Disclaimer: I don't own anything from this story except the plot. If I would own Harry Potter, Ginny and Draco would've been together since book three and Tom would have remained alive. Same for Sirius.

So I kind of like you...

Not because you're my cousin, no! I hate you for that. But because you are rather attractive.

Does that scare you?

It scares me.

But does it scare you?

Do you find it scary that I look at you in the Great Hall? That I watch you talk with your friends? Do you find it scary that I watch you when you eat?

That I watch you all the time?

Do you?

Do you find it scary that I would think of you when kissing another girl?

Do you find it scary that I would think of how would you look like making love with me?

Do you?!

I hope you do, because if it wouldn't scare you I'd continue watching you, thinking about you, and then maybe do things I imagine I do with you for real.

But you hate me. You hate me ever since I've ran away.

And I hate you. I hate you because you're not what I thought you would be.

... But we'd look gorgeous together.

Not even you can deny that, can you?

Instead of a reponse, I hear myself sigh.

Oh, I hope you will never find out about this. About my thoughts and feelings.

Because if you would know, you would laugh.

At me.

Or maybe kill me.

I know it's wrong, but...

But I cant help but love the way you smile...

Oh, that's right, you don't smile don't you?

You smirk.

I can't believe it but I love it more than a smile.

You're arrogant too. Of course, if you wouldn't be perhaps you would manage a smile but that's not the point. I find it attractive.

And oh, I have to agree with most of the wizards in Hogwarts in thinking that you're gorgeous and that you would be great in bed.

Not that I would know.

I mean – in all of the years we've been living together I've barely touched you with my finger.

Except for that night, that single night when it was raining. When you've told me that you were afraid of it and when I've held you in my arms all night long.

But that about six years ago when we still were friends, when you weren't so obsessed about blood lines – and yes, I still remember.

And you know what? I think you do too.

Because sometimes...sometimes, I notice you gazing at me too, out of the corner of my eye, when you think I won't notice.

Like you remember the good times we had together.

Like, as me, a part of you wants them to come back.

And I'm too afraid that you'll look away to return your gaze.

So I just wonder...what you're thinking. ...What it's like to be you.

After all, I would have been the same if I wouldn't have chose to rebel.

I suppose that's another reason why we'd make such a good couple. Beyond appearances.

I'm not just a handsome, rebellious boy. You're not just another hormonal girl nor are you sweet, kind or considerate.

It would be quite refreshing.

Our relationship.

That is if we ever got together.

I suppose if we were ever a couple, we'd have to hide it.

Cousins aren't supposed to like each other in that way.

So not many would accept our relationship.

I'm not even sure if James would.

He'd probably have a heart attack. Remus and Peter, too.

But even as we don't belong together, we'd still look good together. You know it.

Besides, I've always wanted to do something different, and I don't suppose many people date their cousin.

Then again, you've always wanted (even if you would never admit it) to be just like them, yet to be the best of them.

So you would never date me, Sirius Black, your cousin.

You ignore me, mostly.

Do you even now I'm still here?

Of course you do.

You just wouldn't admit it.

No.

Bellatrix Black (why do you let Rodolphus call you Bella and not me?), a Slytherin, would never admit to have a Gryffindor cousin.

Of course, you didn't have a problem with Gryffindors before.

Generations of Blacks were in Gryffindor.

But now that Muggle borns tend to get sorted in here and not in Slytherin-- well, it's different.

That wasn't the point though.

Just like the snake and the lion, we are different.

Perhaps a bit too different, don't you think?

But what if...

What if we just ignored all of that?

All those reasons why we shouldn't be together.

We would be brilliant.

We would be the best.

It's never going to happen though. So the whole me fancying you...is just...well, it's just a temporary thing I'll have to get over.

Honestly, we'd never be a couple...

After all, I'm the blood-traitor and you're the one that wants to keep our blood pure (Perhaps I do too, but I don't believe extreme measures are necessar.).

Maybe...maybe in the next lifetime (Now look what you've done! You make me believe in all sort of things!) this will all work out.

But for now...it's just a fantasy; my secret fantasy.

A/N: Well, it's my first Sirius/Bellatrix fanfic. The first one I've published too. Reviews are most welcome, and if you would like me to, I could make a second part in which Bellatrix ponders and then maybe a third one in which they meet and tell each other what they really feel.

Edit: I've edited to correct some grammar mistakes and some that didn't sound very good. No one beta-ed it, so it still has some major faults, I believe. It's about Sirius rambling, I know, but I felt I needed to edit some things. Also, many, many thanks to my three reviewers! You guys encouraged me to start the second part, I'm just too worried that I could not write Bella in character. (Did I even wrote Sirius in character? If not, please, do tell what mistakes I made and how I could correct them.) Oh, and did you get the first part? The one with „I like you but not because you're my cousin.". I meant that Sirius does not like Bellatrix the way cousins should. That's all.

And uh, a review a day keeps Voldemort away. Hinthint