A/N. my very first fic! inspired and influenced by LeFay Strent's "the blood alchemist" a highly recommended read!

I still cant believe im actually posting something i wrote. ^^ PLEASE review! i really need to know how it is! in my mind is really low quality, but i really really did try!

disclaimer! i dont own anything!

Entry date August 30th 2011

I don't believe it, I dont know if I CAN believe it, I want to say it was all a hallucination, but if it was, then I wouldn't have these tattoos on my arms, and I most certainly wouldn't have a philosophers stone... I dont even know why im writing this, I NEVER keep a diary, but after what happened... I think I should. It started out as a simple fishing trip on the river but.. now... I dont even know anymore...

Flashback. August 23rd 2011.

smiling, I lean back against the side of the boat, cracking my back in the process, letting out a relaxed sigh as I look across the boat to my fishing rod, following the neon green line into the muddy brown of the river. Enjoying the warm summer breeze blowing my hair around.

"now THIS. Is how you relax.." I say aloud, to no one but myself as I lean to the side and turn on the radio. Smiling wider when I instantly recognize the song. Rocking my head back and forth to the beat.

"It was nineteen eighty-nine, my thoughts were short my hair was long, caught somewhere between a boy and man. She was seventeen and far from in-between, it was summer time in northern Michigan."

I sigh again, smiling as I prop my feet up, leaning against the aluminum hull of the boat, letting my head fall back, closing my eyes as the sun hits them, enjoying the warmth on my skin.

I lay like that for a while, eyes closed, my right hand resting idly on my rod, my index finger resting gently against the line, as to feel a hit if I were to get one. Not a care in the world, as this was one of the only times I was truly able to relax, and not worry about anything in life, not my lack of friends, nor the strenuous situation at home, nor the crippling emotional pain all of this caused me, and most certainly not that. That hidious thing that caused me pain every time I looked at myself.

no. out here, nothing matters. I don't have to think about anything, I can loose myself to the wind and water. No fights, no family pressuring me, no friends, well not that I had any anyway. I could just let my mind wander.

Wait. Was that...?

looking back up I swinging my legs back onto the floor of the boat, and stare at my line. adjusting my rod for a two handed grip as I stand up slowly, letting a little line out. Watching as the neon green line spins out of the bail, snapping it closed a moment later.

"aha! Gotcha you little S.O.B!" I shout out as I jerk the rod back, feeling the unmistakable yank and bounce of a fish on the the line.

"holy hell!" I yelp when my the rod bends in half, a heavy-duty carbon-fiber "King Kat" river rod. This was one hell of a fish! I just grin to myself as I widen my stance, bracing the butt of the rod against my thight as I lean backwards a little, working the reel.

"come on dammit!" I shout again as the line rips back out a ways with the rapid clicking of the drag. I bring my left hand to the reel and tighten it just a bit. A decision that will soon come back to haunt me.

As I reel the fish in, which was surely a catfish that this river was famous for, leaning backwards then forwards as I quickly turn the reel a few times before repeating the process.

On the fifth turn however, disaster struck. As I was leaning backwards, the line snapped. Sending my tumbling backwards.

"SHIIIIT!" I yelp out as I drop the rod with a clank, before I sail over the edge of the boat into the river, in barley a seconds time I had gone from having fun fighting the biggest fish of my life. To being underwater, rather freezing water I might add.

Fighting back the urge to scream, I struggle to get my bearings in the thick muddy brown water, the second I do I make for the surface, my lungs screaming for air as I swim as fast as I can upwards, hoping that the powerfull current hasn't dragged me to far from the boat.

Turns out, it didint.

CRACK.

I must have come up just beneath the boat for the last thing I remember, is the sharp pain in my head as I hit it against it.

And then... nothing.

Well, not nothing I suppose, just.. white. Nothing but white. And the sensation that I was floating.

"think.. what happened... fishing, I was fishing. I had got a hooked a heavy one and...oh... the line snaped... water.. no air..."

"oh." I say as I remember the throbbing pain of my head hitting the aluminum hull of the boat.

"Im dead aren't I...?" I say aloud, surprised that I could breath. Given I was underwater when my memory stopped.

I stay there, floating for the longest time. Thinking about my life, or lack there of. For my regrets were many. I kept thinking over and over how I wish I had treated my family better, and how I wish I had the courage to tell them. And yet.. I was strangely.. happy.

I wouldn't have to deal with life anymore, I wouldn't have to worry about pleasing anyone, or disappointing anyone.

"if only it was that easy."

"who's there!?" I shout, a shiver crawling up my spine, the echos of the voice appearing to emanate from alldirections at once.

"you have not earned the right to know my name." the voice speaks again, a rather cold edge to it, making me shiver again.

"what do you want from me?" I ask fear evident in my voice, it only gets worse as it breaks out in laughter.

"i have a gift for you my dear child." it says as the light starts fading, again I shiver, for the tone of its voice, just emanated power and pure... evil...

As the light fades, I start to notice things the clothes on my body, still waterlogged from falling into the river, the chill that's coming from them, making me shiver, the hard surface Im laying on. The total lack of sound, save for my own breathing and a soft hum.

After a moment I try wiggling my fingers, then my toes, when I feel them respond I open my eyes, seeing a domed ceiling bathed in a soft red light, I stare at it for a moment before I sit up, groaning at as my head throbs in pain making the world spin.

"uuuuuuhhhhgg" I moan as I cling to the pedestal I didn't notice before, from the top of it, the red light seems to be emanating.

Now normally, this would throw up quite a few red flags in my mind, very, very bad red flags. Like how did I get here? Or how do I get out? And most importantly, whatever glows red in a small dark room, DONT GO NEAR!

But, as it stands the sheer oddity of the situation, and the pain from the knot throbbing on the back of my head, made me over look all of these as I stood up, once again grabbing the pedestal for support.

"what in the world..." I mumble as I look down at it, eying the glowing red gem like stone resting in the middle of it, I stare at it, mesmerized by the soft glow, studying it intently, taking note of the size of it, that of a large baseball, and the perfect roundness of it, and the many many facets carved into it.

After a while, I the pedestal itself draws my attention, or more precisely, the eight black lines on it that appear to be coming from the stone, staring at them I follow them with my eyes as they spiral to the edge of the pedestal and down it, stepping back I follow them all the way to the wall, were a circle is marked into the floor with strange symbols around it, I stare at it thinking, as it strikes a familiar cord in my mind.

"think mike, think." I mumble to myself as I try to recall were I've seen it before. For I KNOW I have seen it before, or at least something very similar to it.

"wait. Red... stone... no friggin way." I say aloud as my head snaps back towards the stone and then at the circle around it, or to be more precise the transmutation circle around it.

"what. The. Frak." I say as I stare at it. Could it be? Was I looking at a real philosophers stone? Was that voice I spoke to truth? But that made no sense! They were all fictional characters weren't they?

"i swear to god... if someone is pulling a prank Imma break my foot off in there ass." I mumble as I walk over to the stone, reaching my hand out to grab it. I pause just before I do, feeling a soft warmth coming from it.

"this is a bad idea..." I say, thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Taking a look around I sigh when I see there are no exits.

"fuck it. Here goes nothing." I say as wrap my hand around it.

I immediately regret it.

"AHHHHH!"

I scream out in pain as the light flares up, becoming almost blinding as it burns my hand. I try to let go but I find it impossible as if my hand was glued to the stone. Infact, I find I cant move my body at all as I wither in pain.

I stare in a morbid curiosity as the transmutation circle around the stone glows bright red. A moment later, my screams intensify as the circle appears to Flow onto my arm, a intense burning pain following it, and growing more intense.

Louder and louder I scream, as the pain envelops my body, crawling up my arm, then down my chest and and finally to my other arm. the red glow getting brighter and brighter. Until finally, I pass out.

"uuuuuuuuuuuhhhg.." I groan out, my eyelids slowly fluttering open. Wincing I close them when the bright midday sun strikes them.

"ooooowww." I groan out again, listing to the water gently slosh against the side of the boat, and the sounds of cars passing on the bridge that's a ways up the river.

"dah fuck..." I moan out as I slowly sit up, my fishing rod sliding off my chest as a warm breeze hits me while I try to remember what happened.

"okay... so I lost the fish that much is obvious... I fell backwards.. didn't I... oh shit!" I mumble to myself retracing my steps before I snap my eyes open with an shout as I remember the events following my unfortunate bail out. looking around suddenly, grunting at the pain in the back of my head.

"what... the... fuck..." I say outloud, taking a moment to look at my right hand, the one which I had used to grab the philosophers stone. I almost start laughing when I see its empty, however I stop myself with a startled choke before I even start as I notice something almost as disturbing.

"Oh, hell no." I mumble to myself as I stare at the black markings peaking out from under my thin long sleeve shirt. Reaching my hand out I hesitantly grab it, taking a breath before I pull it up, gasping when I do.

I stare blankly at my arm, or to be more precise, the array of blank ink now covering it, drawing a very intricate design that wraps around my wrist and spirals up my arm, with smaller lines inter connecting the two large ones, I follow it all the way up my arm before it disappears under my shirt again.

"no. fucking. Way. This is really happening." I say in shock as I study the designs a bit more.

A car horn from the bridge stuns me out of my trans and I jump slightly letting out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"the stone!" I almost shout to myself as I think of the rest of my supposed dream.

Looking around the Grey floor around me I start panicking a little more when I spot it laying right were my hand was when I woke up, unsure wither or not to be relived or terrified.

"ok... what... the... hell..." I mutter to myself as I stare at the stone for the longest time thinking to myself.

I had nearly died, more likely I HAD died. Or come close enough that truth pulled me into the gate.. and.. gave me a philosophers stone? Everything I knew about the character meant that was BAD.

Disregard that. I still don't know if I can believe it, they say seeing is believing but when everything of science and logic and common sense SCREAMS its impossible... it usually is.

I panic. Breathing in and out quickly obviously hyperventilating, I try to calm myself taking deep breaths, counting backwards, thinking peaceful thoughts, all the while trying to come up with a explanation for what was happening to me.

As Im sitting there staring at the stone trying to calm myself and think, and old scientific philosophy drifts into my head.

"when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains no matter how unlikely is the truth." It helped thinking that, but my idea of what was possible and what wasn't was just shot to hell. As it stands, all I can do is believe what happened was real. As there was undeniable proof staring me in the face.

…...Even now, after a week I still dont know what to belive. I feel violated, reality. the one thing I could always count on, no matter how much I hated it, had just turned upside down and spit in my face. And all the while keeping its innocent smile as time went by as if nothing happened. Its all I can do to keep myself in some semblance of sanity.

September 20th 2011.

the tattoos are still there, and the stone is still here. Infact, I haven't had it out of my sight since I found it. Most of the time I keep it in my pocket, its reassuring weight reminding me that Im not crazy. Holding it in my hand is the only way I can sleep anymore, it calms the racing thoughts questioning my sanity.

October 1st 2011.

I hate this! Nothing! No matter what I do, no matter how many different times I try, circle, no circle, clap, no clap, I cant get the goddamn thing to work! I hate feeling so powerless! Is there nothing I can do but wait? Its driving me insane!

November 23th 2011

fuck it all. I don't care anymore. Nothings going to happen. Nothing will EVER change...

I don't know how long I sat in my car, the heat from the drive to school quickly dissipating. My breath starting to fog once more. The smoke rising from my cigarette laying idle in the ashtray. My eyes locked just above it, on the date/time display on my car stereo.

December twenty third.

Fuck. You. Life.

I fume silently to myself, snapping myself out of my frozen state and picking up my smoke when the clock blips from eleven fifty nine to noon.

"goddamnit mike." I curse myself as I open the door of my truck, grabbing my back and jumping out.

And promptly falling on my ass thanks to the ice.

"GODDAMNIT!" I scream at the sky, furious.

Standing back up I slam my door, stomping off towards the entrance to the college.

Four. Fucking. Months.

Four months of wondering what the hell was happening to me, four months of wanting something, anything to happen. And four months of NOTHING.

I growl as I yank open the glass door, a scowl firmly locked on my face as I kick to snow off of my shoes on the entrance rug before stomping off down the hallway, my hands balled tightly in fists.

As I think back on the past four months, of how I was shocked senseless by the sudden appearance of this stone, a philosophers stone at that. Oh how I had hoped that it could change me. That I could leave this never ending hell that is my reality.

Only to for it to spit right back in my face. Every fucking day and night for the next four months. My scowl deepens as the bell rings and students start pouring into the hallways, bumping into me left and right. I clench my fists tighter, digging my nails into my palms, actually managing to draw blood.

I really. REALLY. Don't care at this point. I was so desperate for something to happen, and hating myself for still hoping. I couldn't give a flying fuck how it happened anymore either, Wither I got there in time to change things or not.

Hell. For all I cared right now I could walk headfirst into the Elrics right now and let them use the stone.

CRASH.

I yelped, as I fell backwards on my ass for the second time in the past fifteen minutes. My look of surpise quickly turns into one of rage as I look at the tiny kid who had triped me up, sitting a few feet infront of me rubbing the back of his head.

"goddamnit all!" I shout as I slap my hand onto the ground beside me in a useless fit of rage. Literally seeing red.

I glare at this kid, as he opens his eyes. Watching as he flinches back in shock.

Wait. What?

I frown as I look at him, my rage suddenly dulled into confusion, did I really look that scary right now?

I glance down at myself.

oh.

that's why.

was it good? i really really hope it was! i really tried at this one ^^ please review, and hope on over to Lefay Strent's page to see what inspired it!