BEDTIME TALES FOR TIRED TAU'RI : - The Sleeping Cutie . . .

Set: Seasons 9/10 - or is it …???

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries

forlornly into pillow).

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

Part 1: Once Upon a Time …

"But Vala," came the whine from the top bunk, "You promised that if we went to bed on time, you'd tell us a story from your time as a Space Pirate!"

"Yesth! You promithed!" squeaked a second, younger voice from the bottom bunk.

"And Uncle General says that you should always keep your promises!" corroborated the first voice.

"Yesth!" agreed the second.

"Pleeeeeeeaaassssseeee!" came the clincher.

Vala sighed melodramatically.

Truth be told, she loved telling stories almost as much as she loved collecting treasure - and embarrassing Daniel!

"Well, I suppose I could tell you a very short one," she agreed, to screams of joy, "But only if you promise to sleep without a fight tonight!" she added, mock growling at the two eager faces peering at her.

"We promise!!" came the earnest response.

"Alright then. Let's see…Should I tell you about the time I crash landed on a jungle planet and was nearly eaten by a truly ferocious tribe of cannibals (which would have seriously upset a full half of the men in the Kampok System)? … Hmmm … Maybe not after dinner and ice-cream!"

"Awww!"

"How about the time I discovered an enormousemerald perched all alone on a pedestal in a damp, dirty and extremely scary narrow passageway, only to be chased by an enormous boulder when I attempted to retrieve it - purely for scientific research, of course!"

"That's Indiana Jones!" scoffed the eldest.

"No, no it isn't!" insisted Vala, "George Lucas actually stole the whole concept from my personal experience! - I should have charged him for lost royalties!!" she stated with indignation.

At the dubious looks she was getting, Vala decided to try once more.

"Wait! I know which story I can tell you." Vala added excitedly.

"What? What?" came the chorus.

"Well, settle back on your pillows and I'll tell you …!"

"Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away from Earth, there was a beautiful city on a beautiful and largely peaceful planet."

"The city was ruled wisely by a King and Queen, both beautiful and just, who lived an idyllic life - with one notable exception …" she paused for effect. "They had no children to pass their beautiful kingdom onto when they became too old to rule, and it made them very sad indeed."

"Whath's idyllic mean?" asked the voice from the lower bunk.

"Um, well, it means perfect - couldn't be better."

"Oh! But why did they want children so badly? Daddy sthometimes says he doesn't know why he and mummy had any!"

"He's joking, yousilly baby!" said the older child. "He doesn't mean it!"

"That's right, sweetheart," Vala said, giving the little one a quick hug. "Your daddy loves you all much too much to ever not want you around - no matter how exceedingly naughty you might have been!" she said with a half glare at the other boy.

"Now, where were we…?"

"The King and Queen couldn't have children…"

"Ah yes! Well, the King and Queen had tried everything to no avail. Things like: wishing on a star, looking under the cabbage leaves and checking each stork that made its nest in the vast Castle grounds, until at last, they were told of an old sorceress who could provide a potion which would allow them to have a baby."

"So King Jon and Queen Grace summoned the sorceress to the palace and asked her what she needed to make it for them …"

_#_#_#_

The 'old' woman did not look like any old woman King Jon had ever seen before - for one thing, she looked to be in her thirties with bright red hair and flashy clothes, and she was surrounded by a cloud of fine pink smoke which smelt enticingly of sweet summer romances and a misspent youth!

He repressed a slight shudder. He knew she was old because he remembered her coming to the palace when he was only a small child, looking and smelling the same as she did now, though his responses then were definitely not the same as they were now!

Fluttering her eyelashes at the handsome King, the Sorceress spoke up in a deep husky voice:

"We shall require a quarter bushel of Tallowsroot, three sprigs of Hemmdar's Bane, some Phalesphoedita, Angelica, four lumps of coal, one pint of fresh White Melaleuca Honey and two Lemons picked from a ten year old tree at the stroke of midnight on the night of the next full moon."

She paused, then added, "And half a gallon of the kingdom's finest Pear Cider. We shall provide the serpent venom!"

"What!" cried the Court Physician, "This is impossible! Where are we going to find a lemon tree that is exactly ten years old? Not to mention that Hemmdar's Bane won't be in flower for another month - which is after the next full moon, by the way; and what sort of medicinal potion uses serpent venom!"

The Queen also looked skeptical, "Sire, there is no logical reason that a mixture of those components will make any sort of effective potion! In particular, the serpent venom combined with the Phalesphoedita makes a powerful allergen which may trigger severe anaphylaxis in those susceptible to the plant, plus …!"

But the King put his fingers I his ear, only commenting: "I don't want to hear it, Grace!"

"But Sire…!"

"Lalalalalalalala…" continued the King, who with his male courtiers seemed quite taken with the Enchantress.

_#_#_#_

Against all odds, and with the men of the castle working non-stop to find all the ingredients, they were ready for the Sorceress at dawn of the designated day.

A massive, shiny copper cauldron sat on a short tripod in the Audience Chamber, and by early morning, the Hall was filled with the unspeakably horrid smell of the partially prepared elixir.

"Vala? Whath's an exlithser?"

"Not exlithser, darling, elixir - it's a potion or medicine."

"Why is she making it in the Hall? Why doesn't she make a mess in the shed or kitchen or sthomething?"

"That's a very good question, sweetheart! The next time I talk to anyone from that planet, I will have to ask them that! But the sorceress was a very selfish and nasty old woman, so she probably didn't care about all the other people in the castle choking on the fumes! Anyway …"

At noon, the sorceress pronounced the brew complete, and dipped two silver goblets into the potion, cleaning them, then handing the first to the King, and the second, larger goblet to the Queen.

"Your Majesties must consume two full goblets of the potion each day, one at noon and the other shortly before retiring for the night. You must continue with it until the entire cauldron is empty. Once the full course has been taken, the potion will stimulate your bodies 'humors'."

Looking at Queen Grace, she continued, "You will find yourself with child within two months of the final draught!"

"What payment do you seek for your work, Sorceress?" asked the Queen, with a skeptical look upon her face.

"Why, Your Majesty!" the sorceress replied in a toady sort of voice, "It is but my honour to serve the Crown!"

"No, seriously," added the King staring dreamily into the sorceress's green eyes, "what do you seek in recompense?"

Bowing her head in apparent contemplation, the sorceress thought for a moment before answering, "Ten gold pieces to cover my costs, and if I may be so bold, an invitation to the child's christening." She threw a flirtatious glance at the King from under her lashes.

_#_#_#_

"Whath's flirtatious?"

"Oh, well … um, never mind for now! I'll tell you all about that word when you're older!"

"She means sexy"

"No, I do NOT!" Vala replied in something of a tizzy. "I meant no such thing! Now, do you want to hear the rest of this story, or shall I knock the lights off?"

"Whath's sex?"

"Er… um … Well, darling, it's the way people from New Zealand say the number six!" said Vala somewhat desperately throwing an evil look at the boy in the top bunk, who simply smirked back at her.

"Now, er, where was I…? Oh yes…!"

_#_#_#_

Against the will of the Queen, the King agreed and the sorceress left the castle for whatever hole she had crawled out from.

Anyway, twelve months later, the entire Kingdom was celebrating the birth of a new Heir to the Throne - a beautiful baby boy with his mother's large, bright blue eyes and his father's golden brown hair.

The Royal family made plans for an elaborate Christening to which all the most famous and important people in the land would be invited. They had decided to have three Fairy godparents for the baby Prince: Fairy Godmother Oma, Fairy Godfather Murray, and Fairy Goa'uldfather Selmak. These three would have a place of honour at the Banquet to follow.

"Vala, whath's a gool fafer?"

"Well, a Goa'uld is a special subclass of the fairies. There are good goa'ulds, such as Selmak, and bad goa'ulds, such as … well, others who aren't part of this story!"

"Were you at the christening, Vala?"

"No, sweetheart. This happened a long time before I was born. A long, long time! I come into the story in the second half."

"But you are in the story?"

"Just wait and see!"

_#_#_#_

So, the day of the Christening dawned bright and sunny, as befitted an occasion of such note. The dignitaries and other guests filled the Throne Room as the little Prince Dan … ah hum … Prince Nicholas was christened.

Finally, it was time for the godparents to give their special gifts to the gorgeous baby Prince.

"May you grow to be as gentle, just and true as you are handsome, strong and skilled" gifted Oma, the Fairy of Nature. "And may you always remember that the Gem cannot be polished without Friction," said she, touching her ivy-twisted wand to the head of the baby to the polite applause of the guests and the beaming if puzzled parents.

A rumble of distant thunder could have been faintly heard outside - had any one of the big wigs at the ceremony been paying attention to such things.

Gouldfather Selmak, Fairy of Wisdom, stepped up to the silver filigree cradle next.

He touched the cradle with his grey metallic wand with the blue crystal tip and in his strange, dual tone voice he gifted: "May you be quick of intellect, and both knowledgeable and wise in the behaviour of mankind - past, present and future."

The applause of the crowd was drowned out this time by the crack of thunder overhead and a sudden downpour of rain and hail. Several of the guests looked around in puzzlement at the sudden change in the weather, before returning their attention reluctantly to the ceremony.

Frowning slightly, the imposing figure of Godfather Murray moved to stand by the cradle, his head turned towards the exterior of the castle, one eyebrow raised quizzically, as if sensing or listening to something no other could discern.

Turning his attention back to the Christening gifts, the Fairy of Protection raised his heavy staff and lightly touched the four sides of the Prince's cradle, before letting the tip rest at its head.

His deep voice sounded through the Throne Room:

"May you, Prince Nicholas, have the strength of the mightiest of your warriors, the skills of weaponry to rival no other, and …"

But before he could finish, a massive thunderclap overhead resonated through the room, and the large double bronze doors to the Chamber burst open to the roar of the elements and the rush of gale-force winds…

_#_#_#_#_#_#_