Yes. I am a complete Holoship whore. You love it really.
I had to do this. It was just one of those things that needed to be done by someone.
Yes, it is somewhat slashy. You love that really too.
Sports And Sexual Recreation
He knew the second that he heard what Floor three-one-two-five was that if he hadn't been out of his league before the present moment, he officially was now.
"Sports and what?" He asked, attempting to keep his tone neutral and free of shock, which really wasn't a simple task.
"Sex," the Commander beside him replied, as though this was the height of normality. "Don't you have a sex deck on your ship…?"
Images flashed through his mind, and he struggled awfully to prevent the smile from spreading across his naturally smug features.
"No," he answered honestly, privately thinking that he really didn't need one.
"Well, what do you do when you want to have sex?"
He hastily averted his gaze as reminiscence wrapped him in a surge of thought and emotion.
Kissing Lister, screwing Lister, whilst Holly stimulated the feeling.
Sharing slanging matches with the last living man, then alleviating sexual tension with holowhips and holochains.
Leather, fur and PVC with studs, nicked from Cat's wardrobe and returned before the IQ-lacking feline could notice.
Sneaking along deserted corridors, simply to hide from the ever-patrolling Kryten.
The desperate wish in the recesses of his mind that pleaded to be able to feel something of Lister that didn't possess a static tingle, and that actually felt like skin.
They weren't in love. It was pure, unadulterated, simple, clean-cut lust with an inferior technician who he'd spent the best years of his life repairing chicken soup machines with.
Well, at least that's what Rimmer told himself.
He had found something Better Than Life, alright: Death.
He only snapped out of his reverie when he felt Nirvanah's eyes lingering upon him expectantly.
"Well," he supplied untruthfully, "we go for runs. Watch gardening programmes on the ship's vid."
He surveyed the control panel of the lift with mock interest as he grinned to himself.
Here was a women with class, elegance and moreover, the ability to withstand curry withdrawal. Yes, this was the sort of person Rimmer could love. Not that slob - though he wouldn't deny it to himself. The sex was smegging fabulous.
What a ship indeed. What a crew. What a woman.
What a man.