with whipped cream or marshmallows. Or both, of course. He grinned. It was disgustingly sweet. In a good way, though.
Now, the beverage had become somewhat comforting in a way. Memories of good times. He took another sip. Then again, the comfort factor might also have to do with the alcohol he'd mixed in this particular cup.

Suddenly his doorbell rang, and he frowned, not expecting a visitor. He put his mug down on the kitchen counter walked towards the door to open it.

And suddenly stood face to face with Kate Beckett.

A/N: Yes, this is a horrible place to end this chapter, I know and I'm sorry. However, I'll do my best to get the next chapter up within the next couple of days. Reviews can also be an extra motivation to write, of course. ;)