I thought I would have fun, and try something a little different, so let me know what you think!

I didn't want to go. I tried to come up with another reason not to, but my friend Kayla knew I had nothing better to do, and kept pleading,

"c'mon…it will be so much fun….the people are really great and we are having a guest speaker there tonight and I think it would be good for you to get out of the house."

I let out a deep sigh….I really didn't have anything better to, and I did need a reason to get out of the house.

"alright, fine. What time are you gonna pick me up?" I asked as I rolled out of bed glancing around my messy room for something to wear.

I made her walk in first, and I followed with my arms crossed and my head slightly down, avoiding eye contact with the greeter. I wasn't here to make friends, and I wasn't going to bother trying to even pay attention to the speaker, I just wanted to keep Kayla happy so she would stop pestering me about going to church with her. I tried to explain countless times that I didn't need to go, that I was happier with out, or I was just to busy. But time and time again, she kept pestering and finally I found myself in the last place I wanted to be…church. And not even regular run of the mill type church, a real spirit filled Pentecostal church. 'New Life' is what they called it.

We continued into the big room, where people stood, arms raised in praise and I plopped my self in the soft comfy chair and once again crossed my arms, while Kayla took the traditional Pentecostal worship stance.

While they offered their hearts up to God, all I could think of is the last time I was at a church, very similar to this one, and how I once had offered my love and thanksgiving to a God I once called Father. But that was a long time ago, and so much had changed since then.

I pulled my sleeves down even further past my wrist, the last thing I wanted was anyone catching a glimpse of my 'bad habit' and asking questions I would refuse to answer. So I let my mind wander while the band continued on.

*what do any of them care anyways. Why would anyone care? Why am I even wasting my time here? This is just so stupid God….I truly hate you, from the bottom of my heart. I'm stronger then all these foolish people…offering praise to you like some stupid sheep. I still cant believe that I once did this very thing…and I cant believe this is where I ended up. Why did you leave?*

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn't even realize that Kayla had sat down and the music had changed. Now it was soft piano music that seemed to just hang in the air weightless. I was suddenly awakened from my trance by a loud voice and the bright lights that flicked on. I blinked away the dark thoughts and sat up in me seat a little straighter. There in the front was the speaker, dressed in a soft grey suit, white button up, and pale blue tie. He was younger then I expected…not the typical slightly overweight, losing their hair pastor. This one looked like he had just stepped out of some Oklahoma bible college and was ready to change the world. His dark hair was neatly combed and face freshly shaved, his shoes looked newly polished.

I immediately sat up even more in my chair…church just got interesting I smiled devishly to myself. I leaned over to Kayla "why didn't you tell me the speaker was going to be so cute?" I whispered "shhhhhhhhhhhh" she said half smiling at me.

The pastor who's name was Paul Walker talked in a loud passionate voice, with a slight southern accent that only became more pronounced the louder he got. Now I was raised in church, and even went willingly on my own when I got older and had my own car, and I had seen so many speakers before that this wasn't really anything special. But it was. The way he looked at the crowd, the things he said. It wasn't just his cute face that kept my attention, it was the spirit I knew he had, an anointing so thick it was making me feel squeamish in my seat.

For the first time I felt myself wanting to listen, really listen. But everything inside of me screamed in protest. I found it harder and harder to sit the longer he talked and the louder he got. He talked of some many things, about how you can change your life, you can have peace and freedom, you can be free from addiction. I pulled my sleeves down even further, folding my fingers inward to hold it there and crossed my arms even tighter.

*doesn't matter what you say, I've still screwed up, and I've gone to far, too far to ever go back. And would I even want to?*

The end couldn't come soon enough, and I could tell he was starting to wrap things up. His voice softened and the music started up again, that same piano melody as before. I was finding it harder and harder to sit still, fighting the urge to grab up my bag and walk out. But I knew that would be rude, and just bring more attention to myself, not to mention all the questions Kayla would throw at me in the parking lot and the ride back home.

I carefully eyed the pastor who stood there now, hands on the podium, eyes scanning the crowd. His eyes stopped on an elderly woman and a big smile crossed his face.

"why don't you come on here to the front" he said looking directly at the woman.

She slowly stood to her feet her back slightly bent and hands curled in with sever arthritis. The pastor walked down to meet her and helped her to the front of the church. He turned to look at her, his eyes so filled with love. He laid his hands on her head and he began to pray. I couldn't hear what he said, but as he prayed her back got a little straighter and her hands where able to loosen up a bit.

Now while everyone stared on in wonder I had to think of this all as foolish. The cynical always, I had to content myself with inwardly making fun of all the believers here, and inwardly my self hatred grew and threatened to boil over. My breath quickened and I could feel my eyes darken ever so slightly if that's even possible. I didn't even bother to push back the hair that had fallen in my face.

The old woman had taken her seat and had even walked with more confidence then she probably had in years. His eyes began to roam around the room, and I could feel the hope and anticipation on everyone's face, silently praying he would call on them to receive prayer. He stopped for a minute and looked up towards the ceiling. A funny smile came across his face, and then he looked straight at me.

My breath caught in my throat, inwardly I screamed and begged him not to call on me.

*not me, not me, not me…you better not God!*

Anger ripped through my whole being, my pulse quickened. I wanted to look away but my eyes remained locked to his, inside something just dared him to call on me.

*go ahead, you wont be able to touch me, I'm stronger then this, I no longer belong to the God you worship, just try to lay your hands on me, what difference will it make? Just try.*

And then to my worst fear, he did.

Kayla nudged me, and when I ignored her having no clue as to what I should so, she pushed me harder. I sat unable to move and watched what seemed to be in slow motion as the pastor walked down the red carpeted aisle to the row of chairs I was sitting in.

"would you like to come up front?" he asked never breaking eye contact.

I didn't know what to do, my stomach did a summersault and I felt shaky. I felt I had no choice in this and grudgingly stood up and then refused to look at him or anyone as I made my way up front, arms still crossed, my eyes focused only on the floor.

I turned to look at him, ignoring all the people that so contentedly watched this all happen, and I'm certain my stance told them all this was very much so unwanted.

"may I lay my hands on you?"

The question caught me off guard, I don't remember any pastor asking anyone before. They always just did….maybe he had never encountered someone so unwilling to participate before, maybe the rigid way I was standing told him how much I hated every minute of this spectacle.

I shrugged my shoulders as if to say I didn't care, while forcing myself keep my feet planted and to keep them from running down the aisle and out the door.

He carefully placed his hands on my head, and I finally brought face up and looked into his eyes. He started to pray but I was so focused on keeping up my walls, and keeping God out I missed everything that he was saying. But then I could feel it. I could feel something push against my walls, my strong concrete and steel walls I had built against God and the world, where starting to give way.

I started to panic and the fear of God breaching my fortress struck me so hard I tried to raise my hands to push his away, but I found myself frozen in place. I tried to find the strength to fight off the unwelcome intruder, I tried so hard to stand firm and keep my mind closed. But I could feel He was winning, and finally His spirit pushed through and the last of my walls came tumbling down. And then I felt it travel through me, starting from my head and flowing downward. I closed my eyes and for a moment my spirit inside opened itself to Gods warm embrace and I almost let it win. But it was too much, it was all too much and that same fear sent a cold rush down my back and awareness came back as too what was really happening

God had crossed the line, God had broke through and there was nothing I could do to stop Him. His spirit flowed through my body making my head swim and my legs feel heavy. I felt my knees start to buckle, and the face of the pastor begin to darken as his praying became more intense as God's force became even stronger. That's when everything black and I felt myself falling.

So tell me what you think!